Paul's Thursday Reviews LXII · 12:46am Feb 3rd, 2017
I would love to sit here and yak for a while about things. Alas, that is not to be. Today is the first day of my reading-heavy "Workaholic" period, which will end next Saturday, and I've read barely 1/3 of the massive amount I need to for today. So yeah, can't stick around to talk like the old guy in the rocking chair entertaining the kiddies. On the plus side, I won't have another one of these for a few months. Even better, once this period is over I will at last be on my way to catching up with my reading and actually being ahead of schedule, and that's gonna feel good.
But for now? Have some reviews. We've got a nice batch this time around.
Stories for This Week:
A Peach is Worth a Thousand Problems by Regocomics
The Birth of a Goddess by Karrakaz
A Song of Storms: Of Skies Long Forgotten by The 24th Pegasus
Crystal Legacy by Cerulean Voice
Rise by Blueshift
I Don't Want To Write This by Aragon
Total Word Count: 138,964
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
A Peach is Worth a Thousand Problems
4,384 Words
By Regocomics
Sequel to Forbidden Melodies
Eh, ‘sequel’ is such a strong word. In truth, this is more of a side story that just so happens to take place in the same universe. As it turns out, knowledge of Forbidden Melodies is not at all required to read this story. All you really need is to be able to accept that Octavia is married to a bat pony named Steeplechase. No, really, that’s it. I know that can be hard for all you people who consider Octy your waifu or who go into convulsions when she’s not paired with Vinyl, but really, it’s no biggie.
And neither is this story. The premise is simple, silly, and curiously real. Honestly, reading this makes me think that Regocomics is very familiar with Octavia’s problem, that being her husband is the pickiest fruit shopper in existence. Her efforts to have a normal, relaxing day of shopping becomes four hours of coffee chugging while waiting for Steeple to pick the perfect melon, apple or peach.
And then rival fruit connoisseur Prince Blueblood shows up.
This story is not only silly, it speaks to every person who has ever been stuck waiting at a store for someone to make up their accursed mind and pick something. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and Regocomics’ steady stream of amusing narrative descriptors helped. From Octavia’s attempts at sneakery to the maid Ruby’s endless confusion, I smiled from beginning to end. And best of all, there’s nothing over the top about it; as amusing as it is, all of this could happen in real life. Well, minus bat ponies and all that, but you know what I mean.
I’d like to say more, because this reviews feels a couple paragraphs too small, but the fact is there’s not much more to this story. I read, I was entertained. I’ve got nothing negative to say. All I can really add is that I have every intention of reading the other sequel to Forbidden Melodies, which looks as though it may be more serious.
As for this one?
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
The Birth of a Goddess
1,181 Words
By Karrakaz
Re-Read
Ah, yes. This one. Another story I hadn’t intended to read, but which received enough praise from my friends that I caved in. This very brief tale follows Princess Luna recalling to her sister the first moments of her existence.
They were not happy ones.
This story combines a gentle touch of high fantasy with the love of siblings and the fears of a child. The manner of writing feels, for lack of a better description, lovingly crafted in spite of the author’s insistence in the notes that the story was written at 3 AM in an exhausted bout of inspirational insomnia. Every word feels appropriate, and the scene is vivid enough to really make Luna’s story visible.
Add to that the unspoken background of an alicorn coming into being from nothingness, with the subtlest of hints towards the comings of creation. Karrakaz tantalizes with just enough fantasy in the early stages to make a good start of it before settling on the true purpose of the story, and I appreciate the tactic.
Barring that it requires some simple assumptions based on what we learn in the beginning, I have nothing negative to say about this story. It’s got everything it needs for its miniature length, and I can see no reason not to suggest it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
A Song of Storms: Of Skies Long Forgotten
106,447 Words
By The 24th Pegasus
Recommended by AuDragon
If I am to be frank, the lives of the canon ponies of the past never held much allure to me. I couldn’t possibly explain why, but whenever I think of Equestria’s history the ponies that never cross my mind are those that are the most well known: Hurricane, Pansy, Platinum, Clover, Puddinghead and Smart Cookie. This is a shameful oversight on my part, because I have seen numerous instances where their roles have been well defined.
Today, we explore the life of Commander Hurricane, starting back when he was just a farmer on the far continent of Dioda. The son of a war hero, he has no big aspirations save to be a good citizen of the massive and proud Cirran Empire. But when the griffons attempt to assassinate the Emperor Haysar, Hurricane soon finds himself drafted into the legions and going off to war against a ruthless enemy. Four hundred years of animosity, tempered by imperial callousness and racial fury, is about to come to a head, and all Hurricane wants to do is survive.
The 24th Pegasus aims to create a historical war epic, and succeeds in many ways. Within these chapters are massive battles involving hundreds of thousands of soldiers across a war costing millions of lives for both sides. Coldhearted leaders, a dash of political intrigue, a smattering of cultural worldbuilding and tons of blood help to build up a story that tries to uphold images of honor and integrity in the face of villainy on all fronts. The battles are vicious, the stakes constantly growing, and through it all there is the constant question begging to be answered: how the heck is Hurricane going to survive this? Because we all know he does, but it doesn’t seem possible.
That alone is probably the greatest hook of the story. We're all aware of Hurricane’s place in Equestrian history, but getting there is a bit of an unknown.
Despite all the good things about this story, there are also some things that hindered its overall quality. First and foremost, LUS appears with great regularity. It didn’t bother me too much in this instance, but I know some people will see those dreaded three letters, scowl and refuse to give the story a glance. Oh well, their loss.
Far more negative for me is The 24th Pegasus’s overzealous approach for drama. Moments that should be touching end up falling flat because of a heavy-handed approach to describing the moment. A character dies, and we have to get a paragraph or two of the nobility of the loss, the glory of the life, and the awe of the moment being etched into history. Somehow, these long proclamations always made me far less interested.
Speaking of moments, the author cements themselves as true masters in the art of ruining them. Take one scene, in which Hurricane stands among a band of soldiers and is asking civilians to volunteer for a suicide mission. He’s got this nice speech, he’s moving the crowd, and it’s all playing out to be strong scene. And how do the citizens respond?
“You have my sword.”
“And my bow.”
“And my axe!”
And my disdain. Thank you, 24th Pegasus, for so thoroughly killing the mood with what may have been the worst quote you could have possibly used at this moment. Someone give this soldier a razzie. And of course, this isn’t the only time things like that happen.
What perhaps most bugged me, though, is that the author couldn’t seem to decide whether to go fully realistic with this story or enter proper fantasy. On the one hand, we’ve got no magic: only swords, wing blades, hooves and claws. There are battle lines being drawn. Events that would normally be given extreme dramatic flare with a certain expected occurrence instead takes a left turn as more realistic approaches are made, such as retreating instead of making that noble stand.
Then we get the weird fantasy elements, such as the massive army sizes that were outrageously hard to field in the real world, if not outright impossible. There are characters climbing the ranks like a rocket through sheer luck and coincidence rather than proven merit. Descriptions of physical activities in combat that, even by the looser limitations of the show, shouldn’t be possible. The narratives conjures up these flowery, exaggerated yarns of glory and honor and respect that just don’t happen and certainly don’t pass through the minds of individuals when they’re in the middle of something big.
I suppose most people won’t mind this strange merging of realisms. Authors have the prerogative to decide the format of their stories and worlds, after all, so I guess this complaint can be considered subjective. Still, it bugged me in that I got the impression the author couldn’t decide on audience or setting.
I suppose the only other thing that struck me as odd – but not necessarily bad – was the vast time jumps. Whereas most stories of war would go through the trouble of detailing the characters activities throughout the progress of events, this one skips weeks and even months of time, bypassing dozens of battles and thousands of lives lost. I chalk this up as part of the ‘realism’ slant, as one couldn’t reasonably expect Hurricane to have been present at every major battle or know what’s going on at every front. That argument loses credibility, however, when you realize that this stuff is supposed to be coming from a journal Twilight found in the modern era, and yet for unfathomable reasons this includes scenes involving the Griffon King in his castle hundreds of miles away from anywhere Hurricane ever goes in the story's entirety. (And I was disappointed I didn't get more of Twilight's interpretations afterwards, too.) Adding to that, it does invite the interpretation of a much hastened pacing, making things seem to happen faster than they really are. Whether this is a good or bad decision or not will largely depend on personal preference.
Despite all of these issues, I consider this to be a solid story on Equestrian history. The fights are exciting, the expansion of ancient pegasi culture is rewarding, and and the writing is (mostly) good. It bumps in places, but overall it’s a thrilling ride into the history of the pegasus race and the early life of one of the great figures of Equestrian history. Whether you read it for the war, for the worldbuilding, or for the historical aspect, it should be enough to satisfy. I will certainly be investigating the sequel.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Crystal Legacy
8,146 Words
By Cerulean Voice
Requested by Cerulean Voice
This is supposed to be Cadance's and Shining's toughest trial yet? I find that… dubious. Remember, the hardest part was activating the hidden staircase, by Cadance’s own admission.
A side story for Essenza di Amore, this story plays off the idea that Cadance is actually immortal, and continues her existence via reincarnation. This ‘curse’ (because immortality always has to be a bad thing, you know) started with her first lover… who just so happens to have been King Sombra. Now Cadance just has to tell Shining about all of this…
I liked the overall concept behind this story. It opens up a whole new world of possibilities for exploring Cadance’s history and just screams for a broader treatment. Instead, we get the summarized rendition, in which Cadance faces off against Sombra in a rematch of sorts while explaining to both him and Shining her ancient history. It’s not half as evocative or interesting as it could be, but for a short story variant? It’ll do.
I think the idea behind the story is its strongest feature by far. It’s an interesting concept with lots of potential, and to his credit Cerulean does try to make it as visual and personal as he can. That may have been better achieved had this been from Cadance’s perspective, though, especially considering Shining’s easy acceptance of the situation. Yeah, yeah, “love knows no boundaries” and all that jazz, but it doesn’t make for a particularly riveting result, now does it? I think I would have bought it a little better if Shining had needed a moment to come to terms with the fact his wife’s first love was a living embodiment of evil.
Albeit not initially, which brings me to the real thing that bugged me about this story: common concepts. Was it really necessary to have the Alicorn Amulet involved in Sombra’s descent, as it is in roughly ¾ of the stories I’ve seen featuring him? Was having flashbacks of Tirek meeting Sombra supposed to be a big moment of shocking revelation? I can forgive the presence of the reformed Prismia, since that’s canon, but it seemed like her presence in the story served little to no purpose.
So, on the one hand, we have a concept brimming with potential and decently played out. On the other, the presence of easy, cookie-cutter supporting ideas left me unimpressed. Add in elements that didn’t seem needed in the first place (Prismia and much of the opening scenes), and I came away with an overall sense of ‘meh.’ It’s not a bad story, but it doesn’t shine like some of Cerulean’s other stories do, either.
Bookshelf: Worth It
What’s that, you say? You’ve never heard of this story? Oh, you poor, poor soul. Allow me to remedy that.
Misty is a simple breezie, just turned 16 weeks old and yearning to prove to her hive that she is an adult as brave as her father and late mother. Soon, she will go on the traditional Quest beyond the roots of the World Tree and strike a mighty blow against the evil ponies who torment them, attack their tree, steal their fruit, and force upon them a dooming winter. It will be glorious. A testament to the strength of the breezies in the face of their hated foe!
Not that the ponies are aware of any of this.
In Rise, Blueshift has crafted something wholly remarkable. Whereas most writers will skim the surface of foreign cultures and new perspectives, this one has crafted an entire world out of one tree. With every sentence, the reader is transported into an entirely different place that views things in a wholly new and terrible way. Misty’s hive has developed an entire culture and lifestyle centered around their unique interpretation of what ponies do, complete with legends, histories and opinions. And in so doing, Blueshift reveals how two races so close to one another can view the world in such amazingly different ways.
But the background itself isn’t the only thing that works so well here. Blueshift perfects the art of the worldbuilding by seeping the reader in constant reminders of breezie culture. There’s a little bit of extrapolation, but this blends in perfectly with a steady stream of information flawlessly merged with the goings on of Misty and her quest. This is how you do it, people. Not with long encyclopedia entries of historical facts and recollections, but with the clever coordination of the past and its meaning for today.
And that’s just the background. I haven’t even started on Misty’s journey of self discovery, fitted in so well with the universe expanding before us as to make one integral to the other. Her quest, first to strike a blow against the ponies, and then to stop the war, and finally to end the confusion and suffering, culminates in something touching and meaningful. She makes for a wonderful protagonist to carry out the narrative.
If I did have to complain about something, it would that on occasion I felt that Blueshift didn’t push the emotional factor enough in certain scenes, particularly near the end. This isn’t such a bad thing when you consider that events are moving very quickly and there’s just no time for Misty to take it all in. From that perspective, I don’t mind much at all. The end result is still a powerful statement.
This is a story that hits all the right notes. Read it.
What are you still doing here? Read it!
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
No, seriously.
I Don't Want To Write This
4,001 Words
By Aragon
Y’know, there are two things in the English language that I hate. The first is “please.” Not that I have anything against respect and politeness, mind. It’s just that I’m a technical writer, and I keep seeing the stupid word in these technical documents. Guys, it’s a Work Instruction about the handling of complex rig tools. You don’t politely ask people not to break the five hundred thousand dollar drilling equipment, or kindly ask that they not work the overhead crane in a way that is dangerous. You tell them “Don’t do this or you and the people around you will die.”
The other thing I hate? Anything remotely resembling “our condolences.” Yeah, fuck you. Come a little closer so I can punch you for pretending to care and understand my loss. This is why I tend not to comment when people talking about some bad shit that happened to them. I probably don’t know what you’re going through, and even if I’ve been through it myself I’m nowhere near as negatively affected by this as you are. I’m not going to insult you by pretending otherwise.
Why do I bring this up? Because it relates to this story surprisingly well.
Written by who I presume is Aragorn son of Arathorn’s long-lost evil twin, I Don’t Want To Write This entered territory I didn’t see coming at all. Why is Rainbow locked in a room? Why is she writing a letter to her dad? Why is she talking about having attacked somepony?
We end up with a character study of Rainbow in a time of grief. Sure, Rainbow has been depicted as sad or miserable before, but this is the first time I’ve seen someone truly examine how Rainbow, as depicted in the show, might react to true emotional agony. And to be honest? I think Aragon nailed it.
The story gets deep into the head of Rainbow Dash, channeling her emotions with startling effectiveness. It avoids all the annoying failures that have become tropes of the ‘letter’ or 'journal' format and instead gives us something that feels real, and the result is heartbreaking. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried. Those of you who want to try writing a ‘journal’ or ‘letter’ style story? Take note.
This hits all the places it needs to hit, and does so flawlessly. It touches hard topics that burn to the heart while displaying a believable image of Rainbow Dash as an individual. It avoids all the things that make me want to tear my hair out regarding letters and journals in stories. It is, without a doubt, a great addition to my bookshelves.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews LV
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVII
Paul's Thursday Reviews LVIII
Paul's Fashionably Late Reviews
Paul's Thursday Reviews LIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews LX
Paul's Thursday Reviews LXI
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
Yeah, Rise is really fucking good. It's so good, it hurts.
I miss Blueshift.
I was wondering why the Forbidden Melodies stories were spiking in views. Thanks for giving the "sequel" a lookie loo. Believe it or not, I'm still writing stuff over here, but this past year has been rough on me. It has been very slow going though as the majority of my time was devoted to taxing real life stuff, but that is finally behind me now and I finally found a steady, paying job that I can be proud of doing. Hopefully that means the writing funk is finally over.
More horse words on the horizon.
Yooo.
Well, you're not the first reviewer to make a joke about Lord of the Rings when it comes to my name, and I assume you won't be the last. Maybe I should have chosen a different monicker, but oh well, I'm used to Aragon nowadays, so what's one gotta do.
Anyway -- glad you liked my story, yo. It was interesting to write, in that I did it because I was dared to. I stumbled upon a really shitty story that used the same concept on a sleepless night, and I was so pissed I declared that even I could do that better. And I'm a comedy writer, so yeah.
The friend I was talking to then said something like oh, yeah? Prove it. So I just said fuck it, and I proved it. And lo and behold! I saw it as a character study first, sad story second, but I'm glad you found it emotional enough. Also that you found it didn't fall on the usual trappings -- epistolary fics can be neat, but some tropes I despise. Crossed-out sentences, for example. Or characters needlessly describing stuff that doesn't need describing.
Mind you, some readers said that the story felt more like a voice recording than a letter. And I guess I sort of agree? But if realism was going to get in the middle of the story, I honestly think it was not worth it. Way I see it, a story needs to be easy to read first and foremost. Gotta send that message to the reader as clearly as possible. I tried to keep immersion as hard as possible, but it was a study on Dash -- maybe adding some extra typos, or like .pngs of teardrops or whatever the fuck, would have made it more real? But it'd make it cheaper.
And I was going for just pure goddamn approach to the emotional response. So yeah, glad that caught your eye. Mighty nice thing to hear.
On an unrelated note, god damn was Blueshift good. One of the greatest. If he truly left, then I am saddenned beyond belief. Dude was a champ.
4407371
I love Rise. My only problem with it was that I couldn't help but find the breezies view of the ponies hilarious. I felt horrible doing so yet I couldn't stop laughing.
Normally, I like Aragon's stuff, but this one didn't do it for me. I remember having a discussion with AugieDog and Cold in Gardez about it, and we all had kind of the same issue with it, that there were a fair number of extremely self-aware things Rainbow wrote that sounded much more like an omniscient narration or that seemed irrelevant to her stated purpose in writing the letter, but it was long enough ago that I don't remember specifics. Not so much that the emotions felt inauthentic, just that they weren't quite aligned with the perspective or the format. I think Gardez just felt like it would have been punchier if it were shorter. In any case, Aragon's one of those writers where even his stories I like the least are still good.
Haven't read any of the rest.
4408145
You should read Rise.