Paul's Thursday Reviews CXVIII · 9:44pm May 31st, 2018
There shall be no reviews next week, for that will be a break week. On the other hand, this means we’re practically done with the review expansion! So the next time you guys see reviews from me, it’ll be with a full set of 10 stories. And from the look of my schedule right up into mid-July, I’ll certainly be able to keep up. Hooray for practically doubled pacing!
So I basically took May off from writing. Yeah, I produced and released another entry in the Generosity series, but that’s all I did. Half the month was devoted to getting Bulletproof Heart ready for Beta reading, and the other half was heavily distracted by work and my sister coming home to visit for the first time in three years. By the end of it I basically said “screw it, I don’t care anymore”, and wrote off the entire month.
Which is fine. I needed a break.
What’s not fine is how hard it’s going to be getting my momentum back, which isn’t even going to start until next week.
Also: Heir of Generosity? was in the feature box this morning. I have to ask: how? It’s really not all that great. I can only assume it’s riding on the coattails of its predecessors’ success. Which is cool, I suppose. It does mean I wrote something good enough to keep people coming for more, so I’ll take that as a win.
Meanwhile, I’ve decided to make May my marker for yearly productivity. Why May? Because it was in May that I joined this site. So with that in mind, a few stats for the 2017-2018 year: ~227k words written (Lame! I can do better), ~1,250 words written per day, 12 new stories released, 264 reviews (including today, but not the SA ones), and 204 new followers (you guys are awesome!).
Alright, enough about me. Let’s talk about you. And by you, I mean the authors whose stories I’m about to review. Onward!
Stories for This Week:
Ascension by BlazzingInferno
Consequences by ArguingPizza
The Tree on Top of the Hill by Pearple Prose
Daring Do and the Wings of Light by TodayIWriteFanfics
Who We Are in the Dark by NaiadSagaIotaOar
Two Cups of Tea by AbsoluteAnonymous
Language by Taialin
Sunset & Sunrise Vs. Evil by King of Beggars
Carry Me Home by PropMaster
Total Word Count: 69,986
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Ascension
5,877 Words
By BlazzingInferno
Most ponies end their work day going home to relax. Mayor Cloud Walker of Cloudsdale ended hers by becoming an alicorn. She has no idea why.
As part of the old Most Dangerous Game contest, this story set about trying to make the alicorn OC thing somewhat decent. BlazzingInferno, whose past works have been filled with creative ideas, did a decent enough job. Cloud Walker has legitimate value as a princess, though she doesn’t recognize this until near the end. The story mostly struggles with her efforts to adapt to her new role, not in the humorous manner of going to meetings and trying not to look like a fool, but in the serious manner of waking up in an alien bed and an alien home far away from the ponies she loves and cares for. The story gets bonus points for taking this idea in a serious and realistic direction.
Where it fails is in its pacing. The story starts and ends at a blazing speed (no pun intended), such that there’s no time to get to know Cloud Walker. And without that prerequisite intimacy, it becomes harder to feel for her beyond the skin layer of “Well, that sucks.” I’m guessing the contest had some kind of word count limitations, because I know this author can do a heck of a lot better with an idea like this. It’s a decent try, but from my experiences with other BlazzingInferno tales, also somewhat disappointing.
That’s not to say this story is bad. It covers the bases, gets to the point, and does what it needs to do plot-wise. It could just use some polishing in the pacing.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
‘Til Sunday Do Us Part — Pretty Good
Water Pony — Pretty Good
Apple Boom — Worth It
Sugar, Cubed — Worth It
This Night — Worth It
Consequences
4,153 Words
By ArguingPizza
Well. That was both predictable and entirely unexpected. The story is simple enough: Celestia pays Chrysalis a visit. It’s very brief.
The concept in general is as old as A Canterlot Wedding. Older if you count other fandoms. As such, it is imperative the author who tackles such topics try to be as original about it as possible or, at the very least, provide something evocative. In one way, ArguingPizza succeeds.
But only one.
Everything else is exactly what you’d expect. The changelings are kaput, Celestia did it, story over. And while the method of the deed is indeed fairly new for this kind of story, the delivery is hardly engrossing. This is one of those stories where you are simply told the events occur, but aren’t given any idea of what it’s like on an emotional level. At no point are we able to detect Chrysalis’s feelings regarding what is happening to her and her hive. Since this is precisely what will make or break stories of this sort, that’s a terrible misstep on the author’s part.
Couple that with some confusion in the timing. When does this story occur, and why? Apparently, it takes place after Twilight’s ascension. Depending on your interpretation of how much time passes from season to season, some might think that means more than a year has gone by. Even if that’s not the case, it’s at least been a few months. And Celestia could have done this at any time? Why wait so long? Was she trying to delay the inevitable, hoping Chrysalis would take steps towards peace? Did she just not want to do it? We have no idea, but it would have been worth exploring the consequences of that in this story, had the author bothered.
Consequences isn’t a bad story if you’re in it just to see the changelings get their comeuppance. But in every other way, it falls flat. Still, the author seems to have an idea of what they’re doing. For all I know, they never intended for this to be anything other than a quickie for personal satisfaction. I can get behind that, and I’m willing to explore more of ArguingPizza’s works in search of a better gauge of their skills.
But as for this one? I’m sorry to say it is nothing remarkable.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Tree on Top of the Hill
3,558 Words
By Pearple Prose
Well, that came out of left field.
The premise here is simple: the Mane 6 are supposed to be having a picnic, but Applejack doesn’t show up. Being ever the impatient one, Rainbow Dash decides to track her down, only to find AJ lying next to a particularly large apple tree and refusing to talk to anypony.
I have… mixed feelings. On the one hand, yes, I can see the issue of this story being a concern for Applejack. On the other, I feel as if the entire story is missing something. Applejack’s behavior lacks context, at least at first, and it feels like Pearple Prose could have spent the opening scenes setting it up rather than just making it so and hand-waving it towards the end with show references.
If I had to sum up my feelings for this, I would say thus: it’s a story aiming for depth but not bothering to dig for it. It’s directness and unwillingness to properly explore the emotional, complex nature of Applejack’s issues make it seem too simple for the subject matter. It’s certainly not a bad story, but it needs more to be a great one. Pearple Prose claims to have written it in one night just to get it out of his head, and it shows.
I suppose I can’t hold it against any author for starting on something just to get it down. I might have done that myself once or twice.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Tenebrae — Pretty Good
Gods-In-Law — Worth It
Daring Do and the Wings of Light
2,967 Words
By TodayIWriteFanfics
The first thought was: “WTF?” The second thought was: “This is kinda silly.” The third thought, which came by the third chapter, was: “Oooooh, now I get it!”
There is no need for a summary here. Suffice to say this is a joke story from the perspective of a character with zero plot skills who is totally clueless about it. And the moment you realize what's really going on… well, I couldn’t stop smirking. It’s exceedingly rare that a story of this kind earns my nod of approval, but there it is.
A bunch of nonsense for nonsense’s sake. Give it a go. You might be entertained.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
And There Was, Like, Death'n'Stuff — Needs Work
Who We Are in the Dark
11,505 Words
By NaiadSagaIotaOar
Requested by NaiadSagaIotaOar
...whoa.
Adagio is trying to be better. The past three months have been the best in her very long life. Dating Rarity has certainly been a plus. Tomorrow they’ll finally announce their relationship to their friends, and Rarity wants to spend tomorrow night doing… ‘it’. This would be great if Rarity hadn’t built up this idea that Adagio is some kind of expert under the sheets, but in reality she’s a virgin. Maybe somebody can help Adagio understand what to do about that?
This was something else. It’s an emotional roller coaster ride of pain and loss and defeat. The whole thing is put together remarkably well by an Adagio who has spent her entire existence relying on her amulet to detect and understand emotions. Without it, she has to go on facial expressions and body motions, but that language is so alien to her she might as well be an ancient roman attempting to understand Klingon. This makes it difficult to gauge if what she is doing is right or wrong in the current context, and that makes her coming failure all the more horrible. It’s an unexpected, fresh new characterization of her that drives the whole story, and it is nothing short of brilliant.
Here we have a story about someone who doesn’t know what she is, but is desperate to find out. And when she sees a friendship destroyed because of one honest mistake? It’s nothing short of heartbreaking. All the more so when we learn what her reluctant solution to the problem is.
I loved this story. It’s evocative, smart, very well paced, and blissfully painful. The atmosphere is wonderful, the characterization on point, and the conflict real. I didn’t know NaiadSagalotaOar before (man, that’s a mouthful), but I can promise I will be eagerly exploring more of their works after this gem.
That this story has so few views is nothing short of criminal.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Two Cups of Tea
3,362 Words
By AbsoluteAnonymous
Requested by SleepIsforTheWeak
Finally. Finally. It took the better part of a year, but at long last I have completed SleepIsforTheWeak’s outrageously long list of requests. I think that, with this being done, I should implement some rule limiting the number of simultaneous requests.
It is curious that I should read this on the same day and for the same blog as I read Language. The topic is almost exactly the same, except instead of Rarity learning Fluttershy has feelings for her, it’s Rarity harboring an unrequited love for Fluttershy even as Fluttershy vents to her about her unrequited love towards Big McIntosh.
The story is very… wordy. AbsoluteAnonymous left us no chance for imagination here, instead describing Rarity’s thoughts in intimate detail throughout the story. It’s hard to say whether this was the right approach or not. On the one hand, it gives us full view of her bittersweet emotions and opinions regarding the situation. On the other, it doesn’t give the reader any room to interpret events. Is it engrossing, or is it bland?
That, I’m afraid, is something the individual readers will have to determine for themselves.
This story is simple, slow, and sad. The topic is nothing new, and AbsoluteAnonymous doesn’t approach it in a new way, but it may still tug on the heartstrings of those hopeless romantics out there. For my part, I’m left feeling… underwhelmed. But that’s just me.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Little Pink Pony — WHYRTY?
A Million Things to Do — Pretty Good
Shipping Goggles — Pretty Good
The Light Goes Out — Pretty Good
A Clear, Sweet Tone — Worth It
Language
11,697 Words
By Taialin
Recommended by Steel Resolve
Somehow I ended up reading this before its originating story, Listen. This turned out to be okay, because there’s no need to read the first to grasp the events of this one.
In Language, we learn that Rarity has been taught meditation technique by Fluttershy, and it has vastly aided her in reducing stress and dealing with customers. Every week (sometimes more than once) they get together and have a meditation session, even if it’s just to enjoy one another’s company. But when Rarity uses the same techniques Fluttershy taught her to listen to Fluttershy’s tells, she realizes her best friend is in love with her. Which is a problem, because Rarity is absolutely, unwaveringly straight.
I love this approach, and I love it all the more since I’ve never seen any other writer address this brand of romance. There is a simple truth: biology can’t be ignored. Sometimes it gets it wrong, but in this case there is no question for Rarity. She’s not deluding herself, she isn’t avoiding homophobes by taking a certain stance. She’s straight as a nail, and Fluttershy just isn’t attractive to her.
But that doesn’t mean she can’t love Fluttershy. And I think that’s a delightful message.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Nothing to Fear — Pretty Good
Sunset & Sunrise Vs. Evil
11,992 Words
By King of Beggars
Honorable Mention in Oroboro's Sunset Shipping Contest: Changing Seasons
Alternative Title: When EqG Became a PG-13 Teen Horror
Well, that was strange. Take your favorite EqG characters, remove their sexual inhibitions, have them attend a Halloween party in items that only barely qualify as clothing (some of which are insulting to their individual characters), set the scene as Camp Crystal LakePrep, sprinkle in some nonsensical legends that somehow actually exist, layer it with a topping of magic-induced sociopathy, and you end up with Sunset & Sunrise Vs. Evil.
Yes, it’s as silly and dumb as you’re probably thinking.
I don’t know what to think about this one. On the one hand, it’s borderline crackfic. On the other, it’s mildly insulting to some of the characters (I was particularly insulted by the idea of AJ sporting a bikini-based ‘cowgirl’ costume. As in the animal, not the stereotype). On a third hand, the constant meta critique of the story kept me amused from beginning to end. On the fourth hand (thanks again for teaching me that multi-arm trick, Pinkie), this may be one of those stories you just have to stop fretting over. If you can do that last one, you’ll probably find this highly entertaining.
After some consideration, I have concluded that this really isn’t my cup of tea. It’s not bad, it’s just too silly and lacking in reason to suit me. The constant meta critique of horror movie logic, while normally something I can really get into, just wasn’t smart enough to make up for the rest of the story’s… quirkiness.
I’ll put this on the middle ground though, on the basis that I think the right audience will find this nothing short of hilarious.
Bookshelf: Worth It
PS - Doesn't Sunny make the cutest cowgirl ever?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Carry Me Home
14,866 Words
By PropMaster
Completed Story
This one is a series of short stories, each starring Spike as he gets progressively older. The first story is set ten years after the events of the show, whereas the last one is many thousands of years past. With each one, Spike visits with and has a brief, serious discussion with one of his friends.
This one was a punch to the gut. It started off simply and predictably enough, with Rainbow Dash fighting off the inevitable slowness of old age. As it goes on, Spike is forced more and more to watch as the ponies he cares about fade away. But before you go thinking this is another “immortality sucks” story, be aware that this is more bittersweet than sad. As Spike grows and watches the ponies around him age, he gains his own wisdom that surpasses such simple, common concepts. The end result is a believable tale that is well worth the time invested.
I have to admit, Pinkie and Rarity hit me the hardest. Pinkie because it’s hard to imagine that crazy pony wearing down, or watching her face the inevitability that is her last party. But Rarity’s was worse for me. This isn’t a Sparity story (I can hear the collective sighs of relief from you all), but that doesn’t make the moment any less emotional. What really hit me, however, is not that Rarity faces the end. It’s how. I’ve seen what that’s like, and it hurts in places other than physical. Those of you who haven’t seen it firsthand probably won’t get as much out of it as I did, and that’s fine.
But in the overall, this was a pleasant but bittersweet tale about the passage of time and learning to be comfortable with such things. I am very pleased with the final result.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Rarity Snuggles Everypony (Whether They Like It Or Not) — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
The Flight of the Alicorn by Ponydora Prancypants
Silence by ThatOneWriter
The SweetieMash Chronicles by Justice3442
Giant Enemy Carb by Ponydora Prancypants
Without Another Word by Jack of a Few Trades
Imperfect by SPark
Lose Yourself by Mikleo
Eternity by Taialin
Suns and Roses by Cyrano
Why She Looks So Good by Aragon
Recent Review Map:
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXIV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXV
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXVI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXVII
You Are Here
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXIX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXX
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXI
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXII
Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXIII
Taialin is one seriously underrated writer. I'm glad you finally got around to him.
I don’t think you need to tag all the stories with hashtags if you already mention them in the body of the blog.
I've read one of Naiad's stories (not the one you reviewed), and I rather liked it up until the end. He's definitely a good writer, but that one just had a serious plot misstep for me, one that doesn't make sense for any of the characters. That can be one of the most maddening kinds of stories to read, which keep giving you great material but fail to stick the landing. In any case, if you continue through his work, you'll likely be rewarded.
Thanks for the review! That story is one of my two favorites out of all the stories I’ve published so far, so it’s especially gratifying to hear how much you enjoyed it
Oh crap I need to hurry up and read Arcelia's hardcover copy of Flight of the Alicorn before next week.
Is it odd that I find a small amount of excitement about this?
Man I just don't know how you manage such ridiculous productivity.
Gonna have to take a look at some of those underrated authors you mention!
That sounds like a fair assessment of Ascension to me; the contest time limit was a notable factor in its development, but it was also a really long time ago in writer-years
Thank you for the review! I'm glad you got something out of Carry Me Home. Thanks for reading!
4873700
We'll be seeing a few more reviews for him in very short order, I suspect.
4873710
I dunno. I always suspected that without them it would be a lot harder to locate the blogs in a search. Not that I've put this to the test, mind you.
4873715
I'm getting that impression myself.
4873912
I don't know, is it?
4873937
Heh, productivity? I feel like I've been nothing but lazy. Which is true for the last month, I suppose. I'm mildly dreading the coming of next week when I'm back to putting my nose to the grindstone.
I wish I had your work ethic when it comes to writing =/
4874188
You published ~230k last year -- not counting weekly reviews. I've published 320k since I first joined the site.
4874315
...okay, you make a valid point. It's just, I have way too many story ideas to spend time sitting on my laurels not writing. Teh strorehs, tey mus be told!
4874203
I get that a lot.