• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
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Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)


I don't think you can know Rarity without being at least a little bit scared of her. If you're not, then you don't really know Rarity.

This is the story of how she saved Ponyville one day.

Winner of the Make Rarity Not Garbage Barcast Contest. Preread by Pearple Prose, ScarletWeather, and Estee (who did nothing but stand in the corner in silence while I ranted at them about this story, but by God did that help).

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 50 )

Who said I was a cat?


Alternative Title: Rubberducking feat. Estee

The cover art is scary. She looks like she knows where I sleep.

I did nothing.


Okay, I suggested one word swap during edits. But that's it.

This was just wonderful and sweet.

This is surprisingly accurate to the show if you take a minute to think about it. Look at where Rarity is in her life now and take a moment to ponder how she got there. It's quite terrifying really. Like what happened with the Diamond Dogs for example. And of course there's the newest Rarity centric episode, she was upset not just because she thought she was ugly without her mane, but because without her mane she feared she had lost part of her arsenal. Of course her new look turned out to be amazing, but I digress. This was a great story told from an interesting perspective. I wish you the best of luck in the contest. Well done Darling.

Heehee. Between this and the ass story I can tell you have fun writing Rarity.

“Applejack is a rich real estate owner whose entire fortune was a direct present from Princess Celestia to her family, so she’s really in no position to talk,” Twilight said.

Oh thank God someone pointed this out. :D

:moustache: Blue Blood? No problem "political expediency"

:duck: ????

:twilightsmile: Your prince in action. :raritystarry:

:pinkiehappy: Spikey! :raritywink:


This is such a wonderful character portrait, Aragon. And not just of the titular character! All the little interactions were entertaining and well-represented. Like...

“Applejack says that’s classist but she likes you so it’s okay.”

“Applejack is a rich real estate owner whose entire fortune was a direct present from Princess Celestia to her family, so she’s really in no position to talk,” Twilight said. “But anyway—you need to learn magic to be a princess. But Rarity isn’t really good at magic, is she?”

Such beautiful little exchanges.

How do you do it, man?!

This is how it went:

Rarity said “ Daaaaaaarling .”

And that’s how she saved Ponyville.

It was pretty scary.

It's only the begining and I'm alredy dying of laughter! LMAO!! XD

Oh man, I loved the tone of the story and Sweetie Belle's voice is adorable. A couple of lines were amazing, and the rest of the story is splendid too.

This is also a pretty good life lesson in general, something to keep in mind.

And yes, Rarity can be quite scary, that's a given.

You know it's good when you can actually hear Tabitha St Germain saying " Daaaaaaarling". And how she is so secure and confident in the way she is going to destroy Blueblood that she's timed it so that so tea is ready for Spike afterwards.

Ara’s fanfiction is so bomb, that the bombs I keep in my room detonated with envy.

I'm homeless now.

Well, that was lovely. :duck:

“Applejack is a rich real estate owner whose entire fortune was a direct present from Princess Celestia to her family, so she’s really in no position to talk,” Twilight said.


.....Holy crap that's a lotta 'between the lines' you don't really think about. Yeah .... yeah, she a little scary yo. D:


Holy crap that's a lotta 'between the lines' you don't really think about.

Rarity as Equestria's éminence gris blanc...

I think I would love to read more politically themed stories about the true ruler of the nation.

This was great. The only part I didn't like was Twilight saying she only makes money by chipping off bits of her castle. I mean, come on, she'd have access to the Royal Treasury for harmony's sake.

*Reads A/N, reflects on own childhood.* oh, that makes sense.

Great story by the way.:raritywink:

This is an absolutely darling story, and if it doesn't win at least some type of award, I shall be very cross indeed. :duck:

Now, while watching Equestria Girls: Everfree, Rarity struck me as a one-dimensional character, opposite of everything they had built of her in the show. Reading this story, one could think that I see her with other eyes. I do not.

However, this story perfectly applies for the Rarity we have come to know and love. The Rarity that lives by herself, that has created an empire of boutiques and fashion by herself, that can come across as frivolous and dumb, but always knows what to do and say, and always gets what she wants.

Not the idiotic teenager that tried to calm a raging magic-corrupted adult saying she'd miss her spa trips, but the mare that became one of Equestria's all-too-powerful guardians, expanded her business to the point where she can only grow and get richer, and could become a princess any time if she wanted to.

And all just by fixing a gay serpent's mustache.

Kudos to your story!

Season 1 Rarity was the voice of reason. Even Twilight looked up to her and deferred to her. Go Watch a Dog and Pony Show when she was abducted into slavery by diamond dogs, remained completely calm and in control, and walked away having mastered the situation. Watch the opening of the Gala episode when Twilight was panicking about not knowing how to get there. Rarity just gives her this looks, mocks her for being a helpless, panicky female, then solves the problem in 20 seconds, leaving Twilight all embarrassed about her overreaction.

Season 1 Rarity was calm, collected, capable and intelligent.

Abducted into slavery? "Ho hum, darling, whatever are you going on about?" :raritywink:

About to be eaten by an insane, giant Spike dragon? "Oh, I do hope poor Spike will be ok.". :raritywink:

Crack a nail? "NOOOOOO!!!!!!11!!!!!!" :raritycry:

That's why she was funny. She was an intelligent, hyper-competent nearly-always-in-control character who only lost her sense of decorum over trivial things, never over important things. End of the world? "That's no big deal, darling. Do please relax and have some tea. The mushroom clouds really are quite lovely, don't you think?" :raritywink:

Hair with split ends? "PANIC! PANIC! PANIC!" :raritydespair:

Season 1 Rarity was awesome. Unfortunately when Lauren Faust was removed from the show, Jayson Thiessen didn't understand her character. He only saw her overreactions. So she became the helpless, panicky female that she used to mock.

It's nice when an author looks a little deeper into a character. Given that Rarity is still a young mare, who owns a small chain of boutiques and is probably on her way to founding some sort of RariCorp International business conglomerate, yeah, I'd say she's smart.
I'd say that part about Twilight having to sell chips of castle was kind of a throw-away joke. Even if she's not being paid as a librarian and as the leader of a paramilitary rescue/strike team of sorts, you know her skills would be in demand. She could probably pull in a decent income doing the lecture circuit going from one prestigious university to another, with ponies paying out the nose to be bored half to death.

This sort of SHREWDNESS is not something that is often touched upon. Though we have certainly seen her manipulate others before, like how she saved herself from the Diamond Dogs AND got a bunch of gems as payment. I mean she LITERALLY got paid to get OUT of slavery! That's not even counting just how INTELLIGENT you have to be in order to be such a successful business mare. I mean she's in a town where ponies don't really buy or wear much clothes typically...but she still manages to have PLENTY of money to live off of.

Hey, I'd kill for my big sister.


Somehow I get the feeling there was one quote in particular that stuck out to people. Call it a hunch.

This was absurd and funny but also cute and wholesome and thoughtful and I really appreciate that little insight at the end.

I have never seen someone so effortlessly make Rarity at once delightful and yet terrifying so well well done.

man, that was deep

Wonderful, darling.

An exquisite celebration of Fashion Horse and siblinghood. My sister is nothing like Rarity, but Sweetie's sense of awe is very familiar. Great stuff; best of luck in the judging.

I'm a middle child. I have both an older sister I still look up to

As for me, Eldest, that's what I am. Alondro remembers the first raindrop and the first acorn... he knew the night in Hollywood when it was fearless... before Weinstein came from the Outside.


I think my words per minute slow by at least half while reading an Aragon fic. Further, the reason I haven't read everything by said author yet is an assumption about the dangers of such an aggregate lack of oxygen.

I feel like a contest portraying Rarity as 'not garbage' is a bit too easy in itself, but that's personal bias and anyway it sounded more like an excuse to get some great Rarity stories.... such as this one.

Funny enough, Twilight might have been the strongest voice here for me, with Rarity a close second. Perhaps that's because she got the best lines in terms of pure snark while genuinely defending Rarity from the slings and arrows of the misguided. She even managed a nice message to the fillies. Meanwhile Rarity saved Ponyville, by being exactly the amazing mare that she is.

“Every single one of my friends, I’m proud to say, is a genius in their own right. Yes, Apple Bloom, that includes Rainbow Dash.”

“Ah’m scared and confused by that statement.”

This line made the fic for me. Well played!

That was awesome. Do disagree with Rarity being the smartest, that is definitely Book Horse, and I'd make a case for RD actually being the second most intelligent, at least as far as raw mental processing ability goes. It's just she needs something that interests her to focus that on. But that's just if we're pretty much going by pure INT score more or less.

When it comes to social savyness, and knowing how to use other's expectations for your own benefit, how to manipulate without even seeming to be doing that, just anything in general that deals with social situations, yeah she's the one that is best at doing it. Going with the above D&D reference, while Twi certainly, and I'd even argue RD have higher INT scores, Rarity likely has the highest, overall mental scores. RD took WIS as her dump stat, and Twi's CHR isn't all that good either.

Still, really fun story, and yeah, nice job Rarity!

This was great in every way possible. And I like that.

This was cute, sweet, and pretty funny at that.

An excellent portrayal of a child's perspective while keeping the plot engaging.

...and reminding me of my mother. Thank for this.

Rarity can't be the smartest, because Pinkie Pie.

So here I am, at long last, after like a dozen people over the years telling me to check you out. :pinkiehappy: This is the first story of yours I've read all the way through.

Character is perfect.
Rarity is perfect.
Message is perfect, if a little sparse.
Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, and Twilight are perfect.
Apple Bloom... is a transplant from Earth #719 where Kevin Smith made this show instead of Lauren Faust? It's nothing if not interesting, but I'm so lost. :rainbowlaugh:

The only reason this isn't in my Favorites (and I really wish I could put it there) is because I found this really hard to read. I don't know if this will make any sense, but given the prose and word usage (and lack thereof) I'm seeing here, this fic, for me, flip-flops between reading like a pointed Douglas Adams book aimed straight at the snappy wit center of the brain... and reading like a Discord chat log where all you see is usernames and blather. The only conclusions I can draw are that this is either your usual style, or that you were really running up the contest deadline for this one. Either way, congrats on winning. :trollestia: But yeah, I had to do more backtracking than I'm used to just to make sure who was talking and which points were being made about whom.

Either way, glad I got to look at this, and I look forward to reading more of your stuff soon!

(P.S. I'm Team Weiss but god damn do I miss your userpic ;_;)

The message in this is just lovely. Rarely is it shown that someone (girls, usually) can be pretty and smart, it's usually just if you're one, then you automatically can't be the other. Or, that those who are more outwardly feminine are snooty or stuck-up, and don't care about others because they think they themselves are better than them. You did an excellent job of subverting that claim, showcasing that you can be both, and that you can be strong because of your beauty and femininity, not in spite of it. Also, I really like how you touched down on how beautiful people (and ponies, as is the case here) aren't just pretty by some wondrous fate, but that they have to work on it, just like anything else, to be attractive. It lets people know that anyone can look really good, if they just put the effort in the right place.

Not to mention, this piece was just riddled with comedy that was right up my alley. I was smiling the entire time I read this, and outwardly giggled multiple times. You really have a skill for writing, but I'm sure you know that.

Thank you for writing a piece as good as this. It's not often I find a story that reads this way and sends this message, and I really enjoyed it!


Also, I really like how you touched down on how beautiful people (and ponies, as is the case here) aren't just pretty by some wondrous fate, but that they have to work on it, just like anything else, to be attractive. It lets people know that anyone can look really good, if they just put the effort in the right place.

Oh, hey, I hadn't noticed it teaches this. The moral I was going for -- adjacent, so it's kinda impossible to talk about one without implying the other -- was that there's this weird narrative going on saying that pretty people are just pretty naturally, when the truth is supermodels spend so much time at the gym they could probably beat the shit of any of us at any given moment, and the level of discipline one needs to diet so hard for so long is legitimately insane.

This fic is honestly me sorta low-key rampaging against that fucking "oh I can eat whatever and I don't get fat! Tee hee!" trope I see so often in comics and shitty books and the like, because they really overemphasize the fact that you're just naturally born pretty and you can -- and sometimes should -- be looked down upon because, shit, you just got lucky with genetics, lass. You didn't WORK for it. Your beauty is just FAKE.

And like, fuck off, no. That shit requires effort. A character like Rarity sorta embodies that particular pet peeve of mine 'cause I like to picture her as an endlessly hard worker. Seeing how this was literally a contest on how Rarity is not garbage, I chose to go in that direction and add some little sister idealization to the mix to see what we could end up with. Glad ya liked it!

“Applejack is a rich real estate owner whose entire fortune was a direct present from Princess Celestia to her family, so she’s really in no position to talk,”
Ouch. Very true, though.

There is a reason why there is a stereotype about pretty people being dumb, and it didn't just spring up from the ground or something. Rarity is, as her name suggests, a rare exception to a commonly observable personality trait among attractive people, one which the rest of us reinforce in them because we treat them like they are better than us purely because they look better than us. In doing so, we grant them credibility that neither their intellect nor personality normally merits, and thus teach them that simply looking good is a replacement for being smart and capable, and so they work to remain pretty and not on being smart or capable, both of which require at least as much work as looking good.

“Well, your sister proved her worth by understanding the fashionable concerns of a giant sea serpent, so I guess I’ll give that a pass. Which brings me to my next point.” She took air, then, and said: “Every single one of my friends, I’m proud to say, is a genius in their own right. Yes, Apple Bloom, that includes Rainbow Dash.”

“Ah’m scared and confused by that statement.”

“As you should be. And, Sweetie Belle, Rarity is definitely the smartest.”

:rainbowlaugh: Ohhh my god, this entire little back and forth is amazing!

“To be a princess. To be somepony important. Maybe even an alicorn, who knows?” Then Twilight pointed at her wings. “I managed to do that, but only because I studied a lot of magic, and I worked really, really hard. You can only become an alicorn if you’re really good at magic, did you know?”
“Applejack says that’s classist but she likes you so it’s okay.”

Honestly, true in all the parts where it hurts :twilightoops:

“Oh, of course.” Twilight shook her head. “But being a princess wasn’t Applejack’s dream, right? It was Rarity’s. And here’s the thing—unlike me, she never had to work on her magic. She focused on her clothes, and her boutique, and everything that made her happy. She found her own way to chase her dream, which didn’t work, and then she became a princess by proxy anyway. That, girls? That is being smart.”

When I was a wee one, I wanted to be a princess too. Then I realized how much better it would be just to be one of the one who worked behind the scenes :trollestia:

“Applejack told me if Ah have nothin’ good to say Ah better stay quiet, so Ah guess this is when our conversation about your aesthetic sense ends.”
“Oh,” Twilight said. She did this thing where she arches an eyebrow even though ponies have no eyebrows. It’s all in the eyelashes, Rarity always says, unless you’re Applejack. If you’re Applejack then you’re so good at it anatomy doesn’t matter. “And you think that means she’s not smart, Scootaloo?”
“I mean, a little,” I said.

Applebloom! Be nice! :ajbemused: And honestly, the bit with the dresses applies to so many hobbies or likes or personality traits nowadays. Funny enough to not hurt. (Or maybe just a little.)

Overall, this story was hilariously witty and smarmy enough to make me have to rein it in for the somewhat serious bits. Wonderfully done :raritywink:

This is the third story of yours I’ve read in about an hour, maybe two. Without a doubt, you’re one of my favorite authors on here, and I very much so intend to check out your other works.

The roasts are reeeaal haha. What a fun story. Sibling stuff is great. There's a special bond there.

And Rarity being awesome is so cool. It's a genre I didn't know I loved until fairly recently (This Platinum Crown helped there).

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