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Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)


Fluttershy is absolutely terrified.

She just dreamed the perfect dream.

Happy St. Valentine's Day, folks

Proofread by Themaskedferret and TheBritishPony.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 79 )

This was a riot to write. I really need to do this kind of thing more often.

Happy (advanced, whatever) Lovey Dovey Day, folks.

7943544 Clearly best lovey dovey day fic ever.

So you're saying that it was actually William Shakespeare who performed at the Super Bowl halftime show?

Majin Syeekoh

I'll dead your maidens.

Heh. Usually not my style, but this was pretty entertaining.

But here, sadly, it had one fatal mistake.

I would have gone with "one fatal flaw." A mistake isn't something you "have."

“Hypothetical question, my dear,”

"Rhetorical question" would have been more accurate.

...I know I'm nitpicking, but this is good enough that small details like that stand out.

That was indeed a quick reaction from Rarity. She must still be pretty pissed about that time Mac was late and lost his voice for Ponytones practice. :duck:

That escalated quickly

Rarity smiled. “You had a dream,” she said. “Right?”
“Yeah, I did. And it was… It was a really beautiful dream, right?”
“Everything was really pretty. And, and comfortable, and warm.” Fluttershy pressed her hoof against her chest, and while her mouth wasn’t smiling, her eyes surely were. “It felt really, really warm. Like home. It was dark, everything was dark, full of shadows, but there were stars. Many stars. And it felt like home.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“And Big Macintosh was dead.”


Well, you can't argue with romance. Or love.

Doing so usually leaves you bleeding in a gutter and with a warning to don't do it again.

Damn, he looks good in sequin.

This was a lot of fun, and one of the cleverest red-and-black-alicorn stories I've seen. It's always the quiet ones, indeed. :duck: :ajsmug:

There is just something so wonderful about your Rarity. Classy, sophisticated, sharp, slightly alcohol-soaked, and always ready to murder a dear friends' brother if it will aid another friend who is in need.

This was a delight, thank you for giving it to us all as a present for Wine and Chocolates Day.

*Cackles all the way to her next fic to continue binging.*


“Well,” Applejack said, as by her side Rarity was getting redder and redder by the second. “That solves that. She is with Big Mac.”

“I—I just—uh.” Rarity looked at Applejack, wide-eyed. “I did not think she had it in her!” she said.

Well, she clearly has something in her alright.

So, is no one going to point that this fic is blatantly stealing "Sunsettle for This"'s shtick? :-P

I really liked this! The fact that I can lose understanding of what's going on midway through but still be engaged in the story is a pretty cool factor in reading.

I really like how the fic leaves it completely ambiguous as to whether any of Rarity's speculation is accurate. Particularly as it would involve Big Mac knowing enough about poetic conventions to set the scene. The point, of course, being that in the end it doesn't actually matter.


While I appreciate the joke, it's actually hilarious how Maskedferret, while proofreading this, also had the urge to point out that one sentence "Was so much in [my] style, it hurts."

Like, I mean. Yeah. I kind of wrote it, myself, didn't I?

And anyway, Sunsettle's fun to write, so why not have a similar tone, I thought. Great way to spend an evening, yo.


Fixed! Thanks for pointing it out.


Fluttershy and Big Macintosh fall out of the ivory tower to make love like eagles do, and Rarity and Applejack consider making poor choices with each other while over drinks sometime, any time. Though, admittedly, in Equestria, "It's five'o'clock somewhere" isn't actually a thing that's true...

Meanwhile, Luna watches anime and whispers "All according to keikaku*"

*Keikaku means plan.

I do not know better way to celebrate Singles Awareness Day than with early wine, a good friend and a plan to murder someone.

Good job in getting this out well before the deadline. I shall read with interest :pinkiesmile:


"Was so much in [my] style, it hurts."

Yeah. It's as if you participated in an Aragon impersonation contest and came first.

The universe stops for a moment and goes: "Hang on...Is that even allowed? Shouldn't he come in third or something?" and then keeps driving on, deeply perturbed.


Just like Math lessons! :ajsleepy:


Just the tip. Or something.

You know, this reminded me of Best Friends for some reason.

Nifty story.

7945495 Difference in math is that you have to be engaged, else you fail the exam. I dislike math.

There was something particularly shameful about being eyebrow-arched by Fluttershy. It was like being lectured by a puppy, or bested by a ladybug. Rarity’s face didn’t drop, but she was forced to clear her throat with a cough and look to the side. “Um. Well,” she said. “I haven’t slept at all tonight, so you can say it’s really late for me. Anyway!”

there's a whole story behind that line isn't it? crying about guys again, Rare?

“Oh, Fluttershy,” she said, voice sultry like the kiss of velvet against your lips. “You can not imagine how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that. You and I are going to have some fun.”

Fluttershy gulped.

Although, Rarity noticed, one could have mistaken the twinkle in her eye for one of excitement.

imagine the magnitude of clopfics that begin like this.

Stetson down. “Now, don’t be uncouth, please,” Rarity said. “My dear Applejack, haven’t you read any poetry?”

Stetson up. “Now why would Ah ever do that?”

“Well, that explains it.” Rarity sighed, then patted Applejack’s shoulder. “If you were a little more well-versed—literally—you would understand. What your brother did was extremely romantic.”

“Dressin’ up as a princess and dyin’.”


“That’s romantic.”


“That's really not romantic.”

Rarity arched an eyebrow. “Well. I must say, I do agree with you—but who are we to speak against the world and rules of literature? Surely, the great poets know better.” She sighed. “The world would be a better place for us beautiful maidens if Fluttershy had been part of that pantheon.”

I've read poetry before and the things one considers romantic must be subjective. like, what Rarity considers romantic maybe isn't what Fluttershy considers romantic. I, for one, would find the blood disgusting and the fact that the guy is dead sad. "Romantic" for me is more like Beauty and the Beast and not the scene where the Beast is dying; but the one where they're dancing and everything is so pretty and the song in the background and stuff.

“Say,” Applejack eventually said. “When Fluttershy recalled that dream… Y’know, she wasn’t cryin’, actually.”

“No,” Rarity said. “She wasn’t.”

“And she was kind of blushin’.”

“Obviously because she was trying to hold back the tears.”

seriously, Rare? Fluttershy doesn't hold back tears, she cries all the time.

“Hmm.” Applejack stretched, then looked around with a satisfied face. “Well, Ah’ve finished my work for the mornin’, actually. Ah could take a break. D’you still have some of that wine?”

Rarity eyed her. “It’s not even noon, darling.”

“Oh, Ah’m sure none of us cares.”

“Well.” Rarity shrugged, and then started walking. Applejack followed. “I can’t argue with that, can I? Say, have I ever showed you my Boutique’s little backroom?”

“Can’t say you have!”

“Only one way to fix that, then.”

And they walked away, smiling to themselves, sharing what could have very well been an inside joke that only they shared. Slowly but surely, they left Sweet Apple Acres, and Applejack didn’t return for a long time.

And in the distance, Fluttershy’s screams could still be heard, loud enough to startle one or two flock of birds into flying away from the trees. They were particularly pleasant screams.

okay, NOW it's a clopfic. NOICE.

Your portrayal of Rarity had me liked and favorited before I even really knew what the premise was!
Congrats! :raritystarry:

7946222 To be exact, in literary terms, "Romantic" means dealing with either love OR death. The term was based on the literary movement of the 1800's, who were inspired by the Romans' plays and stories - thus, "Roman-tics".

I too prefer maidens of the live persuasion. And the non-stallion persuasion.

7946517 But it's enough for people who don't understand the dead maiden.

This was certainly interesting. And unique.

“And Big Macintosh was dead.”

aaaaaaaaaand I lost it at this line. :rainbowlaugh:

It was like being lectured by a puppy, or bested by a ladybug.

Or being beaten by a lamp post?


God dammit.

I'm never living that down.


Y'know, I actually like how succintly this comment explains what seems to be the general public's opinion on my stuff. So thanks! Praise is good. I'll take the 'dumb' as a good thing, in this context.


You forgot to add onanism to the mix. Why do you think it's called "Hearts and Hooves Day?"

For all the muttering about Fluttershy "not having it in her" I'm a lot more surprised that Mac nailed the romantic dream AND got Luna to wingmare for him, apparently without losing anything in the translation.
Mad skills.

I got a hefty Pratchett/Adams feel from the opening and overall narration, which is something I highly approve. As well as the thing with the stetson. Well done good author, for something written in three hours for giggles. Also, nothing quite like misquoting the greats, eh? Anywhos, Happy Lovey Dovey day to you as well and, yes, please do this more often. It's refreshing.

As always, Aragon, your pieces are literary comedic gold :rainbowlaugh:

The exposition was witty and colorful.

Years later:
"Yellow-and-red bat-ponies harvesting zap apples... huh. I never knew she had it in her."

I dunno, I though the into was the funniest part, especially the epigraph. For the rest of the thing, I thought the characters' traits were exaggerated too much, while the absurdity of the situation was kind of downplayed. Some of the lines were funny individually, but overall it was kind of meh.

So, uh, meh, not really my thing. :unsuresweetie:

That was far more entertaining than it had any right to be!

A couple highlights:

The sound of broken glass shortly followed.

You pulled off the off-scene crash in TEXT FORM. Brilliance.

“Miraculously enough, this managed to annoy the embarrassment straight out of Fluttershy. “Rarity,” she said. “Stop assuming I’m weird, please.”

Thank you. Finally.

“Sophisticated. It suits you!”
“Okay. Good save.”


“D’you still have some of that wine?”
Rarity eyed her. “It’s not even noon, darling.”
“Oh, Ah’m sure none of us cares.”

Not even slightly.

Seriously, this was hysterical. I was cackling, snickering and giggling (not necessarily in that order) the entire freaking time. :rainbowlaugh:

Numbers is good at calculated comedy.
Aragon smashes jokes together like nitroglycerin.

This is a bad story and you should feel bad.

no, you should feel bad, because that's not constructive criticism.

Well, go on about how it was bad.

7949560 What are you like 10 years old?

Moral of the story: Cross-dressing + self inserting yourself in another's dream = instant sex

Your odyssey into the Internet cesspool of romantic literature taught you well.

"he looked black and red and—“
No. No no no. Also, for whatever reason this particular line looks like it ends with an open quotation mark. Might just be me, who knows.

Hilarious and silly, and subverted my expectation about how "maiden" would be subverted. You get a DiCaprio award.

I'd appreciate it if you would respond more kindly, instead of being a dick when I'm not doing much of anything.

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