• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 minutes ago

Aragon


Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)

T

All Diamond Tiara wanted for her 21st birthday was sex and fun and sex and friends and sex and rock and roll and sex.

Bad thing is: she actually got it.


Edited by Neko Majin C and Maskedferret.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 136 )

Wait I had a real comment I swear

...

Oh! It's liquor first, then beer, not beer then liquor. Not sure if that was intentional. Also your writing here is a beautiful thing to behold. Your metaphors are just gold. Pure, undiluted gold. I can't wait for this to continue.

like a gastroenterologist enters a pretty boy’s butt

choke

Welp, I don't know what I'll think of this when sober, but in my current state, it's pretty freaking entertaining. Good job

This was fucking art and no one can ever say otherwise.







But really, that was amazingly entertaining. I look forward to it updating.

>Babs being super gay
>Everyone humping Diamond's pillow
>Scootachicken
>Sweetie Shuffle
>Babs being super gay
>Pound Cake turning everyone "heterosexual"
>"Heterosexual"
>Filthy Rich and Missus Cake
>Babs being super gay
>Those metaphors
>Silver Spoon saving Silver Spooning for marriage
>Pumpkin Cake being the only sane one
>Did I mention Babs being super gay?

Yeah, this is the fic that makes me follow you. PLEASE CONTINUE.

Praise be to Aragon, slayer of sides and grand marshal of giggles! Praise be to the Sweetie Shuffle!

6323630

Oh! It's liquor first, then beer, not beer then liquor.

It was mentioned during the proofreading, but I chose to keep it like that. On the one hand, the characters in here are trying to be as irresponsible as possible. And in the other, I always warm up with beer, then move to the strong stuff. Dunno, maybe it's just me.

6324094 I had a feeling the characters were doing it on purpose. You on the other hand should reconsider your drinking habits. Liquor first means you get drunk quick and the beer lets you keep a nice comfortable level of drunk all night. Beer first means you get drunk slow as hell then when you hit the liquor you go from buzzed to completely smashed before you know what happened. The drunker you are the more you're gonna drink, and the more wasted you get... Well...

Beer before liquor, never been sicker...

Though I'm guessing you already know about that part.

GAWK GAWK GAWK
seriously Scootaloo's part are the best.
may Diamond's pillow rest in peace

I am at without words to describe how I feel about this, to put it mildly. But that is a good thing, I think.

Oh wow. This is like one of your blogs, but in story form and condensed into just the very best parts! You are a genius.

Pumpkin looked at Sweetie Belle. “Seventy-seven percent?”
“Yeah!”
“You said twenty-three minutes of pillow-humping. You spent exactly one hundred minutes shagging Dinky?”

Wait, if there was a 77% success rate and then she only knew of the pillow snagging as the only other value, that sounds off. Like, total time was 123 minutes, right? 100 minutes on Dinky and then 23 on the pillow? And if 100 was spent on Dinky, that would be a 81.3% efficiency.

If we do it the other way, however, and we know that 23 minutes were spent on the pillow and that there was a 23% failure rate (100%-77%), then we can calculate--

Wait, and here's the point where I realize you didn't literally mean "shagging Dinky" and only Dinky but as a overall term that encompassed the pillow-humping as well. Man, I just wasted so much time.

Huh, this almost feels like Pipsqueak's Day Off...

*reads author's note*

Well, that would explain it.

Well, I'm sure Ponyville will be happy to know that it's apparently a redneck town, Author. (Shakes head in utter disappointment)

*Somewhere...*
i.imgur.com/EpyyvNF.png
---
Loving the story. Keep up the writing!

I have to say i'm a bit suprised at how slowly they are picking up like "sex" "naughty". I do assume that Silver is going to be getting a badly as well..

Don't know either if my eyes are bleeding (internally), my sides becoming non-existent, or in plain shock from the amount of hilarity that ensured.

Oh and the "Sweetie Shuffle" seems like the equivalent of the legacy of Chuck Norris and his third fist in his beard.

And god damn wouldn't that be something, no?

.
..
...

@_@

WHAT HAPPENED TO THESE FOALS?


Also, this needs to be your new bio:
Quoth the Scootaloo: GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK GAWK

u no, the fanfic isn't bad, I would really like to read anothern chapter, despite these ponies being nothing like id imagine the grown vwesions lol

Seeing as I enjoy particularly frivolous stories such as this, and I read Pipsqueak's Day Off, do you plan on making a sequel to this once you finish it?

6327150

despite these ponies being nothing like id imagine the grown vwesions lol

That's the fun of it! Or at least that's how I like to think about it. If everybody writes hypothetical characters (background ponies, adult versions, yaddah yaddah) the same way, then it gets boring after a while, doesn't it?


6327310

Hmm. I never plan on sequels while writing, 'cause I think it's a little frivolous (with some exceptions, of course). For this one in particular, it's already done and I see potential for sequels, but I don't know if I should. Only time will tell, I guess?

6327481 Ik that's the fun of it, I really like it, and hope its continued, I'm not saying anythings wrong with it, I'm saying you did a great job throwing my mind out the window wen I saw how you portrayed them :)

Can I just point out that there's only one chapter, but the word count total and word count for chapter one are eleven different?

...

Wow.

I mean... GodDAMN!

This chapter was... Wowza. Not quite as funny as the first chapter but still a hell of a lot funnier than most stories on this site. Most things in general, in fact. I mean holy shit you're funny. You should really be getting paid to write comedies this good. If you aren't already pursuing this as a career then do the literary world a favor and be a writer.

With Sir Pratchett dead we need you now more than ever.

Or don't. You don't owe that world anything.

Unless you've got some overdue library books or something.

I laughed far harder at Dinky than I should have, and now I feel like a horrible person.

Welp.

...Oh well, time to go read the update to the story about Wreck-it-Ralph and and Nightmare Moon.

Wow...

I... just... wow...

I honestly think I never felt more conflicted in a long while.

So many borderline psychotic, mentaly affected or otherwhise damaged ponies.

Reading this story is like watching a schoolbus full of blind orphans and legless puppies crash into a chainsaw juggling contest that is held in a huge gasoline depot.

You just can´t look away!!!!!!

If you were looking to get an reaction with this kind of humor...you had me laughing out loud most of this chapter. Ruby and Dinky relationship is perhaps one of the cutest and darkest thing in this story.

I am also cheering for Silver Spoon and Twist to hook up until the end of the night.

Also Spike. Just Spike. I got nothing, mostly because nothing was proved. But it reminds me a little bit of your last blog post and the whole "hit them with a baseball bat in the head" thing. I cannot honestly see where the story would go if he was still awake, glad DT took care of that.

“Okay: first thing, that was a Dare and had nothin’ to do with this. You’re drunk. Second: nah. You said you would break the bottle against somepony’s head. You just swung it. Not the same.” Apple Bloom frowned. “Gotta give it to you, though—stuff’s harder than Ah thought.”

Plus, she said somePONY. Spike is a dragon.

Ri2

That was both hilarious and bleak at the same time. Well done.
Also, Spike got bludgeoned and will apparently be stuck as a little boy for decades, so excellent.

6332922

[...] a schoolbus full of blind orphans and legless puppies crash into a chainsaw juggling contest that is held in a huge gasoline depot.

Hahah. Been there, done that.

6333368 Maybe someday you'll have written enough that whenever someone tries to describe your writing by stating something just as absurd as what they perceive the story to be, you'll be able to point them where ever. Maybe even have a helpful "If you said [x], go to story [y]."

But seriously there is a problem whenever someone says something absurd and you can use another one of your stories as a supplement.

Yes... :rainbowlaugh: ... Yes... :rainbowlaugh: ... Yes! :pinkiecrazy: This is so deliciously messed up. Keep going, you beautiful disaster! :ajsmug:

“None taken. Though I’m not a psycho. I feel remorse and shame, and—not going to lie here—a little bit of arousal, but not indifference. Not a psycho, just messed up.” Babs shrugged. “You got a point, though.”

She is a psyco- you're thinking of a sociopath. Psychopaths are insane, and are like Babs or have voices in their head telling them to kill people, and sociopaths have a lack of empathy for other living beings.

So I assume the Sweetie Shuffle matured over time as she did? Last we saw it, I'm pretty sure it was disastrous and painful for all involved.

Definitely following this one - it seemed almost too sane for your usual fare at first, but by the end it was slowly devolving into that familiar insanity we all love so much. I look forward to seeing where it goes next!

Also

“My, what a wit. Must be SIlver Spoon herself.”

Those sneaky capitals, always getting in where they don't belong.

Oh hey look, there was another chapter. I feel so clever now.

Man, some serious mood whiplash in this chapter, I have to say. I went directly from laughing as hard as I ever have at DT's screaming to reading AB's flashback in horror. Good to know this is probably the darkest one of them all, because there was just something about the dark humor in this one that just... rubbed me the wrong way. I loved Long Story Short and its sequels (speaking of which, does this take place in the same 'verse? Seems like it would), but I found the dark humor this time around to be less humorous and more just dark.
But then, to each their own I guess, and I certainly had a great time regardless! ...Wow, that was way more than I intended to write initially. Whoops.

Couple more nitpicks this chapter too:

there were ponies [o]everywhere

Random bracketed letter O? I'm... going to assume that served some sort of purpose at one point, but as far as I can tell it's no longer doing anything.

nonsexual mánage a many

Wasn't it menáge? Unless that change was on purpose, I dunno sometimes.

6334258

She is a psyco- you're thinking of a sociopath. Psychopaths are insane, and are like Babs or have voices in their head telling them to kill people, and sociopaths have a lack of empathy for other living beings.

Nope. You're describing psychosis here -- psychopathy and sociopathy are more often than not used to describe the exact same thing, and it's diminished empathy and remorse, and disnhibited and antisocial behavior. Babs there explains she actually felt what she did, full force. She did that thing she explains at the beginning of the chapter, and had to live with the consequences.

If she acts in a really insane-ish way, it's because there are just so many coping mechanism a character can have. It's either that or facing reality, and that's something she's not ready to do. This chapter is really dark for a reason, I just play everything for laughs so you don't realize the [Dark] tag should probably go up there.

6334646


This one is the darkest one by far. The rest are really, really light-hearted in comparison. I wrote this entire thing without thinking of the chapters, so some of them ended up a little bit more thematic than expected -- this one explores why the ponies act this way, and yaddah yaddah. Once that's established, they just have fun for the rest of the evening, really, so don't worry.

Also:

I loved Long Story Short and its sequels (speaking of which, does this take place in the same 'verse? Seems like it would), but I found the dark humor this time around to be less humorous and more just dark.

Not the same 'verse as Long Story Short, as Dinky and Ruby Pinch exist here (neither Derpy nor Berry Punch in Long Story Short have kids, and Ruby Pinch's mere existence is a thinly-veiled "fuck you" from me to all that people who think having Berry as a drunken mother is HILARIOUS in a PERFECTLY FINE, SUIT FOR EVERYBODY HUMOR). The story, however, has references to Family Matters, and while writing a latter part of the story I realized it has strong ties to Crime and Funishment (characterization-wise, nothing that you can't pick up immediately if you haven't read that one).

So if anything, it's in the same 'verse as those two, which are as of now linked through this one. I don't know if I referenced any other story of mine in this thing, though it's possible -- at this point I don't even think about it when it happens.

I've never wanted to bang an emotionally scarred girl harder in my life...said no one ever. Hopefully.

Oh god...

Yeah, they'll be fine. The bleach and hydrochloric acid are in the fridge. :pinkiecrazy:

It's everything wrong with modern society, but it's so funny I can't stop reading. How are you doing this!?

F:yay: you. You magnificent f:rainbowwild:
I am dead. You killed me with laughter. So who wants :moustache: cake

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