• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
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Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)


Side story to Long Story Short, Things Went Down. No need to read that, though!

Beer tastes bad, Whiskey is just horrible, and Colgate does not like drinking.

This is the story of how Colgate met Berry Punch for the first time, and how she saw a bartender who was clearly a ninja.

Proofread by:

Lucky Roll
Octavia Harmony
Neko Majin C

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 38 )

What the hell is going on? Are there more stories to come than these three?

You now own the new stories box.


I had ten days off and I wondered if I could do something like this. No more stories, sadly.


Awesome story! I have some awesome expections for these two with the old characters! :heart:
And yes, whiskey is good!
Story number one? Finished. Onto the next one!

I wouldn't say having a ton of stuff posted at once is a good idea, yes, but hey, tons of stuff to read for the dedicated people!

I liked this, this was good. Not just because it has my OTP, but because it entertained me greatly. Great job. :twilightsmile:

Berry is one of my favorites, but personally I think she really likes her alcohol. But, that's probably because I can't get enough of the stuff. roundstable.com/forums/images/smilies/awesomecheer.png

You know, the cover pic has the opposite personalities. Colgate seems to be the less energetic one. Cool though. Read a variant once (I believe with nearly identical pics) where Colgate has to pick Berry up after passing out and drops her on the couch. The main thing I got from it was Colgate making chicken soup. Never updated again, unfortunately, but it was a nice friendshipping story.

Edit: Oh whaddya know. It did use the same pic.
Colgate and Berry blah blah blah

Wait, you're planning on introducing these two relatively sane characters to Lyra and Bon Bon...


Just as awesome the second time around.

This Story is Good, but the douchebags in the other story are more convincing that the douchey-but-still-not-complete-horsesh*ts here. Still, awesome story, and I cannot wait to see what will happen when these guys meet Lyra and Bon Bon. :rainbowlaugh:

Like, I’m not exaggerating, that thing was huge.

That's what she said... :rainbowlaugh:


Not everypony can be a total douche, or else the novelty would die. I went for two completely different archetypes with this story.

Think that Lyra and the others are the worst. Obviously, everything else in the same universe is going to be "less."

But isn't Berry Punch the mother of Ruby Pinch?


That's a fanon thing, nothing official. Plus, Ruby Pinch doesn't exist in this fic, just like Dinky is not a character in Long Story Short, Things Went Down.

...You're offended because I didn't add a character? Berry is far too young to be a mother in this fic, and I don't like the idea of writing an alcoholic mother and playing it for laughs.

3965803 No, it's just that it's also a fanon thing. I feel that Berry Punch is a wine maker with a small drinking problem, and she's trying to get over it for the benefit of her daughter.

Dude, we all have our opinions and I get that. This, however, is his story and how he feels it should go. If you don't like it, that's fine. But don't sit here and tell him it has to be done a certain way...alright partner?:ajsmug:

You know, there’s a certain feeling you get in your chest when you realize you’re dealing with a smartass. It’s like being stabbed through your lungs, only more painful.

Yeah, that's a pretty accurate statement there Colgate.

berry punch was very profound

I found myself in Berry here.. I used to practically LIVE at a bar here.. I NEVER drank enough to get DRUNK tho, but I was there every single day they were open.. Had a couple of beers, talked with the bartenders, or had random conversations with people I met there.. some other regulars I became friends with,
Others came there only once or twice, but still gave me nights to remember for long discussions, deeper than one might expect from a stranger in a bar..

So not only do I enjoy LSS-universe, I now have a character I can directly relate to, minus the being-drunk-part... Awesome!

(Looking forward to her and Colgate meeting the others later on, whenever / however that happens)

Awww, that was sweet. In a completely platonic way :twilightsheepish: But will it stay that way? :trixieshiftright:

I liked it.
It retained just enough of the style for me to tell it's the same universe/author, but it's also SO TOTALLY DIFFERENT, in that it's written so that you can take it seriously, and think about the character's feelings and states of mind, etc.

Nopony likes dentists.

And here is the reason why or an excellent example of a dentist. It depends on your opinion of dentists.

You are probably the greatest finding in my entire life as a fanfic writer. Seriously, you are a miracle in html format.

Everything in Twilight Don't and it's side stories are some of the most boring, bland, unfunny fics in the entire MLP Fandom and I considered some of the worst waste of my time for reading it.

Then came Sasy raritea, Terry pratchett in a bar and Lich Celestia and I can't stop reading them over and over gain. They are funny, they are witty, they are douglas adam in action. How can you change you literary output in such dramatic way leave me speechless.

May you keep writing this pieces of art and that Twlight Don't be forgotten in the cesspool it came out.

Peace out.



Well, I take some pride in my ability to change styles between stories, so I guess that thanks for realizing that, but, I honestly don't know how to react to that comment. I particularly like the DONE! saga, and it's what made me go from unknown guy to known guy on the first place, so... Huh.

(Also I'm assuming you're talking about Daring DONE! and its sequels, right?)

Then again, if you liked this one, then try this one, I guess? It's the same universe, although it's not the same writing style so I don't know.

Like, honestly, I am perplexed by your comment in the sense that how the fuck am I supposed to react to such a thing?

... sorry? I'm kind of honest when I write a review and I'm of the firm mind that a work must be judged alone, even when they are sagas, not declaring that a work done by a writer I like is sacrosanct by default.

----- About the Daring Done series------

You see, my situation with the Done saga is that they are the kind of crappy fics that I loathe. I have read some terrible fics, the ones that hit you in the head like a fist, when the characters are direct avatars of cliches and the dialogue is forced, trite and empty, like Luna Empire (??? author), Celestia Tiny Student, the Conversion Bureau, The man with two Names, Nightmare Mom and when it's a comedy it's 10 times worse, like watching a first time stand up comedian with minor Anthropophobia trying to opening his debut night by explaining the Aristocrat joke.

My beef with your story is not that it was bad, for watching bad things can be pretty entertaining, but that it was dumb. No stupid or nonsensical, but dumb. There was this empty void between the space of the words were my brain worked to understand the comedy and what it gave me was a used tissue for my effort, pretty much slightly booping me in the nose with the effort justification effect.

And it was boring. There was nothing of substance, the jokes were predictable, the idea of twlight's mom treating her like a child even when she is a princess and be an overpowering bitch was the character equivalent of Jack Black version of gulliver's travel in the byodome movie if you take the terrible acting, the bile fascination or the exasperation with the characters.

Yeah, I called it like a cesspool, but that was just my excitement and shock of seeing that was linked to such great works as Sassy raritea, which I have read for her dialogue like 20 times already. It was an unfair comparison and you have my apologies.

When you get down to it, the Done series is a simple meh!, a small footnote in my reading habit that... honestly, I can't not even describe it, since it would be like making poetry of the planes you had to write when you were little to learn how to write.

So, yeah. I mostly wrote this down because I loved your family maters and Long story verse and was so excited about writing this review, but after reading it again and writing this part of the review (which is the last one) it kind of like calmed me and left me oddly... something or the other.

I think I'm going to watch spoony or Idea channel. Yeah why not, they sound like fun and probably should stop writing this review and not thinking out loud. Huh, I wonder if tomorrow I can finally go the bank or it's going to be to full and should wait until monday. In one hand, I can buy directly by car, but in the ohter, it kind of mess up with your budget. Also there is my sink that I must clean and I kind forget the damn window be


I already did read all the stories in the verse and they are great. You are the version of 8 bit theater in pony form and they are one of the most detestable, dysfunctional group there in the net. The only weak link is Turner, since he is too... normal, I guess? Too non-sociopath to endure the brutal beatings he got. Even Tavi has shown to be more in line to go toe to toe with the rest of the cast than him although his dialogue are golden.

WHY IM NOT UNCONSCIOUS, INDEED. Oh vynil, how witty you are in your agony.

By the way, carrot top for the win. I can't believe I say this, but part of me want to make this version of top into my personal fandom.

I like your blend of cartoon-ish realism and quentin tarantino violence that I honestly don't care that by every right Lyra and Carrot should be disfigured by now and that apparently Tavi can be punched hard enough to leave her a giant sack of tenderized meat and be eating like nothing 20 minutes later. It's like Pinkie pie, if her marshmallow complexion was filled with bones, blood and puke :pinkiecrazy:

Thank you for giving me a group so unlikable that I can schadenfreude for hours without feeling a single smudge of guilt.

Oh, would it bother you if I use your characterization of Lyra (as such a hardcore sadomasochist that she let herself having her teeth knocked out to get excited) for other ponies I might write in the future?. Your work and how much has improved with your fics your talent has inspired me to try to start including my own contribution to this wonderful fandom, probably something original by retelling the Longest Night with my own vision of the elements of harmony and the nature of the alicorns or try my hand in a recursive fiction with Lunaverse (so-so work but interesting thematic) or xenophilia. You and Loyal2Luna.


Hm. Late answer. Oh well, I've been very busy lately.

Oh, would it bother you if I use your characterization of Lyra (as such a hardcore sadomasochist that she let herself having her teeth knocked out to get excited) for other ponies I might write in the future?

Hmm. I wouldn't actually write such a character if I were you, to be honest. A crazy Lyra was an idea I'm pretty proud of, but an OC with the same personality would be seen as just bad. Either you end up with a Mary Sue or you get a character nobody really likes. Lyra works because it surprises you, and the readers are so used to know the character that a new interpretation seems like a good idea. With a completely new character... not so much.

And if you use a background pony, you wouldn't be doing anything new, and where's the fun in that? I recommend creating a new personality from scratch. It's way funnier that way. You can get inspiration from my Lyra, of course, but try not to make it a carbon copy -- the best characters are those who have something from the author in them.

This story resonates with me on a deep, powerful, dare I say spiritual level. It's simple, yet its message is profound, and - considering some of the other ponies they share this universe with - I found the characters surprisingly likeable and relatable. I think this may be one of my favorite stories on this site. :eeyup:

Also, this Berry Punch is the best Berry Punch, hands-down. All you other Berry Punches can just go home.

This was really meaningful. I like it.

I wish my mind were healthy enough to imagine a world where these were the worst ponies you'd ever have to deal with.

Quite a contrast to my BP/Cole, but it just makes me yearn for the road less traveled that much more...

Now I have another Berry to fall in love with. And another Colgate to snark with.

Maybe, just maybe, I'll get some sleep tonight because of that.

Thank you so much. Bless you.

Berrytube says hi.

Cute story--and I agree about the taste of whiskey with one trivial proviso: If you just barely wet your lip, take the glass away, and then taste the micro-drop remaining on your lip, there is actually some flavor. Any more than that, and the raw blast of alcohol hides the flavor.

One small drink can last a long time that way.

Now, that thing she said? Apparently, that was a pun.

You’ll have to guess it by yourself. I don’t recommend doing that.

Closest thing I can think of is one of those long jokes which involve the protagonist waiting in line for several things.
Ultimately though, the jokes all end when the protagonist wants to get some punch except that there's no punch line.

Can I translate this story into Russian?

Ссылки на русский перевод:

Sure, be my guest. As long as you source this as the original, it's cool.

Work is done. Here is the link. Вино и паста

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