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Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)


This story is a sequel to Long Story Short, Things Went Down

Time Turner is preparing for the most important lecture of his life. However, he's so nervous he feels like one wrong move will mess up everything. Thankfully, his friends are there to help him relax.

The problem is not that his friends are sociopaths. The problem is that they are sociopaths and mad at him.

Proofread by:

Lucky Roll
Neko Majin C

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 126 )

“Carrot, that’s the same can opener.”

Words cannot express my laughter.:rainbowlaugh:

"But I like Rocks!" I had to stop reading and just laugh a couple of minutes

These ponies might be horrible, horrible individuals, but damned if they aren't entertaining.

Everypony in this story is an incredible doucherocket :raritydespair:

So why am I still reading :raritycry:

(Also, it would be something more like 'mishippony', I think.)

I get the feeling Vinyl would be laughing her ass off...if she wasn't currently having the air punched from her lungs.

Hmm... read or not to read? I dunno. I really hated Lyra in the last story.:unsuresweetie:
But I did love the story.

Part two!?!?

Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!! :fluttershbad:

(By that, I mean, FUCK YEAH!)

So... Bon Bon is a barista... That figures.

I'm excited! And a little more scared of your Lyra with each chapter.

Sequel... oh, so much yesss :rainbowkiss:
Also, I'm sure now, I got a crush on Lyra. That particular version of Lyra :heart:

Here we go again. One more round with my favorite group of ponies who break the laws of nature by being both assholes and dickheads at the same fucking time. I look forward to the carnage to come.


Oh wow, I loathe every one of these characters and the only reason I'm reading is to watch them all suffer. I can't wait for the next chapter.

3964979 How dare you covet my waifu
My sexy, sadistic waifu

I hate every single one of these characters. I keep reading, though, in the hope thatt hey will all die in some sort of fiery explosion related accident. Or STDs. They deserve both.


I seriously can't tell if you like this story. I can safely tell that when a story has an asshole protagonist and the story knows he's an asshole and treats him like that, I enjoy the shit out of it.

Not so much if the readers are supposed to root for him, though. But I love douchebags as protagonists. That's why I wrote this!

Actually, I do like this story. It's strange, I usually don't like stories with protagonists I hate, but this story seems to be the exception. So, rock on, I say.:yay:

I can see that, yeah, but when the ponies calling out the asshole are themselves assholes, now you're waiting for them to get their comeuppance; and when that happens, there's even more assholery involved; and it all just kind of descends into a cesspit spiral of revenge. Which isn't enough to make me stop reading, here, but man, there's only so much asshole I can take at once, y'know?

They're all fucked in the head, and I love it.:pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by The Gardenhead deleted Apr 27th, 2020

I actually still like derpy a lot in this. I still think she's pretty adorable.

It's a carnival of crazy, and we have front row seats! Don't forget the raincoats and umbrellas for the blood splashes!

Or, I guess it doesn't really feel like the story is actually treating them like assholes, because none of them are in jail yet. There's no pony who can say "You're being an asshole, cut it out" and actually mean it, instead of just using it as another insult to fling. Maybe Celestia needs to show up and glare at them or something, idk.

I still kind of feel like Derpy and Time Turner are relatively sane in comparison to the rest.

Also, I love that Carrot is the Anti-Bon Bon.

The words "kill them all" keep going through my head. Absolutely no clue why.:pinkiecrazy:

"All i taste is blood...
I LOVE blood"
Lyra the psycho

I am glad to see that Carrot Top has more of a personality here. The ditz of the group. That is saying something for a group that contains Ditzy Doo.

Weird that there is no Carrot Top emoticons. Here are a couple sexy Octavias in consolation.



I'm with Carrot, I like rocks too.

Figures that Bon Bon would be a barista, No wonder she hates everyone.

“You still loved when she made out with Octavia.”
“Hey, that was different,” Turner said. “I can look at the menu, I just can’t order.”

Huh, I wonder what's up with that.

Carzinesss is often a liable way for fun stuff to happen

I'm guessing that Time Turned rejected Octavia because he has feelings for Derpy, but has crippling emotional problems/fear of commitment that means he doesn't want to take things to the next level, and instead just wants to "keep her on the line" indefinitely.

And Octavia probably guessed/already knew that, and tried to seduce him in order to make him admit it.

I really hope some nasty stuff goes down with Octavia. Out of all the characters in the last story she got off the lightest. And Derpy too.

You psychotic bastard! how could you write all those terrible things and still get a thumbs up from me?!:pinkiecrazy:

“You see, two days after doing that, I saw that picture again.”
“And it was decorating a little filly’s flank,” Octavia said. “That mare was designing the cutie mark.”

Huh, interesting.

I'll have you know, I had to stop reading to laugh hysterically multiple times during this chapter. I nearly didn't survive the second Tootsie Flute scene.

This chapter was great! Government sponsored Cutie Mark factories, Carrot Top going all Conan and Khorne on poor customers, and a super cute filly who learned the meaning of profiling.
Jolly Good!

“Sow the wind, reap the whirlwind.”

Title drop!

At first I thought the mare asking for coffee in a previous chapter was Fluttershy, I was wrong, now I don't hate Bonbon as much as I did.

I can't wait for the next story. Especially if it's gonna include Berry and Colgate!

Wait... Bon-Bon helped Tootsie? And bought her a cookie?!?

Am I reading that right?!?!?

Comment posted by ididntthinkidlikethis deleted Feb 26th, 2014

Seems like some of our favorite sociopaths might have some hidden depths to them after all.

Bon-Bon's little secret: She is nice with foals

Wow, complete already? Wasn't expecting that.

Tootsie Flute is learning important life lessons. Sometimes, adults are just awful people.

“Yeah. I mean, it’s what I do for a living. I work at the Cutie Marks Factory.”


If only Vinyl had realized that she had heard Sunny Ray’s voice somewhere else—at the cafeteria, as she had been the mare talking to Bon Bon when the DJ had arrived—or Turner had realized that somehow Sunny Rays knew Derpy’s name without being told, then Octavia and Derpy would have knocked at that door again, or at least they would have done something useful.

You know, I thought the name thing was suspicious.

“How can your horn be so pointy anyway? Mine is pretty round at the tip.”
“Natural selection.”

I am 90% certain that she sharpens it.

At the cafeteria, at least twenty ponies laid unconscious on the floor, forming a mountain with their bodies. On the top, an orange mare was standing on her hind legs while looking at the rest of customers with a crazy grin.

And here I thought that I was past all possible surprise regarding what these ponies might get up to.

I'm starting to wonder about when Turner is going to drop dead from the caffeine overdose/stabbing/hypothermia combination.

Ahh, there's the overdose.

I think your sociopath stories inspired me to write my own sociopath story. XD

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