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Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)


One day, just like that, Celestia decides she's going to go mad with power.

Full-cast audiobook by Illya Leonov.

Edited by MrNumbers and Themaskedferret. Winner of FanofMostEverything's Imposing Sovereigns contest!

As seen on EQD and the Royal Canterlot Library.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 252 )

Somehow I see Princess Celestia's turn to the evil side as serving tea at a very exclusive event without any sugar cubes at all.

"Buhahaha, taste the bitter agony of my vengeance!"

Comedic evil? I know you can pull this off well.

This is why I enjoy your stuff.

The Minotaur King is basically Arnold Schwarzenegger to me.
I do not care for daggers! I do not care for horns! Get to da choppa!

As always, an amazing story.

This was an utter riot. I'd quote bits I especially liked, but there's too many. I'll give Celestia's cack-handedness at one-liners a shout-out and leave it at that. There's too much gold here. :pinkiehappy:

TWO THINGS before I read this, one: did anyone else read the title as Washington from the Hamilton play, and two: your profile pic is evil.

Celestia, the tyrant you can trust.

Speed equals mass times acceleration

...Really? I'm pretty sure it's force that equals mass times acceleration...or am I missing something?


Nope! You're right. Sorry, sorry -- the prereaders pointed this out and I forgot to swap it in the doc I pasted here. Fixed now, thanks for pointing it out.

(I'm a lawyer, not a numbers guy. Whoopsie-daisy.)


Yeah, it's a reference to that exactly. Tho I can't read it like Washington -- it should be "Governing's harder" for that.

I'm not entirely sure what I just read but I laughed a bunch so it must have been good. :rainbowlaugh:

All hail the Tyrant Queen Celestia!

This thing...

This thing.

I like it.

It's like it was written just for me. Puns, incredibly powerful characters being enigmatic/badass/silly, non-stop banter, innuendo, numerous running jokes, (presumably and hopefully) dead baby jokes, enough plot for me to actually see the end coming despite this being a ridiculous comedy adventure...

I can say with certainty that this is, in fact, my cup of tea.

As if a joke that obvious hasn't already been made by your editors.

This was the best. Thank you for this.

This was a great read!! :pinkiehappy:


> Most corridors only turned left, even when the Castle quite clearly wanted them to go right.

This doesn't make sense, unless things are non-euclidean and I missed it. A corridor with a 90 degree turn is both a left turn and a right turn, depending on which direction you approach the intersection from.

Diplomacy is complicated. Weaponizing babies is wrong. Bad, Luna! Go to your corner!

“I—Yearling, did the Princess just parry the Minotaur King with a baby?”


Evil is easy,young mare.Governing is harder.

>>Words can't explain how awesome this story is1




What if after taking a left turn you walk backwards? Then you have to turn left to head the other way too.

Luna blinked. Her face looked perfectly innocent. “There… seems to have been a misunderstanding, Daring Do. Who’s to say I broke my promise?”
“My redemption. It was not for this kingdom’s sake,” Luna explained, with the voice used to explain the obvious. “It was for my Sister. It was she whom I betrayed a thousand years ago, and she who forgave me for it. It is to her that I swore loyalty when I came back.”
Daring Do said nothing.
And Luna saw this, and smiled. “I only care for Celestia. Where she goes, I follow.” And she lowered her head and whispered into Daring’s ear. Her breath was hot and cold, her voice full of dark spice. “As far as I am concerned, Daring Do, Equestria can burn.”

Frick, man! Talk about learning to fear the night! Luna is unhinged and absolutely terrifying.


Luna is unhinged and absolutely terrifying.

So... would you say she's... a Lunatic? :trollestia:


Yet, even though quite clearly you should go right, and even though you perfectly remember this corridor and you are sure it turned right if you came from this side, it turns left.

Daring Do hates the place, and for a good damn reason. Imagine someone asks you a riddle, but every time you're going to say the answer, the last line of said riddle changes. Annoying, aye?

Wow, I didn't realize how long this was you should split it into different chapters. Also very nice story, I enjoyed reading it.

8036933 I guess flying out the first window she encountered and flying around until she located the throne room was out of the question?


The Dark Castle, by the formal definition of the word, wasn’t a maze. It was just a mess.

Nothing made any sense whatsoever, and it was painfully clear that this wasn’t due to the Tyrant trying to confound and intimidate her enemies, and was more the work of somepony who had no idea how buildings were supposed to work.

Most corridors only turned left, even when the Castle quite clearly wanted them to go right. There were way too many doors in way too little places. Every curtain was drawn, never mind that most of the time they weren’t put in front of the windows at all. Now and then, an incredibly sturdy wall of perfectly transparent glass would stand in the middle of a room, always placed in such a way that Sugar Song would slam her face against it

What windows? And even if she found windows, what guarantee would she have they'd be to the right room?

That's like saying it's easier to find a needle in a haystack if you just go around the haystack.

8036989 Well, you never know if the needle's poking out another side. No attempts were made. Besides even lacking a window she clearly knows at least one entrance. The one she entered from.


The Castle doesn't make any sense -- she gets to the dungeons with Luna's help, but then Luna refuses to say where her sister is, or where the Throne Room lays, or anything. So Daring can't find it, because the Castle is, well, a mess. Daring knows the way from the entrance to the Throne Room, but get somewhere deeper in that building, and you're pretty much a goner.

On top of that, Song can't fly, and Luna is tied up for most of the fic, so she can't fly either (and by the time she can, they're not trying to get to the Throne Room anymore). Daring Do wouldn't be able to carry the two around, and she can't leave any of them behind (because plain and simple she'd never do that).

So no, it was not an option to begin with.

This was silly. My only regret is seeing Celestia failing to do anything really fun-evil, like oppressing the populace.

Examplifies pointlessness. I don`t like pointless.

I would've upvoted this for the sheer level of comedic badassitude you gave the minotaurs alone.

It really helps, though, that the rest is hilarious and clever as well.

This was hilarious.

That was a long read but I did It! I read the damn giant thing. Anyway did notice few strange things like:

This caught Daring Do’s attention. “It got worse, you said? Princess, did the sewers always smelled like this?”

“What?” Luna cocked her head to the side. “Of course I did. Was it not for this reason that we came down here on the first place?”

Maybe I am delirious after tackling this story but seems to me that those two dialogs do not match.

A Minotaurs is

And this suggests your proof-readers and editors were also overwhelmed by the sheer size. There probably are few other things but it is a bit of faux pass to point out grammar in comments. And you can't make me read it again to check!

Anyway let's talk about the actual story. Now honestly I was a bit disappointed that Celestia was not the protagonist and that her role was smaller than I expected. That isn't to say it is bad storytelling by any measure the flow was good, the twists were fun and consistent with the story as there were no ass pulls. You could probably use this story as a textbook example of story structuring (or I am an idiot and have no idea what I am talking about. I hope it is both at least!).

Regarding characters it was pleasant surprise to see Daring Do and Sugar Song again but new readers will probably not be able to appreciate them without reading Fly Hard. I feel though that Sugar this time was bit weaker but that could be because for the most of the time she was competing with Daring Do antics and Luna.
Luna was great, probably my favorite character in the story. At least in your hands, I do not really like Luna.
Antagonists served their purpose but won't be remembered.
Celestia was honestly disappointing to me. Perhaps because I had unfair expectations of her being sillier with villainous antics. Or maybe it is the way everything was neatly tied up at the end. I mean it was done well but it was not what I thought I would get from the premise.

I liked the story and had enjoyed it but it was kinda on the massive side for the one shot and I felt it dragged at some places but pieces were far to important to remove without damaging the story. Humor was not as strong as usually but it wasn't dull.

Now with that being said for the slander of Princes Cellestia Sol Invicta by implying that she is a tyrant you are sentenced to dungeons. You'll find your friend MrNumbers already waiting for you there... And no I am totally not shipping you two...Now Kiss :trollestia:

This was awesomely ridiculous. An excellent read for a rainy afternoon. :twilightsmile:

HAH! 'nuff said.

This was hilarious, exactly as expected. And it was also a quite interesting, some of the things I saw coming, other surprised me.

Thank you for this story.

An excellent adventure; from the start to the end.

“I—Yearling, did the Princess just parry the Minotaur King with a baby?”

Dwarf Fortress intensifies.

What are cows?

We just don't know.

“This!” the cow yelled, horrible smile on her face, “is our fight for freedom! This is the cows finally getting back what belongs to us! This is us breaking free of our shackles, defeating our oppressors! No longer will we be seen as second-class citizens!”

The cows would not back down. Not when their very freedom was at steak.

8037268 Not going to share my full thoughts on this until judging is over in public, but in regards to Numbers and Aragon.

They're like this but closer. So much closer.

Sugar Song x Daring Do are OTP!!!

"Sometimes I can not tell if you are an absolute genius, or an absolute idiot, and I say that from the bottom of my heart.”

Madness and genius are separated only by degrees of success. :pinkiecrazy:

This was just the right flavor of story I was looking for. A bit predictable, but in a good way. Also, legitimately funny.

At least she got to use her tea line.

“Oh, my dear Daring Do. I must say, there is really not that much of a difference between the two.” And there was a twinkle in her eye as she spoke. “Reality is shaped like a horseshoe, that way.”

Not quite perfect but Imma link this anyway

*Looks at his own cup of tea*

...The heck did I just drink? *sips* More.

Brilliant. Was great to read from the beginning to the end. That ending was really unexpected. And oh, Luna was adorable.

then darter right after her

should that be darted?

This story is what I'd call brilliantly stupid. Much like Princess-slash-Queen-Tyrant Celestia's grand plan. (She's really not very good at being a villain, is she now?) :pinkiehappy:

Hell of an amusing read, and I really liked how you used Daring Do as the hero, instead of bringing in Twilight and the rest of the Mane Six. I think the story couldn't have worked with them involved, but with Daring and Sugar, all the heroic and villainous cliches and silliness fitted in just right.


Well, maybe if they'd tried to milk their situation for change instead of taking their beef up with Celestia in rebellion, they'd not have lost their steak in the matter.

8037801 Sounds like a load of bull to me.

Fantastic as always, kept a grin on my face the entire time

I can't tell if this is absolute genius or absolute idiocy. Either way, it's clearly horseshoe-shaped, and sure enough, every character's gone around the bend.

A glorious exercise in insanity on both Celestia's part and yours. I especially appreciate her mention of Twilight. (Let's face it, Daring is not the greatest heroic threat the Queen Tyrant could be dealing with.) Also, I knew something terrible would happen to a baby at some point. Don't ask me how, but I could feel of ahead of time.

In any case, thank you for this, and best of luck in the judging.

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