• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
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Aragon


Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW"


Comments ( 110 )

This was a nice little read here.:twilightsmile:

Well that's unfortunate.

If not crying is crying, then what about crying? Awesome story, I cried. (I just lied)

MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD.

Good? Good. Let's move on, then, to the symbiotic sycophancy.

To the tune of 'The Raven'.

Writing on a letter bleary, eyes are red and hoof is weary
Rainbow writes a missive rather messier than before
And her father's deeply sleeping just the thought sends her to weeping
As denial just keeps on creeping, creeping to this letter's fore.
"Just a letter," Rainbow Dash muttered, "And AJ's made me write some more"
"Only this... just to that dork."

So succinctly in this chamber, that her friends had sought to cage her
As she wreaked a wrathful rager upon Princess, guards and more.
Eagerly she sought her father but this letter loomed o'er her larger
And she hoped the guards wouldn't charge her - for more pillows from the store -
For the plush and pricey pillows that cost a motza from the store -
Ripped and torn and thrown at the door.

But the silken sad uncertain rustling of that quill pen scritching numbly
thrilled her - filled her with an inner calm the pony had never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of her heart, she spoke weakly bleating
'Tis my friends entreating lately at this chamber's door-
Some great friends entreating entrance at my chamber's door; -
Leave me alone, this I implore.

Then you see her resolve no longer bore the hesitation growing stronger,
"Dad" she pleaded, "Please don't be dead, don't die on me anymore";
Yes you were a big dork, but please don't go popping your cork
Because now I feel I might hork, and I don't have cool points left to store
And Dad I really need you - Here she pleaded once, final, more; -
Silence here, and nothing more.

5626249

This has more literary value than the entire goddamn story, you asshole.

5626269
I can't help but agree.

Nice poem.

Quoth the pegasus "Nevermore."

Also

And Dad I really need you - Here she pleaded once, final, more; -

could have been:
And Dad I really need you - She pleaded finally, once more; -

On 2/14/15, at 1:08 PM, Aragón wrote:
> now it's exactly 4k

4,001 words total

LIES!

Came here expecting funnies. Got feels instead. I don't regret it.

A couple of weeks ago my grandfather died and I totally suppressed everything because my mom and grandma were inconsolable and someone had to be the adult. I kept just pushing it down and pushing it down. He'd been "dying" since I was seven and I'm 28, so I thought it would never happen...

But it did... and now it's real for me... It's real for me because of ponies. I feel as lame as Rainbow Dash did, sitting at my desk, asking my computer to fix it.

Thank you, Aragon. Seriously... I needed this, even if it hurts.

Feels hit me hard.

Oh, dear god...

When it started on a bit of a cheerful note, I decided I'd read it out loud for the fun of it. Then it started getting sad, but I kept reading. I don't regret that though, because that makes the story that much better. It even got to a point where my voice sounded as if I was sobbing, and I didn't realize it until the point where the Mane Six were going into the room. It takes a lot for a story to make me sad, but you somehow nailed it.
Congrats.

Who would've thought that Aragon could write something that's a punch to the gut just as well as he writes gut-busting humor?

Holy crap. I could not help but chuckle ruefully at the familiarity of this. It reminded me of when my mom died (which happened four months ago, on Halloween, no less). How I could not cry. Partially from shock but mostly from already having mourned her death years ago when she chose her horrible boyfriend over her family. ...Over me. The anger I felt with her for dying and with myself for not feeling sad. I was not sad she died, nor was I happy. I was angry. Angry she left me alone. Angry that the only parent I ever knew I would never see again. Angry at the holidays that followed and her birthday. And I cannot help but chuckle ruefully at the concept of being angry at intangible ideas.

But we must just KBO.:twilightsmile:

And here come the waterworks. It's five a.m.! It's too early for feels! :raritycry: :fluttercry:

Goddammit, Aragon...
:fluttercry::fluttershbad::raritydespair:

I have seen many people die. I came to accept it as the inevitable consequence of mortality around the age of 8. Grief, if I feel it now, is very transient.

But I must ask one thing: Are we certain Dash is this emotionally incapable of dealing with death?

(reads the title)

Well don't then.

(reads the story)

Well tough shit. Write more, it's good stuff.

Gah! Why doesn't this have a sad tag!?

That almost made me cry. Wow. It's good and sad.

*Possibly butthurting joke alert*

I'm so sorry, Rainbow Dash. But, well, everyone has to die sometime, right? I mean, if everyone lived forever we'd all be dead from the exponential growth of the pony population causing there to be a lack of resources. So technically, it's for the greater good, right?

Positive thinking!

5629577 For once, I'm with Alondro. She's a wannabe soldier, and even Equestria has its share of foes. She's certainly not a sociopath, but if she handles death this badly, she might not be cut out for the military life.

Not at all what I was expecting. No regrets. In fact, I'm thankful. This was really good. Exemplary, even. Such an emotional side is rarely explored with Rainbow Dash, yet you did so with great pacing and wonderful development. She just breaks. What better way to show it?

This is going up in my personal Display Case. Also, since I'm not yet, I'll start following you. Keep being awesome.

All I can say is the clichéd line:

Dem feels.

Nice story, but I am gonna be that guy and say it: I expected the room was a closet.

5626194 If
not crying = crying
then
crying = not crying
if
you = crying = not crying
and you lied then
you = not crying = crying.

you = cried erytme

A few lingering typos; however, given that RD was writing, they didn't really matter. In fact, given the emotional power of this piece, buck 'em and a bag of chips. This was exceptional, powerful, and just straight up great.

5629577
5631413

Well, this is a fanfiction. Are we sure Fluttershy and Pinkie are in a homosexual relationship? This is just me developing one approach to death. Dash felt natural for me, and getting angry instead of crying all over everypony looked more in-character. We've never seen her cope with death, so hell if I know, this is but an interpretation.

It's about opinions, though, I get that. So maybe you have a point? Dunno.

5631629 Well, yes, in a trio with Rarity, but that's only one universe of many. In another, Pinkie is with Twilight, and Fluttershy with Rarity, but that has little to do with Rainbow Dash's issues with throw pillows.

I'm not a fan of sad stories, but this was nice. Upvoted, but not favorited.:fluttershysad:

Editing Crime and Funishment I wondered what reading a tragedy from you would be like.

Today I was all "Oh hey! An Aragon story. I could use a laugh... Oh. Oh hey!"

This was an interesting read, I must admit. I like how you approached the situation, and you certainly kept it close to what it seems like RD would do.

... I'd probably be sadder, but I never knew my old man. Left when I was young, died before I grew up enough to meet him on my own.
Maybe some day I'll write him a letter, too. :rainbowderp:

A real nice deep look into Rainbow Dash's personality.

Well written and... yes it managed to make me swallow a few times.

Liked and faved.

Because you died.

gifbin.com/bin/032010/1269259657_omg_cat.gif
I don't even know how I did not see this coming, all the clues were there !

I was reading a story nice story where Dashie's writing a letter to his Papa, and in just one second, I'm falling into depression, calling my dad to tell him that I love him, and reading lots of Rainbow Dad happy fanfics to get better...

Really good story, but it definitly deserves the 'sad' tag. :fluttercry:

Well done, Aragon. Ignore anyone who said otherwise, this was perfectly done. Disagreements aren't focusing on what matters.

Sad tag needed technically... but maybe you didn't want SPOILER? I'd put the tag though.

5632186
5632060
5630366

Hmm. I don't particularly like the "sad" tag, as I consider it pretty artificial -- you're telling the readers to be sad at the story, rather than letting them feel whatever they want. It's not a genre per se, it's like an order. The sadness of a story is pretty subjective; I'm sure at least one guy read this and thought it was just a character study and nothing more

Plus, I didn't write the story to be particularly sad or depressing, so I genuinally thought Slice of Life actually fitted better.

Not like I haven't used the "sad" tag before, of course, but that's still a reason. Aside from that, I didn't want to spoiler, as one of you guessed. Although I don't know how clear the hints actually are. I was going for a "slow realization" theme here.

Sorry if it was an unpleasant surprise or something.

5629577

What this man said. Also, this reads more like a voice recording than a letter. That might have been a better choice.

Overall, I do like the intensity of the emotions at work, but some of the stuff that happens borders on ridiculous. So Celestia apparently has no idea how to deal with ponies who must come to terms with mortality despite having lived among them for millennia (and probably having lost friends left and right)? Her ignorance goes to the point that she almost gets punched in the face?

Uhh, no... :unsuresweetie:

I get that RD loves to act without thinking, but this takes things a step too far. Maybe not even the hitting part, but the implication that Celestia was clueless about RD's emotions, which ended up getting them both in trouble.

On the other hand, if Celestia were to volunteer as RD's "punching bag"... now that would have been powerful... :pinkiesad2:

Neat fic overall, but it doesn't quite punch in the gut, let alone the groin. I think it hit me in the shoulder instead. I feel it, but not strong enough...

5629577

Right, you immediately start with "My own, personal, subjective sense of this topic is, admittedly warped" and then finish with "and therefore someone not sharing my own, personal, subjective view of this topic is wrong" as if it were an objective, definitive statement of fact.

I gave myself whiplash reading those two sentences next to each other like that. You'll receive a bill from my chiropractor shortly.

5632235

Also, this reads more like a voice recording than a letter. That might have been a better choice.

Actually discussed this with Aragon myself -- oh, no, I'm not here for him, obviously I'm just checkin' up on how my poem is doin' -- and he established fairly early on that the character voice was important, yes, but that writing this in a "lettery" way would make it harder to read, a sacrifice he wasn't willing to make.

There is the truth that a speech 'scaffolding' for the story might account for this: though, of course, a letter is how this story works, and a voice recording or even talking to herself would have required a different tone yet again.

The point is more that it's meant to be definitively Dash as a narrator first, a letter second. Which this does accomplish.

Celestia apparently has no idea how to deal with ponies who must come to terms with mortality despite having lived among them for millennia (and probably having lost friends left and right)?

Maybe not even the hitting part, but the implication that Celestia was clueless about RD's emotions, which ended up getting them both in trouble.

The key words you're looking for here? Unreliable narrator.

We have no idea what Celestia actually said. Rainbow assures us it was dumb platitudes, but there might have been a kernel of wisdom to it that Celestia, who has seen generations rise and fall at her hooves, delivered in earnest that Rainbow simply wasn't ready to hear yet. At this stage, she's still firmly in denial. Were it said to Twilight, or even Rarity, it's incredibly likely it would have resulted in a far, far more amenable reaction.

However, it was not said to Rarity or Twilight. It was said to Rainbow at a time she was completely unwilling to hear it. This does not reflect on Celestia herself, at all: It reflects on Rainbow's emotional state and how she confronts this situation. Celestia has a philisophical bent to her. Rainbow just wants to break stuff.

In fact, Celestia was probably trying to help Rainbow with the wrong problem entirely. Celestia was offering consolation to help Rainbow with her grief. Rainbow hadn't started to grieve yet: She was still processing the loss. To an outside observer, this can be notably difficult to distinguish and Dash herself certainly wasn't aiming for clarity.

An impasse. A misunderstanding. A breach in communication. Not a character being done poor justice.

Neat fic overall, but it doesn't quite punch in the gut, let alone the groin. I think it hit me in the shoulder instead. I feel it, but not strong enough...

From Aragon himself:

Hmm. I don't particularly like the "sad" tag, as I consider it pretty artificial -- you're telling the readers to be sad at the story, rather than letting them feel whatever they want. It's not a genre per se, it's like an order. The sadness of a story is pretty subjective; I'm sure at least one guy read this and thought it was just a character study and nothing more

Your interpretation is completely valid, but not a fault of the author's. Emotional impact is, much like comedy, purely subjective.

What's far more important is the question: Was Rainbow Dash herself done justice?

I find it hard to argue that she wasn't.

thank you for writing this

I know you didn't place a Sad tag on purpose and left the final interpretation entirely up to the reader, but...

I still cried. :fluttershyouch: A lot.

I'm still crying a bit even as I write this comment.

Because Dashie is angry. She's angry at Princess Celestia, angry at the rest of the Mane Six, angry at her Mom, angry with her Dad...

And angry with herself.

Loss, especially of a parent or somepony very close to us, isn't easy. Ever.

Believe me, I know.

So...thank you, Aragorn. :twilightsmile:

5631629

Because I doubt we'll ever see real "death" portrayed in the series, it's all speculation, really. Sombra is literally the only character we've ever seen "killed" (if you count him as a character, and if you don't count sending Tirek to hell). There's no real point to saying what is or isn't appropriate as a character reaction in this instance simply because canon hasn't established it yet. The only thing we can say for certain is that Applejack seems to have come to terms with the loss of her parents (?), and we can guess that she was too young at the time to really know what it meant, as she seemed to get over their deaths relatively quickly. Kids seem to be able to recover from the blow quicker, however, because they don't have the same perception of mortality or death.

Rainbow Dash, we can assume, would deal with loss in a less mature, more "masculine" manner. She'd rather be angry than sad, deny reality instead of come to terms with it, and lash out at those trying to help her instead of seeking solace and comfort. To her, not being able to handle it alone would be a sign of weakness, and as we all know, Rainbow Dash is anything but weak. She is a mare that doesn't cry, and hates it when something makes her feel emotional. She wasn't prepared for this to happen, and when it did it shook her to the very core.

So, personally, I think you captured it well for her. It would be a similar situation if she got rejected from the Wonderbolts (which I thought this was, at first). She would be confused at first, wondering how it could possibly be that she, the best young flier in all of Equestria could possibly be rejected; it'd have to be some kind of mistake. Then she'd be angry and destructive, doing anything she could to just keep the torment of disappointment at bay. She'd snap at those wishing to give her comfort. And then would come the inconsolable grief, the bargaining, the acknowledgement that, yes, this did indeed happen. And she'd be devastated for a long time after because of just how hard it hit her.

Begs the question: How would Pinkie Pie deal with loss? Would she try to laugh it off for as long as she could? Or Rarity? Would she be the most mature, and simply come to accept fate all the sooner? Would she be the quickest to bounce back? Fluttershy, I imagine, could cope quite well. She has to deal with the loss of animal friends on a near-daily basis, simply by virtue of what she is. Is the most frail of the Six the most prepared for loss?

Well, anyway, wonderful story. I'm glad I read it, and I'm glad you wrote it the way you did. The "letter-writing" concept was a stroke of genius. The only thing that could have possibly made it more convincing would have been if you could have somehow included teardrops on the page towards the bottom of the fic. A few jpegs perhaps. Just something to make it more convincing that she's finally broken down and knows it's all real, it's all happening, and she wasn't ready for it.

Well done.

Happy writing!
-TUC

5631552

You are a Frick-Frackin genius.

If I had read this story a couple years ago. I would've ended up sad but it wouldn't have resonated as well.

Then someone close to you dies and shit is never the same.

It wasn't like I blind to death. Three people I knew died before my grandmother but it was something I felt sorrowful about, had a moment of silence and left it at that. But then my grandmother dies and everything in the world just fucking changed like that.

I know what Rainbow Dash went through here. I didn't lash out but I did feel ashamed because there was shit I could've said to her or things I could've done before she passed and I didn't get the chance to.

What a fantastic use of vernacular! Holy cow. Your use of half-finished thoughts builds up tension really well to the final resolution. I love how you do this--it makes Dash's anger so much more real. Plus it's totally in-character of her to have trouble articulating herself in this way. Even though the ending line wasn't really unexpected, you set it up in a way that still gave it a ton of punch power. Congratulations dude, this is a really well-crafted story.

Wow, that was way different from your usual stuff. It was really good too. What inspired you to make something so different ? Just a need to try something new, or is this influenced by reality? Either way, you freaking pwned it.

I honestly didn't expect the guy who came up with "Captain Steel DickPuncher" to make something so deep, but you more than pulled it off. See, this is why people don't believe you when you say you're stupid.

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