• Member Since 7th Jan, 2016
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I write what I want


Lightning Dust has hit rock bottom, drunk at a bar and complaining about her. After being carried home, her mom suggests something to her no self-proclaimed greatest flyer in Equestria would ever stoop to. Desperate, she might do it anyway.

Proofread by iAmSiNnEr

Narcotics tag for drunk Lightning Dust.

Cover art by Puetsua. Source.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 23 )
Orrm #1 · Sep 3rd, 2020 · · 8 ·

Ah yes, the one who was punished for endangering civilians in a military sanctioned area.

An area, the civilians shouldn't have been in to begin with.

That entire episode would be the equivalent of a drone being decommissioned for shooting civilians who were trespassing on a military compound.

Very fair, I must say.

Nepotism is magic.

agreed, lightning dust really did get shafted during the Academy

Oh it was Rainbow Dash

Twilight, as Celestia's Student probably, has access to anywhere she wants. And due to them being the Wielders of the Elements of Harmony are probably more considered military assets as they are vital to the safety of Equestria.

Orrm #5 · Sep 4th, 2020 · · 2 ·

Hence Nepotism.

Their status doesn't make their actions any more illegal, nor does it make Dust any more liable for any damage to their health or danger to their wellbeing due to their actions.

Put simply, they're well-connected enough that they can arbitrarily lynch anyone who they dislike.

That's all it is.

I'm a simple carbon-based lifeform. I see "Lightning Dust" and I read. You get a thumbs up.

this story was great!

This story was pretty good, but I have some critiques/advice.

There's an easy trap writers fall into, myself very much included, where you can rush through a scene or story. I'm not saying devote entire paragraphs to setting and character descriptions, especially for minor characters or short scenes. But a sentence or two to give the reader at the very least an impression of where everyone is and what they look like is, in my opinion, a good idea. Also consider pacing out certain scenes a little longer, like the annual Equestrian Flight Team Championships. Just a few paragraphs of the team going through their routine, Lightning Dust worrying about how she's flying, how her teammates are flying, not looking at the crowd, things like that.

Again, a pretty good story overall.

i would disagree, while the Mane 6 may have been trespassing into Academy airspace, there were also other trainees in the area at the same time that Lightning pulled her little stunt with the tornado, she also lost control of said tornado, thus endangering herself, her wing mare, Rainbow, and every other trainee in the operation zone at the time. added to that is that this incident was not in any way isolated, but the latest in a long line of dangerous and reckless activity that was bound to end up getting somepony seriously hurt or killed...Lightnings dishonorable discharge from Wonderbolts Academy was fully justified, a flight team cant afford to have some hot headed sky jockey in their formation any more than a military combat flight unit can

All of this talk about nepotism and favoritism and I’m just sitting here trying to write out my feelings on my lackluster drumline career. It’s one thing when it happens in a show, it’s a whole other thing when it happens to you 4-5 times and you feel the consequences for several months. It’s even worse when you can’t go back and try again, no matter how much you want to.

I had to learn the hard way that if I’m too prideful to join a smaller group, I’ll never make the better ones. Although I’m grateful for the opportunities I did take, I wish I learned my lesson before it was too late.


Spitfire openly encouraged Lighting´s attitude rather than curbing it as was her duty. Worse, she left them training without a proper instructor to prevent incidents like the one which happened. When shit hit the fan and discovered high profile civilians including Celestia´s personal student nearly got killed because her incomptetence, Spits did what any other captain would have done in her place: shifting the blame to the lowest denominator.

Orrm #12 · Sep 4th, 2020 · · 1 ·

It appears pony land isn't as far removed form reality than one would believe.

Perhaps it is just as, if not more twisted than our own.

On that note. Was it ever really clarified they had no right to be there? I'm serious.

Was there ever really a reveal that civillians are not allowed to drop by for visits, and that it's not something people started telling themselves to shift the blame from Lightning Dust onto Rainbow Dash's friends?

I actually just remembered something. Civilians in real life can gain legal access to a military base, usually to make use of the shopping center there, as long as they have the proper Identification. Usually it is by having a special ID a family member in the military can get for themselves and you if your are married to them, like my grandmother to my grandfather, or under their care, like me as my grandparents had guardianship of me. He was able to still get these IDs for him and us even after he retired. We were even still able to use the ones we had until they expired after he died.

Going by this real world example, Twilight could have has such Identification due to being Celestia's Student, or he brother being Captain of the Guard.

There is also one other Possibility. Shining Armor was Married to Cadence by that point as it took place in Season 3. Twilight could have essentially been considered royalty by that point even though she herself wasn't a Princess yet.

It's okay, but like others have said, it's pretty rushed. You could've expanded on this quite a bit.

Funny enough, I had a proofreader and a reviewer call me out on that or similar stuff already. Guess it’s time to change my ways.

This actually took me a week longer than I expected. I got caught between delaying it more or polishing what I had into something publishable. At the time, I justified it since those scenes don’t make up the heart of the story. I also didn’t know what I wanted for those scenes, so instead of dreading over them, I skipped over them.

Even now I’m tempted to change it, but I think it’s best to leave it be and push forward.

Hello, I've posted a review of your story in the My Little Reviews and Feedback group. I hope you find it helpful. :twilightsmile:

The biggest weakness of this story is how much telling instead of showing it does.

This is, I think, a function of how short it is. It might be an interesting project to use this story as an outline for a longer, multi-chapter story that takes the time for more a thorough look at this arc of Lightning Dust's life.

Oh yeah, I could've definitely expanded upon the Cloudsdale Fly Team, how they function differently, and what kinds of ponies join them. I could've also gone into much more detail about how the competitions work too. At the same time, I took what I learned here and applied it to The Cab Ride and a Night Train, which ended up being twice as long and better received according to the comments. Although I could turn this into something longer, I have at least five other story ideas I want to write at the moment. I also want to respect my older stories and treat their flaws as lessons rather than problems to fix. It's why I have a section of my user page devoted to my blunders. That being said, there is another story idea of mine that might delve deep into what inspired this story.

Thanks for the feedback.


This doesn't even count that Rainbow Dash also help created that tornado...Yet, only Lightning Dust got punishment and Rainbow Dash got praise and was promoted to lead pony.

What ironic the most is that Rainbow Dash said "And if being reckless is what gets rewarded around here, if that's what it means to be a Wonderbolt, then I don't want any part of it."

She said like she isn't this 'reckless' too....

RaInbow only went along with the tornado idea because she had been led to believe that proving herself to be Wonderbolt material meant pushing herself like Lightning Dust (and therefore supporting whatever high-risk insanity she came up with).

Either way, the fact that Spitfire had no objection to the tornado until Rainbow explained how it endangered her friends (who weren't even there when it was first created) strongly implies that no actual rules had been broken. So kicking her out without giving her a proper chance to learn from her mistakes is kind of hard to justify.

go drunk, you're home!

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