• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2016
  • offline last seen Last Friday

The Bricklayer


Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (He/Him & They/Them)

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Rainbow Dash has a secret. One untold to the world, except for one pony and one pony alone, her wife Fluttershy. There's a reason Scootaloo is more like Rainbow then unlike her. And as for that secret? Scootaloo is her daughter. Long ago, after a night of passion with a mare who's name she's long since forgotten, Scootaloo was left on her doorstep nine months later. Problem is, Rainbow was always afraid she'd turn out like her father, who was an abusive drunk, and because of that fear of turning out like her father she gave Scootaloo up for adoption. But when she learns the cycle is repeating in Scootaloo's home by the parents who were supposed to love and care for her, Rainbow must finally face her demons in that old Poison Whiskey...

FlutterDash Scootadopt story. Inspired by RuinQueenofOblivion's Please Forgive Me. Collaboration with RuinQueenofOblivion, a pegasister far more talented than I, and in the later chapters, Shadowmane PX-41, someone who I never knew had such a dark and twisted mind. Warnings: Filly abuse, drunk ponies, and mild language.

Reached over 1,000 views: Hooray!

2,000 views... Damn....

Chapters (19)
Comments ( 238 )

Well this is an interesting start.

I often see stories with Flutershy being Scootaloo's mother and not so often either I see a FlutterDash story, so at least there is a little more originality going forward here.

You seem to miss this little correction I made.

to keep our minds on the storm

off

7937609 Damn, it's always something.:facehoof: Yeah, I do see quite a few stories with Fluttershy being Scootaloo's mother, and not so many FlutterDash stories, dunno why as they work soooo well together.:fluttershysad::rainbowkiss:

Its a good chapter, great start to the fic, and I'm pretty sure I can do the same theme for the chapter titles, just gotta figure out what to use and where to go from here.

The long description really needs to be revised. It tells a few story elements that should be left in the story, and is... vastly confusing at some parts, which makes the story look less appealing before someone even gets to reading it. Try cleaning that up?

7938134 Well, to be fair the entire story is an adaption of a song, so I wanted to keep some of the song lyrics in, only altered to fit the MLP world, and as for the part about some of the spoilers, I admit that could have been kept secret, but I wanted to let readers know the main reason for Rainbow's actions right off the bat. This isn't a mystery story after all, more of a family drama type tale. Although any suggestions on how to clean it up would be appreciated.:twilightsmile:

7938208 Believe me, I will. And thanks for the fave, man!

Huh this is a interesting start, I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

In the synopsis, why'd you capitalize Poison Whiskey?

7941015 Because it's the title of the song this story is based on.

7937663 Yeah, I was hoping you would. I've already got some songs picked out after a bit of thinking to be used as chapter titles. Here's what I got so far for us to try and work with. I want to try and get lyrics from the songs at the beginning of every chapter like I did here with the prologue.

Flying High Again (Ozzy Osbourne)
Devil in the Bottle (Lynyrd Skynyrd version)
Shelter from the Storm (Bob Dylan)
It serves you right to suffer (John Lee Hooker)
Ain't it a Sin (Charles Bradley)

7941084 Nice, I still have to start my chapter, sorry, been a long week.

7941118 Just got my next chapter finished and sent off to my proofreader, basically what I think we can do is take turns with chapters after this next one. You write one, I write one, then you write one, etc...

7945210 Mind you, you probably won't see the chapter posted until tomorrow, as this being somewhat of a romance story, I think it only appropriate it being posted on Valentine's Day.

7945247 Probably about the only good thing I'll get of this Valentine's day...:fluttershysad: Well, that and getting the bloody air conditioner finally fixed...

7945248 Well, if you like OctaScratch, I have some of that planned

7945284 Okay, I'm intrigued... Octavia stories are always fun. Such a classy pony.

Good chapter, always glad to see Scoots getting love, I'll start on the next chapter as soon as I figure out what to do.

Also I liked Spike referring to her as FlutterDash, that was cute.

7945969 Cuteness and meta jokes in one line! Always fun to do, if not difficult.

Well I see you ignored or change in other ways some of the parts I highlighted for you. I still think the "Tortoise and the Hare" part is badly imbricated and should have been write either for another chapter or separated in it's own paragraph. But let see what the other viewers think about it.

I do find interesting your view on the part about the pegasi's and their diet. not personally sharing your head cannon here, but learning from another fic that equines and cervids are opportunistic carnivores, I find it quite adequate.

7945996 Yeah, I tried to keep as close to your suggestions as possible, but made my own changes so I wasn't totally copying them. And as for the Tortoise and the Hare bit, I wanted a legitimate reason for Angel to dislike Tank and as I don't think I'll have anywhere else to put it in, as this story is focused on the main characters and the drama between them, a chapter devoted solely to humor just wouldn't fly very well as I learned from Broken Diamond. It'd be just one Big Lipped Alligator Moment.

When will you have Rainbow Dash tell Scootaloo the truth

7946055 To be honest, I want Scootloo to find out the truth from some other pony, might create more drama that way.

7946202 So either Fluttershy or overhearing? Cause you said only Fluttershy knows

7946260 That, or Scootaloo looks up her birth records somehow.

7946427 either way she's going to feel pissed and betrayed

Poor Scootaloo :fluttercry: Looks likes Rainbow's gomna have to deal with this the hard way:flutterrage:

Poor Scoots, I know there's a few stories out there that toy with this idea, but this is shaping up to be one of the most impacting I've found.

This is a really good story:)

Please continue

Dang, I really should've made this chapter longer, sorry.

From now on if my chapters are too short you can add to them if you feel its necessary, or ask me to write more.

Dream of the sky. Make me believe that this place is implague day the poison in me! Help me decide if my fire will burn out before you can breathe! BREATHE INTO ME!!!! I!!! STAND ALONE!!! INSIDE! I!!! STAND ALONE!!! Everything that I believe is fading, I!!! STAND ALONE!! INSIDE!! I!!! STAND ALONE!!!




Also, this is amazing!! More please!!

Oh so it was your friend's chapter. No wonder it didn't went through me for proofreading, though I didn't find any mistake in it.

Well although short, it still a good chapter. Tough I am surprised Rainbow didn't get in trouble when the guards arrived. She was involve in a brawl.

7992253 Well, to be fair I think the Guards are probably smart enough to figure out why she was brawling with Scootaloo's adoptive parents.

7991925 Also I think the guards would have been sent by Luna, sorry I didn't think of that before

Ha, I was right with the penguin being a Neon Genesis Evangelion reference. Though did thought it might have been a reference to Gunther from Adventure Time.

That was harsh on Cloud Kicker, totally deserve to be fired, but that last comment on her, still harsh.

Also still believe that fillynapping comment holds no ground.

7996416 Well, in Scare Master we did see a ponified version of Rei, so Fluttershy naming a penguin Pen-Pen isn't that far out of the realm of imagination... And as for Rainbow's comment, you have to remember she's already in a bad mood from dealing with Scootaloo's parents, so Cloud Kicker's stupidity was probably just the last straw before she finally exploded at somepony, and Cloud Kicker just so happened to be that unlucky somepony.

Kinda have to agree with Black_Knight, at least with the context... but anyway, good chapter... I will try and work on my next chapter soon, but I kinda want to work on something else... I'll see what I can do.

7996713 If it's okay with you, can you make the next chapter just shameless cuteness instead of drama filled like the last couple of chapters have been?

7997483 Thanks. God knows this story needs more cuteness.

7997483 Even got the perfect song for you to use for your next chapter.

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