• Member Since 1st Aug, 2019
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

applezombi


I just realized everything I write comes back to guilt, shame, regret, or grief. Um... should I be worried about that?

T

Things rarely end well after you punch a journalist, even if you are a celebrity stunt flyer.

Finding herself suddenly alone and without plans on Hearth's Warming, Spitfire latches on to an offer from a friend to do a little favor for Princess Twilight; act as a bodyguard and escort for a very strange VIP while Twilight and some friends sort out a little friendship problem in another dimension.

Turns out this favor is a little more dangerous, and a lot more fun, than she expected.

(Sex tag is for lots of flirting and innuendo)

Editing provided by Aurora Dawn


This was written for forbloodysummer as a part of Jinglemas 2020! For more information about Jinglemas, check out our group!

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 18 )

Spitfire? Losing her cool??
I bet that was EPIC!!!:rainbowlaugh:

Uh oh. This is going to be good...

Well that took quite a turn :rainbowderp:

This really feels to me like it needed probably just one more chapter to tidy things up. Especially this last one threw some heavier stuff out there--Aria maybe being dead, and the... admittedly vague implication that Adagio's current personality came about from being friendship lasered? That's not said outright, but if that's what they tried for her I sort of assume they did it to Adagio too. And if there's a chance that it could backfire as badly as it did with Sonata, then, like, wow that makes them look bad. So it made me a bit disappointed that none of this really gets explored much. Seemed like it'd be nice to see how people felt about some of that stuff. I struggle to see how there would've been space for it, though. The kiss at the end already felt kind of sudden, and I can't imagine that'd be helped by cutting or condensing anything earlier to make more room for a conclusion (In which case I'd probably have scrapped or at least downplayed the romance angle to make room for all that other stuff I think is more interesting, but I don't know for certain that you had that option).

I enjoyed this, though. Cool rendition of siren powers at the end, and Spitfire and Adagio had a fun dynamic throughout. I liked how understated a lot of the drama was, how there were brief moments where Adagio brought up something a bit heavier but it got back to fun banter quickly.

Spike makes a good foil for these two, being innocent and straight-laced.

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I second basically all of this.

That was a bit of a no ending sadly.

Ooh, this is looking good already. Spitfire punching a journalist. Can there be any better start to a story?

There were a lot of really good lines here :pinkiehappy: Great to see that she and Spitfire sizing each other up took all of two seconds, after which they became allies rather than rivals.

Adagio's reaction to the castle, and subsequent mention of her own, was spot on.

“Oh princess? I approve of this one. Feel free to scurry on about your friendship mission. I think this Spitfire will do nicely for my…” she breathed the last word. “…escort.”

This one in particular is very sharp!

You just know Spike sneaks out of the castle at night to urinate on fire hydrants. Tried it through the mirror, and now he can't help himself.

Thanks for writing this, I really enjoyed it! :pinkiehappy:

Of course, as soon as the first chapter suggested Adagio would be in witness protection, the thought was that Aria would be after her. Aria overpowers Adagio in a few stories, and it never sits that well with me, because she's so quick to back down in Rainbow Rocks. So that you instead went for Sonata, and mutated her into a monster of twisted innocence, was a really great move. It makes sense as something Adagio would legitimately turn to ponies for help with and then flee from without losing too much face. The hateful mist was a smart way to expand Spitfire's backstory without making a conversation of it, too, and that backstory fit well with her character.

I should possibly mention that we've met Spitfire's mother, Stormy Flare, before, so as of season five she's alive in canon :twilightsheepish: You could slap an AU tag on the story, but it doesn't seem worth it just for that little discrepancy.

I would agree that the ending felt abrupt, but you pushed the word limit to its absolute maximum. I'm so impressed you wrote as much as you did for a prompt, too. I figured most entries would be 1,000 words, but most I've seen have been closer to 5,000. You really went for it! If it did have to be trimmed down in order to retrofit a slightly expanded ending, then... I guess maybe the scene with Spike is least essential to the overall structure and could perhaps lose a few lines here and there? But it was a good idea to have him be the character that Adagio had already met, and I did not see it coming.

I must admit I'm a little iffy about Adagio apologising to Sonata, and that it's her behaviour that's partly responsible for Sonata's state. I prefer the view that it's some nightmare magic thing gone wrong and amped up Sonata's childish cluelessness as well as her strength. Mostly because I think Adagio's treatment of Sonata wasn't really seen enough in the story for that to feel like it fit with why she was how she was. All we've seen of Adagio in the story, regarding her attitude to love, has been her being flirtatious, maybe even a bit scandalous. But there hasn't been anything unhealthy in it, so the revelation that she at least partly did that to Sonata perhaps wasn't as satisfying as it could have been?

But I really liked Sonata going into that primal form. Because she had a point. A siren, on the most basic level, sees love and tries to squeeze the life out of it. And dropping the implication that Aria (and by extension, perhaps Sunset and Twilight as well) had already been killed in that fashion was an effective way to fuel that Adagio and Spitfire were in real danger.

Tone-wise, I think this was a real success. The switch from flirty shipping to action and darkness was instant, but there'd been enough foreshadowing that it really worked. Yet at the same time, not so much foreshadowing that it seemed inevitable. Especially with you leaving it until the last chapter, I thought we'd finish the story without ever learning what Adagio was running from or why Spitfire was alone. Even if there had been room for a bigger ending, rounding things off with the couple beyond Spitfire's few lines on the verge of unconsciousness would be very tricky while still keeping the seriousness of what had just transpired.

The characterisation I thought was solid all around. Adagio adapting immediately to her new body when it came to a sensual walk was a great touch, as was her then backsliding when Sonata appeared, and suddenly she was in an alien body in an alien world in front of a very dangerous threat, and rightly scared. Spitfire was just great. I liked how you showed how much she and Adagio had in common, but still kept them firmly distinct and different from each other. Especially in the early scene with Sunset, when you had three potentially similar characters all in one scene, and they didn't step on each others' toes.

And the shipping was just right. They didn't take it too seriously but were happy to have fun together. They each pushed and pulled. They didn't try to one-up each other to the point of too much escalation for the story. I liked that they were witty with their use of double-entendres rather than sleazy, and never ended up sounding like teenagers.

Oh, and the plot setup! These characters are so well matched, they just suffer the terrible romantic fate of living in different worlds. The idea of Spitfire serving as a bodyguard for a hiding Adagio was the most creative explanation for them being together I have ever seen. It also made a great setup for a story. Great job!

Thank you so much for writing this, it was just what I wanted and made me really happy :pinkiehappy:

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I should possibly mention that we've met Spitfire's mother, Stormy Flare, before, so as of season five she's alive in canon :twilightsheepish: You could slap an AU tag on the story, but it doesn't seem worth it just for that little discrepancy.

Guess I should have mentioned this takes place after that. One of the voices when Spitfire is inhaling the mist mentions an accident happening to Stormy Flare.

I must admit I'm a little iffy about Adagio apologising to Sonata, and that it's her behaviour that's partly responsible for Sonata's state. I prefer the view that it's some nightmare magic thing gone wrong and amped up Sonata's childish cluelessness as well as her strength. Mostly because I think Adagio's treatment of Sonata wasn't really seen enough in the story for that to feel like it fit with why she was how she was.

Honest to Celestia I love Adagio as a character, and as a villain, but her relationship with the other sirens is toxic and borderline abusive in canon. Too many authors who 'redeem' sirens seem to gloss over this bit, and even if I was going to write an Adagio that's not exactly a bad guy, there was no way I was going to let her slide on that little issue.

The corruption of Equestrian magic in the human world always seems to target the darkest desires and impulses of its victims (Midnight Sparkle, Gloriosa Daisy, etc.). So I asked, what would it draw out of Sonata? Ultimately I decided on a fragmented and twisted view of love, as created by years of verbal/emotional manipulation and a codependent relationship with her sisters. Any hope of a true sisterhood between the two of them in the future would have to begin with an acknowledgement of the abuse that has gone on.

And yeah, the biggest struggle here was the word count. When I finished the narrative I was nearly 400 to 500 words over. :twilightblush: I have a hard time thinking small.

Pretty good overall, but definitely need one more chapter or so to be really great

Yeah, this needs one more chapter, it feels rather incomplete.

This was awesome.

But short. Too short. Needed another chapter or two for resolutions.

* inhales *
Adagio as a unicorn in socks, if you are real, take me by my hand and have your way with me.

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Probably not, I'm sorry.

But maybe someday I might add an epilogue. Several of the comments have suggested things are a little too unfinished. I don't have a timeframe on that, though.

Meanwhile, if you like uncommon Dazzling ships, may I recommend my own Consonance and Dissonance?

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