The passage of time is so much more glacial, so much more painful, when a loved one is in danger and you know there's nothing you can do to change it.
Bon Bon has disappeared on another 'secret mission', and Lyra is done. This time, she's going to confront her wife. This time, she's going to change things.
If only she knew when Bon Bon was coming home.
Written for a Quills and Sofas speedwrite event.
Prereading by Holtinator, AuroraDawn, Nailah, Decaf, Vis-A-Viscera, and Atom Smash. Also Ninjadeadbeard and SigmasonicX
Chapters (1)
Emotionally gripping and brilliantly written. I enjoyed helping pre-read this one a lot!
Great job with this story! You did good work with the dialogue.
Dang that was sad so Lyra is not only upset but also worried that Bonbon will never come back and she even hurt herself in the process from frustration and anger bon bon never wanted to hurt her it's just things just happen and she even think of quitting if this is going to ruin their marriage despite that how much he likes this job but show sacrifices that for a Lyra man that was pretty story nice job
This was another brilliant showcasing of just how talented you are. The way the narrative just oozes of the struggle of an established relationship really feels gripping, and intiivating. I especially enjoyed how you handled the dilemma that neither one is really in the wrong here. Truly, this is easily a favorite!
Uh...don't get me wrong, this is well-written and all, but that ending, that "do what I want or I leave"...
That's emotional blackmail. That's a classic abuser tactic for getting what you want, especially with Lyra turning on a dime from "emotionally frustrated" to "completely calm and controlled", which makes everything she said and did beforehand sound completely hollow and insincere. This relationship is already dead, they just don't realize it yet. Bon Bon had a point when she said Lyra knew who she was marrying, a point that never gets a satisfying conclusion, and this kind of work is not something you just leave behind - both because you probably have obligations to fulfill, and because this is a career you choose because you believe in what you can do. Giving it up at the drop of a hat doesn't feel right.
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Honestly, I wonder if that is the intended point. It does reek of abusive tactics, but maybe that's because the story wants to write of the abusive tactic in such a way as to hide it under what seems like veritable compromise.
Even as Lyra may be correct in her being upset, I can't deny that there's a level of toxicity with this relationship. It's fascinating as a plot point but it does come with no small amount of caution.
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I mean, kind of? It's not so much that Lyra wants to control Bon Bon, she just can't handle the stress of not knowing if her wife is alright whenever she goes on a mission. The part that makes less sense to me is Lyra's threat of leaving if Bon Bon doesn't retire from monster hunting, since they clearly still love eachother dearly. A more appropriate response would've been Lyra threatening to go with her on missions, so she'd always be there. That way, Bon Bon would likely realize exactly what she was putting her wife through and quit more voluntarily.
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The unhealthy state of their marriage was indeed very intentional. Lyra never would have asked Bon Bon to quit; Bon Bon brings it up and Lyra merely agrees. Also Lyra was threatening to leave if Bon Bon kept hiding it, not if she kept going.
That being said, this marriage is headed for disaster if they don't get some sort of therapy.
Ultimately, I wanted the reader to empathize with Lyra, while at the same time knowing that she doesn't really get a halo here, if that makes sense.
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If that was your goal, you definitely did a great job. Like you said, this marriage is a disaster waiting to happen.
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There's actually a story by G.M. Berrow (Lyra and Bon Bon and the Mares from S.M.I.L.E.) where Lyra does become an agent, kind of involuntarily (well, she's kinda forced into it, but also is happy to do it). If I remember correctly, a bugbear attacks Bon Bon at their own house (this was before the marriage happened and they just lived together as roommates) and she needs to resort to her secret agent tactics to get rid of it, and Lyra wonders what was going on. One of Bon Bon's fellow agents comes to their house and then says that they need to wipe Lyra's memory, which would wipe their whole friendship away. The only other alternative is for Lyra to become an agent herself, and obviously that's what they choose. It's... okay. Kids' reading level, obviously.
Not gonna lie, when I read the title and saw the cover image you used, I assumed the 'Soulless Mechanical Sounds' were going to be Lyra opening her mouth and dial-up tones screeching out because it wasn't actually Lyra anymore, just a mechanical monster that took her place and that Bon Bon would have to fight. This definitely went in a different direction from what I originally imagined.
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I dont remember that comic
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).
It isn't a comic, it's a book, one of a series of chapter books (and wow, did I get the start of it wrong
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thx, im gona read it..
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Just not one I would write, lol.
Admittedly, that also sounds like a great idea!
Damn, relationships are hard.
oof, more than four hours! and i do wonder why Bon Bon cared about having that mechanical sound.
aww, subconsciously drawing her wife’s cutie mark!
oof, i feel quite uneasy at this. Lyra breaking her wife’s things feels uncomfortably close to being a proxy for being worse
this is very effectively written. i feel as if i am in the room with Lyra and Bon Bon and all of the tension and awfulness of that conversation that feels like a euphemism to call a conversation. this means that i felt, to my bones, the horror of watching a moment of emotional abuse.
i can empathize with Lyra’s worry if it was just that, but the mix of premeditated calculation about deciding to leave and the taking out her anger at objects that was not immediately followed up by concern about her own behavior (not an uncontrolled outburst she is trying to restrain, but something more) really clouds that read for me. and seeing this happen in a ship i love this much does twist the knife.
this is a testament to how well you executed the writing of this scene! it was powerful and haunting and awful to watch, and i felt nothing but dread and worry for Bon Bon.