• Member Since 19th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Lynwood


Just trying to be better.

T

Rainbow Dash's morning was pretty much ruined.
She tripped getting out of bed and landed flat on her face, giving herself an aching muzzle.
She forgot to buy her favorite brand of hay flakes at the store yesterday and had to eat plain toast for breakfast.
She found out she had to pull double-duty today and tomorrow on the weather patrol.
Oh, and she found a nearly-dead foal, broken and bleeding at the edge of Ponyville.

The rest of her day became a whirlpool of stress and worry but the colt woke up, thank Celestia.
Something's not right, though. Nopony can find his parents, he's not in the registers, and there's an unsettling look in his eye...

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 1479 )

Well this is interesting.

Good shit.
~ Yr. Pal, B

I didn't know you could have a Drama and a Slice of Life tag at the same time.

I really like everything about this so far, from Gabriel's personality to the interactions between Sandy and Dash. Can't wait to see more!

Read the first three chapters, despite the very rough confusing start(I think a prologue could help), I think the story in interesting. The limited third perspective, with knowing little about the colt who is apparently a brony turn pegasus colt. SO, I expect to see some slip up on his part at some point. I wonder how they think they could coax Gab to tell everything?

From the chronology it sounds like it's only some time during season one, I wonder if RD is going to have to do adjustments to being a mother figure despite being a low maintenance colt, will she have to abandoned her hopes of becoming a Wonderbolt for him? I wonder if she will seriously consider finding a colt friends to help out? Not a thrill seeker like like you would expect I would guess that Thunderlane could be an interesting choice seeing that he is looked up by his brother Rumble so he might just know how to best manage a colt if the fan theory is that he is raising his brother a lot or mostly, RD might have him to rely for support and advice.

I wonder if Scoodaloo will be envious of living with her idol, and I will be looking forward to see how her parents will react to seeing that RP is the foster mother for her, I am sure it will be VERY energetic.

It would be funny if it turns out that Gabriel is afraid of heights, I wonder if pegasis do in fact throw their foal off a clouds, I am sure it will be a funny scene. I wonder if the social service mare is going to try to get RD and Gab to do a lot of physical work out together as a form a bonding or something.

Gabriel? That's a griffon name!

For a good while I was wondering if I would see a "Human In Equestria" fic where we would see more the story flowing from the point of view of the ponies rather than the point of view of the human, not counting my first story. You did good, like and tracking.

i really think this is an interesting take on this. He knows the show but that's not the only thing about him. he has a past that is important to THIS story and his personality suggests he may actually be a child.

This is gonna be an interesting story.

I wonder what ol'Celestia will have to say about all this.

Well I see why this was in featured. Have a fave and track as you definitely got my interest despite the rough edges which I'm sure will wear off over time.

Top of the box and this motherfucker was worried.

Aldon #13 · March 16th · · 2 · Overhead ·

"Gabriel."

WTF!! my name is Gabriel :rainbowderp:

So far so amazing.
Can't wait to see how this plays out

Ooh, this is pretty good. Not often a HiE fic really grabs my attention like this.

Very interesting...I really think Gabriel is not exactly a kid...maybe young, but not 12 exactly (complete and random guess tho)

Can't wait for the next chapters :pinkiecrazy:

Aight, you got me hooked!

JackRipper
Moderator

Very promising stuff.

This might be one of the most well executed versions of this story I've seen in a long long while. You have already managed to hook me masterfully and I look forwards to more.

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Thank you! <3 I'm glad to see I piqued some interest!

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It's always wonderful to hear people's thoughts on my work. Thanks!

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:rainbowderp:

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Luv ya, homie.

Very well written. I could feel Dash's emotions as she waited and waited for the colt to be alright. And the final moments when he woke up, oh you just knew what his mind was going through. Very uniquely done too; you don't see many HIE fics that have the human just react realistically. :ajsmug:

Zero dislikes? Well shit guess I'm reading this

This is a wonderful start to a story! I got hooked immediately with Gabriel's past whether he is telling the truth or not. Maybe a mix of both too?

This is a great idea for a story, not only because it allows writer to detach himself from all that internal edgy dialogue! Well executed too so far! Good read.

Alright just finished reading. I'll be watching you

Interesting.
After one chapter you’ve already peaked my interest, that is an impressive feat indeed. :rainbowderp:
Now my friend, well...

Now you’ve got my attention...

I read all three chapters in about 8 minutes. I am surprised to say I find myself genuinely intrigued and interested in this unfolding story. I shall keep watching. For now, have a Like. The Fav will come later, hopefully.

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Congratulations my dude:pinkiehappy:, it appears that one of the few (and I mean FEW:rainbowderp:) legends have been found :yay:.

“A surprise to be sure, bu a welcome one.”
:twilightsmile:

Oh that's good, been looking for a story to look forward to, and there it is

Strong start, please don't forgot to finish it!

I love this story! Looking forward to further updates

Can't wait for more, really got invested in Gabe's story and excited to see the shenanigans that he and rainbow get up to

this is top on featuring, even beats clops

Great start so far, I'll follow this with great interest

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even beats clops

I don't mind being second to this. It's quality.

This got my attention. Definitely tracking and awaiting further updates :)

Looking forward to more!

I love it!

Eagerly awaiting more!

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I'm flattered. Thank you!

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I think you'll be happy to hear that the whole fic is written! I'll be releasing chapters as I edit and polish them, so stay tuned.

Still interesting. My only concern is Rainbow's thoughts, they're often in whatever paragraph they feel like (even in ones that aren't "hers") :twilightblush:

Very nice, I look forward to more, have a like and a favorite.

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I think you'll be happy to hear that the whole fic is written! I'll be releasing chapters as I edit and polish them, so stay tuned.

You have absolutely no idea how happy I am to hear those words. My days of being blue-balled by forever incomplete fics are over (at least, for now)!

Also, I just want to commend you on your style. I love how tight and concise your writing is. It reminds me of George Orwell's advice, when he said, "If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out."

SQA

I'm loving this

I foresee a whole bunch of new colorful metaphors being taught to the CMC in 3....2....1.... :applecry::scootangel::unsuresweetie: :rainbowwild::pinkiegasp:

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