• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago


Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)


As Rainbow Dash takes a nap, Rarity has some tea with friends.

There’s nothing going on, there are absolutely no stakes whatsoever, and they still manage to bring doom to all of Equestria.

Written before "Crusaders of the Lost Mark", so a small little tiny bit contradicts canon now. Sorry for that!

Proofread by Neko Majin C.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 199 )

Clearly nothing bad will happen. The description says so.

Everything bad happened.

Before I read this:

The chapter says it's 6,205 words long.
The story itself says it's 10,409 words long. Wat.

(Note that, if the missing words are an unpublished chapter.... Well, I've never noticed that before!)

And suddenly, author's note. .... Which means it is something I've never noticed before. Hmm.

Anyway, I rather enjoyed this, and look forwards to the next chapter!



Should be fixed now!


Also I edited my comment after reading the author's note.

I love insane stuff like this and I love you for writing it! :heart:

“So!” Rarity smashed the table, and Diamond Tiara flinched away.

Wow, she's strong.

I envy you. I could never disengage my mind from my fingers long enough to create something this magnificently bizarre. That may not sound like it, but I really do mean it as a compliment. I look forward to more.


Diamond Tiara's a horrible little troll who needs to die before she grows up. Sweetie Belle should be institutionalized…though I agree, Rarity probably should have asked for help.
I don't understand the last two lines of the story.


The apple went full bad.

It's speaking in Pfrench.

This literally had me going in the pattern of 'What-the-fuck' to 'breathless'.

In a godamn loop...

“Well, I said I’d try. Maybe I could use something to sound more convincing, though… Like, I don’t know. A private field In the West, just for me and my animals, for example.”

did fluttershy just offer to be bribed?

I have no idea what I just read...

...But I love it! :pinkiehappy:


But seriously, nicely done.

Ugh. And there's no random rag? Really? The entire basis of humor here is increasingly ridiculous points of absurdity. This is as random as it gets. While the characters might not be totally OOC per se, the world and setting is. A poor effort overall.

6498865 Didn't Mayor Mare say she didn't like her because she couldn't be bribed? :rainbowlaugh:

DT is freaking evil. So when do daddy's hitmen show up?


Ugh. And there's no random rag? Really?

Neh, I never use that tag if I can avoid it. While I understand that for some people this story counts as random, it has an internal logic (surreal as it is). I always think that "random" evokes absolutely no foreshadowing for what is going to happen.

So if in the middle of the fic Rarity turns into a human for no reason and everybody continues as if nothing had happened, the random tag applies. Without it, though, it's just a really weird comedy, at least in my book.

This rustles my jimmies.

In a good way.

This whole story is absolutely ridiculous...

That is why I enjoy it. :pinkiehappy:

6499118 that was the point of my comment

6499189 And now between the two of us no one can miss it! :raritywink:

This was too funny. I eagerly away chapter 2 of this.

I somehow feel that this is really deep in a way I don't yet understand. I'm really looking forward to the conclusion.

Damn, I didn't even notice. :facehoof:
This is one of the things I love most about Aragon's stories. These little details that seem nonsensical at first, but actually are referenced in another part of the story with hilarious effect. (if you aren't too dumb/ tired to notice)

Well then. I think there's going to be a new world order...in the Apple's trees.

And I'm not just talking Sweet Apple Acres either. :pinkiecrazy:

I'm just too confused to be invested in this...

This is fantastic.
The characters are recognisable, but with just enough twist in them to make hilarious. The flow and pacing is also excellent, and the dialogue is top notch.
10 outta 10.

And the little Applejack interludes are decent breathers, also a good idea.

Well, sh**. Why do I even bother checking my feed before going to bed? Oh gawds. I swear, seeing your avatar made me click on this story. That Rarity face made me want to check it out. That desciption was cute, and then you had to tag the story with Diamond Tiara to boot? Yeah, thanks. Not like I've been out all day busting my rear and then having to do month's worth of grocery shopping and THEN having to put all that stuff away AND THEN almost fall asleep in the tub... No, I totally needed some awesome writer dishing out a Rarity story, with Rainbow Dash, AND tossing in Diamond Tiara stopping me from going to bed. Nope. Totally don't need sleep, not me!

No... not me. :twilightangry2:

THANKS! *mumble*stupidawesomewriter*mumble*abusingmyweaknesses*mumble*

Totally not being bias at all. No, totally not like I've been wishing for a story with Rarity and Diamond Tiara in some epic comedy or slice of life fic or pretty much anything. Freaking loving them. Just noticed Mayor Mare and Cheerilee in this. 5 out of 5 for best ponies? I died at Mayor Mare asking Cheerilee if DT goes to her school. Mayor Mare's response to Cheerilee's obvious "I run the *only* school in Ponyville." that was freaking cute.

Legal loophole. Loving this. xD
DT being slammed with DT's indestructible rump? Dang Cheerilee. You need a license to wield that thing. xD
Authenticity? Diamond Tiara is Donald Trump's worst nightmare. She's female and she's honest to a fault. xD
Can you make me add anymore crappy "xD"? Because damn I'm loving this masterpiece.

Oh snap... Mayor Mare... why you do that? Oh gawd...
Saved by a brilliant change of topic.
You get to live another day, Mayor.

“I am not going to check anything out, Dash. You’re an adult, and you should act like—wait a minute. Is… Is that an espalier branch with untrimmed twigs?”

You know, the moment I read Twi flying up to RD, I already began to facepalm at Applejack. You are a gift to Fimfiction and god am I happy to have had the honor of adding this to the group. Words are like comedic silk, so soft. So ticklish. <333


Diamond Tiara arched an eyebrow. “Wow. I actually find the condescending attitude more insulting than the direct attacks. Talk about good moral lessons, Miss Cheerilee.”

I know exactly how you feel, DT. *sigh*

Comparing dumping a boyfriend to severe property damage... wow.
Yeah, Rarity. Why you so neglectful?

“I think what Sour Chime did was reasonable,” Diamond Tiara said, looking at Mother with those big eyes that made her look like a sweet and innocent child, because the world is a treacherous and horrible place. “I would have done the same!

Mother patted DT on the head

Whelp. Rarity's mum is now officially as bad as mine and she has all my sympathy. Every. Last. Drop. Of sympathy. Be right back, going to forklift a few more pallets full of sympathy her way.


“My, my, Rarity.” Diamond Tiara said, shaking her head a little bit. “We all know Mayor Mare doesn’t know about families, but that was uncalled for!”

And this is where I had to get up and get a small towel to wipe the orange juice off my monitor that escaped through my nose. Thanks!

I just can't I can't anymore. I just got yelled at by my neighbor for doing the below and clapping loudly while going "OH SH** NO SHE DIDN'T! OH! BURRRRRNNNN! SOMEONE GET HER SOME BURN HEAL GOT MARE JUST GOT ROASTED~!!

You're officially my favorite person right now. *sniff* Where have you been all my life? (totally not being creepy at all...)
And yeah, I won't be drinking anything else until I'm done reading. This fic is too dangerous to eat and/or drink something while reading.

EDIT 7: Re-read that whole passage from that triggered Tiara. Damn it, Mare. You were saved. You were being let off the hook, a Rarity, and you had to go and poke the pink filly just one last time didn't you?

Well, if it's any consolation. You are best milf, Mayor. Younger stallions be all over you. Get SCANDALOUS with the secretary or intern.

Holy shite. Seriously, that was a beautiful and powerful moment this fic. Sweet Luna's frozen teets, that was just a work of art. We need to paint those words in the Cathedral. Just have people stare up to the divinity of Diamond's words. Sinners would stop sinning. Disasters would stop disastering. She'd make Tirek willingly want to go back to Tartaurus crying for a cage in a deeper hole within the bowels of hell just to be free of the The Pink One.

Well, back to pegasi doing pegasi things. Love this story. I can't imagine what a chapter 2 could possibly be like. :twilightoops:


“Wow. Fluttershy, that’s bold.”

“Well then, we got a deal! Also, remind me to show you this club I’m in later…”

Whelp. Things just got awesomer.


What even.





I think.

I don't think.

I am.

There is.










6499275 No one understands Aragon. No one!

:ajsmug: Wow. Such humor.

Gotta love fics that feature the same autistic writing of the asdf series. There are just so many lols to be had.

6499158 Good. Because nothing I'm reading feels remotely random. Some people just read words, not all can see what they form.

Make another story just about the tree society and applejacks troubles.


I completely agree. They should have named DT Old Yeller. Maybe there's time for a name change before taking her out back.

Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams would be proud. :eeyup:

It's so rare to come across absurdist pony fiction, let alone a story done this well. This is one of the best.


*Checks author*

Oh lawdy...
Well, let's get to it...

Also, I just can't get over your smug Pyrrha profile pic :rainbowlaugh:
One last thing:

whatever that is must have taken hours. I thought only serial killers took so much care about—”

. I think this is a Secret life of Rarity reference for some reason. It probably isn't. :derpytongue2:

I clicked on the story, read the description, then read the author. Still not sure which one convinced me to click that chapter title.

Classic Aragon. Waiting for that next chap.

Huh, I find myself strangely rooting for Rarity and AJ to team-up and go on a rampage. Possibly involving sacrificing Diamond Tiara to the god of fire so the tree-pegasus society can be burned to death.



...That's new.

You monster... You beautiful, beautiful monster...

Oh god, will someone please kill Diamond Tiara already.

Ok, not even I could follow that.

I can't tell if that makes this the worst fanfic I've ever read, or the best. :twilightoops:

Login or register to comment