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Aragon


Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW"


T

Derpy was just trying to make a sandwich. Vinyl was there too.

Now the world is ending.

Really, it's all their fault.


A stylistic tribute to Terry Pratchett.


Proofread by MrNumbers, Octavia Harmony, and TheMaskedferret.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 95 )

I have witnessed greatness...

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Best Derpy? Quite possibly. Thank you for a glorious jaunt about the depths of utter insanity.

Holy crap I think this is literally the best thing you've ever written. If I weren't so lazy I'd make a second account so I could favorite this twice. Notice my monotone use of punctuation. This is because no mere mortal punctuation can describe my feelings for this amazing story. Not even the mythical interrobang does this justice.

Mmmmmyes, this be a goodun one.

Funny, but got a bit too random in the long run.

Typos:
"drawers being open" => opened
"evil is nobile" - pretty sure you're not referring to the Italian aeronautical engineer and arctic explorer, given the lower case n. But if you are (would make as much sense as anything else in this story), always capitalize the first letter of names.
"screwing her parents you" => his parents
"When Depry lowered" => Derpy

5871348 "nobile" is a concept the story defines. Because no real spoilers, I'll tell you: it's the actual opposite of mobile, and it is evil. (Or rather, evil is it.)

WTF did I just read

There is no word in the Human language that I am currently aware of that could properly expressed just how confused and amused I am in reading this.

A pretty normal reaction to Aragon stories story's story? work (and the occasional blog), truth be told, but it bears repeating

The Beast roared. A ray of Oblivion [9] spurt from its body and hit Derpy square.
[...]
If Death strikes you, your existence ends. If Oblivion strikes you, you never existed in the first place.
[...]
You can’t maim us, or hurt us, or do anything. You can only kill.

Why didn't the Oblivion ray erase Derpy from existence?

Best portrayal of Derpy to date.

I have book marked this story to peruse at a later date for my own pleasure and when I'm not up to my fucking eyeballs in philosophy and the values of leisure and play.:flutterrage:

Which means I will read this for its own sake and not just because it's a means to an end.:rainbowhuh:

By jove! I think this studying lark might just be paying off!:derpytongue2:

Keep up the good work.:coolphoto:

Toodle pip:moustache:

5872256

Even if Oblivion strikes you, you still die and then your existence goes away. In that space, "existence" and "life" are more or less the same -- in other words: Oblivion is just a fancier Death. When Oblivion hit Derpy, she died, but she came back before being forgotten.

So yeah, the Madness Mountain can't even do that. What a lame-ass abomination.

Clearly you have studied under the genius of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams. Or you've never heard of them yet somehow write a lot like them anyway.

Either way, you are a master of mind-bending hilarity and I salute you!

Oh god my eyeballs are leaking

5873155
QUICK SHOW ME A PICTURE OF YOUR LEAKING BALLS.......ehhh i mean EYEBALLS

Comment posted by Disavowed ASH deleted Apr 17th, 2015

Wow, Just wow. what the holly f*ck have i just read? It make no f*cking sense... Just... Wow. I don't even have the words to describe it. And still it was GREAT!!! I loved how Lyra Just showed up like "hey I Just killed some random ponies in the street, how was your day?" and octavias way to solve problem "that guy didn't liked me, so i Just went and had a threesome with his parents!". For some reason beyond my understanding I really liked this, keep it up!

This was one of the funniest stories i've ever read. Probably the one with the most "what the fuck did I just read?" moments. Very, very well done. You should do a side story that explains everything that happened on the outside.

But no Bon Bon!

I can only ever read Vinyl's voice as Nowacking's voice. And that makes me want to see this as an animation. But not. This is just weird.
I'll go make a sandwich.

...

This was pure genius. There is literally only one way to make it better, and her name is Bon Bon.

5874179

In the original draft, Bon Bon is one of the ponies that appear at Derpy's (as well as Carrot Top, now that we're at it), as her accident is the thing that starts the whole deal. A car runs over her, she has some weird seizures ("We don't know if she's epileptic or if she just really likes swallowing her tongue, but either way we eventually got bored and left her there. And now we're here. 'Sup.") and then her eyes go white and she starts speaking The Prophecy.

Then she goes to Derpy's house and starts whining about it, and a lot of things happen.

The same car/prophecy thing happens here, but mostly as an in-joke to myself -- her role was completely scratched, mostly because, as much as I like my own interpretation of Bon Bon, she tends to slow down the story a lot. That's the joke with her. Having so many ponies (and so many unexplained B plots going on in the background, with only tidbits to be heard) made the story way too difficult to follow, and instead of running some jokes till the end it just touched every single joke once and then forgot about it.

So yeah, Bon Bon got deleted. As well as Carrot Top. I just thought they were the least necessary. A shame, if you ask me, but I truly believe it was for the better.

Still boss to find another LSSTWD-Bon Bon fan, however. Gimme five, man.

Did Abyssal Overlord just empty Derpy's fridge?

5874204
Alright, I see your point! Thanks for explaining, by the way!

*High-fives*
(This brings up a question. Would ponies call it a high two?)

Dr. Folklore: There is no booze strong enough....

PS. This is glorious! :rainbowlaugh:

Well, there's only one thing to do now, I gotta go make a sandwich...

I do believe that this is literally the first time on FimFic that I've seen tentacles in a story's picture and the story didn't have the "sex" tag.

Equestria’s sun is not normal.

It’s hard to notice, at first. If you look at it, you see nothing but a regular star, a giant ball of hydrogen and hellfire.

But first looks are deceiving. If you look a little harder, you’ll start to notice something. You can’t really put your finger on it for a couple minutes, but eventually, you see it.

It’s not about the star. It’s about what it does. Or rather, how it does it.

Equestria’s sun doesn’t orbit around a black hole, a galaxy, a bigger star, or, well, anything with a respectable amount of mass. No, Equestria’s sun orbits a planet.

Not even a giant planet, even. Sure, gas giants aren't exactly dense, but at least they look the part [1]. But instead, Equestria’s sun orbits a small rocky planet, completely disregarding the laws of physics and good taste. It’s just preposterous.

[1] Mass is widely accepted as the cosmic haute couture more or less everywhere.

It was not entirely the sun’s fault, though. As usual, the ponies were to blame.

The ponies—Equestrian ponies, Equus ferus caballus magicus, also known as “Lord Almighty did that thing just talk?”—were a small and wonderful species, full of kindness, good will, and intelligence.

Intelligence that was mostly defined by two statements: First, Mother Nature was wise. Second, ponies were wiser.

My brain hurts.

I want to hear a dramatic reading of this.

5874090 It's a general rule that most of Aragon's things would be funny as animation, however, there would definitely be lost humor in the transition, like with wordplay.

I wonder if Nowacking would do a dramatic reading?

on a scale of one to ten, this fic has Wat factor of about.... oh dear.

rs1img.memecdn.com/1-21-gigawats_o_2004345.jpg

I am a rather smart person that is able to grasp some rather abstract concepts. This makes my brain hurt. What drugs were you on when you wrote this, because they are some damn good drugs and I want in.

That is amazing. May I do a reading of it? I want to read it and use it as my debue on the fanfiction reading world.

5875507

Sure! As long as you give credit and link to the source, there's no problem if you wanna read it.

..... On a scale of 1 to 10... this story rates an impressive [INCOMPREHENSIBLE EIGHTH DIMENSIONAL NUMBER] WATs

This is amazing. I don't know what to say. I could read the entire Oxford Dictionary and still not know how to describe this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go barf rainbows on a unicorn underwater on the moon in the seventeenth dimension.






10/10 -IGN (we rate fanfics now) would destroy time again






Greatest thing I have ever read and, quite possibly, will ever read.

5875261 That would be just as good!

What the fuck... I... I don't...

I think I need to go lie down...

I've seen the eighth dimension. It looked a lot like Indiana, as seen through an underwater kaleidoscope. Someone with the nineteenth century for a face sold me a postcard, but it disintegrated when I got back. At least, I think it was its face. That's what moved when it talked-but-didn't-really at me (like a bad telepathy-English translator).

Also, I don't think I'm allowed to go back anymore. Good news is, copyright law doesn't exist in the eight dimension, and you're a millionaire. I hope you enjoy your Escher house: they're very chic, in a rustic way.

I think they rated the story pretty highly: eight-and-a-half theoretical masses out of one bologna sandwich and an olive. It's good, I swear.

Okay, let's see what's in the feat. Box...
...OOOOOH this is new!

(Reads story)

...Did you take inspiration from John dies at the end?

Because that is the only thing I can compare this to.

So, never asking Derpy for a sandwich, ever.

The fridge horror is that Octavia is a stepmom now and nobody seems to care.

StepMILF! :rainbowwild:

sanctum sanctorum

She commanded the powers of fate, I.e. DC universe's Dr. Fate

It should be The Tower of Fate, a doorless, windowless, tower in Salem, Massachusetts.

and oddly enough, being the envoy of chaos (go me) this all made sense without any at all... CHAOS RULES!!

[1] Mass is widely accepted as the cosmic haute couture more or less everywhere.

That footnote is so Terry Pratchett. :pinkiesad2:

a giant star mindlessly orbiting around a really, really, really small planet that had only, like, one satellite.

Technically, that makes the star a satellite too, right? :P

Why? why am compelled to come back an read this over and over?

I can't even begin to explain the thoughts running through my head right now. (Translation: I loved every second of this story.)
I was reading this in the kitchen, and my mom was doing something on her laptop, and I kept laughing at this, and she kicked me out. That's my only complaint. Good times, good times.

5878153 it was taling about the sun, the moon is an illusion by celestia to keep astronomers from finding her absolutly humongous[10] cheese stash
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[10]- large enough that a reference such as this wont suffice
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