Fluttershy has been called away on an adventure. An adventure without Rainbow Dash.
My entry into The 3rd Flutterdash Writing Contest.
Thanks to alt-tap for editing and feedback.
“When writing gurus talk about ‘show, don’t tell,’ this is the sort of thing they mean.”
“This felt like the literary equivalent of a well-painted landscape ... Its biggest strength is in the way it chooses tones and contrasts to create depth. But all of the characters are also individually great, especially Spike, and their concerns are so real and wide-ranging that this piece is bursting with life.”
Chapters (1)
Published some little updates suggested by my editor.
This is:
Really quite nice. I wouldn't mind losing to this story at all!
Mike
7618868 Thanks! I doubt I'm in any danger of winning though, not when there are 20 stories in the bag. I plan on reading all of them for comparison.
Damn, son, damn. o.o This is fine writing here! And now I ship Zephda forfuckingever! :V It's the best worst idea I've ever read!
7662311 I know, right? I went through so many bad ship ideas until that one struck me and was just so horribly perfect.
Also, thank you.
That is the strangest ship I have ever seen.
And yet also more believable than most of them.
I've never been big on FlutterDash, but doing it really subtle like that was nice.
But getting to the big picture, this version of Rainbow Dash you wrote here, who is really worried about Fluttershy, was done incredibly well. You delved into another side of her personality without ever making it seem out of character.
Great work with this!
DJRD
I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now #95.
My review can be found here.
Enjoyed this. This view of it hits home:
“I especially appreciate the unspoken sense of sacrifice that permeates the mane cast, watching their younger sisters develop into normal lives while their own emotional bonds seem stuck in Harmony’s amber,” Horizon said. “That lends this whole thing an air of powerful melancholy.” - RCL Interview
So often duty gets in the way of emotional development. Love what you did here
*Proceeds to understand "that racket"*
A really good story, all around.
Damn, that was great. Not hard metal shipping but more of a silk shipping. If there is shipping at all.
I hope it gets high in the rank because it deserves it.
7713710 Thank you.
Loved this it was masterful writing
This was really cute!~
All I have to say is this:
You know, interestingly enough, I was a member of the Royal Rangers before I became a cub scout... IRL it's a religious youth organization that has a thing against little boys dressing up like
indiansnative american braves, being a cowboy or a pirate is fine, but only little girls dress up likeindians'mavericks' and you know how much god hateslooserslittle girls. It was also through my experience with that organization that I learned it was perfectly acceptable for youth ministers to lie and manipulate children to get what they want, before then I thought only my father was that kind of evil. But, thanks to my religious upbringing I now know how to lie honorable- actually, no. No I don't. In fact, I didn't realize honesty was a troll game until I was thirty. The Cub Scouts are waaaaaaaay less bigoted. Although, in all fairness, the public school system is pretty messed up too.FlutterDash friendshipping? In the RCL? This was a must-read for me. Happily, I loved it, largely because of the characterisation. Not just of 'Shy and Dash, either; Spike's scene early on was really lovely, and reminded me of some of The Descendant's Spike writing. The Zephyr/Gilda pairing is... um, well, I certainly didn't see it coming! Only a couple of downsides for me: the exposition does occasionally get a little dense, and (personal preference) I'm not a fan of AJ using "ah-speak". But I'm very pleased I read this. A nicely judged ending, too. Fave.
7746667
In unsure of it myself. Living on a different continent, I'm never sure if it's fair and accurate when compared to the baseline American accent, or if it's horribly patronising.
I took the position, this time at least, that it was another way of making clear who's speaking each line without adding "said Applejack"
7747344 Understandable -- I'm British, so have a similar problem, and forever wonder whether to write AJ saying "Twi and me" or "Twi an' me". And your characterisation seems to me to be more than strong enough that distinguishing characters would be straightforward without the "ah" stuff. That said, it is a personal preference thing, and I know some readers actively prefer "ah-speak". Just a little observation, one that didn't stop me really liking your fic. :)
Don't know what else to say, but...I can't favorite this enough!!!!
7747344
American here, and I write AJ dialogue like that.
This story was the most perfect encapsulation of codependency I've read on fimfic. Thank you.
7865415
Since I don't have experience in psychology as a subject, I've really only heard that term used as an insult or dismissive slur. Can I ask you to expand on what it actually means to you?
7870436
Codependency originally meant a relationship (romantic or platonic) with an addict, making excuses for their screw ups, dismissing their rages and abuse, loving them more than loving oneself. The addict was dependent, the friend/partner was co-dependent.
The term has expanded to both sides of the relationship, and to people who have all sorts of issues that they're dealing with badly, in place of addiction.
Here, Fluttershy has extreme social anxiety, and Rainbow delays (rather severely) her promising future because she believes she is the only one who can support her. When Fluttershy shows her inner strength, Rainbow feels an irrational sense of rejection; she built her lifestyle around being needed, and is now no longer her only support. Classical codependency. I fell into that trap myself, and when he grew stronger, I grew weaker. It took me ten years to climb out of that depression, and another three to deconstruct the codependency and regain my self confidence.
7717332 That varies widely and depends on the church, and especially the outpost commanders. My experience was wholesome and virtuous, and led to an intimate connection with God.
I still try to live by the Ranger Code, and I hold honesty as my prime virtue, never to be sullied by even white lies -- except shamefully in difficult and complicated circumstances I've tried to extract myself from as I recognize them.
7885058
My experience lead to being threatened and ostracized by people who thought they were _a god's_ perfect whatever's. Then again, my experience with the boy scouts was that the people running the show were equally as bad once I moved up to weblos, wouldn't be surprised if was the same corrupt a-holes were in charge of the actual community/county I lived in. About the only thing positive I gained from the experience is that no one believes troop '33' and the paper town it's attached to actually exists, so I can thank the devil for small favors.
I don't even remember the ranger code, but I do remember being threatened at the point of a knife when I tried to break up a fight using it. So, it's probably stupid, or a quick way to get YOUNG stupid people a darwin award. Of course, with age comes discernment, so I'm sure there' are a few children of greater faith or common sense that can use it more effectively without fear of reprisal.
7885058
7885203
While I never had any contact with a scouts-like organisation, I do remember being deeply creeped out by something faux-military that my school did. Get a bunch of 14 year olds, put them in uniform, have them march up and down in regular units as if they were soldiers. Kids would pick which unit they wanted - army, navy, etc - and get appropriate uniforms. And most of all, make it normal, regular, expected. The way they'll have a head start in a couple of years when the country expects them to go to a foreign country and kill people.
I did not play along.
This surprised nobody, as I was well known by that point for not playing along. Being vocally atheist in a religious school didn't earn me a lot of friends, but it did teach me something about the twisted logical turns people can put their brains through trying to reconcile evidence with their beliefs - or the beliefs that society expects of them.
7885234
I'd be suspicious of any organization that tries to teach anyone how to stab knitting needles, scures, or senbon into a balloon without popping it. The fact that I knew two methods for killing people (through blunt force/nose bone trauma and poisoning with draino through the ears while sleeping) by the time I was eight years old is not necessarily a good indicator that I was getting the right instruction from my leaders. Especially if it was under the guise of one day saving your life...
Cute story. I didn't quite notice the somewhat melancholic air other readers we're getting, but upon further reflection it does seem a little sombre.
This is the only paragraph in the story that felt rather off to me. Maybe it's simply Rainbow's interpretation of what was actually said, but the wording for this dichotomy basically makes the first option as unappealing as possible - it hardly seems like a tough choice with how it's stated.
This was an enjoyable story, thank you. I like the connection you show RD has to her best friend in this.
Smart, heartfelt little character piece. Like and fave.
Oh god, Zephyr and Gilda... so wrong it's right!
Overall, another lovely story. Nice character moments with Rainbow, Spike and the rest of her friends. (I wonder how Pinkie would have reacted?)
An excellent wee Rainbow-centric piece. The tone's got a sweet melancholy to it, and it's all handled with deft lightness of touch.
All the pictures in the story are broken.
Now this is a strange ship made to work!
9997750
Thank you. The pictures are now fixed.
9997757
Awesome!
You can has review!
For friends, wait.
That was outstanding! I don’t think I’ve read anything quite like it. I absolutely adored it - every bit of it. The dynamic between Rainbow and Fluttershy was beautiful - it really showed how Rainbow was so used to always being there for her, and that alone was enough to tug at my heartstrings. But also, Rainbow’s relationship with each of her friends was wonderful too. And it all felt so in character- just like watching an episode (save that um...interesting part with Gilda and Zeph). Her and AJ’s “fight” was so like them and my favorite part was this:
That made me laugh. You got their dynamic, and Dash and Rare’s, down perfectly. Well done! Like I said, I adore this story.