• Member Since 20th Apr, 2012
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Loganberry


Hold your ground but do not be unkind. (Ponyphonic, "Shy Heart") He/him.

T

Rainbow Dash moved into Ponyville's Cloud House on her birthday. She never expected things to turn out like that; it's a long way down from Cloudsdale, after all. But like so much else in Rainbow's life, Fluttershy had a great deal to do with it. Not that her shy friend could have known that when she made a single choice long before.

"Home is not where you live but where they understand you" — Christian Morgenstern

(Note: Written long before "Flutter Brutter", so don't expect it to mesh with current canon.)

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 48 )

Rainbow Dash is remarkably well characterized here.

And I thought I was gonna be the first person to have read it (it popped up while I was looking at your blog post) but I'm already #8...

A very nice start. I'm curious to see where this goes.

4202956 Thank you! It's odd: usually I'd back myself to write Fluttershy better than Rainbow, but this time I think it's the other way round. As for the numbers, that's probably because I made a few small edits between uploading and submitting, and those seem to count as views. Plus at least one view from the mods, I imagine.

4203425 Thank you too! Of course, the final destination is known, since this is in the regular FiM universe. It will certainly take a fairly roundabout route to get there, though!

cocksure

Ummm......
cockey is probably a better word to use there.
Just saying...
Love your writing style!
~Wywint

4205642 Thanks for the compliment! :twilightsmile: But nope, "cocksure" is the word I wanted. Its definition is "presumptuously or arrogantly confident", whereas "cocky" is a little heavier on the arrogance and lighter on the confidence. It was the confidence I wanted to slightly emphasise, so "cocksure" was right.

That was awesome! :rainbowkiss: I love flutters she's my second favorite but anywhoooo you did an amazing job with her character and the details were absolutely delightful I can't wait to read the next chapter

4230066 Thanks very much! Fluttershy is my own favourite pony, but I love writing FlutterDash friendshipping. The next chapter may be take a little while because of Easter, holidays, work etc, but I'm definitely working on it. :)

Aaawww :fluttercry: that was beautiful you have an awesome way with words and I enjoyed this chapter so very much and I can't wait for more :pinkiehappy: keep up the fabulous work!

4343587 Thank you very much! :rainbowkiss: I wish I could post a little more often, but real life is so busy at the moment. I know how the story will go; it's just a case of having time to polish it up before publishing each chapter. But I can promise you two things before this story is done: 1) more Fluttershy and 2) more Rainbow Dash. :yay:

4344614 more Rainbow sounds pretty darn awesome to me :rainbowlaugh: and don't worry take your time a story as amazing as yours is worth waiting for :raritywink:

4348166 Thank you very much. I'm very flattered! :pinkiehappy:

4348485
No problem. To be honest I'd kind of forgotten about favouriting this - thank you for reminding me that I favourited it because it's very good! Can't wait for the next update! :twilightsmile:

4525237 Don't worry: they'll be along! I've been on holiday recently, and very busy with work, so I've had very little time for writing. But chapter 4 should be here by the end of this month. :twilightsmile:

Hmm, apparently The Journal of the Two Sisters book says that "Pinkie Pride" was the tenth anniversary of Rainbow's move to Ponyville. That doesn't fit with this story, so I've... well, ignored it. Let me know if you think I should be adding an AU tag!

4545738 Okay, I've decided to leave things as they are. After all, I started the story before the Journal appeared, and so far at least the show hasn't backed it up. So expect the next chapter in about a week's time!

I think you meant 'motes of fine dust'.

Before I forget, in the paragraph that starts:- "Yeah," interrupted the flame-haired mare." I spotted the word *impresssed* which I'm guessing shouldn't have that extra "S" there? :twilightsmile:

That aside though, I couldn't find anything at all to fault this chapter. By which I mean in terms of the actual story, and especially the characterisation. To me at least, bearing in mind this seemed very much a "Rainbow chapter" Rainbow herself seemed exactly right. I couldn't see anything there that seemed out of place for her character. Somehow you just know that she'd maybe enjoy some parts of her job, but the majority of it would frankly bore her rigid. :rainbowwild: Considering how clear it is, including in this chapter, how much happiness she gets from simply soaring through the air, a job making clouds or checking them for quality was never going to be her idea of fun. (Rather like when I worked for a doctor and had to program a customised data entry program - it was my job, but I was screaming inside to be working on a game instead. :derpytongue2: )

It was also strange, but fascinating, to read of this very first meeting with her heroine, Spitfire. I always imagined her to be about 8-10 years older than the Mane Six, so that seemed to fit in well with how she was described here. I couldn't help but wince when Rainbow boasted that she could even beat Spitfire in a race. That was so like her, but you couldn't help but think "Stop! Don't say that to someone like Spitfire!" But Rainbow is just so confident and blurts things out, so she wouldn't have had time to think "be careful what you say..."

The conversation between Rainbow and Fluttershy was also very moving, I thought, and also a very important scene. There was something especially touching about the point when Rainbow put a wing on Fluttershy's shoulder, and when Fluttershy looked up, it had this feeling of "You're forgiven. Now let's leave those unhappy thoughts and move onto something much nicer. The cloud house!"

And I wonder if they'll figure out who did actually own that mysterious cloud house, though I can guess who now plans to take it over! It was also pretty clear that Fluttershy would give that idea her hoofprint of approval. :yay:

Why do I get the feeling that whatever they find at the City Hall will cause complications for Fluttershy in her new cottage?

Either that, or her father left her enough money to live her whole life without monetary woes.

a nice cute way to end a nice cute story:yay:

6052552 Thank you! That was the idea, so I'm glad it came across. :yay:

Where has this been hiding? It was such an adorable and sweet story I can't believe I barely read it today. I'm supposed to be studying for finals!!!

I really like this story so much. Amazing job writing it.

6052785 Oh dear, I hope my story hasn't interrupted your studies too much! :rainbowwild: But seriously, thank you very much. I'm a huge fan of FlutterDash friendshipping and really wanted to write something centred on that friendship -- plus I find that friendship adorable and sweet myself, so I'm delighted you found this fic so enjoyable. :yay:

Nicely done. Very neat to have read a story about how Rainbow Dash ended up with the cloud house. Very nice wrap-up to your story (: even in just friendship it's so cute :rainbowderp:

6058274 Thanks very much! :twilightsmile: I'd wondered after seeing "Pinkie Pride" why on earth Rainbow would move house on her birthday -- and then the idea that the house was actually a present took shape. 'Shy's and Dash's relationship is just friendship in this fic, but that there were times when it might have become something more (eg the bit leading up to "The moment passed" in ch. 1). It just didn't happen to work out that way for them in the end, and they simply became extremely close friends (as seen best in "Hurricane Fluttershy"). :twilightsmile:

6085447 Thank you very much -- for both the comments and the favourite! I've fixed both the errors you pointed out, though I suspect a few more may have slipped through the net in later chapters. I don't think this is my best story, actually: it was the first multi-chapter ponyfic I'd written (and it's still the only one) and I think that does show at times. That said, it does tell a story I particularly wanted to tell, so in that sense it's one that's quite important to me. :twilightsmile:

6088337 More thanks are in order! :twilightsmile:

Now, since when do ponies have forepaws, hmm?

Um... undercover otter service? :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

Spotted another semi-colon error

Actually, I'm going to keep that one as it is. Non-standard it may be (and it is!), but I feel the cadence of the phrase is better with semicolons than with dashes, and I don't want to change the wording. This one was a deliberate piece of rule breaking -- for a change!

Here, at last, her thoughts turned darker as she remembered not a bird but another pony.

I agree with you that the original version of this line needed changing, but in the end I decided to remove the commas entirely. I don't like the sound of a significant pause after "Here", you see. :twilightsmile:

6188327 A big thank you is in order! :pinkiehappy: There's nothing I like more than getting feedback on a story, and yours has been wonderful: interesting, helpful and (let's be honest here, we're all a bit vain in this game) gratifyingly positive. I've already fixed some of the technical errors, but thanks for pointing out several more, which I'll get to in the near future. A few specifics:

"any more" / "further" / "Mrs"

1. "Any more" is standard BrE, although "anymore" is creeping in, as American forms tend to. Actually, "for ever", "per cent" and "apple sauce" are correct BrE as well, though the first two of those are coming under severe pressure from the one-word versions.
2. We don't use "farther" that much in BrE; "further" is generally used even for distances. "Farther" isn't incorrect, but it's relatively rare.
3. BrE has spent the last century or so gradually dropping full stops after abbreviations, at least outside formal writing. "Mrs" is the usual British form.

Second comma’s unnecessary

I'm keeping it, since I want the slight pause after "she felt", which you don't get without the second comma.

But seeing Dash shot down like that by Spitfire? That was harsh.

Yep. Maybe a little over the top, but Spitfire is also still a bit young and brash at this point, albeit not as much as Dash. I don't personally much like the "drill sergeant" persona she was given for S3, but it was useful here. (Also, it gives Rainbow another reason to be determined to show Spitfire how good she really is in "Wonderbolts Academy"...)

Her dad was a jerk.

Mm-hm. I didn't want Fluttershy to start out an orphan, so she needed a parent, and I couldn't ignore the fact that we've heard nothing about her family in the show. But I got fed up with the number of stories in which Flutters' dad is outright abusive; I didn't want to go down that road (note that 'Shy isn't malnourished) and so this fitted quite well. (Heh, another Briticism there: "fitted". :rainbowwild:)

tacked on after the dialogue doesn’t read well

Quite right! I think that actually needs splitting into two sentences, with "She spread her wings expansively." at the end.

This is definitely one of the best stories I’ve read on this site, and I suspect it will always remain so.

Well, um... thank you! :twilightblush: I think what I meant in my comment was that it had several problems that I really should have fixed. (The "accessing the archives" minor sub-plot goes nowhere, really; I may add a paragraph to ch 5 to counter that.) I do like this fic, though, and I'm very happy that you did too.

And thank you too for reading this bloated comment! :yay:

6189645

Curse the Pond and its division of such a similar language!

Well, quite. Every so often, I think about making a blog post about the particular challenges of being a British fanfic writer in an American fandom... maybe the upcoming hiatus will give me the time to actually do it!

Fluttershy

Major spoiler about her in the SDCC panel, I see. No more details here, except to say that I'm quite glad I'm not still writing this fic!

Anyway, thank you once again. Now, let's see which of your stories catches my eye... :twilightsmile:

6191242

On a semi-unrelated note, did you watch/listen to the new song that was revealed?

One or two little bits, just to see what the style was. I'm saving the whole thing for the actual episode. :)

Well you keep telling me I should actually write reviews instead of just reading fics, and I have Finally worked my way around to this one.
I agree with @rocket that This is a much better Rainbow Dash Story Than many I have read, that may be helped by how she is in the background as it were. I also agree with @Emylia+Hawke about Spitfire and really like her here too.
I'm not too sure about Fluttershy though, at times her behaviour seems a bit erratic (but this could be on reflection, makes here more like a real pony).Sometimes it is hard to know if you are in RD's head or Flutters, fox example the bit in the garden (I really thought they ere going to kiss), I was surprised to find myself suddenly in RD's head.

6226574 Thanks very much! :twilightsmile: As far as Fluttershy goes, her behaviour being a little varied was deliberate, though if there are any specific points where this got in the way of the story then please do tell me. You're right that I can sometimes have a problem with perspective-hopping. I've been working on improving that, but this story was started so long ago that it doesn't show so much here! Still, I don't think it harms the story as a whole and I'm not changing that last chapter now, as the last paragraph needs to stay at all costs and I'm not recasting the whole chapter to be Dash POV. :rainbowwild:

Dash and 'Shy were never going to kiss, though. My headcanon (in this story, at least) is that there have been times when being more than friends might have happened (there's one in chapter 1!) but that it never actually did, and that they're now happy as deep, close friends. :yay:

In reading this story on a whim, I was really digging it at first. Characterization and voices were strong for both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. The headcanon and lore were interesting as regards Fluttershy taking up a fashion class, which seemed to be a setup for her later drake seeing knowledge in “Suited for Success” (and use of the phrase ‘haute couture’).* All that and more was enough to compel me to read the rest in one go.

* And hardly any pegasi are interested in clothing or fashion, huh? I think Kerfuffle would like a word.

But sometime around Chapter 4 - and the warning bells were ringing before then - it became clear just how disjointed this fic is. From chapter to chapter, whole characters and subplots were tossed out and then not touched upon again until much later, and usually in an offhand way as though they didn’t matter.

Easily the biggest offender here is the archives subplot: a scene in Chapter 2 makes a big deal out of not telling us what Fluttershy wants to get in for. Then Chapter 3 tosses out the reason why as an aside quickly, as though it didn’t matter, a massive reduction from the size of the Checkov’s Feather last chapter. Then it’s never touched on again until an offhand mention for getting the will of Fluttershy’s dad, and though that is true, her original reason - checking her pegasus ancestry - is not even alluded to, and as the subplot is never brought up again, it really just hangs there.

I did say that was the biggest offender, nothing else was that conspicuous. But other things often felt weirdly vague of sketched in, a result of the fic’s episodic nature of making time-skips leaving many aspects barely explored, like the fic keeps changing its mind what it wants to focus on. Consider Fluttershy’s dad - I get you wanted to avoid the abuser angle and didn’t want Fluttershy to be an orphan, but this makes such a show of not hinting what his deal is (grieving his wife, and thus emotionally aloof? Just a strict father?) and other then Rainbow Dash feeling he was a jerk, we’ve nothing to go on.

In general, the constantly shifting focus (not just between the two leads, but what they were working on achieving in each chapter), episode nature, and time skips often distracted. I can easily imagine a fic making time skips each chapter, letting up pick up what’s happened in-between via context clues, and using the jolted effect of such a technique as a mood setter. However, that didn’t happen here, and instead it simply felt like the fic was restarting every chapter (maybe not at the beginning, but certainly by the midpoint). Which I suppose it was, given the increasing gaps between chapter updates by then.

Indeed, it’s startling how many ideas come and go, working in the moment and then never again. Fluttershy having to put dying animals down frequently? Great! It never matters again except for some slight inferred moments that are just window dressing in a few scenes. Rainbow’s dressing down from Spitfire? Her training/Wonderbolts plots basically vanished at that stage, and you could argue that’s the point, shifting priorities, but it just happens off page without comment. I could name more, but you get the idea. Perhaps all this would be less obvious when reading the fic as it updated, but they stick out massively in one sitting.

It certainly felt like the story was being improvised as it went, at least in much of the details, margins and how the scenes that played out. The broad goals of the characters, and the fic’s concluding point, did remain in focus and were properly built to. Fluttershy wanting Dash in her life so badly, Dash needing Fluttershy as a rock as she starts to gradually mellow out and grow up at the end, it’s all touching, and leaves the ending almost as strong as the start. And even the disjointed events throughout, by and large, always fed into the characters. So, you know, it still broadly worked, and the solid base character work and voices meant that even when it was a disjointed mess, it was never less then compelling enough to keep reading. The short length and short chapters help there - much like a 11-min cartoon, it never has long enough for the disjointed focus to really start to grate, either by chapter or across all 18K.

In the end, the character work, arcs, voices and sheer plethora of ideas, nods and canon setups is enough for this to notch a Good. Had it been properly planned out, selecting which of the numerous subplots and side details actually mattered and given them ample showcasing, and adjusting the episodic nature and delivery of the time skips (which always felt like “oh, I get it now, but the text did not imply this well, even through writer-to-reader telepathy”) to feel like a feature rather then a bug, we’d have something here. As it is, it’s a pleasurable read, especially for Fluttershy/Dash friendshipping fans, but a scattered, unfocused one. But being close to eight years old, I won’t judge outside of this fic.

11140631
A really big thank you for this! It's not often nowadays that I get detailed feedback on anything, so this is really welcome. I do largely agree with what you say here: the story is disjointed, and as you speculated the length of time it took to write surely had an impact on that. From time to time I've considered going back and polishing some of my old stories, and WTUY is definitely one of them. In particular, the stuff about Fluttershy's background, which I think is the most glaring single plot problem. The extra detail should probably go at the end of Chapter 5 (which you'll notice is the shortest chapter in the fic) so a library scene or something might be the way to go there. Although it was never going to be one of the truly great fics, I don't think it would be that hard to give this story enough extra polish to get it to "Pretty Good" on your rating scale. Maybe one day I'll actually do that!

In the end, I think one problem was that what really interested me was the friendshipping between Rainbow and Fluttershy. As such, I spent most of my efforts on that, and I think it shows in that some of the side details aren't developed sharply enough. In spite of its hopping into Fluttershy's head, I still like the final chapter a lot, and the very last line is one of my favourites in anything I've written. That, at least, will never be altered! Thank you again for taking the trouble to give me such interesting thoughts. :twilightsmile:

* And hardly any pegasi are interested in clothing or fashion, huh? I think Kerfuffle would like a word.

Well, yeah, but my time travel abilities weren't great back in 2014-15. :raritywink:

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