• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Shachza


The world's greatest... eh... I'll get to it later.

T
Source

Fleur Lumineuse, daughter of Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis, has made a mistake. A serious one. She never intended so much harm but, even with her eyes now open, can she make amends?

Sometimes, what a pony really needs is somepony else to reach out to them.


AShadowOfCygnus did an amazing Audio Recording of the story!
Rated "Highly Recommended" by PresentPerfect's Fic Reviews!
Also recommended by one of my own favorite authors: Crystal Wishes
Good heavens, this made it into The Royal Canterlot Library?!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 28 )

That was pretty well written. Hyperic came off as a sympathetic character, not a creepy one, even if he seemed a bit of a loser through the lens of Fleur's perspective. She also seemed like a nice enough girl.

Huh, if this is self-insertion then you're pretty similar to me......except I'm younger.

Hmpf! Stop using characters based on me for your fictions! That's really creepy.

It feels like the only fictive part of the story is the wish fulfillment; the main character actually talking and making progress with a female, someone that can look at him and acknowledge his issues. We both know it doesn't quite work like that IRL, eh?..

:twilightsmile:

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I initially wasn't sure I wanted to respond to anything that popped up here; feeling like I've already said too much, or something.

[DELETED: because]

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Right back to the same feelings. I took out most of my first post simply because, when rereading it, it just felt like so much whining. And one of the things I don't want to do is whine.

I don't like talking about it because it feels like crying for attention and validation. I don't like talking about it because I know the entire conversation will become about my problems and feelings, and I don't want to kill the mood. I don't like talking about it because it's embarrassing and shameful. I don't like talking about it because other people don't need to know.

And if you feel like me in this regard, you've devoted a lot of time and effort into making yourself seem like a normal, confident guy in any mundane situation so your issues just never come up. You've mastered the art of avoidance and misdirection because facing the problem is just so nerve-wracking.

I've had people ask me why I'm such a steadfast friend of ArmedBrony. It's because I know what he does, understand exactly why he does it, and sympathize with the difficulty in overcoming. I would be a pretty terrible friend to desert him when we are so alike, and what we need is someone to be there.

We both know it doesn't quite work like that IRL, eh?..

It is a vicious cycle. But it's easier to diagnose than to cure.

it was like watching a gate shut in right her face and she found a small but increasing distress.

Flip; increasing amount of distress growing in her

He noticing her attention only made him more tense.

He, noticing her attention, only grew tenser.

She mentally stepped back from the line she had been towing, reassessing and wishing that she had asked about her uncle how he handled arguments.

How her uncle handled (But that doesn't feel like what you were trying to say here?)

It was not as though she was trying to win over Hyperic in the same way but neither could find it in herself to give up.

Could she find

But long, quiet walks anywhere where not really Fleur's idea of a good time,

Were

She had not realized they had wondered so far around the western edge of the city

Wandered

Hyperic remained somewhat quiet and obviously tense the entire time but he was doggedly amiably as their conversation drifted from one thing to another, yet avoiding any serious topic.

Doggedly amiable
(amiably would be another adjective, but it wouldn't be describing anything here)

Hyperic showed that he was not completely oblivious, though Fluer was careful to hide her amusement with his supposedly surreptitious look behind taking a drink of her water.

Fleur


This is nice, and I hope you find your Fleur soon, just try not to forget about us too fast when you do

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You and coandco... I don't know how all those little things sneak by me, but thanks! I'll get around to all the ones you did for TLaP when I have more time. Maybe tomorrow afternoon.

This is nice, and I hope you find your Fleur soon, just try not to forget about us too fast when you do

Glad you enjoyed it and don't worry, I won't.

This probably seems horribly depressing, but this late in my life I don't really expect to. I've not truly given up should something happen, but at the same time I'm also not holding my hopes up. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like she'd need to have a very particular personality, and I can't imagine such a person not being already spoken for.

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[__________]

I found my way here through AShadowOfCygnus' reading on YouTube, but still wanted to letchya know how much I liked this story :twilightsmile:

It's very well-written, and, well, evocative in a way that resulted in a lot of mixed feelings at the end. But mixed feelings in a good way! ...if that makes sense. :twilightsheepish:

I'd say most people can relate to at least one, if not both, of the characters; and while maybe not always to the same extent or on the same subject-matter, it's...reassuring, I think. Reassuring to read that, yes, stuff can be complicated and difficult and prolly more than a little uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean it's insurmountable.

Great work! :twilightsmile:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

It's nice to see that some of my thoughts have finally leaked from my brain and pooled in a location where those more willing to act were able to use them constructively. :)

For all that this is self-insert wish-fulfillment, you really captured a female perspective quite well, and I was left slightly worried at the end. So it's not too much of either epithet.

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It's been amazing to hear some of the reactions to this story. In my mind I know other must feel the same way about things and stuff, but I'd never actually expected to receive as much "yeah, I know how that goes" as I have.

...I was left slightly worried at the end.

In what way?

So it's not too much of either epithet.

Glad to hear it! I knew how this kind of thing could come across, and I wanted it to be a fine story on its own. Switching the perspective seemed like the best storytelling choice I could make in this regard.

If I may, how did you even find this little story?

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

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ShadowOfCygnus's reading, of course! :D

And I think I was worried about too much wish-fulfillment? Well, and putting a burden of emotional care on Fleur. I'm tired right now, I'm pretty sure I explain it better in my review (coming tomorrow).

I came to this through PresentPerfect's review, and it fully deserves the recommendation he gave. Awesome piece.

We thirtysomething violets should form our own country, or something :trollestia:

Quick advice from a french speaker: It should probably be "Fleur Lumineuse" if you're going for "Luminous Flower".

In french, adjectives are gendered according to the noun they modify, and right now "Lumineux" is in its masculine form. :twilightsheepish:

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Ah, that it should then. I don't know French (hence why Fleur's meal was "something only her mother could pronounce"), and didn't know there were different gender forms for the same words. (As opposed to German which has set genders for words. Little girls are sex-less. :derpytongue2:)

7037326 Kept telling you this deserved more praise. And look! See what's happened now! :pinkiehappy:

As someone with anxiety myself, this spoke to me on a level that was almost primal. I could feel what Hyperic was feeling. On the contrary, I could also feel what Fleur felt, perhaps not as an outsider looking in on someone who struggles, but as someone who's had those thoughts toward myself. "Just man up and do it!" "Just talk to someone!" "It's easy, it's simple, what's wrong with you?"

Even the littlest of interactions between them held such depth and meaning. Fleur's development over the course of 12,000 words was lovely. She's not "perfectly accepting" by the end of it; it wasn't a radical change in her that she can now totally understand his every action and reaction... But she has a thought in her mind now to at least try to look deeper into his actions.

They are both relatable and, in some ways, adorably flawed. Fleur may not be completely insightful into her own flaws, but they are present, even if they're not the focus of this story.

One particular detail that I liked was his temper. Often times (and I do this myself) characters with anxiety get the focus on their fears, the way they recoil, the way the heart races or the nervous sweating or all these more... internally-focused reactions. Flares of anger are just as equally a part of anxiety—it doesn't make sense to us the same as it doesn't to others, and that can be horribly frustrating.

Sorry it took me so long to get around to this, but it was worth the wait. :twilightsmile:

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It's not that I don't believe you... I recognize this as some of the best writing I've ever done - setting, plot progression, characterization, good flow, etc. (I really tried hard to make it the best I could)... but I feel rather awkward being proud of/heavily promoting something that, to me, feels like little more than complaining about how bad I sometimes feel. Like... a truly quality story shouldn't be just me bemoaning myself.

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I've spent a lot of time thinking about it (duh!), and I think the gap in understanding between insiders to insecurity and outsiders is the level of certainty. Nervous people worry that they won't succeed; insecure people know they won't. Outsiders understand nervousness - who doesn't worry that one may fail a difficult task? - but it's hard to truly understand the feelings of assured failure unless you experience them yourself. Even harder to grasp is the relative irrationality of it; you can't just talk the feelings away.

In that regard, I have to give ArmedBrony a lot of incidental credit for Fleur's characterization. AB and I have been friends since I started suggesting improvements to his story "Wilted Flower." We are also highly insecure about different things so, thanks to him, I got the unique experience of being both and insider to my own insecurities and and outsider to his. I realized that I couldn't understand why he was so defeatist about certain things, but because I have the same reaction to others things, I was able to see and analyze our reactions, where they stem from, and why they occur.

One of the key things I got from him was to experience first-hand the frustration that can come from trying to help another overcome their insecurity, and just how amazingly difficult it is. How do you work past "I don't want to try because I know I'll fail"? I'm insecure and have no idea.

One particular detail that I liked was his temper.

That's actually one of the aspects of the story that I struggled the most with. This story is about me.* Readers get to see all my weaknesses, even if they're hidden under the guise of a pony, and in my mind, an explosion like Hyperic's is a weakness of aggression. It's something which feels more liable to hurt/drive away others than it is to help, and is something I've only ever let myself imagine doing.

Yet I know there can be so much anger - not just at others for not understanding, or even for pushing for resolution in the wrong way, but also at yourself for (apparently) being a failure - and Fleur needed to see just how much everything was affecting him. I think, for all intents and purposes, that's the climax of the story and, as such, it needed to be dramatic like that.

They are both relatable and, in some ways, adorably flawed. Fleur may not be completely insightful into her own flaws, but they are present, even if they're not the focus of this story.

Telling the story from her perspective was an easy choice. One, it prevented the story from being bogged down in the often-repetitive, circular, and self-defeating thought processes of a hard insecurity. That probably would drive away most readers (this harkens back to my difficulties in understanding/helping AB). Two, it allowed me to reveal Hyperic (and myself) in a much more measured and palatable fashion (in my mind). I'm glad I did.




*I don't know how many understand how true the self-insert thing is. Everything from before Fleur was taken wholesale. My mom's reaction was the most telling: "She actually said that to you? I had no idea!"

Huh, this might be worth my time for an underapreceation review, though did you have to add that AN?

This was interesting. Not something I normaly look for but was worth the while.

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Does that mean the story is h4x? Sorry, sorry...

Thanks! :pinkiehappy:

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Yes, it was absolutely necessary. The story is meant to do a number of things, and the author's note is one of them. Judging by the feedback I've gotten, it's been very effective.

Guess we all want somebody who's seen us for who we truly are, and decided to stick with us anyway.

Excellent story, but I didn't expect anything else!

Well, almost excellent. You clearly didn't have yours truly to edit this thing :P

This is pretty well-written . I found the comparison of social anxiety to phobia quite insightful (and Fleur's inability to grasp it, despite possessing her own irrational phobia shows her own flaws).

In a way, it's almost too good. It captures the very real frustration on both sides so well that reading it is a little frustrating, too.

Dude, grats on the feature in RCL!

Very well done, and a very insightful take on how the offspring of Fleur and Fancy might become! Great interactions, great descriptions and especially great introspection. This was very well written!

Quite good. I like character-heavy stories like this.

Every 'umm' or 'so' and other hesitant, awkward, drawn-out stammer felt like something of a punch. I've seen a lot of people like this, known a few, and I can catch a few shades of sentiments and traits in here that echo some of my habits a bit. I'd say this story is good in the same way ripping off a bandage will eventually be good, at least personally.

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