• Published 17th Feb 2014
  • 4,120 Views, 126 Comments

Sow The Wind, Reap The Whirlwind - Aragon



Time Turner is preparing for the most important lecture of his life. One wrong move will mess up everything. Thankfully, his friends are there to help him relax. The problem is not his friends being sociopaths, but his friends being mad at him too.

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Second Chapter: We Kept On Doing Friendly Stuff

“Gargh!” Vinyl finally got away from the tornado of legs and teeth that was Lyra and Carrot’s brawl, feeling a stinging pain in her right leg. “Fucking idiots,” she muttered. “Thank you for your help, by the way—ah? Where did those two go?”

Nopony answered. Then again, that was hardly a surprise: Carrot Top and Lyra were too busy fighting each other to talk with her, and Turner still had his mouth magically shut. As for Derpy and Octavia…

“Hey, Turner,” she said, freeing the stallion’s jaw, “where are they?”

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!” Turner stuck out his tongue, which Vinyl realized was far redder than usual, and gasped for air like a dog that has ran a marathon recently. “CELESTIA FUCKING DAMMIT, VINYL! I CAN’T FEEL MY FRIGGIN’ TASTE BUDS!”

“Yes, that coffee was hot,” she agreed. Behind her, Lyra tackled Carrot so hard that she flew all the way to the table, causing a giant mess in the whole hall. “Woah, careful you two!”

Lyra smirked at her. “Hey, it’s not my fault. She’s the one who—UGH!”

Bad idea to talk right at that moment. Carrot wasn’t the kind of mare who got knocked out by just a table—she had woken up, and the moment Lyra had looked away, she had punched her so hard in the face that the mint unicorn rolled her eyes back and fell to the ground with a heavy thump!

“Hah!” Carrot said. “That will teach you!” Then she turned to Vinyl. “Now it’s your turn!”

“Now, girl, don’t get all hot-blooded at me, because we have work to do.” The DJ beamed a bright smile at Carrot and approached her. “Look, we both have done things that we regret, right? But we are here for a reason.” She pointed at Turner, who was gasping like a dog. “Him.”

“THERE’S AN INFERNO OF PAIN ON MY TONGUE!”

“See? He can still talk,” Vinyl said. “We are here because we need to take care of him, right? Because he screwed us big time with the tracking devices.”

Carrot glared daggers at Vinyl.

“Don’t give me that look, Top.” She pointed at the unconscious Lyra on the floor. “You already knocked her out, right? I’m pretty sure that you don’t feel like hitting me too, because—wait, is that blood?”

Carrot looked. “Yes.”

“Woah.”

“A lot of blood.”

“It’s certainly making a mess.”

“It goes away with vinegar and bleach.”

“Still, we should probably bring her to the hospital.” Vinyl raised her glasses a little to take a peek at Lyra without those purple lenses in the way. “I’m pretty sure that’s a severe concussion. Where did you hit her, exactly?”

“Left side. Right in the temple.”

“I’m guessing slight brain damage then.”

“Probably.”

“So, she definitely needs a hospital.”

“I have a very hard right hoof.”

Silence. Turner was still gasping for air and whining in pain.

“So anyway,” Vinyl said, turning to Carrot again and walking a little away from Lyra, “Turner here is the priority. If you knock me out, then you can’t go down to buy more coffee!”

Carrot Top frowned. “I need to go buy more coffee?”

“Turner?”

“OH, CELESTIA, NO, PLEASE DON’T DO THAT TO ME!”

“You definitely need to go buy more coffee.” Vinyl put a hoof over Carrot’s shoulders. “Now, my dear and obtuse friend, if you do something to me, then who will take care of Turner? Lyra is out of commission, and we can’t leave him alone. We both know that he might do something nasty, even if he’s all tied up.” She sighed. “I’m really sorry, Topsie, but we all have to make sacrifices now and then.”

Carrot made a pout. “Hm. I guess you’re right…”

“Exactly.” Vinyl nodded. “Now, what if you go down, buy him another coffee, forget that I called you an idiot and—?”

“CARROT, IF YOU DON’T KNOCK HER OUT YOU CAN STILL HIT HER AND GO TO THE CAFETERIA!”

“TURNER YOU FUCK—”

Thump!

Too late. Carrot Top had already tackled Vinyl. Again.


“Okay, Octavia, be serious now: what was that all about?”

“I was messing with Turner, of course!” she replied with a smile.

“Octavia…”

The hottest cellist in Canterlot had been laughing her incredibly sexy ass off for a surprisingly long amount of time. Both she and Derpy had left Turner’s house five minutes ago and were walking to the southern part of the city at the moment. They weren’t exactly alone in the streets—one could never be in Canterlot, the city was too crowded—but they were enjoying a relative peace. “Relative” in the sense that there was no way Octavia could walk into a place with more than two males without attracting more gazes than stars that were in the sky. “I mean it,” she said when she noticed that Derpy was frowning. “You know he’s very interested in cutie marks.”

“And you know he couldn’t care less about it at the moment.” Derpy rolled her eyes. It was quite an interesting sight, as the left one always went clockwise while the right one prefered to roll counterclockwise. “They can’t hear us now, so you can drop the façade, thanks.”

“Oh.” Octavia made a pout. “Was it so obvious?”

“I’m sure that Vinyl and Carrot totally bought it. So yes, it was obvious enough for any pony who’s not stupid.” Derpy snorted. “Come on, what did you want to tell me?”

“Hmm.” Tavi looked at the sky. “You know, I was actually telling the truth.”

A pause. “What?”

“I did find something interesting about cutie marks the other day. I was actually going to tell you all today.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.” Octavia sighed. “Of course, it was also an excuse to talk to you, but you have to appreciate the elegancy of what I did, right?” She licked her lips seductively. Not like she was trying to seduce Derpy; it was just that she had very tasty lips. “And say whatever you want, but I do think that this is going to claim Turner’s attention.”

“He’s been hysterical for twenty four hours straight,” Derpy said. “Believe me, he won’t care.”

“Well, you know him better than I do,” Tavi said. “Which reminds me… I think I should turn this thing on. Come here a minute.”

“You can turn this on from here?” Derpy stopped walking when Octavia approached her to mess with the communicator in her ear. “I thought they were controlled by the computer?”

“They were at first,” Tavi said, finishing with Derpy’s device and working on the one in her ear, “but Turner changed it. Not being able to turn it off almost killed him that night, remember?”

“Oh, yeah. He passed out because of the noise.” Derpy frowned. “Wait, when did Turner do this?”

“I…” Octavia finished with her communicator, and the sound of two ponies fighting came through it immediately. “Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk about, if only because Turner doesn’t want me to do so. I went to his house on my own a week ago, you see. We stayed awake all night.”

“What the…?”

“OCTAVIA, NO!” Both Tavi and Derpy flinched when Turner yelled at them at the top of his lungs through the communicator. “SHUT UP!”

“Ugh.” Octavia shook her head. “Turner, you’re deafening us. Lower your voice.”

“I WILL LOWER MY VOICE WHEN YOU—!”

“You know I can tell Derpy everything about that night, right?” Tavi interrupted. “So, yeah, shut up.”

“FU—yes. Ahem. Sorry.”

“That’s better.”

Derpy’s frown became even deeper as she approached Octavia, their muzzles only a couple inches away. “Okay, what did exactly happen that night you’re talking about?”

“Absolutely nothing!” Turner said. “Nothing at all!”

“What he said,” Octavia said with a smile. Then, she winked at Derpy and formed the word later with her lips, without making any sound. “Now you’re going to be a good stallion and your voice will be low and calm, right, Turner?”

“Yes, Ma’am! Now, what if you two come back here and don’t talk at all? I’m completely sure that—”

Derpy raised an eyebrow. “You’re blackmailing him? Using me?” She opened her wings a little. “I’m not sure I like that, Tavi. I’m starting to get a little angry here.”

“Controlling stallions is second nature to me, filly.” Octavia pushed Derpy away and kept on walking. The pegasus followed her far closer than needed, still frowning like a mare that just discovered her fiancé is seeing Octavia behind her back. “Relax. Turner and I are just friends, right?”

“Absolutely! We’re such good friends that I want you at my house! Right now! Please?!”

“In fact, we’ve been friends for a very long time. I met him before you did, after all.” Tavi swung her tail and brushed Derpy’s muzzle with it. “Anyway, we were supposed to talk about cutie marks, right? I was—”

BOOM!

“OH, CELESTIA, MY BRAIN!”

Octavia blinked. “Turner, are those three still fighting, by any chance?”

“Lyra is actually unconscious. You know, you can see for yourself if you come back!”

“And Vinyl is alone against Carrot?” Derpy huffed. “She doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Well, tell Carrot to be careful,” Octavia said. “I don’t want Vinyl to develop any serious injury.”

BOOM!

“AGH! MY OTHER BRAIN!”

“...It might be a little late for that, actually,” Turner said.

BOOM!

“OH MY DEAR LUNA, WHY AM I STILL CONSCIOUS?!”

“You know?” Turner’s voice was shaky, Octavia thought. It sounded as if he was trembling. “I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I really think you should come back…”

“Actually, I think we shouldn’t,” Derpy said. “Octavia has to explain a couple things yet, right?”

BOOM!

ALL I SEE IS BLOOD AND PAIN!

“Well, I think that’s it!” Carrot’s voice came a little muffled, as she wasn’t talking directly to the communicator. “I’m off to buy more coffee!”

“At least we can talk without background noise now,” Octavia muttered. “Is Vinyl okay?”

Silence.

“Well, she is,” Turner said. “That’s the important thing.”

“Tavi.” Derpy hadn’t closed her wings yet. “Explain. Now.”

“Hmm.” Octavia smirked. “Well, you know that green stallion I hooked up with a week ago? At the bar?”

Derpy raised an eyebrow. “Can you be more specific?”

“The night Vinyl and Lyra hit the karaoke.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember.” Derpy smiled a little, although her frown didn’t disappear. “I slept at Carrot’s that morning. You went off with a green stallion?”

“Yes. And the other day I met his wife in a pub. I recognized her from the photos on the walls, you see. And…” Octavia turned around to smile at Derpy, “turns out she’s a painter.

“Look, I don’t care.” Derpy shook her head. “I was asking you about—”

“The thing is,” Octavia interrupted, “that she was trying to work on a musical design. Accidentals; pretty simple. The poor mare didn’t know a lot about music, though. She couldn’t tell a flat symbol from a sharp one, and I kindly helped her because my heart is pure and I can’t stand seeing a fellow pony suffering.”

“Of course.” Turner hiccuped. “Oh, Celestia, my stomach is killing me. What was that coffee?”

“I don’t see why this should interest me, Octavia,” Derpy said.

“Well, that’s because you haven’t heard the whole story.” The hottest cellist in Canterlot swung her tail again. “You see, two days after doing that, I saw that picture again.”

“And?”

“And it was decorating a little filly’s flank,” Octavia said. “That mare was designing the cutie mark.”


“Hello, Bon Bon!”

“Oh, for crying out loud. Now I gotta deal with you?!”

Carrot Top smiled. “Yes!”

“Fucking amazing. Let me guess: next one is Lyra.”

“I don’t know. Maybe if she stops bleeding?”

The cafeteria was still completely full with ponies, and at least five of them were close enough to Bon Bon to overhear their conversation. Nopony even flinched at the mention of blood, though. Bon Bon was pretty infamous in the store, and they were used to weird stuff happening around her—and that was mostly the reason why it was so successful. Everypony in Canterlot knew who Bon Bon was, and everypony hated her. So, if the cafeteria was always so full even with her as a waitress, then the coffee had to be spectacular, or that’s what everypony seemed to think. Bon Bon suspected that was one of the two reasons why she hadn’t been fired yet. The other one was that Lyra knew where the manager lived, of course.

“I’m totally sure there’s an amazing story behind that,” Bon said, “and you can’t imagine just how much I do want to know about it. Like, I can hardly wait for that fantastic moment when you explain it to me and totally don’t waste my time because I’m at work and that’s not important at all.” She sighed. “I love seeing you guys when I’m in here, did you know that? And by ‘love’, I mean—”

“Doesn’t matter. Give me a coffee,” Carrot interrupted. “The same one you gave to Vinyl. We’re taking care of Turner!”

Bon Bon blinked. “...Yeah, I didn’t know that. I, uh, it’s not like Vinyl explained it to me, you know. After all, that mare is just so—”

“You didn’t know?” Carrot titled her head to the side. “We’re forcing Turner to pay back for what he did!”

“I—”

“But anyway, give me the coffee.”

Bon Bon frowned. “Did I mention that I love how you’re always coming here and forcing me to waste my time with your stupidity? After all, it’s not like you can make a coffee on your own. Oh, no. You need to come here, because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to piss me off, and Celestia knows that your entire existence has no meaning if you don’t—”

“Oh, you’re right.” Carrot nodded. “We can make the coffee ourselves!” She turned around and headed for the door. “Bye!”

“What the—wait!” Bon slammed her hoof against the counter. “Oi! Don’t go away, you bloody cretin! I already made the stupid coffee!” And she actually had; with a quick movement, she took the cardboard cup from under the counter and put it on the wooden surface.

“Cool!” Carrot came back and took the coffee. “Wow, it’s hot! Thanks!”

And then she headed for the door again.

“Oh, yeah, good idea. Go away without paying me.” Bon Bon said. “Asking for a coffee in a coffee store and not giving a single bit in exchange? You’re a genius. That’s the best idea I’ve ever heard. I now realize I’ve been doing this wrong all my life. We should put you at the head of the Kingdom and let you fix the economy. So, yeah, go away without paying me. It’s not like you’re looking like a fucking dumbass or anythi—”

“Wow, thanks!” Carrot Top said. “Although I don’t think I could fix the economy on my own…”

And then she left the cafeteria without even turning around.

Bon Bon stood there, just looking at the door, for a couple seconds.

“YOU MOTHERFUCK—”


“Er… Miss? Can you please help me get my kitty out of that tree?”

Carrot Top looked at that filly. She was, without any doubt, the most adorable little filly she had seen in her life. Her eyes-to-paws ratio was off the radar. Something impressive, Carrot thought while looking at the little filly’s hoofsies. Something very impressive.

“Kitty?” Carrot put the coffee on the ground. “What kitty?”

The little filly gave her that particular smile that only adorable fillies can give and pointed at one tree at the other side of the street. “That one, Miss! The poor thing is trapped on it, and I can’t reach it!”

Carrot Top frowned. “You want to reach the cat?”

“Yes, Miss! Thanks, Miss!”

“Oh, well.” Carrot smiled back at the foal. “It’s no big trouble.”

“Thank you very—wait, what are—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

As Tootsie Flute flew across the street, driven by Carrot Top’s incredibly strong toss, she learned two things. First: you gotta word your sentences a little better sometimes. Second: next time an unknown adult grabs you out of the blue, run for your life.

Luckily for her, she grabbed the tree branch in time, so she didn’t fly right into the brick walls to end her days as a quite adorable stain on it.

Hey, at least she could grab her kitty now. A shame she was too busy hugging that branch as tightly as possible. That tree was obscenely tall.


A mare that paints cutie marks. Now, that was interesting, Derpy had to admit it. Usually, she would have been interested.

Usually.

“Tavi, I don’t give a crap,” she said. She could hear Turner gasping through the communicator, and then berated herself internally. “A damn, I mean. We’re not here to talk about cutie marks.”

“Oh, but we are!” Octavia giggled. “Aren’t you interested, Turner?”

“I’m so incredibly hooked by this conversation that I want you to keep talking about it. All the time. While you come back. I don’t know if you’re getting what I mean here.”

“Hmm.” Octavia sighed. “A shame that Derpy wants to talk about something else. Right, Derpy?”

“No!”

“Yes.” Derpy nodded. “Now, if you don’t mind cutting the…” She coughed. “If you don’t mind changing the subject back to what we were talking about before…”

“FUCK, NO!”

“But of course!” Tavi walked towards Derpy and touched her ear. “But of course, this is not about cutie marks, isn’t it? So Turner doesn’t need to hear anything about it…”

“OCTAVIA, DON’T YOU DA—”

Turner’s voice stopped all of a sudden. Then, Octavia messed with her own communicator and grinned at Derpy. “If this doesn’t drive him completely nuts,” she said, “then nothing will. Aren’t I brilliant sometimes?”

Derpy didn’t say a word.

“Oh, please.” Octavia rolled her eyes. “You know that I’m right. I bet he’s yelling at—”

“Octavia,” Derpy interrupted, “I’m going to ask you once more about that night. And I hope that the reason why Doc is so nervous about me knowing about it is because you were planning my birthday.” She squinted her eyes. “Because if that’s not the case…”

“Derpy, my dear.” Octavia shook her head and kept on walking, with Derpy following her by her side. “You don’t need to worry. Absolutely nothing happened that night.”

“Allow me to doubt that.”

“Well, you don’t need to.” Tavi raised an eyebrow. “I’m telling you the truth. I went to Turner’s to ask him for advice, and then I tried to prove something I had been thinking about. He reacted in a…” She laughed. “I’ll say ‘adorable’ way. Turner can be very adorable sometimes, right?”

“Octavia…”

“Look, Turner is my friend.” She frowned at Derpy. “I can go to his house without asking you for permission. He’s not yours, you know?”

“I called dibs on him.”

“Of course you did, my dear.” Octavia stopped for a second, then crossed the street. Derpy followed. “You smelt his pajamas earlier, for crying out loud.”

“Yes, I did.” Derpy huffed. “And guess what? I’m not bothering to stop doing that. Because Doc is so fucking naive that he doesn’t get my advances, no matter how hard I try. And I know that you love being single, Octavia, but I do not.” She frowned. “For Celestia’s sake, I’ve been in love with him for years, and you know it. I haven’t done anything crazy because he’s a good pony and I don’t want to scare him off. I have changed my lifestyle for him. And now I hear that my best friend, who knows all this, has done something to him and now he’s all embarrassed. Excuse me if I’m angry!”

Octavia frowned back. “You’re being a hypocrite.”

“Oh, I am? Look at how many fucks I give!” Derpy raised her hooves to the air. “They’re fucking falling from the sky!

“Derpy, you—”

“I what?” Derpy bared her teeth. “What are you going to say? What can you say?!”

“You know, you’re offending me here!” Octavia stopped and pushed Derpy away. A couple ponies looked at them, but nopony stopped. “What the fuck are you implying? What kind of pony do you think I am?!”

“I know the kind of pony you are! That’s the bloody problem!” Derpy ran a hoof through her mane. “I’ve been after him for years, and now you do this! Can’t you limit yourself to married ponies in a pub?! You need to go after Doc?!”

“You know, you’re not the one to talk here!” Octavia snorted. “Are you even hearing yourself? Glass houses, Derpy! You can do whatever you want, but Turner can’t? What you are doing is not healthy!”

“I don’t care about it being healthy,” Derpy hissed. “I couldn’t care less about that. Doc is mine. That’s all I need to say.”

“You—”

“Have you ever been in love?” Derpy shook her head. “No. Have you ever been obsessed with somepony? Do you know what it feels like? Doc is literally the most important thing in my life. If any mare tries to go near him, I’ll scare her away.” She looked at Octavia. “If a friend of mine does that, I’ll kill her. Simple as that.”

Silence.

They stood there, looking into each other’s eyes, for what felt like hours to Derpy. Then, slowly, Octavia lowered her gaze.

“You don’t need to do anything,” she said. “He refused.”

Derpy said nothing, but the cold tingle of light in her eyes disappeared.

Octavia turned around and sighed. “I’m not saying sorry for what I did,” she said while starting to walk again. Derpy followed. “He is not yours, no matter what you say. And I still think that way of thinking is unhealthy.”

“I don’t care. You’re an asshole.”

“Figures.” Octavia didn’t look back at her. “I’m still not apologizing. I might as well explain why I did that, though.”


“OCTAVIA, DON’T! SHUT UP! DON’T SAY A WORD!”

No answer. No background noise, either. The communicators were off.

“OCTAVIA, YOU BLOODY IDIOT!” Turner tried to break free from the ropes, unsuccessfully. “TURN ON THE STUPID THING! AAAAAAAARGH!”

“Turner, shut up,” a weak voice said. “Please.”

He blinked. “Wait. You’re still conscious, Vinyl?”

“Apparently.”

Vinyl Scratch was a mess. Surprisingly, she wasn’t a bloody mess, but she sure didn’t look like she could move a lot. She was laying right in front of Turner, face against the floor. Her sunglasses were a couple meters away from her, somewhat unbroken.

“Well, that’s amazing.” Turner sighed. “Can you please untie me? I’m kind of in a hurry.”

“I… actually I don’t think I can,” Vinyl answered, her voice muffled. She wasn’t moving her head. “I think Carrot punched my nervous system away.”

“Welcome to the club. What were you screaming about, Turner?” Lyra asked, walking into the room. Well, maybe walking wasn’t the best way to define what she was doing. It was a weird mixture between a limp and a crawl, and she was still bleeding—drops of red were falling down the right side of her head. “I just got up,” she said when she saw the way Turner was looking at her. “You woke me up with your screaming.” Then she coughed and covered her mouth with a hoof. “Oh, Celestia. I’m going to puke.”

“Welcome to the club,” Vinyl said.

Lyra sat down, resting her back against the wall. “Carrot won this one, I guess.”

Turner sighed. “You’re not untying me either, right?”

“Nah.” Lyra laughed softly. “Not like I could do that even if I wanted, anyway. I feel dizzy.”

“Fucking beautiful,” Turner spat. “Listen, I know that you’re hurt, but can’t you help me here? This is important!”

“You’re so selfless.”

“Time Turner, unselfishness is thy name. Burf.”

“Don’t puke on my floor.”

“No, but really.” Vinyl grunted and moved her head to the side to look at Turner. Her left eye was completely black. “Why were you insulting Tavi?”

He raised an eyebrow. “You look like a panda bear.”

“That sounds like dodging the question. Lyra? Did that sound like dodging a question to you?”

“I taste blood.”

“Yep, you were dodging the question.”

“I love the taste of blood.”

“Oh, for Luna’s mighty gonads.” Turner looked to the ceiling. “Why is Carrot taking such a long time?!”

“I can’t wait for that,” Lyra said. “I’m so biting her ear off when I see her.”

Vinyl frowned. “Can you even walk?”

“No. But I’ll try.”

“Spectacular.”

“You know, you’ve somewhat managed to make the coffee thing look good in hindsight.” Turner frowned at the two semi unconscious unicorns. “I need to get away from here as fucking fast as possible and my only companions have turned into retards.”

“I would like to see you take that hit without dying,” Lyra said. “Anyway, what was that thing about Octavia?”

Turner huffed. “She’s driving me nuts! That’s what’s happening!”

“Yeah, that was kind of the plan.”

“But she’s doing it on purpose!”

“Still part of the plan.”

“It’s not about the cutie marks, right?” Lyra coughed. “You wouldn’t get so hot-blooded about cutie marks.”

“Wait, what?” Vinyl tried to get up, but failed. “Oh, Celestia, my legs are not answering me.”

“Tragic,” Lyra said. “They will work again in a couple minutes. I taught Carrot that trick.”

“No, but really.” Vinyl grunted. “Weren’t you yelling about cutie marks? Wasn’t that a sore point of yours?”

“Yes, fifteen years ago.” Lyra snorted. “You’re an imbecile, Vinyl.”

“And you should have been drowned in holy water when you were born, yet here you are.” Vinyl rolled her eyes. “Ouch. Anyway, what was the screaming about?”

Turner sighed. “Are you going to stop asking?”

“No.”

“Nah.”

“Do you even care about it, or you’re doing this just to annoy me?”

“Annoying.”

“It’s about Octavia, so I care.”

“How romantic.” Lyra coughed. “You’re so fucking cute sometimes, Vinyl.”

The DJ blinked. “You got brain damage, didn’t you?”

“Your voice sounds funny.” Lyra giggled. “Turner, the yelling.”

“Hey, I think Carrot broke her.” Turner struggled against the ropes again. “Oh, Celestia, where the fuck is she?!


An orange mare stood in the middle of a random street in Canterlot, holding a warm cup of coffee, and looking to the left and to the right with a confused expression. A keen-eyed observer would have thought she was lost.

Where the fuck am I?!”

A keen-eyed observer would have been right.


“You know, we aren’t letting you go until the time of the lecture comes,” Vinyl said. “Why are you so eager to escape now?”

Turner sighed. “Because it’s important.

“You know, I’m getting tired of this,” Lyra said. “Turner, I’m going to be honest: I don’t really care about what you are going to say. But explain yourself, or I’m going to punch your liver.”

Silence.

“Why his liver?”

“He knows.”

“You know?”

Turner gulped.

“Woah, he knows!”

“‘Course he does.” Lyra coughed again. “Ugh. I think my vision is less blurry now. Am I still bleeding?”

“Yes.”

“Profusely.”

“Then I guess I need to stop that.” Lyra got up, not without trouble, and limped-crawled to the kitchen. “I can still hear you from here!” she yelled once she was gone. “Talk!”

“IF YOU CAN WALK, THEN YOU CAN UNTIE ME!”

“I’ll untie you if you talk!”

Vinyl frowned. “You will?”

“No.” Lyra appeared back at the hall, this time holding a sheet of paper against her wound. “But he can at least hope, right?” She looked at Turner. “Now, I’m going to ask you one more time.”

After hearing that, Turner made the mistake of looking straight at Lyra’s eyes. Bad idea. She had that look. His blood ran cold.

And then, Turner sighed. “Octavia is going to tell Derpy about something I don’t want her to know,” he said. “Something I really, really, really don’t want her to know.”

“I’m incredibly shocked by that revelation.” Vinyl looked at Lyra. “Aren’t you incredibly shocked by that revelation?”

“I’m speechless.”

“I hate you so much, girls.”

“Yeah.”

“Of course.”

“You can’t even imagine how much I hate you.”

Lyra raised an eyebrow. “You do realize that you’re tied to a chair and I can use magic, right?”

Silence.

“Did I mention how much I love you today, Lyra?”

“Can you please tell us what got you so upset?” Vinyl asked. “How many times do I need to repeat myself?”

Turner blinked. “Would you say that you’ve never repeated a question so many times in a row in your life?”

“What?”

“Would you?”

Vinyl frowned. “I… guess?”

“So…” Turner grinned. “We could say you’re repeating that question so many times you sound like a… scratched vinyl record.

Silence.

“Okay.” Lyra threw the bloody paper sheet she had been holding against her temple at Vinyl’s face and approached Turner. “Hold this for a second.”

He gulped. “Uh. What are y—?” Punch. “ARGH! MY MUZZLE!” Punch. “ARGH!” Punch. “OH, CELESTIA, MY LIVER!” Punch. “ARGH!” Punch. “PLEASE STOP!” Punch. “MY LIVER AGAIN!” Punch. “ARGH!”

Lyra blew on her hoof to cool it down. “That’ll teach you. You’re lucky I can’t do anything else like this.”

“I…” He coughed. “I think I’m going to puke…”

Lyra rolled her eyes. “Welcome to the club. Now, talk.”

Turner gulped. Part of him wanted to keep the whole thing a secret. Part of him.

“We’re waiting,” Vinyl said.

He sighed. “Octavia tried to seduce me, but I said no.”

Silence.

Absolute silence. Lyra stood there, looking at him with a blank expression. Vinyl blinked a few times.

“Lyra?”

“Yes, Vinyl?”

“Do you mind buying a coffee? Carrot is not coming, and I feel like torturing him a little.”

“But of course.”

Author's Note:

I remember when people said that Derpy wasn't such as asshole in the last story. I laughed at it because I had this scene in mind.

My inspiration was Twilight, by the way. Amazing source for fucked-up relationships. Isn't Derpy just adorable in this fic?