• Member Since 22nd Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Jan 28th, 2020

Dusk-Spark


Just your run-o-the mill pony fan who happens to have a variety of skills.

T
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With Nightmare Night so close by, the residents of Ponyville are so busy setting up for the night's events. It'd be foolish for any pony to leave things to the last minute.
Well, then you have Queen Drinksalot aka Berry Punch; Ponyville's lovable town drunk. Who did something crazier than leaving things to the last minute, she left it to drunk Berry. Who knows what kind of mischief she got into last night, in preparation for Nightmare Night? It's up to Berry Punch to make sure Nightmare Night goes well for both Pinchy and Cheerilee or suffer the shame of spoiling the evening.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 21 )
Comment posted by StephenDresty deleted Oct 30th, 2013

Daaaaaw, the family scene end :heart:

Sweet story, but with true morale and good humor :twilightsmile:

berry... just buy a minuette(TM) brand colgate(TM) and then you always wake up to a fresh mouth and a very loving companion?

‘Mother of the year award is practically mine. Take that, Derpy Hooves!’

Cheerilee checked the contents of the bag, “This is a wrench.”

‘Okay runner up then. Close enough. You win this time, Derpy Hooves

worth price of admission

MEDAL ACHEIVED!: SISTERLY PIMPING!
+2 AWESOME
-3 RESPECT

hello flooring, my old friend
i have come to lay with you again~
simon and garfunkle, you sir or madame, are a friend to me,
GOOD SHOW!
(goes off to buy a coffee and muffin, but upon purchase, is mowed down by close friend, ditzy doo)

A wonderful story. And the title wasn't lying: this story does have all aspects of of Berry Punch live and shows it with all it's big and small daily troubles, unawaited joys, mundane bother and philosophical questions which appears from time to time on her path. And all of this in a one day. That's amazing. You managed to give a full picture of a very usual pony (if to compare with the mane six, who are saving the world practically on a daily basis) in a really unusual way, and it turned out very catching to read! And all of it with never-to-be-forgotten drunken humour.

This story needs more love (and promotion as well). If you are reading this, please, recommend this story in some "What to read" thread or something.

Awwww. :rainbowkiss: That was adorable when he used her real name!

So I just finished reading this story today

First, some constructive criticism.

I noticed some odd formatting choices throughout the story, along with a bit of an overuse of both bold text and the ellipse ( … ). There were also a few instances where paragraphs should’ve been split up, and I think one where two speakers (Berry and Pinchy) were in the same paragraph. Additionally, the indenting/spacing was a little wacky. It’s best to either indent all your lines OR have a blank space between paragraphs. If you do both consistently, you leave too much white space; if you do both consistently, it makes it a bit odd for your eye to follow.

However, all of this formatting stuff is mostly me being nitpicky and aesthetic; it is all easily fixable, if you choose to do so. Grammar-wise, I think I spotted a missed period (lol) here or two, but nothing glaring. Your perspective and general prose was pretty good.

Now to the best part: the plot. (Isn’t the plot always the best part? :trollestia: ) This story was absolutely hilarious! I had to stop myself from giggling a bit too loudly in the breakroom several times! :rainbowlaugh: The running jokes were great, the drinking contest (and subsequent narration shift) was fantastic, and, all-in-all, it just made me laugh.

But I wasn’t so much laughing at Berry as along with her. She has a good heart, and though she’s made some mistakes (and continues to make them, never trust Drunk Berry), she’s a good mare. Her friends, sister, and daughter were all perfectly in character, though that’s a bit odd to say when you’re talking about background ponies or side-characters. However, the fact that I can say it and believe when I say it means that you established their personalities early on pretty well and solid, and they all stuck to it. Kudos! :twilightsmile:

Finally, the budding relationship between Berry and Noteworthy was super-sweet. :rainbowkiss: I would have loved to see more of this, and more of the wonderful life of Berry Punch in general. If you have a sequel planned, I can’t wait to see it!

Do you mind if I promote this story? It really deserves more love! :pinkiehappy:

4180076

Yeah, my formatting is a bit... odd. Old habits from my previous pastime. ^-^a
I was thinking of revisiting this story later down the line, maybe adding some chapter art, redoing the cover, and going through it again to fix up some of the more glaring mistakes.

I don't have a sequel planned, unfortunately. I tend to avoid doing sequels for various reasons. But... I guess if something is requested enough, then I might consider it. No promises though, I've still got a laundry list of stories I want to tell before I get into sequels.
:twilightsheepish:

By all means, promote away~

Hey, I wrote a review for this story. It can be found here.

Overall, I found it to be a funny fic, although it could certainly use quite a bit of polish. I love your interpretation of Berry Punch and her drunkenness.

4800509

Oh. Thanks. :twilightsmile:
I just read it and, it was a good review. Not harsh for the sake of entertainment, but not kissing the ground I walk on. It pointed out the good and the bad in equal measure, keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

Yeah, you're right, I probably should polish this story's writing up a bit in the future. Maybe give it some chapter art and a new cover since that one up there is... meh, when compared to what I can do now:
th03.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2014/196/8/5/no_place_like_home_by_dusk_spark-d7qr9ad.png
th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2014/202/2/1/nplh___lyra_running_by_dusk_spark-d7roslp.png

Haha, my shameless plugs aside, thanks for the review. :twilightsmile:

4802123 Glad that you enjoyed it.

Gotta say, I envy you writers that can also draw. That is some nice cover art.

4807790

Honestly, I don't consider myself all that great. I mean, let's be honest, I've certainly improved. Though, if great = level 90ish, I'm about... let's say level 45?

Funny story, I only started taking drawing seriously because I got really angry at one point in my life. Wanted to prove something, at some point I started to actually like it. :twilightsheepish:

There is one surefire way to get better:
"A drawing challenge." :rainbowdetermined2:

I know I'm late... but I love this story just for the reference... definitely gonna read this

I'm not sure I've ever read another story quite like this one. The narration is all over the place -- but in a funny way, that works, since this is a Berry Punch story after all! The broad, alcohol-centric comedy has something of a scattergun aim -- when it hits, it's great; when it doesn't, it's less so. The more serious, deeper parts of the plot make an interesting contrast and flesh out Berry's character nicely. Could maybe do with a proofread... but with tighter editing the strange Drunk Berry-like effect of the narration would be lost!

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