Octavia's and Vinyl's life together. You think it's simple, and I'm going to prove you're wrong.
So, heads or tails?
Proofread by MrNumbers.
Featured on Equestria Daily.
Chapters (1)
Aragon
Joined 19th Mar, 2012 ·
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Wow. You've been lying when you say you're bad at Romance. This was great. It was real. It's one of those stories where I loved it, but I don't want to ever read it again.
It says something interesting that there aren't any stories in the similar area.
awesome
i know alot about good romance novels and this is a great novel
This was a super interesting concept that I wouldn't have been brave enough to follow through on, and it was fantastic to see the idea come together on the page towards the end, to see where it culminated.
... what? You expected me to be sarcastic, say something bitter again, like I usually do when I'm named a prereader? Nah. Aragon took what we both consider kind of a risk writing this, and like fuck am I going to do anything to disrespect that.
This was fun.
Nice.
7015460
Pff, you amateur.
...is what I would say otherwise, but I actually have to agree. This could've gone much, much worse, but I like it the way it came out.
That isn't too say we can't find other bad excuses to be sarcastic and bitter.
Loved it. Even if it doesn't have characters in the ussual sense (More of figures moving around, not unlike some mythology, with the Stalion being the most prominent one) it is a great story, both from a technical and personal point of view.
We all die a few times along life -parents die, couples break, pets dissapear, teenage angst- but thats a part of reinventing one self! Horrible, yet vital, chance to have.
That must be one of the most awkwardly writen phrases I've writen in a while, but ya know what I mean.
To be honest, I was really confused at beginning of the story both in the way it was written and how it was suppose to be a romance story. It was hard to follow the narrative and with the sad direction it seemed to be going it felt more like a drama than a romance. Everything felt like a mess to the point where I considered to stop reading but that turn in the middle of the story, fucking brilliant. I got goosebumps when I got to see the other perspective and what I first considered a mess became something solid in which it could only be described as magnificent.
This was a really good read and I hope to see more in the future, you are already one of my favorite writers when it comes to comedy and now it seems I have to add you to the romance department as well. Keep up the good work and remember, you are fucking awesome!
Wow. This has been a real adventure to read. I can't quite put it into words, but there's a bit of... surrealism, knowing that the same person that wrote Octavia x Discord and then the guides on how to romance managed to hammer this out. I can definitely say I loved the story to the fullest. Really amazing concept and very well executed. I never knew what to expect and the narrator really told the story well.
I know this might sound offensive, but had this been given to me, I couldn't have said this was your writing, Aragon. Seriously, after working with you for nearly three years, I don't think I could have managed to connect this idea to any other story of yours. The way it's told is reminiscent of maybe Born on a Rock Farm, but I can't quite say it's indicative of your style. I really think you outdid yourself here.
The narration man... the way this story is told... as though interacting with the reader? Pure brilliance. Is this kind of unexpected, out of the box thinking that makes a story. You've established yourself in a way no other writer can, and I hope to be at that level that day- when writing isn't a process, but natural.
Fantastic.
This was pretty good? I felt a little bad because I am a sap but I was engaged the entire way.
I'm not entirely sold on the narrative perspective, but I understand it's necessity for the type of story. That being said, this is both art, and a great message. Not everyone sees the same thing, and not all sad endings are actually sad.
I like it. Good job.
Good opening though it took much longer to get into but the story is intriguing don't get me wrong, perfect on this and its a-ok
You magnificent bastard. Have like, a favorite and a follow. I expect more of this deep, wonderful quality in the near future!
Edit: oh wait, I already follow you. Well, have only a like and a favorite, then XD
The one bit of criticism from me on this one is that we're really being told everything. Now, I'm going to shove that point into the oven and roast it because the philosophical gains from that approach are pretty staggering. It's not the ends; it's the journey. There is good and there is bad, but both add to the tale. Simple things to think about. However, these simple things were exceptionally woven into this read. Nicely done. :)
7018051
Exactly! I wanted to experiment with telling. This is the story being literally told to the reader, with me as a narrator. As such, it has no fourth wall, and no "narrator" itself either. It's me talking to you, telling you the entire story. You can see it as a mistake, of course, but it was definitely intended.
Glad you liked the story and the moral!
7018078 ;) Which is why I did that oven roasting and jumped into the philosophy. :P Was a very nice read.
This was... weird. Experimental. Different. Intriguing. I like it. Makes you think.
I kind of enjoyed the approach to the narrative a lot more than I expected.
You ended up (intentionally or unintentionally, I'm not sure) giving a perspective that went borderline omniscient in some aspects. Though the reader is seeing more of the story from this perspective than most would give (following one of the characters or switching perspectives, for example) you don't get that voyeuristic feeling you get from some stories that take this approach. You've left out just enough detail to keep the reader from feeling like an outsider. I must say, I am rather impressed that someone could manage this. I don't think I could.
It'll do that thing where it lands perfectly on its side, and everyone is amazed by the luck involved, but annoyed by the indecision.
The writing style is very interesting and I found it gave a nice element to the story. The story itself is... both happy and sad. Personally, I think I might choose tails, taking in the time.
Question/Request: Can we have more like this?
Hot DAMN son... This... This was great! Amazing even! I too, enjoyed the unique voice used in the story, and the coin bit was excellently executed! If anyone is thinking of giving this story a shot, do so! It's amazing!
Now I'm going to give a slightly more detailed opinion, but spoiled. This story was like one of those "If you watch Jaws backwards it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives people limbs." jokes. Except this isn't a goofy joke, it's brilliantly done and not silly at all. It's tied together with a coin flip, a symbolic thing meant to point out how things can be seen differently. Both tales are the same, yet completely different. Which is better? To have your lover taken away while you still love them? Or to have everything slowly fail and live in misery after riding the high of love until all of it has collapsed? This is one of the questions this story asks. Heads, or tails?
Me personally? I choose heads. But holy hell was this amazing...
This was pretty good. I don't think I've seen a dramatic monologue as a pony story before. Good job.
I didn't like how the narration kept saying things like "stay with me here", it felt a little too bossy, and at the second point where said narration promised it was going to get to the point I just skipped to the end, read it, skimmed the middle for the meat of it all, and then roughly skimmed it from top to bottom again. If narration tells me to wait, even though that was probably part of the point of how you wrote this story, I just have to jump ahead and try to find a part where the narration shuts up and the story continues, Since that never happened, I just did not enjoy the story. It's just not for me, but hey you can't please everyone.
That was deep and extremely well thought out and written. One should always look at things from a different perspective.
Aragon, you're a genius.
I have no other words.
This was, bluntly, astounding.
I can't say I've ever read anything like this.
And I loved it.
Congratulations, you've created something that is utterly brilliant and unique.
I am very glad indeed that I read this. Thank you.
Huh.
Huuuuuuh.
Wow. I'm completely baffled by this story... in a good way. The narrator felt like I was going to grow to hate them very quickly, but after a while it only served to add to the weird vibe this story has. It really does feel like someone randomly pulling you aside while you're walking down the street so they can start rambling away while you grab the pepper spray in your pocket. I'm glad I didn't end up using mine, as my curiosity paid off.
Unless someone really doesn't enjoy this kind of narration, it actually feels really clever to use it. You tell the reader in advance that there's something really important ahead, and the "blandness" of the actual plot makes you wonder just what the hell the fuss is all about.
The romance is shamelessly dodged. It's a bit like when Tolkien didn't really know how to write epic battle scenes for The Hobbit, so he either had Bilbo be somewhere else at the time, or knocked him unconscious. The character setup is a bit mediocre too, as there's no real reason given for why the two fell for each other, nor do we learn how their personalities interact, etc. And yes, while I know we have very little canon material on Vinyl's personality (Octavia is more or less established), this particular incarnation feels very... headcanon-y? Not a huge fan.
That said, I don't mind at all. Feels like the story would have dragged on and the mysterious vibe would have been ruined if we had to spend thousands of words watching these two get all sappy. It's been mentioned here that, in the "show vs tell" thing, this is the "tell overload" category. To the point, in fact, that it actually becomes less clear to the audience just what is going on, because you don't have someone calmly explaining everything, but instead someone giving you glimpses in a rather hectic manner.
While the plot wouldn't be too interesting or original if it were used as a skeleton for a lengthier story, in this context, it's weird. In a good way. I can't even describe it any better than just "weird", but I definitely enjoy it. Makes me all confused and speculative about what is going on, but somehow without feeling like the story wants me to do exactly that, e.g by being "open-ended". This fic actually transcends that, not really having an "ending" at all.
So yeah, in case my thumb up and fave didn't give it away already, I like this. Quite a lot, in fact. It gave me a strange ride, and the strange vibe lingers on as I think back to it. Good job.
Now if only I could make sense of the "Stallion in Black". Hmm...
Is it just me or did anyone else get a Doctor Who vibe from the narrator? The eccentric way he talked and well the time traveling forward and back. along with the hole He know what was going to happen.
You really show your talent in this story.
I think the description of Vinyl's music also applies to your writing; You could be more popular if you dumped the strange narration-medium for a more normal writing method, you could easily go into more detail and spread it out over more chapters (there's half a life-time of story in there! Three hour movies cover less of a person's life than your story does!), and you could release mature side-stories detailing what the two get up to at night.
But that'd ruin the unique charm, and probably be quite draining emotionally speaking.
Maybe you COULD be a mainstream success; Some writers can pull off multiple styles, so for all I know you're perfectly able to write 'normally' and still have it come out great.
But it would have been a very different story.
We have a lot of normal stories written in a normal way about normal linear lives.
Maybe those stories are better than yours, maybe they are worse, but they're certainly different.
So, I say, keep writing these kinds of things!
We can always just rely on the many other authors out there to write the other stories, while you can create 'Art'!
And certainly disregard any non-constructive criticism; This story is not going to appeal to everyone, but that's fine.
Weeeeeell, crud. I wanted to like this story. I gave it a real honest try. But for some reason I couldnt make it click. Its not even too poorly written or gramatically incorect. Aside from the fact that the paragraphs tended to drag on, I cant complain too much. Well... Maybe that the monologue reminded me of Witwiki after he touched the allspark in the second Transformers movie. But, again, I feel this is more a problem of taste. Maybe I'll like the next one more. Keep writing, dude.
in the begining i was all YAY! but then i got the sad about half way through then i got the happy again right after and it was great ...then the sad returned with a vengance
i dont like the sad
side landing it is
Perspective is everything. This one... Was a bit chaotic to read but I liked that about it. And it spoke to me on a personal level. I've had a moment in my life when I realized I was just looking at things the wrong way. And then I fell in love. And nothing changes a persons perspective quite like that.
And happiness is relative, I do t think either ending is really a "happy" one but... In each one there was beauty to it, even in sadness.
That was definitely an interesting read
The feels though ...
Let me engage in a debate with you.
You do have a point, there certainly is value in how you perceive the story, but what if you decide that the story's ending isn't the one that you read, but the point where you stop reading? If I had decided to stop reading after the two of them got married and decided that that was the ending, wouldn't that have just as much value than if I had read the entire thing? Then, no matter which side the coin lands on, the story will always be a happy one.
7035922
7027219
Well, as I said, it's mostly about what you take from the story, isn't it? I mean, the end is the end no matter what, and the thing's already written -- but they live together for years no matter if it's heads or tails. If the story ends there, it's going to be a happy ending for sure.
I've discussed this with friends before -- if you really think about it, every story has to end with the protagonist dying, because that's how all lives end. So if you want to cut the story at the highest point, that's perfectly reasonable. That's what storytelling is. So I'd say it's legit enough.
Ditto with the coin landing sideways -- you're just saying you don't want to choose. It's hilarious how a story that lacks any fourth wall (it's literally me talking to the reader) is one of the most death-of-the-authory things I've ever done. It's all up to the reader. All up to the reader.
(Also, neat reading, man!)
7021914
Love how that doesn't necessarily imply that the story is good. Just that I tried to show off. I don't think I really tried to do that, but it certainly gives that vibe, doesn't it?
7044363
I really didn't mean for it to come across that way.
It was a good story; it's just that being a worrywart and pessimist I concern myself that a fool might think you a one-trick pony with stories like A Hell of a Time and Long Story Short, Things Went Down and completely ignore your other stuff like Primal Fear♦ and I Don't Want To Write This♠.
That's how all lives end, this is true.
But not how all stories end.
Sometimes they do indeed live happily ever aster♥.
I mean, I see why you've done what you did for this story because that's kinda the other side of the linchpin of the envelope that changes everything and what makes the whole thing work.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
♦ Huh. The images seem to be broken in that one.
♠ Dangit. Decided to reread this and now I'm kinda teary-eyed.
♥ (I made a typo, then fell in love with said typo. Sorrynotsorry.)
7044545
Oi, worry not -- I actually liked that comment and that (apparently uninentional) implication. I don't really mind being a one-trick-pony, and in fact I tend to consider my own serious stories as sorta a little too, uh. Pretentious?
I really try not to take them seriously, is what I mean, I write them like I write my comedies -- I like the idea, so I write it, and then I move on -- but by sheer virtue of them not being funny like my stories tend to be, they really look like I'm trying to demonstrate something. Like HEY LOOK I CAN WRITE TOO. They feel like oscar-bait (and I refer to them as such, sometimes).
Thus, me laughing at that thing I quoted. It felt square on the nail, man. Plus, you comment in pretty much everything I write, so I assumed you're familiar enough to friendly tease me about my apparent pretentiousness. We're all family here.
(Also, goddamn Primal Fear -- I reuploaded the pictures again. Mind checking if they're fixed now?)
Whoa. Deep.
This story left me speechless, the coin's ending was predetermined all along but I suppose it's up to us to decide which journey meant more in the end and it's a hard decision. You'd make a great philosopher.
...
.....
.......
..I can't even begin to say how stunned I am. This was deep. The vibes hit me in several different cores, and I just... I'm speechless.
I grant this my Holy Muffin award - this is one of those stories that I am completely thrown by, and that have no equal. This qualifies in a heartbeat.
~SoDF
I knew I'd love this story from the very first paragraph, and that was before I had any idea of what the story was about and how amazing it would be.
I've always loved weird, creative little mind-benders, but I'm always wary of reading them because writers tend to make them very grandiose and somber, which is the exact opposite style that they should be. Which is why I knew instantly that this story was going to be great because you went out of your way to make the narration style fun, rather than being all serious, expertly counteracting the by-the-book plot of the first half.
Thank you. This is an awesome concept that could've easily been mishandled by a lesser author, but you avoided the pitfalls in a way that looks effortless. Sure, not everyone's going to like the style, but I like to think you wrote a much greater story for the readers that do.
I find this a rather interesting quote from your story, I don't know why, but I like it.
I'm surprised by the approach you took to this story, I believe you told us what happened rather than showed us and it definitely tells a wonderful story.
So what if the coin lands on it's side? You know, with both faces showing?
This was an interesting read and a unique one from the usual Vinyl and Octavia stories I usually read.
I have no words.
*takes off Stetson in respect*
Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with me. I will certainly never forget it
I started feeling horribly uncomfortable by about halfway through the story, but I pushed on. I'm really not sure if that was the right choice or not. No matter what angle I look at this, it feels... distressing. I think it's because of the all-telling style. Because I only ever saw it happen in a condensed form, as told by a middleman, I never got the emotional resonance of the good times. Just a few glimpses of bright eyes and smiles, and then the lengthy description of what happens when it all goes wrong.
In the end, this was a fascinating experience, but I don't think I ever want to go through it again. I hope it did what you wanted it to.
Let's all sing the Ambiguity Song!
Sweet Luna that was a good time...
7092306
Dammit, you make me want to play Soul Reaver 2 all over again.