• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 25 minutes ago

Aragon


Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)

T

Twilight is a hammer in want of a nail. Sunset would rather a good screw.

A dramedy.


A commission for Shogoki. Proofread by MrNumbers, Octavia Harmony, and Themaskedferret. Special thanks to Selbi.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 160 )

As the story is starting, you get two chapters for the price of one. I'm like a cool dad who buys his kids ice cream whenever mom is not around.

Comment posted by Violet Rose in The Rain deleted Dec 13th, 2016

7790372

Hey, thanks! Always nice to hear people liked it.

Mind spoiling that quote, though? The story was just submitted, and this comment is high enough that a lot of people are probably gonna see it before they read the story proper. Pretty please?

Just write [ spoiler ][ /spoiler ] (no spaces) before and after the words in the quote, yo.

Interesting story. Then again you have always written pretty interesting stories.

If you’re wearing a shirt, point your knees inwards to maintain your decency.

I'm almost completely certain you meant to type 'skirt'.

and her heart forever reminded in the right place when it came to it.

I think you mean remained.

Why would I fight for peace it if I hated it?”

Should just be 'if'.

7790419 Correction for both you and the author. It should just be 'if' and only 'if'.

What did Selbi do that required you to thank him?

Oh man. Wonder how Sunset's life got turned to such shit.

Glad too see this finally gone public!

it was easy to tell when every men went “meow” upon your sight

every man.

The doors that lead to the Throne Room were big, and extremely heavy.

Isn't the past tense of lead 'led'?

puts the entirely of Equestria in danger.

entirety

I just want you to if your past relationship with Celestia!

There are many words you could use. If is not one of them.

7790419 7790635 Man, my fault with all those. I really see now that I didn't take enough time going through it all. Good eyes you have there! I can't speak for Aragon, but thanks.

And now, thoughts on the story itself in its current form.

This is possibly the most mentally damaged/inconsistent Twilight Sparkle I have ever seen. With every single sentence, it's a complete toss-up as to whether we'll get the neurotic princess who yearns for the glory days and seems eerily obsessed with potential death tolls, or the close-to-canon Twilight who actually thinks about how to solve a problem instead of just making a distressing puddle at the thought of a problem existing. Now, either of these interpretations on their own would be a fine protagonist, but having both of them at once and switching between them entirely at random? That's just deeply confusing.

What's even more confusing is that none of the characters seem to react to her seamlessly changing gears. One moment they're reacting to her as though she's the eccentric danger-addict, then they're listening calmly to her lecture about temporal mechanics, and nobody acknowledges that they've just changed tracks so drastically.

The scene transitions feel very choppy, and half the time it's difficult to understand where the characters actually are. They also occasionally react to things that are supposedly happening, but which are either never described to us or described so sparsely that they may as well just be seven disembodied voices in a white void talking about how awesome their new friend's ass would be if she had one. The one or two fourth-wall-breaking references to a cinematic art style are very helpful here; several of the scenes seem to be written as though the visuals are being provided on a second track for our viewing pleasure, except that you seem to have forgotten that your audience isn't entirely comprised of Spanish-fluent long-range telepaths (apologies to any Spanish-fluent long-range telepaths who are in the audience) who can view the images you're imagining so clearly that you don't need to bother describing most of them.

Now, I'm not sure if I missed this, but why didn't they immediately push Sunset back through the portal once they realized that would solve the problem? I feel like there should have been an explanation for why she's overnighting at the castle instead of resignedly marching back through the mirror, but I don't remember it being there.

The tone also seems a little bit all over the place, but that might just be because I haven't settled into this story's groove yet. It can feel like it's going for largely serious with tinges of comedy, but then they'll say or do something utterly inane, or Sunset will make a vague allusion to whatever happened under the bridge, and I'm suddenly inside a zany madcap crackfic for one or two sentences.

I like the bit where Twilight's friends are talking about shooting monsters. And the hilariously over-dramatic board game that Fate and Time are playing is entertaining in how seriously it takes itself.

7790666 Oh, think nothing of it. I do this for any fic that I even slightly respect.

Unless they ask me not to.

I've been reading a fair bit of lovey-dovey fluffy SunLight recently...
...I think a good old fashioned farce will do me well. :duck:
Also oh my god I can't believe Sunset is a hot mom.

Crappy day...need a laugh. *sees new Aragon story*
ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!

Mmmmmm I have to go with Death on this one Life as she is right. Having a universe get riped apart from one living entity being bored THEN having Fate try and force Love in to it is a funny as hell way to kill everyone in said universe.

"This narration reminds me of Aragon, who wrote this- oh."

Twilight is a hammer in want of a nail. Sunset Shimmer is a nail in need of a hammer.
Now it's just a question of who nails who.

Bewbies.

7790479 ...

Did you forget to leave a comment, or something?

Huh, well, never expected a (probable) Sunlight fic from Aragon. I know its a commission, but compared to most of your other stories, its just unexpected. But it still has your delightfully crazy and funny style, so definitely following, if partially to see if things just stay absurd or if they get more serious eventually. I like the board game bits, both for how surreal it is is, as well as poignant, such as the last line about Love not being involved at all. Though given the alicorns, wonder if Love is also an abstract concept like Fate and Time or if Cadence will get involved.

Can never quite tell how much is just Sunset being wacky, lazy, or just avoiding a subject she doesn't like. Well, she's old, er, middle-aged, she can do whatever she feels like.

Well now. This is deeply intriguing. I don't have time to offer more in-depth analysis at the moment, but I'm eagerly looking forward to more.

I have two things to say, one, great story so far, and two, thank you for making her a cougar..

A hammer and a nail?

I thought it was just two hammer heads banging against each other.

:V

Some say it's better to be the hammer than the nail. Well I say it's better to be me!

7791246 No. I felt like commenting but couldn't come up with anything original or witty and intelligent.

7791802 ...

Pretty sure nobody's said 'cool story, bro' on this thing yet.

7791803 well, we will just have to rectify it now, won't we?

Cool story, bro

...
...
...
Nah, seriously, so far, so good. You also eerily remind me of Pratchett, for what little of his I read.

So chapter every 2 weeks, I will wait for it to be complete.
Well RL list; have another addition ;)

Summary

Now it's just a question of who nails who

for nice grammar: "who nails whom" ('cause quick check when in doubt you would say ex. "she nails him")

I've seen that cover art before ... who drew it, again?

7792623 It was in the credits for Rainbow Rocks.

This story reads like the unholy bastard child of a crackfic and a deeply introspective romance story. It shouldn't have any right to exist. Yet somehow it does.

I LOVE IT!

Reading the whole opening scene with Sunset, my constant reaction was this.

Everything this fic is and represents is amazing.

Oh, my sides. Loving this already! Quite intriguing as well. Can't wait to see where this all goes :pinkiehappy:

So in all this time, I'm guessing that Luna never got any therapy?

hmm, hope this story is not Twilight and Sunset will be apart forever.

Well, the reception to this one was mixed. Still, thanks to all the people who commented and said neat things! Made my day.

Now, more specific replies:

7790452

Whenever I give special thanks to someone in a fic (it's happened a couple times), it tends to be 'cause they helped with the title, the description, finding a good cover art, or just generally endured my constant whining while I was writing the story (standard "Boo hoo hoo this scene is haaaaard" kind of thing). They aren't exactly editors or proofreaders, but nevertheless, I think they deserve some kind of acknowledgement. Hence, "special thanks".


7790673

Eyooo. Thanks for pointing out the typos, man. Fixed. I'll be getting an extra proofreader from now on -- the chapters are long and constantly changing, and my proofers are humans, after all. I'm sorta overwhelming when it comes to editing, sometimes.

As per the criticism -- I agree with some points, disagree with others. Mostly, some mistakes are there in that I apparently didn't show or explain certain aspects properly... Twilight's mindset comes to mind -- she makes sense, I believe, I just didn't make it clear (so that's on me, I mean).

Others, like characters talking about things off-screen or me playing with space/warping it so the place where the scene is left blank, is more a conscious effort on my part -- at this point I think I can safely say that this is not me hiding a blatant mistake under the "it's just my style" flag; you've read other stories of mine, so you know I can do stuff in a more orthodox way without trouble.

I can't say I'll be dropping those stylistic choices in the next chapters, but I'll make sure to ease the reader more into them. If someone doesn't get what's happening, or finds it offputting, it's the author's fault, not the reader's. Here hoping the next chapters make it up for ya!

(Also, the plot thing -- I dislike explaining stuff in the comments, because I think it's sorta cheating? But mostly, think that characters act irrationally sometimes. They don't always go for the perfect or most logical solution -- it's them making the mistake, not the author. Choices based on emotions, yaddah yaddah. Twilight explains why they're not sending Sunset back, if you pay attention.)

Still, don't worry, 'cause the criticism ain't falling on deaf ears.


7790982

Whenever this happens, I don't know if it means that I'm really recognizable, or that I'm not recognizable enough. A lot of people feel that I remind them of myself, which is both rather obvious and also fucking weird, yo.


7791262

Huh, well, never expected a (probable) Sunlight fic from Aragon. I know its a commission, but compared to most of your other stories, its just unexpected.

Looking back at my stories, and all I've written about romance, I see where you're coming from? But I also find it hilarious. I might not be a shipping writer, but be assured -- I've been shipping characters in this fandom since the very beginning. I've probably read, if not skimmed, through every single major Sunlight story on the site, yo.

Still, it is true that I'm an avid romance reader, not a romance writer. It's an ironic statement, nonetheless. Here hoping this lives up to your expectations; I personally love how the fic's coming out so far.


7791275

Hell yeah. Waitin' for that in-depth commentary, man. This is the kidn fo story that I'd love to see analyzed, 'cause there's a lot of shit going on behind the scenes. Or you can just look at it as a wacky comedy, I guess. Also works.

7791802

Whenever that happens, a simple "I really liked this story, good job" does wonders. As an author, that's the kind of pick-me-up I look forward to the most. A white comment is, admittedly, equally baffling and disappointing. I'd suggest not doing it, really.

Still, I guess I appreciate the intent of commenting no matter what, so thanks for that.


7792315

Dang. Thanks for the typo; I actually asked a friend about it (I literally said "I feel that there's a 'whom' hidden in this sentence, but dunno where") but we never got around to actually fix it. So, now it's done.

Also, biased as I might be, I'd suggest reading this as soon as the chapter comes out. It's written in sort of an episodic way, so I think you'd get the most out of the experience that way. Still, it's your choice. I just want more comments, not gonna lie. I'm a diva at heart.


7792162

Pratchett is a great inspiration of mine. I've got a couple fics out there that are straight-out homages to the man. One of the greatest; I'm still not over his passing.

7794280

Twilight explains why they're not sending Sunset back, if you pay attention.

Really? Because the closest we've got to an actual explanation (as opposed to implication, which on a second reading is somewhat more clear) is the following:

She’d been genuinely scared, thinking that they were going to kick her out of Equestria, just to save the world. Twilight’s words had taken a weight off her shoulders.

Twilight's words, which aren't told to us, because we decide to randomly skip the bit where anyone explains why we shouldn't take the obvious solution.

Also, I have a question: Since when was Sunset studying at Wonderbolt Academy? Because the movies follow a Sunset who goes to Canterlot High School, which has a sports team called the Wondercolts.

7794312

Also, I have a question: Since when was Sunset studying at Wonderbolt Academy? Because the movies follow a Sunset who goes to Canterlot High School, which has a sports team called the Wondercolts.

Wait, fuck. What.

Holy shit. How come nobody caught this. Fixed.

And we don't skip anything! Twilight is thinking about her "Especially if you're going to stay in Equestria" line in that quote, yo.

See, at no point do they actually sit down and explain to Sunset why she's not going away, or why she'll be staying in Equestria. That's why she does what she does in the last scene -- because she fears they're actually considering this, even though Twilight implies here that it was never an option.

'Cause it never was, really. It's not made explicit (which I guess was the problem here), but I honestly think it would be extremely out of character for everybody to simply kick Sunset back to the human dimension. Leaving aside the fact that she just got there, because Twilight specifically called for her, bear in mind that Sunset just told them how her life was in there (an explanation that was so hardcore that Luna had to walk away, and even Dash was affected). Celestia suggests this, because Celestia acts weird around Sunset, but that's it.

From a more meta perspective -- the reader is supposed to be left hanging, there. Celestia says it's an option, and Sunset, just like the reader, sees that and wonders what's going to happen. But then that's never mentioned again, and by the time we continue reading, hours have passed and Twilight is studying alternatives on how to fix Flower Fall without banishing Sunset. And then Twilight just casually drops that yeah of course you're staying here.

There's uncertainty, and that's why Sunset comes to Twilight's studio; because, just like you, she has no idea what's going to happen. And that's also why Twilight doesn't really explain shit -- to her, it's obvious. She wants Twilight to be here. And nobody really wants Sunset to go back to the hell that was her life at the other side of the mirror.

As I said, this is an emotional decision, not a logical one. Equestria is in danger, and Sunset is the cause. From a purely reasonable point of view, they should bid her adieu. But emotionally that's not a possibility. So yeah, they're technically ignoring the blatant, obvious solution right in front of them, and putting Equestria in danger -- but they do this knowingly, and for a reason that, at least for them, makes sense.

So yeah, this shit is about implication, I guess. Saying this word-for-word would've been sloppy, IMO, but I guess we differ here or whatever. 'unno.

7794340

Twilight is thinking about her "Especially if you're going to stay in Equestria" line in that quote, yo.

The phrasing seemed to imply that Sunset was flashing back to something Twilight said immediately after the scene break. That was why I was confused.

the reader is supposed to be left hanging, there.

For a grand total of five minutes if they're a really slow reader, or take coffee breaks whenever there's a scene break.

And how exactly would it be sloppy to say "Oooor, and I'm just throwing this out here, Celestia, we could look for an alternative solution that fixes her magic instead of leaving her at the mercy of Squatting Steve?" Wouldn't be any more slapshod than most of the conversation.

Not gonna lie, I was thoroughly confused getting into this. It felt like one of those times when I start reading a story and completely miss the fact that it's a sequel to something I haven't read, so it has an established canon of its own that I have no familiarity with. I can see that the details are falling into place as it goes along, though, and they're looking to form an intriguing picture.

I must say, I'm already a fan of your writing style. The tone of this story is my favorite kind of twisted, and you have a way of playing with with words that just makes for really good comedy. I'll definitely be sticking around to see this progress.

I haven't read one of your stories in a very long time. You have a great narrative voice that I envy; it's something I'm not sure I could replicate, so I applaud you for that alone. The story itself looks interesting and the first chapter was promising, so I'll be keeping an eye on this.

I'm just here to drool at the cover art. Don't mind me.

7794490 ...Wait, what is this a sequel to? It's not marked...

7794813

Not a a sequel to anything; they said it FELT like one at the start, though.

Login or register to comment