Fearing the consequences of her actions in the bipedal world, Sunset Shimmer returns to Equestria and moves to Ponyville where Twilight Sparkle can keep an eye on her. Sunset Shimmer, bored and beaten, casts about for something to distract her, but soon the feelings growing inside her for Ponyville's princess can no longer be ignored. Nervously, with a little help and encouragement, Sunset begins to open her long-frozen heart to Twilight Sparkle, but when the shadows of Sunset's past threaten to destroy any chance of her happiness in the present, Sunset and Twilight may have to risk everything they have and defy cosmic forces older than Equestria in order to seize their fragile chance at happiness.
Cover art by Wadusher0
Many thanks to pre-reader The Albinocorn, but don't blame him for any errors you might find in the first chapter, because he only became pre-reader after I posted chapter 1
I am going to put this on my priority read latter list. I am intrigued.
Mr. Flare
Of course, that'll come right after you invent the computer...
And telecommunications...
And programing
And network infrastructure...
And servers...
And train other ponies how to run this stuff, unless you want to try doing that all by yourself...
Methinks Sunset bit off a bit more than she can chew...
Although, given how much free time she has, maybe that's a good thing.
Uhm.... he's aware of who Twilight is exactly? and who her friends are? That said friends include the spirit of Chaos himself? That she is good friends with princess Luna who once was Nightmare Moon? That Princess Celestia sees her as a pseudo daughter? That her sister-in-law wields magic powerful enough to to KILL King Sombra and that her brother, who's more protective over her than Fluttershy is over her critters, has comand over TWO huge armies?
Yep. Totally a good plan to go after Twilight just to gain political influence^^
3681000 Did we read the same story?
3681049 I didnt read the story yet^^; made that comment after reading the describtion^^;
Well look what we have here. I approve of this pairing, it pleases me greatly.
And if you want a pre reader, just shoot me a PM.
3683645 Well look at what we have here, yet another writer currently working on a Twilight x Sunset piece! Both of you are doing quite well, I must add!
3683645
I should hope so, since you gave me the idea.
3683645
DAMMIT, I WANTED TO MAKE AN >INB4 ALBINOCORN POST!
T+T
That will be a lot to take in there, Sunset. Though it sounds like she is about to become the Steve Jobs of fucking Equestria
Interesting premise but Sunset has forgotten something very, very important: The technology of the pseudo-Earth is the end result of decades and even centuries of development. In some cases, many cases in fact, even the crudest versions of these tools and sciences do not yet exist on Equestria. Sunset will have to do things like re-invent digital computing from literally raw materials (silicon-gallium semi-conductors) and upward from there; that's a process that took about half a century on Earth.
I'm sure that Magic will enable her to find some short-cuts but a lot of the basic work will be necessary, especially as I bet she doesn't have an encyclopaedic knowledge of electronic engineering, materials science and electromagnetic theory. I do hope that she has a half-century and some contacts in the mining and materials fabrication industries; she's going to need them.
Fav'd to see where this is going.
How can she bring the internet when they don't appear to even have phones or the telegraph?
Well, this seems to be off to a good start!
3690132
Sunset hasn't exactly thought this through in perfect detail (or even any details), but you can't fault a girl for dreaming big.
Not bad, not bad at all. Could use some proof reading, however.
Missing a phrase there, are we?
And another one!
There should be a break between these two lines. Nothing fancy, just a few asterisks. Otherwise, you have what is essentially Sunset asking for the duster, then half a second later, she's pretty much finished cleaning up the library.
Well, these ponies do have magic, which could open up many new fields of in and of itself. Just imagine what arcane computers would be like, even in their crudest form!
Except, you know, trespassing and theft.
Other than that, enjoyable first chapter
-snickers- Nice comic banter
Amazing Chapter.
I am extremely glad I decided to take a look at this story and even more glad that I decided to get updates.
I like the fact you've incorperated the fact that sunset was living in the "real" world for so long change her perspective but I wonder how she's going to make computers etc etc due to no electricity. Is magic going to be used?
However the chess scene at the end was very very nice and I can see the beginnings of something wonderful. This story is shaping up to be wonderful and I hope you continue to write it.
The chess game was amazing.
is that a Code Gears reference?
anyway i really like your story so far, exspacely how you dont simply let sunset become "good". i just read to many fic´s were the person thats to be reformd is suddenly all nice and stuff.
im looking forward to your next chapter
3698778
Yes. Season 1 of Code Geass is one of the best anime ever, IMHO, season 2...less so.
Okay, now I know why Sunset wants to bring the Internet to Equestria. It's so she can start a blog for her flaming reviews of comic books. She plans to start the Equestrian equivalent of Zero Punctuation!
I think that the point Sunset is missing is that Twilight never really saw her 'pawns' as expendable pieces. Once you start to care about your instruments, you become that bit more careful and thoughtful about your moves. A general who seeks a minimum-casualty but-still decisive victory is the one who comes up with the most visionary and effective tactics.
This is just in my head but for some reason, I can see Celestia watching Twilight and Sunset sparring as they are here and murmuring regretfully to herself: "But you were supposed to be sisters!"
3698845
I think was thinking more of Atop the Fourth Wall.
Yeah, there's a big difference between 'I'm going to get you to help me get what I want, and teach you a lesson about friendship on the way', and 'I'm going to turn you into an army of demon slaves so I can invade and conquer my homeland'. Which is an admission that will have to be dragged out of Sunset like pulling teeth at this point.
Considering Celestia's relationship with her own sister I don't know why she'd be surprised.
Now I'm left to wonder what Princess Sunbutt is up to. There's always an ulterior motive to the things she does...
Great story so far, can't wait for the next chapter.
I'm not really sure what you're going for here, but I don't think 'shibboleth' is the right word for it.
Conversely, what's so wrong with not wanting to be ordinary?
This chapter was a real step backwards. It just felt...bloated. 95% of that comic stuff at the beginning could be cut and the plot wouldn't be impacted. Also you have a tendency of having Sunset mention these tiny tidbits of information that are too small and unimportant to inform her character or advance the plot, and it really kills the flow, like that bit about leftovers or brushing her teeth.
Also large parts of the comic bit just bugged me. One mare day? That doesn't make sense. You didn't call it the cloney saga, so why not leave it one more day? Also, the masked matterhorn is nothing like spiderman, making that whole comparison forced, like you just wanted to talk about it, as opposed to it really making sense within the narrative. Once all that was out the way and Twilight arrived, it got a LOT better and ended really well
3689281
And that´s why the "One-Man/Mare Industrial Revolution" trope ( like in the famous A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court) falls flat. The more advanced and complex the technology, the more diverse sciences it encompasses, to the point it requires several minds, each one with a deeply understanding of a single area, to even begin to design the basic infraestructures in paper.
Sunset should just tell Twilight to buck off. What right does she have to control Sunset's life? She should go back to Celestia. Complete her training, then revolutionize Equestrian. Twilight is too closed minded.
I'd be enjoying this story even more than I am if it didn't boil down to Objectively Correct People's Utopia Equestria and Twilight Sparkle vs. Flawed and Silly Human Ways and Sunset Shimmer.
Hopefully Sunset will do her heel-face turn quickly so I needn't read through much one-sided social commentary 'cleverly disguised' as dialogue.
I mean, c'mon. Tell Rarity she can make her special fit super-dresses as long as she realizes this means her name goes nowhere because less than percents of percents of anypony anywhere can wear her dresses/coats/whatever. Tell Pinkie Pie that she doesn't get to nit-pick and be famous for throwing constant parties in a single town, because that isn't how fame works. Tell Twilight Sparkle that she can only say 'tis better to be humble' because in her entire life she has never wanted for much of anything. I mean, honestly!
Gah, if this is a fight of ideals either throw some punches or throw in the towel. This is so one-sided it's actually interfering with my desire to see SunLight come to fruition!
You don't know how much frustration it takes to interfere with my desire for rare ships.
3706575
Because telling your parole/probation officer to fuck off is a good way to land your ass in jail or worse. Why would Celestia bother listening to Sunset if she violates the one rule for the punishment she gave to her in the first place. Celestia isn't going to give Sunset anything if she can't even learn to get along with Twilight, she'll more likely end up sent back to Ponyville, or just straightup banished. Not to mention, it would be kind of hard to write a Twilight/ Sunset romance, if the former villain who tried to conquer a country, threw a hissy fit and cried to Celestia just because Twilight didn't lap up every word she said.
As for Twilight being closed minded, the only experience she has with the technology Sunset is talking about is humiliation, and sunset did a terrible job actually relating to Twilight what the benefits of said technology were, preferring to focus on how it would make her famous rather than genuinely helping society. Not to mention it ignores a point that the author mentions in the comments, she's basically talking out of her ass, she has none of the scientific or materials science background to pull computers and a nation wide network out of nowhere just because she thinks it's a good idea. Even then, Twilight is still letting her go ahead with the idea.
It's pretty obvious at this point that the author is setting up the technology to be something that Sunset won't just invent overnight, and it looks like eventually she will start making it for truly good reasons rather than personal glory as she learns from Twilight and her friends. Likewise, unless the author decides to go in a different direction, Twilight will likely warm up to the idea as Sunset actually comes up with good reasons for this technology to exist, rather than selfish greed.
3706932
I'm pretty sure that's the whole point, Sunset doesn't bring up the points you mention because she doesn't understand what makes Pinkie Pie or Rarity tick, she is doing a poor job arguing with them because all she can argue from is her own point of view, which is using technology to bring in money and fame. It would look even more jarring if the self-centered selfish character was making those arguments you mentioned, because it would mean that she understood their wants enough to manipulate them that way, which the first two chapters have shown that she does not have that knowledge or experience yet.
It's very likely that your arguments will crop up later in the story once the author has had Sunset actually learn a few lessons, and begin to understand that technology isn't just for amassing as much power and glory as she can. When she understands what Twilight's friends actually want, she can then make a successful argument that doesn't look like a 1980's faceless corporate exec talking about profit and fame, right now she doesn't understand that, so she isn't arguing her case very well, and doesn't understand why everyone isn't seeing things the way she is.
3706932
Tell me about it. Specially this part ticked me the wrong way:
Well, Eeeeeexcuse me missy, if the
realhuman world doesn´t work like magical Candyland.3707034
It's not so much that i want her to argue back successfully or even make good points, but selfish, egocentric people do not let things like lacking understanding stop them from arguing.
She isn't putting up any kind of resistance here, at all, effective or otherwise. Go read the rarity part, she went from not understanding her viewpoint to converted in one scene. Same for the other scenes, with a little variation in how readily she embraces the concepts she's presented with.
I'd feel much better about all this if she were arguing with them like the faceless corporate exec. It would mean there were two sides to this story at least. I'd take Integrity vs. Advancement, but this is just Right (equestrian) vs Wrong (Sunset Shimmer). Right vs Wrong is not an interesting argument, and does not make for compelling moral discourse, in my opinion.
I guess we shall see if this evolves into an actual struggle between different thought processes or if it continues to be about Sunset Shimmer being all human-y and wrong but slowly learning the correct, small-town-pony way life should be lived.
My opinions at least.
3707167
You seem to be mistakenly conflating Sunsets view with humanity, and then reading way too far into it from there, she isn't arguing from humanitys perspective at all, in the chess game she even starts dissing humanity before getting trounced by Twilight. The story isn't Sunset being wrong, otherwise her views on technology would be wholely dismissed out of hand rather than shakily being approved by Twilight who was directly hurt by that same technology. The story is dismantling her self-centered views that revolve around fame and fortune at all costs, she is shown that she treats everyone around her as pawns to be manipulated, she doesn't abandon her dreams, or even the idea of profit, neither does she actually admit that pinkie and Rarity are totally right, she so far has only acknowledged that their view is valid as well. You seem to view it as an argument with only one side being right, while it seems to me that Sunset is merely admitting that more than just her own views have merits.
I read the Rarity scene, and she isn't converted at all, she just admits that Rarity has a point, that her style of dressmaking wouldn't work on a corporate scale, she still hasn't adandoned her views, just admitted that there are other ways of doing things out there. Rarity didn't say that no clothes should ever be made en masse, just that she doesn't want her line to be made that way, which is perfectly valid, and there are plenty of dressmakers in todays society that make designs this way, they tend to be exclusive and expensive, but that fits Rarity's character pretty well.
As for anything else, it is still way too early in the story to be making sweeping statements, it's not right versus wrong yet, it's Sunset not understanding why her egotism and ambition is not shared by everyone around her, and trying to learn empathy from that. Now, like I said, it is still early, so the author may indeed take it in the direction you fear, but right now all we have is Sunset getting her ego punctured a bit, I don't think the author is making any sweeping statements about society at this point.
3707108
Hmm, I can see where you're coming from with that now. That's probably a product of me hating my job right now.
3707167
She doesn't sustain the argument because Sunset is driven by selfishness, not by conviction. She gets a nice, bespoke outfit which she likes so she shuts up. She doesn't say 'Well what about all the people who can't afford your clothes?' because she doesn't care about them. Also, that argument would be a lot stronger in a world where most folk didn't go around stark naked.
That said, to both of you I concede that this chapter was a bit too one-sided at times. I will aim to correct that in future.
I think that Sunset needed to be reminded that money and scale aren't the be-all and end-all of having a craft. There is also the pride in achievement and the joy of one's art. For Rarity and Pinkie especially, being the Elements that they are, the sight of joy on the faces of those who receive are a reward far greater than bits. Sunset never understood that; to her "greatness" and "happiness" were always a function of power, position and fame. What she's starting to learn is that, maybe, just maybe, things aren't that simple.
The key point for Sunset will be when she realises that Twilight isn't her jailer or even her probation officer. She's simply somepony trying to get her to not make the same mistakes again rather than somepony trying to keep her under control or punish her. Any punishment will ultimately be that which Sunset inflicts on herself.
3699117
Celestia sometimes comes across as an optimist; even naively so at times.
For what it's worth, though, a tiny part of me wonders if Celestia was at one time imagining two young alicorns, one with a golden coat who rules the dawn and one with a lavender coat who rules the dusk. Then, at last... at long, long last... she and Luna would be able to set down their burdens and rest.
Celestia is also a mistress chess-player. It is not beyond the bounds of possibility that this plan is still in play.
I'm really liking this story so far. Sunset looks to be a 'becoming better with time' reformed baddie, while also still being Sunset Shimmer. I look forward to how this story progresses along with Twilight's and Sunset's relationship. Judging by the pacing so far, it looks like this is going to be a pretty long fic, which I say is good!
I can't wait to see Sunset interacting with the other elements like she did with Rarity and Pinkie. I can wait though. I like the fact it looks like you aren't going to do it all at once.
It's blossoming! The ship is blossoming! Now to wait. Oh, and Eclipse is a bitch.
I'd say that she was reacting with rather justifiable anger. I mean, clasic big sister bullying plus disappearing for years merely to further one's own self-interest PLUS said self-interest involving crimes such as theft, brain washing, and high treason? Simply out of nothing more than a glorified temper tantrum?
Yeah, that might overshadow the good memories just a wee bit.
Eventually you have to stop running.
Sunset Shimmer had been running all her life. For years and from world to world she had run. Every second of every minute of every day for her entire conscious existence, she had been running; even trying to set herself up as a tyrant and becoming a force for sorrow wherever she went.
Now the time has come for her to face the consequences of all the decisions she had made in the name of power.
Now her entire future rests on the outcome of this day of reckoning... the day she's been running from all her life.
Someone should use the mirror and look for human Flash Sentry and tell him his two ex are in a relationship, just to see the expression of his face.
Can't really blame Eclipse. So what other spells does she know?
I love it!!!
3727074
I wouldn't go so far as to call her a bitch. I imagine that as cheerful and kind(totally not being sarcastic) as Sunset is at this point in her life, she must have been so much more so back then. I doubt she gave her sister the time of day unless there was something in it for her, and then she disappears for three years. There is a special brand of disillusionment that comes from having an older sibling let you down and treat you poorly, and after all that Eclipse finds out that her rude, mean spirited older sister is in fact an actual criminal/traitor/villain. Calling her pissed off would likely be an understatement. Then her soon-to-be hubby tells her to invite her sister for the sake of family, and when she shows up Sunset is surprised but otherwise rather blase about the whole thing? Can you really blame her for saying all of that given the circumstances?
Yep, the moment I read:
i thought Long Road to Friendship reference ^^
This guy thinks he's clever...
Dang it, now somepony will have to go back and get Twilight's shovel ...
3700645 This story has a slice of life tag for a reason. I'm not saying this chapter is god-like, but most of the things you said are common in a slice of life fanfic. Although I do agree, that bit with all the comic stuff wasn't needed.
I felt Eclipse may have gone a bit overboard, but I honestly think she was justified in her anger. The conversation with Sunset and her reflection was pretty interesting, as was the illusions that made her more intimidating. I like that Sunset's reasons for saving Twilight were still mostly about practicality rather than any real moral sense, though she's also beginning to shift directions a bit.
I think the only problem I had with this chapter was the ending scene in the hospital, which seemed a bit out-of-the-blue, and too quick given the story's pacing up to this point.
Maybe I'm wrong, and there's something I'm missing.
Anyway, this story continues to impress; keep going!
3732193
I have to disagree, this stuff isn't common in slice of life. You can create a story that is slice of life without including pointless information. For example, its assumed Sunset Shimmer goes to the bathroom at regular intervals in this fic, but we're not told every time she does. Why? because its unnecessarily, pointless and bloats the fic. Now, if this information has a purpose than by all means, leave it in, but the bits I'm talking about clearly don't.