Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXIX · 8:18pm Apr 6th, 2023
Caught the crud this past week. I think I’m at the tail end of it, but the combination of symptoms has not been pleasant. Terrible timing too, as the last thing I want to do is get my Japan-born niece sick over Easter. Still debating on whether I’ll take that risk.
On the plus side, I had a pleasant surprise this past week. Last Halloween my cousin lamented that we hadn’t played a horror game in a few years, and told me she was interested in revisiting one of our prior conquests. We both knew the perfect game for the task: Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly, which was one of the first games I ever showed her. I had the XBOX version, which was my introduction to the franchise. And what an introduction it was! I still consider it one of the best horror games ever made.
But how to play it? I didn’t have an XBOX anymore and was convinced my XBOX 360 wouldn’t be functional. I explored a lot of options before ultimately deciding to dig out both the 360 and my old disc. To my ongoing amazement, both work as though they were brand new.
I’ve since been replaying the game, as I want to be sure my cousins and I can get through it in the one weekend we’ll have available to us in October. It’s every bit as good as I remember, and I am surprised at how well I recall the game. I’m not having near as much difficulty getting through it as I thought I would.
But this makes me wonder if I shouldn’t start… taking precautions. There are a lot of old XBOX and XBOX 360 games I greatly enjoyed and many of them never saw a re-release on modern consoles/PC. Lollipop Chainsaw comes to mind (EDIT: just saw they’re planning to release a remake this year). I’m thinking I should grab my collection and get the .iso files for an emulator. Don’t really know how to do that, but it’s worth a look if it means I can keep all those relatively oldschool games. Anybody got some good tips to get me started?
Alright, enough of my attempts to preserve my gaming addiction into perpetuity. To the reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Tap, Tap, Tap by origami
The Ghastlycrunch Ponies Anthology by Dinkledash
Secondhand Laughter by thedarkprep
Twilight gets a Puppy by TDR
Midnight Bloo by Impossible Numbers
What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny? by Triple-Rainbow
Careful What You Wish For by Cloudhammer
It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow by bats
Dragon Tamer by RarityEQM
Can Ponies Get Drunk? by Highlord Langslock
Total Word Count: 310,603
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 0
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 2
None: 0
Tap, Tap, Tap
5,422 Words
origami failed to provide cover art.
He had just moved into the house. A big house. A really big house, especially for a writer’s salary! It was probably quite the steal. No wonder, considering it appears to be haunted.
I picked this one up specifically because it seemed to have gone unnoticed, and every now and then I like to look at stories of that variety. It follows an unnamed protagonist who discovers that a maleficent spirit haunts his new home, and the steps he undergoes to deal with it. Much of this involves uncovering the history of a disgraced noble who dabbled in both necromancy and incest.
origami made some strange decisions here, not least being how the narrative keeps switching between a first person “journal” style and a regular first-person narrative. First person automatically creates a lot of hurdles and common mistakes an author has to get through; blending it with a journalistic style can only compound the problems. I feel the story would have been better served sticking to one or the other in order to avoid any confusion.
And there is certainly confusion to be had. Although I think origami was using pound marks to indicate the narrative switch, it is difficult to discern any real differences with which to confirm that, and then there’s this whole section that doesn’t appear at all journalistic in nature but doesn’t possess the same pound indicators so maybe it’s not? There’s also the fact that quotation marks are used to denote both thoughts and dialogue. The saidisms aren’t very clear, so sometimes it becomes impossible to tell when something enclosed in quotes is intended as dialogue or thought.
The author also seems to have a thing for overlong sentences that say far too much. It’s not helpful to the reader to describe exactly what the protagonist found in that medicine cabinet. It’s also not good for immersion when, in the heat of a violent confrontation, the protagonist pauses to identify the exact nature of a wound and what it will take for it to heal. This is complicated even further by strange statements that indicate things the author likely didn’t intend, such as how a shaman brought “about five more” with her, a declaration that left me wondering if one of them had been cut in half and thus didn’t count as a whole shaman.
The good news is that origami seems to be aware of the issues in the writing, having made a note in a second chapter of how he intends to rewrite the story entirely to do things like remove the confusing narrative style. While I’m not the kind of person to recommend polishing turds, I am perfectly okay with rewrites.
The actual content of the story is your typical haunted house affair; dark backstories, ghostly apparitions, odd sounds in the night, you know the drill. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it definitely needs a strong, interesting writing style to make it work. This does not have that, but hopefully the next try will. Only time will tell.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Ghastlycrunch Ponies Anthology
1,017 Words
By Dinkledash
Nothing is so grimdark that you can’t approach it with a smile.
This is a collection of four poems that all fall into the ‘dark comedy’ genre. We’ve got an alphabetized list of ponies and how they died, the Mane Six meeting eldritch horrors, a fanfiction writer struggling to escape his habitual need for grimdark stories, and Pinkie Pie suggesting ways to murder ponies to the tune of a Paul Simon song.
If you enjoy dark comedy, then you may get a lot out of this. Dinkledash clearly wrote this for the lulz, and I don’t mind at all because it tickles my fascination with the macabre. Combining simple but dark imagery with an irreverent and playful humor, it will likely only appeal to a niche audience. But if you are in that audience, then definitely give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Secondhand Laughter
8,174 Words
By thedarkprep
Sequel to The Opening Act
Trixie had another bad day. Pinkie is, as always, eager to help. But she knows that someday Trixie will leave her, one way or another. Perhaps this time her friend can leave on Pinkie’s terms. That’s better than the alternative, right?
The hardhitting drama between Trixie and Pinkie continues. In this story Pinkie goes to Trixie’s apartment, knowing that she’ll find the woman at the very lowest of lows. Trixie’s depression and self-esteem are hitting hard and, once again, she is contemplating the “final'' solution.
The story hits heavily, but what really interests me is how it, like its predecessor, makes the story just as much about Pinkie’s issues as it is Trixie’s. Pinkie has come to recognize that she’s only truly happy when she’s helping others, but helping others requires that they need help in the first place. In short, others must be unhappy for Pinkie to be happy. At least, that’s how it seems to her these days. And when they no longer need her help? They leave. They all leave.
Trixie, on the other hand, is facing her usual hurdle: the feeling that everything she does and ever will be is utterly pointless and without meaning. Her unique gift is a sham in the face of what is really out there and her clinical depression certainly isn’t helping matters.
In the face of Trixie’s worsening mental collapse, Pinkie comes to understand that she is going to lose her. And if it’s going to happen anyway, she decides to do it in a way that may actually help Trixie. Namely, by begging Sunset Shimmer to take her to Equestria. It’s a shockingly selfless move.
It’s unclear how much time has passed between this and the previous story. thedarkprep is a good enough writer that it doesn’t matter. We can see, clearly, just how much Pinkie cares about Trixie. More importantly, Trixie gets to see it as well. As heavy as it all is, the ending is delightfully bittersweet, acting as a highway sign for Trixie on the road to improvement while also indicating that, for Pinkie, the waters haven’t settled yet.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this. It’s one and only caveat is that it spoils a lot of the Who We Become AU. I for one am not opposed to spoilers, but a lot of people are. If you want to witness Sunset’s life instead of having it brought up here after the fact, then you’d be better served reading the series from the beginning. Unless you have no intention of reading beyond this Pixie saga, in which case have at it.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Under Her Spell — WHYRTY?
The Opening Act — WHYRTY?
Changing Your Tune — Pretty Good
Twilight gets a Puppy
246,666 Words
By TDR
Requested by notAperson
You know the drill. Twilight goes to test for Celestia’s school, everything goes normally except for one difference, and now we’re going to see the entirety of the first season replayed with that difference included. We’ve all seen it before. In this case, that difference is that Twilight somehow summoned a “Moon Dog” puppy at the same time as hatching Spike. You are not expected to know what a Moon Dog is.
I had zero interest in reading this, partially because the whole “retell MLP:FiM with a twist” thing has been done to death but also because I didn’t want to start another infinite series of long stories. In my obliviousness, I failed to realize that this was written by the same person who gave us Stories in Stone, Luna's Royal Guard.. If I had noticed that fact, I might have gone in with the proper expectations. Silly me.
The story starts out decently enough. We begin with a peek at the childhood life of Twilight, Spike, and their new “brother” Rahs. This includes such things as foalsitting adventures with Cadance, Shining Armor lassoing Spike and Rahs into stalking Twilight on her first-ever date (with Prince Blueblood Blue Blood of all ponies), and the traumatic disaster that is Twilight’s first birthday party. This was all good. It was original and fun and silly and I was enjoying myself.
Alas, it didn’t last, and soon we’re doing what this story was really meant for, i.e. the retelling of Season 1 from scratch. My interest disappeared more or less immediately.
In TDR’s defense, a lot of it isn’t bad at all. Rahs’ presence does indeed mix things up a bit in good ways which prevent the retelling being a one-to-one thing. Not all of that is Rahs’ fault, however. One of the strangest quirks of this story is TDR’s obsession with “fixing” events from the show while keeping his original material broken.
Why do the Ponyvilians make nests for the birds during Winter Wrap Up? Why did the weather team create a massive storm in Look Before You Sleep? Why did Celestia troll Fluttershy in A Bird in the Hoof? These things will have rehashed, realistic answers provided. Certain crazy and nonsensical events will be made sensical, such as Twilight Sparkle not being petrified by a cockatrice, Twilight Sparkle not having a freakout in The Ticket Master, and Spike not running away in Owl’s Well That Ends Well. Everything will have nice, neat, thorough explanations that make perfect sense in the overarching flow of the story.
…
And then Luna’s getting into a no-holds barred brawl with a dragon thirty times her size and literally using the moon as a bludgeoning tool while Celestia and said dragon’s mother sip tea and watch from the sidelines. Pinkie Pie gratuitously breaks the fourth wall. We’re making visual callbacks to Looney Tunes shorts. We’re cutting to a completely different story in a completely different AU for the sake of a one-time gag. Zecora is given a Boston accent which the author, inexplicably, declares “brilliant”. Rahs and Angel Bunny regularly have all-out brawls that destroy lots of local Ponyville property.
I don’t understand. Why are we bending over backwards to “make sense” of everything in canon only to blend it with things that are stupid to the nth degree? Do we want things to make sense or not? Even weirder is TDR’s insistence on creating a “natural order” to things and yet defying said natural order constantly. In this case I’m specifically referring to Twilight regularly correcting everypony that the Everfree is “natural” rather than “unnatural”, ignoring the fact that this is a fantasy world controlled by ponies and in this fantasy world things doing their own thing is unnatural. It’s like TDR is desperate to make anything canon “work” with the real world while simultaneously ensuring anything not canon is as crazy and nonsensical as possible. I did not appreciate the contradiction. Why is Hasbro’s silliness a sin in need of correcting but TDR’s silliness perfectly fine?
And then there’s the writing, which is… oof.
“YAAAHAA!” shouted a voice.
You’re reading that right. “Yaaahaaa.” How in Luna’s name is TDR hearing an “A” sound in the first part of yeehaw?
“Sorry bout that, mai sister dun know her own strength sometimes.” Applejack chuckled.
“Mai”? Where the heck is the “i” sound coming from? This is not how AJ’s accent sounds.
That was all before some pony, who shall remain nameless, but whose name Rhymes with Stinky Fly, though she was by no means related to said pony, Stinky was the trash pony in Canterlot.
That is not how that phrase works, TDR. All before “some pony” did what? You’re missing the second half.
Still given she had flown down from Canterlot that morning and had been running around all day.
That is not how that phrase works, TDR! “Still, given X…” what? There’s a second part to this phrasing!
I mean sure the one knew about the Element's of Harmony and was brave enough to challenge her directly.
Where is that apostrophe coming from? The author was highly inconsistent with this one, sometimes including the apostrophe and sometimes not, and sometimes the apostrophe winds up on “bearers” for no reason.
Celestia smiled,climbing onto her seat on her chariot setting Luna down before her and wrapping her wings around her sister as the Guards attached took off.
Whew, what a word salad.
Well that is easy enough to do with her recent posting as Crown Wildlife Rehabilitator of Ponyville some of the local officers want to speak with her any way regarding some of the things she must know about the Everfree.
Aaand another. Pretty sure this is a run-on too.
1 month after Princess, Luna's return.
First, why aren’t we spelling “one”? Second, why is there a pause between “Princess” and “Luna”?
Twilight had decided to create a field guide for the Everfree given how close they lived to it now and . Twilight considered it her final project for Celestia's school.
I don’t even know.
“BWAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!” Pinkie Pie cackled looking past, the Princess as the others ran off.
All caps laughing that tells us exactly how many “ha” are in that laugh? Hello, pet peeve. Also, why is there a pause between “past” and “the”?
That’s ten examples – ten – and I’ve barely even scratched the surface. Don’t even get me started on the other misspelled words and names, like “cutie cena” for cuteceañera or “fashion-eta” for fashionista and the regularly recurring “Sweetiebelle” and “Applebloom”. The writing for this story is a mess, and while it does get a little better towards the latter fourth it never really gets to a level I’d consider acceptable. If you have any care whatsoever about how a story is written, don’t even bother.
It’s not all negative. Indeed, one could even argue the contradiction (hypocrisy?) of the silliness is a subjective issue, and fair enough. I’ll even acknowledge that I found several parts amusing, particularly anything involving Cadance or the sibling spats between Twilight, Spike, and Rahs. There’s also some really good underlying lore bits. I loved the story from the buffalo about a warrior traveling to the Crystal Empire to help fight Sombra and Rah’s evil ancestors, which was given delightful flair being told as a proper native American folk tale. I greatly appreciated that TDR went far out of their way to prevent the individual episodes from being direct retellings of the show’s versions, with the results sometimes being completely different in a good way.
I liked Twilight being more independent from Celestia, to the point of actually being critical of her at times. Even more appreciated is the treatment of Spike, who was in many ways the most rational of his siblings and the voice of reason whenever Rahs or Twilight were going a little nutso. Letting him join the CMC as an official fourth Crusader was a great change. Although having him go to school felt awkward to me, if only because it feels like him being Twilight’s assistant would put him light years ahead of his classmates. Also, how is it Rahs already graduated when he and Spike should have started schooling at the same time?
So there were things I enjoyed about this story and other things I loathed about it. Which is normal. But in this case I’d say the negatives greatly outweigh the positives and I have little interest in continuing the series… although I would have liked to have seen if Trixie could have scored Rahs. I rather liked their dynamic.
In the end, my opinion on this story doesn’t really matter. Given its huge upvote ratio and total audience, I suspect I’m preaching to deaf ears. And that’s fine; people are allowed to like whatever they like. But for my enjoyment, I’m afraid this is as far as I go. As for the rating, if I went with just the storytelling elements this probably would have landed a “Worth It”, yet the terrible writing is enough to convince me to bring it down a peg.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Stories in Stone, Luna's Royal Guard. — Worth It
Midnight Bloo
14,666 Words
By Impossible Numbers
Every Nightmare Night, little Bloo and her mother Libertee hold a party with some… unusual guests. This might have been a fun time were Libertee not one of the strictest, most fun-loathing parents to ever exist. This Nightmare Night is going to be different, though. Unbeknownst to Bloo and Libertee, a certain princess is back from exile. And when she hears the familiar call of the Nightmares, she can’t help but investigate.
Holy cow, but this was fun. The story opens with the reveal that all the candy swept away from the statue of Nightmare Moon on Nightmare Night is, in fact, taken by Bloo and her mother to create a “special brew”, which is then fed to all the Monsters-in-the: Monsters in the attic. Monsters under the bed. Monsters in the closet. Yes, they are real. But a thousand years without their master has left them docile and even friendly, and the vast majority of ponies have forgotten that they are not, in fact, foals’ tales.
Imagine a story in which all the strangest creepy crawlies of children’s fears converge on a lone rural home one night of the year to feast on candy soup, catch up with one another, and generally have a good time. Then imagine the host has the harshest, strictest idea of ‘proper behavior’ you can’t imagine. Then imagine said host has a young daughter who desperately longs to break out of the cage of rules forced upon her entire life.
Then, if you will, imagine one Princess Luna appearing at the front door, unaware of the local goings on and not afraid to encourage a filly to voice her real opinions.
The result is a delightful tale that combines a painful but necessary mother-daughter bonding moment with the kind of dark humor one might expect from, say, The Nightmare Before Christmas, all come together in a playful writing style that would fit perfectly well with the tone of the show itself. And I haven’t even mentioned the worldbuilding yet.
I especially enjoyed this depiction of Luna, one who both does and does not wish to be feared without any dramatic contradictions on the matter. She’s at once both mysterious and practical, knowing exactly what needs to be done and said in the given moment, regal and playful in equal measure as the situation demands. Her characterization here comes off as complicated, but believably so. It was certainly one of the better interpretations of her character I have seen.
This hit all the right buttons for me. It is, if anything, vastly underviewed. You all should fix that right now. Hop to it, chop chop.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Why are you still here? Go read it, you fools!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The King and the Changeling — WHYRTY?
Limestone Pie Meets Petunia Paleo — Pretty Good
What if Flim and Flam Were Raised by Granny?
8,777 Words (Incomplete)
By Triple-Rainbow
Requested by LH45
The Apple Family is in a bit of a bind. Flim and Flam have been trying to keep the Acres afloat financially, but they’re not the best farmers and they keep skipping out on their duties to make inventions that never sell and usually don’t work. So far they’ve managed to keep the situation hidden from Granny Smith and Apple Bloom, but the 1,000th Summer Sun Celebration is coming up. They don’t have a chance in Tartarus of producing the apples or cider necessary to meet the demand the holiday will bring, and without that?
I had extremely low expectations going into this one. The in-your-face title alone was enough to drive my doubts to the stratosphere. Which is why it was a pleasant surprise to find a mostly well-written fic involving the effectively characterized Flim Flam Brothers as genuine grandchildren of Granny Smith. For those wondering, they are apparently replacing Big McIntosh and Applejack. One has to wonder if Triple-Rainbow intended to place them into the story later in some unknown (or perhaps very predictable) role.
I think my favorite part of the story was watching the brothers interact with Apple Bloom. It was a fun dynamic, the brothers proving both good and bad influences on her; insisting she stay in school rather than help on the farm even in these trying times, being proud of her demonstrable carpentry talents, and… uh…
“Bloom, what’d we say about sneaking up on ponies?”
“Only ta do it ta suckers!” She happily cheered.
“What? Nooo! We said not too!” Flam said loudly, before quietly whispering to Apple Bloom. “Good job on remembering, Apps.”
Like I said, both good and bad influences. This was a great thing, as it keeps their characters generally intact while putting them in a surprisingly interesting new dynamic. I love that they destroyed the school playground “as revenge” (presumably against Cheerilee), and seeing Flam get into a fake argument with a well-aware Carrot Top as part of a recurring act to sell more of both their products was more amusing than it should have been. I do have to wonder how they’re keeping Granny Smith from knowing how close the farm is to bankruptcy though.
I’m sure the more grammatically inclined among you will have noticed that incorrect “too” in that earlier quote. Alas, that’s not the only problem Triple-Rainbow has. They’ve apparently got some incorrect words in their heads and use them freely, which will likely annoy any right-minded individuals. Like using “bustle of apples” instead of “bushel”, or “Wait ta hit a new low” instead of “way”. Throw in some repetitive lines and Triple-Rainbow needs a proofer stat.
I’m also a little concerned about where the story is going. It’s set on the 1,000th Summer Sun Celebration, which means Nightmare Moon is inevitable. Yet the first (and thus far only) six chapters have all been about the brothers’ work to save the farm. So when Twilight Sparkle shows up, will she hijack the story and shift its gears towards saving Equestria at the expense of what the story’s been about all along? Hopefully not, but I wouldn’t be surprised; the manner of the story strikes me as a more “seat of the pants” style of writing, and those tend to neglect certain aspects of long-form storytelling.
Still, this proved vastly superior to what I expected going in. The brothers and their relationship with Apple Bloom and Granny Smith are genuinely interesting and delightfully characterized. Indeed, it’s that characterization that sells the story. The gradual unraveling of how the rest of Ponyville reacts to their existence is a nice touch (love their apparent fear of Fluttershy’s wrath). It’s a pity that the author quit writing and seems to have abandoned the site late last year, I’d have liked to have seen where this was going.
As per my usual rule for unfinished stories, I won’t be giving this an official rating. That being said, I feel the positives balance out the negatives just enough that I would have given it a middle-ground rating at least, maybe higher.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Careful What You Wish For
8,142 Words
By Cloudhammer
Requested by LH45
Doctor Wyatt Brown is absolutely convinced that there was a grand civilization that existed long before recorded history, even though all of modern academia finds his theories laughable. Today may be different though, for a new artifact has been discovered in Spain. It holds physical properties that defy the laws of known science. Perhaps if he and his intern could study it…
Long story short, Dr. Brown and his intern Albrecht get a chance to study the Alicorn Amulet only to get transported to Equestria for their curiosity. This reads less like a standalone story and more like the opening chapter of a novel, the ending being little more than a revelatory cliffhanger. Naturally, questions abound and exactly zero of them will be answered.
I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, this is one of those loathsome “here’s a fact, the end” stories. You know the kind. They put forth a premise but then do nothing with it, instead leaving things blank for readers to argue about afterwards. I find them grossly unsatisfying.
On the other hand, this is certainly one of the better ones. It’s generally well written, with two human interlopers to Equestria who don’t respond to all the absurdities around them like it’s perfectly normal (or alternatively wondering if those cute little horses will bang them). We’ve got a whole new concept of the relationship between Earth and Equestria (well, not “new”, but rare enough). Wyatt and Albrecht are interesting enough to maybe act as leads with some character development/exploration. Plus there’s the elephant in the room regarding what their latest discovery means for Equestria in general.
While I’m generally opposed to this type of story, I must give the author credit for a premise interesting enough to almost justify it. The lack of ambition required to make this the story it should be is unfortunate, but at least we got the start. Who knows, maybe someday Cloudhammer will write a sequel giving this the conclusion it deserves.
Worth the read if you’re okay with stories intentionally ending on cliffhangers just to make you consider the possibilities.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow
5,972 Words
By bats
Twilight and Rainbow Dash wake up in bed together, accompanied by the distinct smell of sweat. Neither can recall what they did last night, but neither of them also have hangovers or any other such things to suggest drunken debauchery. So if they didn’t get smashed, how did they end up in bed together, what did they do, and why can’t they remember? Rather than face the most obvious answer, Twilight decides to distract herself by treating this as a mystery to be solved!
This is a strange one. The story follows Twilight and Rainbow as they meet each of their friends hoping to figure out what happened the night before (and get clear evidence whether they did or didn’t do the deed, of course). The whole ‘cycle through all the Mane Six’ thing is fairly common and straightforward fare. The strange part is that none of this investigation and interrogation ends up providing any real insight into the problem, at least until they get to Pinkie who just belts the truth out. Point is, if you’re looking for some fascinating whodunnit-style mystery, this isn’t that.
But while this avoids being any sort of traditional mystery, it does come with some interesting elements. In particular, bats regularly provides hints about where the real clues are, hints that Twilight consistently ignores. It somewhat turns the whole mystery on its head. I like that aspect, the way the story shoves the real clue in our faces without really letting us know that’s what they are. You can somewhat guess that these things are important by how common they appear – and the Sugarcube Corner hints were blatant enough to readily clarify that’s where they should have gone in the first place – but it was still an interesting method.
I came away from this one with mixed feelings. Is it too on the nose or just a fun way to do a mystery? I suppose I’ll have to let you guys decide for yourselves.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Spellbound Fireflies — WHYRTY?
The Thinkin' Spot — Pretty Good
Dragon Tamer
3,183 Words
By RarityEQM
Spike watches as Night Light trains his son in magic. It would be great if Night Light could teach him magic, or Twilight Velvet could help him with schoolwork. But he doesn’t have magic and he doesn’t go to school. Spike is a dragon, and that means he doesn’t get what ponies do.
This is a story that doesn’t seem to have a central protagonist. Perspective leaps wildly from character to character mid-paragraph without any warning, and no one character takes up the majority of the space. Even so, it seems the brunt of the story is meant to be about Night Light and Spike. The key takeaway is that Night Light has been thinking of Spike as a dragon to tame rather than a son to raise, and when that occurs to him he realizes how it might affect him.
I like what RarityEQM is trying to do here. It’s so very rare to get a window into Spike’s life being raised by Twilight’s family; even the show provides precious little to go on. Night Light’s solution was great, and I appreciate how it’s him who first realizes how shallow he and Twilight Velvet have been on the topic all this time
Alas, there are issues. The writing gets questionable at times, with sentences that stop short before they can actually be sentences, misstated colloquialisms, and the aforementioned perspective leaps. Then there’s the melodrama around Spike, which keeps going long after the point is across. The story is good, but the way it is written leaves much to be desired.
Not bad, but not great either. Give it a go if you feel like exploring some generally uncommon territory, but don’t expect it to be wordsmithed.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dear Rarity — Worth It
Can Ponies Get Drunk?
8,584 Words
By Highlord Langslock
The Human Seven are going to a party that’s a bit more… ‘adult’ than they’re used to. Twilight, being both wary and uncomfortable with the whole thing, ends up the only one who doesn’t try the host’s ‘special punch’. Which is also why she’s the only one at the party not drunk to the edge of alcohol poisoning. She promptly learns some things she never wanted to know.
This story is… poorly advertised. The name and its description make it clear that the entire point of the story is to ask whether ponies in Equestria can get drunk. So imagine my annoyance when it turns out that this story is not about that. Oh, sure, the topic eventually comes up… after two-thirds of the story is over. It’s actually about the things the Human Seven have been hiding from one another up until they all become drunk.
While I am certainly docking the story for its misleading title and description, it’s still a generally fun read. I especially enjoyed the moment when Twilight went all badass on a grabby guy’s face like a pro (although I was surprised at the suggestion she learned basic martial arts from Flash Sentry instead of, you know, her big brother). There are other highlights too, including Pinkie’s tsundere nature towards a certain rival Super Duper Party Pony Person, Sunset’s repressed sex drive, Fluttershy having far more fun than she expected, or Rarity’s and Applejack’s reactions when they discover what Twilight captured on her phone. I haven’t even started on Princess Twilight’s stories about what certain ponies have done on her side of the portal.
While the whole ‘spiked punch’ part of the story is treated with the seriousness it deserves, the majority of this story is intended as comedy and does that well. If you’re interested in reading about drunken shenanigans and the consequences thereof, you can’t go wrong with this. I’m still docking it for what I feel was poor advertising, but ignoring that it’s more than entertaining enough to recommend.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Unwilling Sunrise — Worth It
Stories for Next Time:
Goats of Summer by SparklingTwilight
Know Why the Nightingale Sings by MoscowNights
Living Happily with the Love of Your Life by KingdaKa
Girlfriend Friend 2: Royally Screwed by Tangerine Blast
Oneirology by Taialin
Into the Storm: The Flight of Firefly by Firesight
Souls and Silicon by Syke Jr
Only, Only, Only You by Corejo
Even A Princess Needs A Break by Mooncalf
The Dragon and the Photograph by Scramblers and Shadows
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Eyuck. Yeah, there was a nasty bug going around a few weeks ago here that knocked me down for a while. Seems to be making the rounds across the US. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the same thing.
Major bummer with the niece coming. Hopefully you're up and running before then!
Actually, you might not have to emulate. Xbox backwards compatibility is impressively robust. I can still play Ninja Gaiden Black from the original Xbox circa 2005 on my Series X. Even better, now it's in 4K and 120 FPS, along with other fixes. They had a whole team just spend years doing BC work and beefing up all the games, and the list was pretty extensive when they finally stopped. You might just be able to pick up an Xbox S (not a Series S) for cheap and play them all that way, but at higher res and framerates and with some bug fixes. All you need is the disk an a connection to install the game (the disc is an ownership check, they just download the game with all the fixes).
You know, it might be slightly offtopic, but I really enjoyed this detailed style of reviews you're provide
Thank you and be well. Would love to read some of these, they look really fascinating
I'd seen Twilight Gets a Puppy lingering on your Requests folder for ages, and then finally on your Now Reading folder. So I too am relieved that you finally have it behind you, because I could tell just by looking that it was a rote "retelling a season of the show with x addition that doesn't really affect that much/make for a fun reading experience", and probably low on solid technical writing at that. I ran out of patience for such things a long time ago myself. Bet you're glad your closing off of more then a handful of 70K+ fics largely gatekeeps bad doorstops like that from now on, eh?
Midnight Boo had been highly acclaimed from many corners from the few who've read it – it became the first new fic in a while to get onto Present Perfect's Top 15 fics display, among other things. Impossible Numbers is a remarkably accomplished author with a hefty, 100+ fic output, with fics that are really good at finding angles to bring out characterisation wonderfully in ponies. Thrives in character pairings and canon expanding exercises, this author does, always aiming to improve their writing technique.
It's sad their fics largely get peanuts in traffic, though it is explainable. Despite being an early author, having joined in December 2011, they had a lengthy mid-show hiatus from writing from Summer 2013-Summer 2015. More notably, they jump around characters, genres and angles a lot (and are fond of exploring one-off characters from all over the show's first seven seasons, which are rarely gonna be big draws), so they lack a clear hook or consistent 'type' of fic that is done frequently enough to reel in said fic's crowd. Mostly, though, I think it's that their stories can sometimes be not-easy reads, at least to a lot of the casual Fimfiction users or lurkers. They're expansive and really get into the nitty gritty of their topic for sure, but the inflated word count can make such one-shots look daunting to onlookers (it's rare they write a story that isn't close to the 10K mark, if not over it altogether). So, even though they almost never write fics beyond 20K, give or take some abandoned longfics and a few that were completed, they're daunting to some people.
That's just my hypothesis, anyway. It is the case that once someone's reading a fic of Impossible Numbers', they are rarely not immensely satisfied, and for those of us here, that's more than enough.
Otherwise, hope you get past the crud quick, buddy! Especially with your niece in town all the way from Japan, given how forward you've been looking to that. The horror game stuff, eh, can't really relate to that, but enjoying an old classic and getting ready to play it with a relative like old times again, well, that sounds just fine and dandy. Have a great time with that!
Aha, you have fallen for the old 'flare/flair' trick, you have used one word when you surely meant another. Or, perhaps, were you implying the tale itself was literally set aflame? All your spouting of grammatical criticisms has been rendered naught but hypocrisy invalid.
Side note, my pet peeve is when someone refers to what are very clearly bison as 'buffalo'. Will never forgive the show for that blunder.
I did get a couple chapters into that story, mainly because I myself am a major sucker for 'FiM retold with a twist' (as long as it's not with an 'I can do better' attitude, which it sounds like it ended up being). I found myself unable to get over how... 'lackadaisical' the writing style was. So I'm with you on that.
In all fairness, I myself only realized AB's name wasn't one word last year, so I can't entirely blame TDR for making that mistake. Or maybe I just ought to be more ashamed. 'Sweetiebelle', though, woof. At least they didn't forget the last 'e'?
Like Mr. Viking said, Xbox compatibility is quite reliable. Though if you're interested in emulating and you don't mind piracy, there are certainly trustworthy caches of every licensed game out there online. My go-to rom/iso site is usually Vimm's Lair.
A shame about the dragon tamer story, the concept sounds fascinating. I always want more analysis of Spike's role in the greater Sparkle family, especially in his formative years.
Hope everything turns out okay with the sickness and niece visits, it sounds like a pretty special time. See you next week.
Ooof, get better soon Paul.
I'm not sure about the emulation as I am a PC hardcore gamer XD
If you like PC games I strongly recommend Nebulous Fleet Command a peaceful little village builder called Going Medieval
I’m glad you’ve been enjoying my WWB entries.
Thank you so much for the kind words and I hope you enjoy the next/last one just as much.
I meant to edit my comment and ended up deleting it instead. Smartphones are bloody stupid.
Recreated from memory:
While I was working for Seattle's Angels, Impossible Numbers was frequently featured. I think I promoted about half a dozen stories from them. This was both a testament to their work and frustrating at the same time, as the views just never seemed to increase. I think Mike Cartoon Pony has the right of it as to why.
Impossible Numbers didn't just do one type of story, either. There's slice-of-life, drama, horror, and many more. I could pick out a story from their list at random and not be disappointed.
So if you want to spend a week reading quality content utilizing underused parts of the show, well, I could think of worse ways to cash in my time.
I'll admit, I've been following the "Twilight Gets a Puppy" series just to see who Rahs ends up with. My money's on Trixie (Totally not biased! Honest!), but I have a feeling it's going to end up as a harem. Whatever.
I am so glad you enjoyed Midnight Bloo as much as I did, that kind of fic is so rare! :D
Also pleased to see Cloudhammer getting some attention in 2023. :)
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I hypothesize that publication of a longer story can facilitate follower count growth (and subsequent following of future shorter pieces) moreso than many small stories--for a reason similar to your point about a "jump around characters, genres and angles" being detrimental to growing follower count.
An author of shorter pieces than Impossible Numbers in a similar lane of publishing many quality short stories, Mockingbirb, similarly has less followers than one would expect based on the author's quality (though Mockingbirb also writes a reasonable amount of dark comedy and sarcastic pieces, which are far from the site's most popular subgenres).
Ultimately, I find it strange, but I think the more successful authors may have in common that they have a relatively long "anchor" fic followed by some shorter ones. Personally, I am more likely to read shorter pieces, but it seems that a lot of readers here are attracted to length rather than standalone volume. It's harder to win new readers with new concepts--there's less of a barrier to reading the next chapter of something someone knows they already enjoy (even though I'm surprised some people make the investment of testing a 100,000 word piece in the first place).
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Oh, a long story, when it hits, can absolutely help a user’s follower count and/or story traffic. For much of the same reason as having a ‘type’ of fic with a consistent output; people follow those they know will deliver something they can expect. I was referring in my initial posting to primarily-short-story users. Your comparison to mockingbirb is a good one, and I do feel their insanely high output level of a story a week actually works against them, after a fashion. Though they are such a new user, not even here three years, that their growth is still reasonable for that time frame. Just not for their output.
Course, I was thinking primarily of an author around during many of the site’s glory years. Traffic has slowed immensely by now (this year will likely come in just south of 6,000 new stories), that building or growing any following these days is hampered quite a bit. Despite the heavy influx of bot accounts since the show ended.
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I dunno, I think I'd rather emulate. I've migrated to preferring PCs over consoles in general. This is primarily because I know for a fact that via backups and regular upgrades I'll never lose any game I ever buy on one (even if I sometimes have to jump through a hoop or two to play much older games), whereas that is not guaranteed with consoles that are far less "upgrade" and far more "replace". Microsoft may be reliable for backwards compatibility now, but all it takes is one bad change in management to ruin that. Plus, why spend the money on both upgrading my PC and buying new consoles when I can just do one or the other?
Console exclusives are a bitch though.
Still, I might be willing to do it. I'll have to think on it.
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ORLY? I knew they existed, but a fear of virus pits kept me from doing any of my own searching (I already screwed up one PC that way). But I've got a pretty robust anti-virus app now and I'm not opposed to piracy if it's for something so old that finding it in the first place is a trial (or its creators are morally bankrupt). I may just give this a look.
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While I do consider myself part of the, quote, "PC Master Race", I don't think that means emulated console games are off the table. Quite the opposite in fact. It just means they've migrated to superior shores. A lot of console-exclusive games are excellent (see the Bayonetta series) and I for one celebrate every time one of them gets ported to PC.
My preference for PC gaming has a lot less to do with the games themselves than it does with the practical advantages of playing on a PC in the first place.
I shall investigate these games, but the fact that I've got a current backlog of well over 100 games means I'm not likely to get to them anytime soon. So many interesting games, so little time.
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Always glad to hear it, and thanks for the well-wishes!
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Me, be wrong? Don't be silly. I'm never wrong. Once I thought I was wrong, but I was actually right.
*Subtly fixes the issue while you're distracted by my ego.*
Yeah, and in truth there are some cases where even the show creators made some "oof" decisions, such as Fleur having the official name "Fleur dis Lee" for the longest time, which I'm sure offended a great many people such as myself with French and Cajun ancestry. "Applebloom" has always been among the most common errors I've seen though, and it baffles me. I see some people argue "but Applejack is written as one word!" And I'm like "that's because it literally is one word, whereas 'apple bloom' is not and never has been."
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You're mostly right about Puppy, although I'd point out that the changes do indeed "affect much", with new lore, new characters, and new villains. It most definitely isn't a one-to-one comparison with the show, which is one of the things I greatly approve of.
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Was not expecting a this to generate a genuine discussion on the unfairly poor follower count of one Impossible Numbers, but I'm very happy to see it! Alas, I don't have anything to add, as y'all have already pointed out pretty much anything I would have.
In which you Paul reviews not one, but both of my girlfriends
I can only really agree with you on Secondhand Laughter, because like, it's fantastic and I'm so so glad to have it as part of the WWB canon. I'm slightly more perplexed by your reading of It's Elementary, My Dear Rainbow, which is not a mystery but a joking parody of mysteries. It's kinda the point, so your walking away with your reaction makes sense if you were expecting, like, an actual mystery here, but you walked away with the correct sort of "Huh well that wasn't a mystery at all!" which is the point
I mean, at least I think so. I didn't write it, but I enjoyed it as the sort of silly fluffshot that it is. It's a fun story, to be sure, but not one I think actually shows off what bats can do in any significant way.
If you're interested in reading more of bats and seeing what she can actually do as an author, the classic story is of course Spellbound Fireflies, and the only reason I'd say to read any other story first is because SF is a novel and you are not made of time. That said, it is phenominal. For a short story, I would say What Might Have Been is her best, but will give Captain of the Sky a mention as well. I do think her longer stories do paint her in a much better light, but those two are stories with a purpose beyond being silly fun like Elementary or something like Fluttershy Kicks a Puppy are.
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Ack-tually...
But I haven't looked at those short stories. I shall put them a bit higher on my lists!
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Ah! I totally missed that you had reviewed that one. Very nice!
And yeah, a thing with bats is that she writes a lot of really great stuff and a lot of just fun knock it out quick and amuse people with it stuff. So like, if you pick random stuff in her catalog you'll see a wide range of impact based largely on how much time and care she put into things. Nothing I've read of hers has been bad, but yeah, I get walking away from this one with a "it was good but not exceptional". Sometimes the fun stories turn into more though; there are four of these Twilight Holmes stories, three are fun shenanigans and the fourth, a novel, is fantastic (while also being very fun). But that's a lot of reading to get to, so yeah, 100% recommend the ones I listed below first and foremost.