Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLXVII · 8:50pm Sep 30th, 2021
Last week I mentioned how I’ll be starting Starlight Over Detrot in December while also trying to keep releasing reviews of Big Stories™ once a week. And yeah, that’s going to be problematic for a while.
Yet it may be that there’s already a solution.
As it so happens, my years of dedication to wiping out my backload of stories has finally paid off. At the time of writing I have exactly 33 stories in my combined lists. 32 of those are stories of 70,000 words or longer. In other words, those stories I plan to review once a week. I’m still adding shorter stories, but my rate of adding them is slower than my rate for reading them (by design), which means now I’m more or less always at zero. Now that I’ve hit this milestone, the question arises: what should I do next?
I already know that from mid-December through to sometime in July, I’m going to be reading 30k-40k daily by default even without those shorter stories. That’s what reading Starlight Over Detrot means for me. The only way out of it is to either binge-read SoD, which would prevent me from reviewing other stories in the meantime, or to not read it at all. Both are unacceptable to me. So, what, do I just keep up the rate of one story added every week and have my review blog limited to two stories a week at most for that entire time?
That may be the answer. I’m doing more reading of original fiction now, and adding more horse words only makes that harder. I’ve often remarked in the past that I wanted to do a full, independent review blog for original fiction once I have enough of a backlog, and this may be my chance to finally develop that backlog.
In unrelated news: a new story should be releasing sometime in October (although it may take longer depending upon when the cover art is completed). I think a lot of people will be glad to see it.
How about some reviews?
Stories for This Week:
Changing Your Tune by thedarkprep
Flame of Disparity by Cinders of War
The Last Changeling by GaPJaxie
Velvet Missteps by PhycoKrusk
Total Word Count: 213,106
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 0
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
Changing Your Tune
17,053 Words
By thedarkprep
Requested by thedarkprep
Vibrant Tone was a legend of the stage, a musical phenomenon the likes of which Equestria had never seen. But today, amongst all the Coloraturas and Songbirds, she’s only a washed-up has-been struggling to rediscover the hunger that drove her so hard. She has one last chance to be back in the spotlight and no faith she can pull it off. Then she meets a fan with a familiar hunger…
It surprised me when thedarkperp, whom I knew way back in the day, popped up out of nowhere to ask for a review of – le gasp! –a new story. Even more shocking was the discovery that, somehow, I never reviewed one of thedarkperp’s stories before. For shame, me. But then, I started reviews after the start of their… let’s go with “extended vacation”. At any rate, I was very curious to see what was coming.
The story ends up being about a changeling who has spent her life hiding in the open, surviving off the love of adoring fans. Now reformed, she’s fighting to achieve the same level of success. It ends up as a story about the struggle for inspiration, the regret of a past not appreciated, and rediscovering the drive to keep going. Along the way we get (mostly) well-received cameos and a welcome lesson about the importance and vitality of change.
I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Some of the beats held it back – I felt like the big, climactic show could have been handled with a bit more flair and clarity, for example – but for what we got I am pleased. The writing is solid, demonstrating a nice grasp of Show accentuated by Tell, the characters and emotions are relatable, and there’s a careful pacing that never lets the story feel too fast or slow at any given moment.
Here’s hoping Vibrant Tone doesn’t come to regret the agent she’s saddled with. I wonder if that particular element isn’t reflective of something in thedarkprep’s own situation?
I can’t claim to know how this author wrote in the past, but I can say for sure that this is a great start to a re-established career. I for one am looking forward to whatever comes next.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Flame of Disparity
145,402 Words
By Cinders of War
Sunset wakes up in a dark new world filled with new dark things that all have her death at the forefront of their limited minds. All she knows is that she possesses a Flame that keeps her alive and everything else wants it.
Calling it now: the true villain is either Hideo Kojima, Uwe Boll, or maybe both of them in some kind of evil collaboration.
This story is intended as a thematic crossover with both Darksouls and Bloodborn, although I notice references to other games of their genre. To this end, Sunset possesses a ‘Flame of Life’ that ensures she will always be reborn if she is killed, all other beings in this dark world want it for themselves, and if she is to go home she has to find and defeat four villains who possess ‘Flames of Death’.
I’ve never played a Soulslike game (it’s on my extensive to-do list), but I’ve seen enough about them that I get the gist and know of at least some of the major bosses. I wanted to read this one because the potential to use such a setting as a proper story is significant. The problem here is that Cinders of War doesn’t understand the difference between telling a story and playing a video game. You can effectively sum up the first half of the story as:
Sunset enters dungeon; Sunset kills monsters; Sunset hopes she doesn’t get used to killing; Sunset defeats Boss; Sunset enters dungeon; Sunset kills monsters; Sunset hopes she doesn’t get used to killing; Sunset defeats Boss; Sunset enters dungeon; Sunset kills monsters; Sunset hopes she doesn’t get used to killing; Sunset defeats Boss.
The story has no variety. There’s no attempt to diversify the events, expand upon the world, develop the characters, or give us a reason to invest in anything happening. It’s literally just Sunset fighting monster after monster. Oh, yes, she occasionally meets other adventurers, but their conversations are kept brief and to the point, lasting just long enough for names and roles to be established before we’re moving on to the next fight – exactly like you’d expect to see in a video game.
Even the fights aren’t all that diverse. Sure, the monsters are a little different every time, but it’s always Sunset fighting with a sword and some fire magic. She always ends up stabbing something, she always feels it hitting something soft, the blade’s always going to poke out the other side. She may spit out a quick one-liner, sometimes without it making sense even in context. The first time she fights something it’ll be challenging and from that point on they’ll be afterthoughts. Oh, and in case you don’t remember it from the last twenty times she thought about it, Sunset really hopes she won’t get used to killing.
So, generally speaking, this story is just an endless wave of fight scenes with Sunset performing the same general actions every time, usually targeting some specific and apparent weakness in her current opponent, such as giant yellow growths on its back or a clear marking on its forehead.
Exactly like you’d see in a video game.
Then there’s the endless range of nonsense. For example, Sunset has a collection of ‘Estus’ potions that will heal her instantly. Fair enough. Magic is a concept. But why is it that she can be hanging on the back of this giant beast, which is violently trying to throw her off, presumably hanging on by one hand and maybe a foot, and can readily down one of these healing potions, but then in a later scene she’s incapable of taking the potion while in the process of… running. That’s it, just running. Because somehow that’s harder to do than drinking from a flask while getting tossed like a ragdoll on some giant beastie’s back.
Or how about the fact that Sunset’s favorite sword somehow has the aerodynamics of a boomerang and thus can be thrown above and behind the giant snake about to crush her, conveniently allowing her to land on its back? That sword’s got some amazing curve in its flight path, considering Sunset performs this little trick with great regularity.
Also, apparently the combat gauntlets Sunset is wearing can be filled up with water (implying they cover the entire hand), yet somehow can’t protect her hands from rope burn.
Compounding such issues is that when the author does finally try to instill some extra depth to the situation, it happens in ways that disagree with the ongoing narrative. For example, at one point the author decides to set this story within a larger AU. So suddenly we discover that Sunset’s been on death-defying adventures before; she’s had combat training from some powerful swordswoman and thus is a proficient combatant in her own right. She’s probably even killed before, given that she apparently went up against and defeated none other than a revived King Sombra. That might have been okay if Sunset hadn’t acted at the start of the story like she had no idea what she was doing and killing things was so new and horrible and oh, Celestia, why does she have to do it?
Then we’re adding characters that apparently Sunset has a significant history with. Characters you won’t know or appreciate because you have no prior engagement with the stories being referenced, so their presence is more confusing than anything. And then their entire reason for existing in this story, or why the things they were doing were so significant – goes unexplained.
This was frustrating at best. I was never invested, and in fact started to get bored after we hit the third dungeon (so chapter 6?) and saw the same beats being repeated yet again. There came points where I started skimming entire fights because I already knew what was going to happen and it really didn’t matter in terms of progressing the story. This could be the poster child for how constant action does not make for an interesting tale. Sorry, Cinders, but having Sunset sit in front of a fire every third fight and think about how she must succeed and can’t quit now and owes it to her friends (again (and again (and again)))) does not make things more interesting.
In a word, the story is repetitive. Repetitive in action. Repetitive in Sunset’s behavior and thoughts. Heck, it’s even repetitive in the writing.
If you’re looking for endless action scenes, this may do it for you. If you want anything more complex than that – at all – then I’d give it a pass.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Last Changeling
41,025 Words
By GaPJaxie
Sequel to The Virgin Princess
Five decades ago, changeling princess Cheval deposed her adoptive parents, Princess Cadance and Prince Consort Shining Armor, and gave the throne to her sister Flurry Heart. For her crimes, she was imprisoned in stone. Flurry herself went on to become the ultimate warrior princess, leading the Crystal Empire on a bloody path of destruction that ended in the extermination of the changeling race. And now, at long last, Cheval has been freed…
I wasn’t sure what to expect going into this one. When we last saw Cheval, the Crystal Empire was little more than a vassal state of the hive of Queen Amaryllis, seemingly doomed to a future of servitude. Then we, like Cheval, find ourselves in a world where the Crystal Empire not only threw off the shackles placed upon it by Cadance’s incompetence but had become far worse than anything the hive had ever been. Flurry Heart wasn’t just a warlord, she was a genocidal maniac complete with secret police carting off political dissenters in the night. It’s quite the shocking way to start a story.
We then follow Cheval as she tries to figure out what to do with herself in this new, disturbing world. For everyone else, fifty years have passed. For her, it’s only been a few seconds and she’s still an overly emotional sixteen year old fresh on the guilt train for having committed a few crimes of her own. Oh, and she’s pregnant with her first clutch, making her the sole purveyor of the future of her species. Her personal struggle is real and fascinating, even if her actions don’t always make a lot of sense (presumably because she’s an overly emotional sixteen year old).
But GaPJaxie does more than just follow Cheval around. They also provide a range of flashbacks and revelations. Sometimes these involve events we missed, like the death of Shining Armor or a lover’s quarrel involving Cheval’s cousin. Other times it’s worldbuilding and exploring the consequences of Flurry’s genocide on other parts of the world, like the baker who is a pony but considers herself a changeling (apparently a very common practice in a post-changeling world). When I first saw these flashbacks/tangents, I had to wonder what the heck GaPJaxie was doing. Yet, after having read through the whole story, I understand how they work to produce a fuller image.
This is not just a story about Cheval. This is a story about a world trying to move on from a dark period in its recent history. The author apparently decided that the best way to do this was not through the eyes of a single overstressed changeling princess, but through the eyes of ponies big and small in the grand scheme. I find myself wholeheartedly approving of the method. It helps that this time I remembered the players and (general) events of previous stories. That, in turn, is helped by this being a direct sequel to one of its predecessors. That’s a wholly new thing for this series, but it was certainly the best time for it.
The end result is a story about healing. I loved its messaging and its methodology, its strong characters and complex background. Best of all, GaPJaxie manages to take all the disparate parts of the series and weave them to a conclusion that may not be the most dramatic or climactic, yet came as the last exhale after a long, tough slog. It ended quietly, and I can appreciate that.
Ultimately, there’s only one thing that bugs me in all of this: what about Celestia and Luna? I’ll grant that this story wasn’t about them, but are they not still rulers of Equestria? Heck, Celestia is even mentioned a few times as being tangentially responsible for the dark times that came around. I would think she at least deserves the chance to have her side of the story represented. Poor Luna doesn’t even get a mention, as if her opinion on the ongoing events are entirely unimportant. Quite the slap in the face, all things considered.
But again, that’s my only complaint. This was a fun, emotionally driven story of past regrets and future prospects, and I enjoyed it from beginning to end. If you haven’t gotten involved with GaPJaxie’s Third Wheel AU, I would say you’re definitely missing out.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Third Wheel — WHYRTY?
Courtesans — WHYRTY?
A Foreign Education — WHYRTY?
The Virgin Princess — WHYRTY?
Siren Song — WHYRTY?
Velvet Missteps
9,626 Words
By PhycoKrusk
Sequel to Anypony for Doomsday?
Velvet Step was having a perfectly normal morning until, somehow, she finds herself in a whole different dimension and even in an entirely different city. Luckily this dimension’s Sombra is a good (for a certain definition of “good”) guy and perfectly willing to help her get home. All it takes is an editing mistake!
Ah, I am entertained yet again. But more than anything, I am pleased with myself. When the story starts with Velvet trying to ask a question of one “Crystal”, I immediately jumped to a very specific character, but I wasn’t sure why. Imagine my surprise when I find out later that I was right, which means I accurately remembered this character from a story I read four years ago by a completely different author. Good show, brain.
Anyway, this story runs similar in style to the previous one, i.e. it’s all kinds of silly and nuts. Topics include Grandpa Sombra, Cutie Calls, a undisclosed number of, er, “arguments”, friendshipping monstages, many ponies having no regards for other ponies’ feelings, a repurposed doomsday device, and a surprisingly small number of editing mistakes. If that doesn’t make sense, that’s because I’m being intentionally vague. This one deserves to be discovered, not spoiled.
I have zero complaints. This is another great comedy and exactly what I was hoping for as the sequel to Doomsday. If you haven’t read this story or the prior one, get on that, because they’re great.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Anypony for Doomsday? — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
Equestrian Concepts by Achaian
Truth by Rated Ponystar
Feeling Pinkie Keen - Extended Cut by AdmiralSakai
The Teeny, Tiny Pinkie Pie by RK_Striker_JK_5
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i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/941/839/46a.gif
I was waiting for this review for a long time. The above image captures my emotional response to reading it.
That was a good review. I am glad you liked my story, and got out of it what I hoped people would.
I’m glad you enjoyed my story ^_^
Thank you for such a thoughtful review <3
5589643
That gif is extremely distracting. I just wanna keep watching it.
It was a solid conclusion for a great series. I'm glad I decided to give it a shot.
5589671
You are very welcome!
5589869
That gif is amazing!
And hey, if you're looking to start a new epic series of mine...
- MLP: FiM
- Adventure
- Sad
When Twilight and Celestia have an argument about the existence of leap years, there’s only one possible way to settle their differences: a race around the world!