Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXII · 9:04pm Oct 6th, 2022
Interesting times are coming, at least in terms of reviews.
As some of you may recall, when setting up these blogs I always schedule things ahead. How far ahead varies greatly, but as of now I’m scheduled all the way up to December 15. With how things are arranged, that means I have only one week left to schedule before 2022 is completely booked and I look on to 2023.
And 2023 is going to have some changes.
Well, technically only one change: I’ll be switching to releasing these once every two weeks instead of weekly.
There are a number of reasons behind this. The first is that I’ve finally and completely caught up to my backlog. That’s right, my lists are pretty much empty. Took me a few years, but I made it. Now that I’m here, I don’t feel any obligation to churn these out week after week in an effort to catch up. Plus a two week gap gives me more time to find and select short stories. I may even find myself going back to the 10-story-per-blog setup!
Another issue I’m hoping to address is big stories. In the last two years I’ve made it a point to review one story of 70,000+ words per blog, and I have every intention of continuing that trend. But when you’re trying to finish a 300,000-word story, you’ve got to start early, and that makes it overlap with that 100k story and that 120k story and maybe that 70k story too and suddenly you’re reading three stories at the same time continuously on top of trying to read shorter stories to keep from releasing one-story blogs. Some weeks I found myself having to read 40k to 60k just to stay on schedule, and I do have other things I’d like to do with my time (as Applejack might say, I ain’t all apples). God help me if I have to take a few days off of reading to, say, visit family or deal with an emergency.
Hopefully switching to a two-week format will make it easier to avoid those big reading days. Alas, it looks like my chances of catching up to PresentPerfect’s total review count have gotten even lower.
Speaking of 2023: I’ve only 9 slots left for that year, so if you’ve got a story of 70k+ words you’d like reviewed you’d best tell me soon or you’ll be waiting a long time to see it.
Enough looking at the future. Back to the present: reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Cleavage Convenience by Justice3442
Under Her Spell by thedarkprep
The Funeral of Derpy Hooves by shortskirtsandexplosions
Fear and Loving in Las Pegasus by MagnetBolt
Total Word Count: 125,261
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 0
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Cleavage Convenience
9,727 Words
By Justice3442
The Human 7 (and a visiting Starlight Glimmer) are at band practice when Pinkie’s boobs start vibrating… because that’s where she keeps her cell phone and she just got a text. This leads to the revelation that Rainbow Dash is jealous. Not of Pinkie’s massive knockers, but of the fact they essentially give her a highly convenient extra pocket. The conversation deteriorates from there.
What? Most of Justice3442’s works are pornographic, and I went for the first thing I saw that wasn’t rated M. Plus I was curious. Don’t look at me like that.
Also: If you quiet down and listen very closely, you might be able to hear hundreds of bronies brandishing knives and ending friendships over fervent arguments regarding the breast sizes and body shapes of their waifus.
Anyway, this one needs a “Random” tag, because it’s quite the rabbit hole. It’s nothing more than a bunch of girls sitting in a room having a conversation, but that conversation takes all sorts of wild twists and turns, especially when the Sirens decide to intervene. We’ve got, in no particular order: Pinkie singing about how cup size doesn’t matter, a vote to decide whether Starlight should or should not take off her pants, Rainbow telling everyone else to check their massive mammary privileges, Sunset trying and failing to maintain the decency of the world, attempts to apply socialism to breast pockets, Sonata trying to show that she’s not as dumb as she looks, discussions of cutie marks on panties for science, Adagio being unrepentantly horny, and Fluttershy trying out some zingers. Also, Justice3442 attempts to use every possible term and euphemism for boobs that exists, and maybe creates entirely new ones.
Is there a point to it? Not really, or at least not overtly. Do I care? Nope. I spent the whole thing highly amused by the insanity and Sunset’s exasperation. This is the kind of silly I can get behind, because while the conversation does veer off into weird territory, it still flows in what is a realistic manner given who is having the conversation.
As long as you don’t mind the subject matter (or Justice3442’s depiction of the girls’ physical proportions, I suppose), I can see no reason this won’t be entertaining to most readers. It exists purely for amusement and it’s nonsense that makes sense. I can safely say this is my favorite story by this author that I’ve read so far.
…
And stop looking at me like that!
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The One Where Pinkie Gets Even — Pretty Good
Sunset Shimmer is MAD about EVERYTHING — Pretty Good
Forward Always — Worth It
The SweetieMash Chronicles — Worth It
Under Her Spell
8,852 Words
By thedarkprep
Sequel to Breaking the Ice (kinda (sorta (not really (?))))
The Great and Powerful Trixie does not get flustered. Even when a hot girl comes along and touches her cheek seemingly out of the blue. Trixie might, on the other hand, get in over her head at times with confusing feelings she doesn’t understand. The good news: she’s used to searching for herself. The bad news: this search is proving a lot harder to handle than the first one.
I labeled this one as a kinda-sorta sequel, but it’s only so in the sense that it’s the next story in the given AU’s chronology. There’s no need to know anything about Breaking the Ice or its predecessor Looking Glass to understand what is happening here (although you should still read those because they’re very good).
Anywho, the story stars a trans Trixie who, when the Dazzlings show up to sing at the school cafeteria, finds herself flustered frustrated by Adagio. She’s discovering feelings and interests for the woman (Adagio is no mere ‘girl’, no matter her appearance) that she’s never felt before, she doesn’t know what to do about them, and it’s leading her to doing things that make no sense. Trixie’s never cheated before, much less outright worked to harm her rivals.
Trixie has a crush. Which is surprising because Trixie was unaware that she was gay. At least, she thinks she is? Or maybe not? What with the whole mind control thing, how is she to know? Maybe Adagio just wanted her to think she’s gay.
What makes this story so interesting isn’t the topic of “is Trixie gay?” Being gay in and of itself isn’t really the issue, although it’s related. No, the real problem and point of interest is the hurt of knowing that she was manipulated into thinking she might be something but having no idea if it is real. It’s one thing to realize you’re gay and come to terms with it. It’s another thing entirely to have no idea who you are because some jerk screwed with your head.
The end result is a story that is compelling, giving us a hard-hitting view of the struggle Trixie is going through during the Battle of the Bands. It’s hard not to feel sympathetic, especially in that last scene when the Proud and Stalwart Trixie gets reduced to something more resembling a porcelain vase that just hit the ground at terminal velocity. Oh, that reminds me: thedarkprep’s narrative style is really good at demonstrating a character’s mood/emotions.
Also, Pinkie Pie gets to be Best Human for a while. Seriously, she was great here.
Krickis put this one in good hands. It’s interesting, it’s effectively written, and the characterization is top notch. I am very much looking forward to reading more stories in the Who We Become AU. I was looking forward to it anyway, but this story only further cements that interest.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Changing Your Tune — Pretty Good
The Funeral of Derpy Hooves
93,298 Words
By shortskirtsandexplosions
Combine contraband tomatoes, magical rocks, rocket engines, and post office equipment. Add one Derpy. The end result, at least according to some ponies, is a dead Derpy. To the mailmare in question, this is a strange and confusing conclusion to come to. To Ponyville at large, however, it is a wide-reaching, eye-opening, agonizing experience.
I came into this expecting a comedy of errors in which all of Ponyville thinks Derpy is dead when she clearly is not. And yeah, I sorta got that, but calling it a “comedy of errors” isn’t accurate. The reality is that Rainbow Dash (and whoever else bothered to investigate the site of the accident) can’t tell the difference between blood and pulped tomatoes, apparently none of them were proficient magic users, and Derpy got sent to another dimension entirely.
When we see Derpy’s part of the story, which makes up maybe a tenth of the whole thing, we witness her going on goofy adventures where she’s nearly killed (usually unwittingly), makes other creatures happy, and hunts for a way home, all with that perpetual smile. Derpy is depicted as a silly mare, perhaps a little off in the head but possessing a heart of pure gold.
Then we get to the majority of the story, which is how the (presumed) death of the mailmare affects Ponyville as a whole and the Mane Six in particular. This part is as serious as can be, and touches upon deep issues within each of our favorite protagonists as they work through their own baggage highlighted by recent events and try to take care of Dinky.
There’s some heavy stuff going on here. Twilight wrestles with the unclear possibility of her being immortal (note that this is set shortly after Tirek is defeated), Applejack begins to question her family’s overarching attitude towards the town, Rainbow realizes that even perfection can’t stop bad things from happening, Rarity realizes how poorly she treats her own family, Fluttershy confronts her own terrors of life and death, and Pinkie is forced to accept that sadness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’m grossly oversimplifying their situations, but believe me that it’s better this way. There are a lot of interesting reveals and powerful character moments that are better experienced firsthand.
And through all of that, we have Dinky. I swear this is the sweetest, most polite child in the history of ever. The rest of Ponyville is convinced that she’s in denial regarding her mother’s death. Dinky thinks they’re all being silly. I really liked her characterization, which made her out to be optimistic and kind but without taking such a depiction to extremes.
There are a handful of issues, none of them serious. I think the one that bugged me most was the sound stone. Turns out that Zecora sold to Derpy a pair of stones that lets them communicate as though through a radio. When Derpy goes on her interplanar adventure, they are still able to talk to one another with those stones. You’d think this would be proof positive that Derpy’s alive, right?
Well, that would absolutely be the case if not for SS&E doing the traditional, unrealistic nonsense of Derpy never contacting or talking back to Dinky at any time there happens to be others around to hear the conversation. Yeah, most people won’t care, and it’s a plot tool to keep the Mane Six in the dark, but for me it defies disbelief. I’ve never cared for this kind of plot shoehorning, although I’ll acknowledge that it is a common gimmick that lots of storytellers use so this issue is clearly subjective.
But then there’s the one gaping hole: At any point in time, Dinky could have gotten the Mane Six to talk to Zecora about the sound stone. I mean, at any time. Hell, Zecora actually attended the funeral and spoke to Dinky briefly. Why didn’t the sound stone come up? SS&E just… sort of… ignores the topic. I find that really hard to believe, especially with how determined Dinky was to prove the others wrong.
But really, it’s a minor issue. The heavy portions are great, thick with drama and deep character growth. Those long bouts of dramatics are regularly broken by glimpses at Derpy’s situation, which always provide some delightful levity to the story. The final scenes are heightened by this over-present awareness that Derpy is alive and could pop in to interrupt the proceedings at any second. So long as you can accept that this was written back in 2013 before we knew a lot about most of the girls’ families, I would highly recommend this one.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
.out.of.character. — WHYRTY?
Scale — WHYRTY?
Hello, Sedna — WHYRTY?
Button Hash — Pretty Good
We Live in a Kind World — Pretty Good
Fear and Loving in Las Pegasus
13,384 Words
By MagnetBolt
Requested by Thought Prism
When Spoiled Rich left Filthy, she made sure to take every bit he had. Stuck in a serious financial rut, he needs to figure out a way to get the debt collectors off his back. The most obvious and easiest solution: marry Diamond Tiara off to the wealthiest family in Ponyville.
Applejack and her kin have been financially irresponsible recently, and that kind of behavior has put Sweet Apple Acres in a fiscal disaster. They need money, and they need it fast. Applejack’s solution: marry Apple Bloom off to the wealthiest family in Ponyville.
Needless to say, Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara are not happy with their respective families at the moment.
This was a treat, and you know it from the very start when MagnetBolt starts getting witty and silly with the narrative voice. The story bounces through a whole bunch of short scenes, but does so in a way that flows well and really highlights the absurdity of what Applejack and Filthy Rich are trying to do, to say nothing of Apple Bloom’s and Diamond Tiara’s frustration at the whole scenario. The two eventually end up going on a “pre-honeymoon”, traveling to Las Pegasus for the wedding together whether they like it or not. You don’t have to have a diploma in creative literature to know where it’s going from there.
This one’s all about the journey, which features wise stallions in the desert, a steady stream of lies, improvised theft (among other things), fruit-flavored potty mouths, and lots of gambling. Oh, and Princess Cadance cameos in an Elvis suit. I’ve got to say, I love that Cadance’s idea of a vacation is going to Las Pegasus to offer free wedding services at themed venues.
I’m sure it’s obvious by now, but this story was a ton-and-a-half of fun. With a jocular narrative style, great pacing, an underlying romance, and a constant stream of humorous situations, it’s hard not to be entertained. If I had to point to any issues, there’d be two. First, that Applejack’s behavior in this story is hardly what we’d call honest... although I’m willing to wave that issue. One might even argue that she’s been this kind of dishonest before in-show.
The second issue is the ending. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a bad ending at all. But considering the huge hole Filthy and Applejack have dug for themselves and for their families, I would have greatly appreciated an epilogue or something. These sorts of mistakes have consequences, and seeing that our young protagonists overcame them for sure would have been nice. At the very least, I’d have loved to have seen Apple Bloom’s and Diamond Tiara’s reaction upon discovering exactly what their father and sibling have been up to in the past week.
No matter, this was still highly entertaining. If you haven’t read this, get to it now, because it warrants all the attention it can garner.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Machina Cor Armageddon — WHYRTY?
Aeroponics — Pretty Good
From Equestria with Love — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
My Path by Silver Moon
Second Draft by Pascoite
Dinkin’ Donuts by Pascoite
March Goes Out Like a Lamb by Mikleo
Sweetie Belle and the Tablet of Knowledge by CheshireTwilight
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I'm glad you'll be slowing down. Take a little more time for yourself to get out and do other things. Especially with that blog from a few weeks ago. Keep your mental health up.
Also, Fear and Loving is going in the read later. Looks interesting.
Aww! I’m glad you enjoyed it
You’re a sweetie <3
DiamondBloom my beloved yussss
I second approval on the slowing down idea. I'm all for giving yourself more freedom both on and offline. And having busier individual blogs is more fun anyway.
PP may have reviewed more stories, but I'm pretty sure you have him beat in terms of sheer wordcount. Especially since he drops longfics once he stops enjoying them. Like a healthy person. And unlike you, you beautiful masochist.
Kind of had a feeling you were scaling back like this already, but it remains a good decision, especially in light of how long you’ve been doing this. Now it’s committed in public! I doubt anyone will object.
I’mma second Rego and add Fear and Loving in Las Pegasus to my list too. I won’t deny the hiccups you cite don’t exactly sound like small things, but the rest of it more than grabs my attention.
Dinkin' Donuts coming up! :D:D:D
You do fantastic work. A wonderful service to writers who can feel a validation or a constructive critism they wouldn't have otherwise. You more than deserve the rest.
What we provided is free content and so I says: Focus on you if you need to.
I wish I could do what you do, but the bustle and busy-ness of my life keeps me from it. Being able to recieve these reviews from another creator and obtain that type of fulfillment is often a huge honor, as it means someone is taking careful consideration of our work. We also get to hear much more meaningful words as compared to the often just... blanket statements from strangers without renown.
Anywho, my own wordy blanket statements aside, I hope the best for you moving forward!
Yes, yes, consume the Magnetbolt. Enjoy the Magnetbolt.
I will admit to having looked at your schedule and thought But wait a minute ... Glad your finally getting to the end of a queue. It's a milestone, considering all the reviews you've done!
Will this change in schedule correlate with adjustments to your writing schedule?
Good to know I've got some support for the decision! I must admit, I debated for a long time on whether I'd do this or, alternatively, keep the weekly format but change how often I do 70k+ stories. I figure this would be better all around.
5690755
I got a really good response from that one! Since then I've had quite a few more conversations with people, and while I'm sort of back in "quiet mode" lately it was good to have the reminder that I can talk to people when I feel like it.
5690759
While I've never discussed the matter with PP directly, I always have had a nonserious goal of catching up to him in terms of number of reviews. I don't think it will ever actually happen, but it's fun to poke at. And you're right, I probably do have a higher overall wordcount.
Me: "Gods, I've got so much to read and if I don't do it now I'm going to fall behind and that means even more to read tomorrow and I know I'm not going to be able to keep up because I'm visiting you guys this weekend I guess I'll have to read extra over the course of the week to catch up."
Mom: "Why do you do this to yourself?"
Me: "...because I like it."
Yeah, I might be a little masochistic.
5690760
Yeah, normally I would consider those issues to be a big deal, but I considered the story fun enough to overlook them.
5690774
Even if they were blanket statements, I'm still happy to her them. It's always nice to hear the work I do on these blogs is appreciated.
5690780
I hope so.
You've literally read all my big stories. I guess if you really need something to add to your list, you could always read all the other stories I have up. All together, there's only about 150K left and most of those are one-shots. And then there's also the rest of my Bright Future AU which Like Mother, Like Daughter is part of. Grounded and its sequel Ghosting are 72K together, but I don't think that counts.
But, glad to see you're finally cutting back. You do a lot, and this kind of feedback is really valuable to those of us with low follower counts. Even at a slower pace, having someone to reliably get the feedback from is nice.