Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXXII · 7:12pm Dec 22nd, 2022
This is it, folks. The end of the year for me. I decided many months ago that the last week of this year and the first of next year would be without reviews. So yeah, after this you’ll be getting nothing from me until January 12. I hope nobody suffers too badly from withdrawal (myself included).
I’m currently on a three week vacation from work. Saving up all those days during the year finally paid off. In addition to not having to work, I’m also taking a break from my other usual hobbies, including writing and my whole video game thing. I may still write off and on if the mood hits me, and I’m sure I’ll play at least some games over the ensuing days, but it’s going to be far more lax than it has been. Sort of like a detox, if you will. This will be a lot easier considering my time will be taken up by at least three social gatherings in the next two weeks, although it may be as many as five (big family).
I’ll also be off Discord, so for those of you who know me there, this is your Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Because yeah, it’s that time of year! And I won’t be around much to celebrate online. Hope you all enjoy yours. I certainly intend to enjoy mine. For once, I actually want to watch A Christmas Story with my parents for reasons beyond holiday obligation.
That’s enough chit-chat from me, I’ve got a two-hour drive ahead of me and I’m supposed to be home in time to attend a get together. I may do a blog or something between now and the 12th, but if not then I’ll see you then!
Reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Wonderbolt by WovenWord
Fallout: Equestria - Make Love Not War by hahatimeforponies
The Opening Act by thedarkprep
Hereafter by Fluffette
Wake-up Call by Cyrano
Echoes of a Song by Loganberry
Total Word Count: 168,451
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Wonderbolt
3,393 Words
By WovenWord
The world is a miserable place, steadily dying from pollution. Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle stay at the Golden Oaks, wasting away along with everything else. But Rainbow still has a reason to hope. She just wonders if Twilight feels the same way.
This was an interesting one. At the start I thought maybe we were dealing with the Flim Flam Timeline, but then I checked the dates and realized this was written long before Starlight was even a character, much less creating alternate timelines. So exactly what happened and why is a big question mark for this piece beyond “industrialization has crippled the globe.”
But, like so many stories of this variety, the “why” isn’t all that important. What matters is this one little conversation Rainbow has with Twilight in which she finally finds out what they mean to one another. The story seems to be about finding hope and life in a place that is devoid of both. It’s a romance, but even the “romance” doesn’t feel like the point, not really.
I came away pleased. The story is slow, allowing the author to indulge in a more vivid narrative that really lets you understand how far the world has fallen. I approve of both the style and the way it squeezes the atmosphere out of every moment without ever feeling overblown or purple. It’s certainly a sad story, but to some small degree it is also a hopeful one.
I have only one… maybe not “complaint” so much as a “curiosity”. We get stories about the fate of Fluttershy and Applejack, and while no concrete conclusion about where they ended up is offered we at least have enough to make our own conclusions. Rarity gets a minor mention, though, and Pinkie Pie doesn’t even get that. I was very curious about this. Particularly with Pinkie Pie. Although I realize that not saying anything about Pinkie may, in fact, be saying a lot about her. Let’s not even get started on Spike.
This will be a story suitable for the sadficionados and anyone interested in seeing good atmosphere at work. I’m not sure about how the general audience will take it, although its high upvote ratio suggests promise. Either way, it’s a well-written piece that deserves such a rating, so I must highly recommend it.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Fallout: Equestria - Make Love Not War
140,188 Words
By hahatimeforponies
Sequel to Fallout: Equestria - Duck and Cover!
Meet Atom Smasher of Stable 512. She hates puns, likes dogs, and her special talent is blowing things up. She used to fight with nerf guns, is insanely talented at improv acting, and prefers the path of least resistance. She recently became the “hero” of Manechester, and that means all the excitement (read: things to blow up) has passed and she’s getting bored. That’s when a letter arrives from her brother in San Palomino, Equestria. Which is weird, because as far as she knows she doesn’t have a brother. Fuck it, it’s a distraction. Let’s get this family reunion started!
I greatly lamented that the nerf gun was gone. Just sayin’.
I was warned in advance that this sequel is not a carbon copy of its predecessor, and that warning has been bore out. The story begins long after the letter is delivered. Atom Smasher has already traveled across the Big Pond to Equestria, voyaged across most of the Equestrian wasteland itself, and thus do we open with her passing out from heatstroke in the San Palomino desert. As these things go, this leads to her meeting her brother – who is in fact legit and not some swindler trying to take advantage of the foreign “hero”. Atom responds by trying to strangle him.
Here we get to the core element of this story: when Atom was only nine, her single parent father ditched them for some unknown purpose (you getting the same Fallout 3 vibes I am?). Her stupid sap of a sibling ran after him not a day later, leaving Atom to fend for herself in a stable that neither wanted nor cared about her. This critical piece of background, which was never brought up in the first story (likely because the author hadn’t thought of it at the time), suddenly explains a lot about why Atom was such a messed up, morality-free, homicidal headcase in that story.
But now Atom has a big brother, and he really is a big, dumb pile of sap. Really, he’s her total opposite: kind, caring, and considerate. Also, built like a tank compared to Atom’s tiny frame. Also also, a Steel Ranger – an order run by rules, organization and responsibilities – whereas Atom is as free-spirited and wild as the wind. Despite all these differences, having a living blood relative who genuinely wants to be back in her life puts things into perspective for the one-pegasus disaster area.
If I had to center this story on a theme, I’d say it’s “hatred isn’t worth the hassle.” An alternative might be “family matters”. Either way, the fact that this story has a theme automatically sets it apart from the original. Here we get to watch that reckless mare that doesn’t give a fuck gradually grow and develop relationships so that she might, if under duress, admit that she’s starting to give a fuck afterall. It was a great decision on the author’s part, immediately setting the story apart from what came before without sacrificing who Atom is as a character.
I think that’s my favorite part in all of this. Somehow hahatimeforponies wove the needle just right such that this is still Atom Smasher from Duck and Cover! without having to break the duology’s own canon. Atom’s still got an uncontrollably smartass mouth (I can relate), she still prefers the path of least resistance, and she still bores easily. The only real difference is that now she has a reason to care about outcomes for ponies other than herself.
Aside from all that, this is still in many ways a comedy. I mean, it’s an adventure first, but with a pony like Atom in the leading role the funny’s going to keep coming. She’s always got a witty answer to toss out, always manages to make a dumb idea work against all odds, and still occasionally points out how stupid the world around her can be. Some of it, like that last part, is toned down a notch to fit the more grounded nature of this story, but the fact that it’s still there pleases me greatly.
Entertaining though Atom Smasher is, this time she’s accompanied by a host of new faces that help to enliven the experience even more. Her brother Rainbow the ever-sappy oaf, her sister-in-law Ivy working to keep them both in line like a pair of rambunctious pups, the actual puppy whose activities are described in the most adorable of ways, the tribesmare Babylon who regularly annoys Atom with wise metaphors, the ever-cantankerous Winchester and his town’s obsession with aliens, the community of hippies dispensing hallucinogens for free, the paranoid android Satellite Sam, the list goes on and on.
Some of them don’t make it. Yeah. This is still a Fallout story, after all. But it is with great curiosity that I note that, unlike the last story where Atom murdered ponies regularly and often without consideration of things like “friend or foe”, she doesn’t do much of it here. In fact, I don’t think Atom herself kills anything in the entire story. Quite the amazing turnaround, made all the more amazing by how hahatimeforponies managed to pull that off – again – without sacrificing Atom’s original characterization.
In a way, I suspect taking away her nerf gun at the start of the story was the author’s way of telling us “that kind of thing is behind us now.”
Still miss it.
I feel like I’m rambling at this point, so let me wind things down. Make Love Not War is a completely different story from Duck and Cover!, and yet I feel like the two are on par with each other in terms of quality. This is excellently paced, well written with few obvious mistakes, has a style that is at once witty and effective, and is loaded to the gills with fun and interesting characters. I for one consider it an excellent continuation. My one and only regret (missing nerf gun aside) is that the Atom Smasher-themed anthology hahatimeforponies started on after this never got finished, because damn if I don’t want more.
Read both of these. They are well worth the time invested.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Fallout: Equestria - Duck and Cover! — WHYRTY?
The Opening Act
17,213 Words
By thedarkprep
Sequel to Under Her Spell
Back when she was just a dumb highschool kid, Trixie witnessed real magic. In that moment, she understood that her every little magic trick was naught but a sham, each one combining to make her a giant fraud. Today she still performs, entertaining the unawares with her fake “magic”. She’s broke, she’s depressed, and she’s beginning to question what it’s all for. But there is always at least one blue-eyed light at the end of her tunnel.
This story is set in Krickis's Who We Become universe. I knew that going in. Alas, I failed to read the fine print and happen to be reading Playing House at this time, which means I’ve spoiled a few things. Oh well, I was never against spoilers. But if you want to know more about this AU and want to read it in order, yeah, check that chronology list.
Under Her Spell was set immediately after Rainbow Rocks and had a trans Trixie suffering a crisis of identity due to the Sirens’ mind control. Now we arrive here, with an adult Trixie struggling to make ends meet, working part time at a record store while putting on magic shows as a professional magician. But this time Trixie is suffering from an entirely different crisis, one that has persisted relentlessly ever since the Friendship Games showed her what real magic looks like. This one is far worse than the last in many ways.
Yet again, thedarkprep’s talent for emotive, evocative writing pulls all the stops to deliver a delightful Trix fic. It’s painful to watch her going through the motions, suffering from bouts of crippling depressive episodes that nobody notices because she’s just that good an actor. This is a Trixie who is creative, observant, skilled and determined, and all of it is marred by a sense that everything she’s doing is pointless.
Then Pinkie Pie shows up.
You might think that Trixie’s dear Aunt Pinkie Pie is about to make everything better. Instead we find a Pinkie who is hitting that problem that I’ve already seen heavily hinted at in Playing House. That’s not to say that Pinkie isn’t still awesome in this AU, because she totally is. But being awesome doesn’t mean you don’t have problems of your own. I love that Pinkie is every bit as analytical and observant as Trixie is and that they use these skills to come to one another’s aid practically simultaneously.
This is one of those stories where you don’t feel like the problems are solved so much as a path to resolution has been discovered and taken. I would love to see a third story exploring what became of these two.
But first I should probably try reading the rest of the AU. You know, in order. EDIT: I take it back. There’s no story set between this and its sequel to spoil and I don’t want to wait a few years to see what happens next, so I’m reading the next one soon.
As for anyone who doesn’t care to go through an entire AU series to get here, fret not! You’d almost certainly do fine reading just this and Under Her Spell, independent of any of the other stories. Pretty sure thedarkprep intended it that way. So by all means dive in and enjoy what has turned out to be a stellar Trixie and Pinkie-centric duology.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Under Her Spell — WHYRTY?
Changing Your Tune — Pretty Good
Sunset wakes up in a weird white place in a white gown. Then she finds a halo. Yeap, she’s dead. But how did she die? And where are all the other dead people?
I’m not sure what prompted LH45 to call this “one of the best stories I’ve ever read”. So far nothing has happened. I mean, really. Nothing. Chapter 1: Sunset wakes up. Chapter 2: Sunset walks through a bunch of rooms. Chapter 3: Sunset discovers a halo and a lantern. What’s the game here? It can’t be an attempt at scenery porn, the prose isn’t nearly purple enough. I feel as though the story’s only gotten through its introduction and that the five existing chapters would have been better served as one.
There’s nothing wrong with the writing. I can’t speak towards characterization because Sunset is the only one and she hasn’t done anything yet, including say more than a handful of words. The narration is fine, the mood is fine, everything is fine, except that nothing’s happening and at no point did I start to have an interest.
I get the feeling Fluffette was going for one of those slow-burn, low activity, ponderous styles, like what you might find in Winston’s Seashell. If that’s the case, then I don’t think they’re doing it right. There’s a certain atmosphere required in that kind of story, a vividly descriptive nature that goes beyond merely what things look like and assaults the reader with emotions through careful depictions of existence. Hereafter lacks that power. The caveat of this criticism is that Fluffette might not have even been going for such a moody storytelling format and was simply moving things along too slowly in general. And even saying “too slowly” is a matter of perspective: when you separate a mere 4,300 words into five chapters, an illusion is created that makes the story feel slower than it is, which may have been part of its downfall in my reading.
As is traditional, I won’t apply a rating to an incomplete story. But should Fluffette ever decide to continue, I might be interested in coming back, if only to see where they’re going with it. Again, there’s nothing wrong with what I’m seeing so far, it just hasn’t moved beyond the setup stage.
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Wake-up Call
2,337 Words
By Cyrano
Some days it doesn’t seem worth it to get out of bed. For Sunset Shimmer, this is clearly one of those days.
Cyrano seems to have a preferred theme. Namely: SadShim. This story follows said SadShim waking up alone in a house that is clearly not meant to have only one occupant. This isolation is also clearly a new thing. What follows is Sunset fighting to gather up the willpower necessary to get ready for her two-thirty appointment with someone that she really shouldn’t have to make an appointment to meet.
This is dripping in depressing atmosphere, highlighting with every little interaction just how miserable Sunset is. Odd as it might sound, that’s a highlight. Sadficionados will certainly get something out of it. People who have been through breakups before will likely empathize. Writers looking for a way to showcase mood may find something here as well.
This is certainly one of the better stories I’ve read by Cyrano so far. It feels complete, is never rushed, and seems to form a solid – if not exactly uplifting – conclusion. It’s hardly an ambitious or original piece, but they did well with the concept. If you’re into this sort of fic, then there’s no reason not to give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Suns and Roses — Pretty Good
I'm Happy for Her — Worth It
Echoes of a Song
1,000 Words
By Loganberry
Rarity and Fluttershy enjoy tea together. Then Fluttershy tells a story.
This one sort of comes out of left field. It’s apparently set post-show, although how “post” it is remains unclear. Fluttershy and Rarity are having tea at Shy’s cottage and then, abruptly, Fluttershy “confesses” as to why she has a bird choir.
Loganberry tries to ease the suddenness of the story via a vivid narrative style, describing little actions with an apparent goal of making every little motion and thought seem important. Does it work? I’d say it does. The whole abruptness of the situation didn’t even occur to me until after I’d finished reading and considered the story for a while. I’d venture that less critical readers wouldn’t even notice.
An interesting slice-of-life with sad underpinnings. I think the only downside is the wordcount limitations of the contest for which it was written, which prevented it from being as good as it could have been.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
It Doesn't Matter Now — Pretty Good
One Hell of a Party — Pretty Good
Kicking Back — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Time:
Thrifted by stillwedding
Rarity in Slumberland by Botched Lobotomy
As the Raven Flies by Amber Spark
Forever Young by Trick Question
The Black Between the Stars by Rambling Writer
Disease of the Soul by Dilos1
Bedtime for Princesses by Michael Hudson
At The Drop of A Hat by Tchernobog
The Wishing Stone by Fervidor
Secret Tea by Jack of a Few Trades
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Thank you for the review. I’m glad you enjoyed it ^_^
Happy Holidays, man.
Hey, two small fics I've read! Wonderbolt certainly is quite the relic, an Alt-U fic from before canon gave us permission to indulge in such things more freely. Not much to add to what you've said, only that the atmosphere of Dash's thoughtful brooding and Twilight mental broken state do quite a lot to carry it, so the why's (including the Mane 7 members we don't hear about) cease to matter. Possibly my old Really Good was a bit generous (only my 15th Ponyfic review blog, was still figuring out my mental rating thresholds), but anyone game for a thoughtful reflection on its subject matter, and what it means to be a Wonderbolt where flight isn't a thing, should like it quite a lot.
I suppose if I'd read Loganberry's Echoes of a Song in a context other than the immediate aftermath of the Thousand Words Contest, I might have been more conscious of the word count, but honestly, next to most entries, it was adapted to that format far better, so the usual "more of a concept tease than an actual story" aspect didn't bother me. And such, the nuance and cadence of the character interactions, alongside how he just gets Fluttershy (and her interactions with Rarity to a T) just made it for me.
Incidentally, I almost did a double-take on seeing ten stories for next week, before I remembered that in 2023 you're scaling back to fortnightly review blogs anyway. Guess that balances it out!
Happy holidays, man, enjoy your time away from fic reviews (and mostly from writing and gaming)! We'll hold the fort down until January 12th. 
For what it's worth, I've never seen A Christmas Story (the list of other holiday classics I've never seen includes Home Alone and Elf, among others). Hm. Wonder if that's worth amending…
One of the things I tend to like is using the environment to tell a story. A lot of stories nowadays require dialogue to carry the story, and Hereafter....doesn't. Sunset....almost never speaks.
I probably was caught up in the moment, and was probably blind to its faults.
It's still good though
I'll mention this if I ever get around to reviewing it myself, but I was reading chapter 1 of Make Love Not War when it was announced COVID had entered my state and I've just... kind of been unable to go back to it.
Well, and I also started reading a different long fic instead, and I am still reading it but almost done wish me luck D:
Thank you for taking the time to review Echoes of a Song. Yes, it's fair to suggest that it might have done better with just a little more space -- but of course that wasn't an option open to me for that particular contest. As to the suddenness, again yes -- though I don't think that kind of thing is necessarily alien to Fluttershy. The idea is that she's thought about telling Rarity before, during previous chats, but never quite made it over the hill, as it were. This time she does. I guess 5704587 wasn't quite as conscious of the restricted space as you were, and so he rated it that little bit higher. Anyway, a fair-minded and interesting review from you as always. Thanks again, and enjoy your break!
5704585
And to you, too.
5704587
Ten stories/week used to be my normal until I decided to review a 70k+ story every week, then it became too much for me to do and maintain a life outside of pone at the same time. I've decided to try going back to the ten/blog formula for now, just to see if halving the review count makes that feasible. We shall see if I keep it up, but so far it seems fine.
A Christmas Story is timeless. Great acting by all involved, especially the lead boy. All he wants for Christmas is a Red Rider bb gun. All he has to do is somehow convince a single adult – any adult, really – that he won't shoot his own eye out with the thing. This is a lot easier said than done. It's told from the perspective of a nine year old boy and isn't afraid to let his imagination take over the scene. I could go on and on about classic and entertaining moments in the movie, because there are a lot, but it's something to experience for yourself.
Home Alone... Haven't seen that one in years. It's a comedy. It's a good comedy. But I never really enjoyed it specifically as a Christmas movie. From my understanding, I don't think it was really intended as such. I mean, yes, it's set in the season, but I'm pretty sure that was merely an arbitrary excuse to get the background plot rolling than any attempt to make it a Christmas movie. Doesn't make it a bad show to watch by any means, though.
I despise Elf. I don't find it even remotely funny. It's nothing more than a grown man acting unrealistically stupid for an hour-and-a-half. The fact that it's a critical and commercial success says a lot, and none of it good. But I am well known for my disgust of "stupid comedy", so I am willing accept it's a matter of taste. Maybe if it had come out when I was nine...
5704598
I would argue that Sunset not speaking is in fact against her character, as she's never been depicted in-show as the quiet type. If we were to consider that a sacrifice for a story's style, though, then perhaps an author can get away with it.
You're right, dialogue is frequently used as a means of moving a story forward. There's nothing wrong with that, especially considering how normal that is in reality, but I can understand wanting to see an author try a different approach. Some would even consider it a sign of improved storytelling to mix and match the two so that what is seen and not said is just as important as what is outright stated (I'm one of them). Really, the style of the storytelling wasn't the problem with Hereafter[/i. But neither could it carry the story on its own, because by the time I'd finished there hadn't actually been a story yet.
5704611
You? Reading a long fic? I thought you'd abandoned such a practice! Good luck with it, and may you be able to read more in the future.
5704615
Huh. I didn't get that impression. It's certainly a very Fluttershy thing to do, I just didn't read it as that kind of thing. Not sure if that a fault of my reading or not.
5704666
That's not something I put into the story (though I might have done with more space), but it was something I had in the back of my mind.
5704664
when it takes me two years to finish one? it sure looks like I've abandoned it XD