Paul's Thursday Reviews CCCXX · 9:04pm Dec 8th, 2022
As always, I’ve been trying to write. I’ve got several projects ongoing, some of them for months, one for over a year now. A slow, grinding process. Except for this week. This week I have managed to maintain an average of around 2,000 words/day. That’s nearly triple what I’ve been able to do for the last few months. Which brings up the question: What changed?
Well. This week is a vacation week. And while I fell behind in my reading and am using this week to catch up, I still have a lot less reading to do on a day-to-day basis.
Does this mean less reading equals more writing? I’m honestly not sure. I’ve had vacation weeks before where this didn’t happen. And let us not forget that I’m still playing video games several hours a day when I could be producing more stories for you folks. Nonetheless, I am hopeful. If I am getting back into the groove of things, then perhaps my big schedule change for next year will be as beneficial to my writing as I’ve been hoping.
Or not. This could be a fluke. It’s happened before. Crossing my fingers that it’s not. I would really like to release another story.
How about some reviews in the meantime?
Stories for This Week:
The Banach-Tarski Dragon by CCC
The Journey to Fashion Land by PegasusMesa
Starlight Over Detrot: Nightmare Night by Chessie
Sunset Shimmer Hunts the Undead by Rune Soldier Dan
Total Word Count: 142,621
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 1
Worth It: 2
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Banach-Tarski Dragon
3,934 Words
By CCC
Twilight has decided to try a spell. One that will, to grossly oversimplify things, make a duplicate of something. It’s supposed to be cast on round objects, like an apple. But then Pinkie Pie happens, and Twilight’s aim is… misplaced.
This brief story follows what happens when Spike gets made into two Spikes, one with no motivation and the other with no restraint. Also, the one with no restraint is kinda stupid.
I feel like CCC was trying to emulate the show in terms of general style and runtime (see: Sugarcube Corner being destroyed and nopony bats an eyelash). The problem I have is that it goes by extremely quickly even by the show’s standards. The underlying theme is apparently Spike’s sense of belonging among ponies, but that’s not explored well at all. There’s even a scene at the end where Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy make cameos to encourage him, except this is the final scene of the story and they’ve had no appearances at all up to now. If their words were to have any meaning whatsoever, CCC would have included scenes where Rude Spike would have interacted with them earlier.
And what about Unmotivated Spike? His entire existence is at the library not doing anything. Isn’t the whole point of the story that there are two Spikes to follow? Hey, I know! While Rude Spike’s off being overly forward with Rarity and stealing ice cream at Sugarcube Corner, Unmotivated Spike can be doing something with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Then the whole scenario can end at Sweet Apple Acres so AJ can be involved. Boom, all the Mane Six have a place so they don’t feel out of place in that ending scene.
With the exception of using size 32 all-caps font at times (I’m just guessing that number, by the way), CCC’s writing of the story is fine. It’s just enough to let our imaginations do the work for us, helped in no small part by the distinct “show-like” feeling of the events, and dialogue that works well for every character involved. The lightning fast plot is the only issue here, and it’s a pity. Still, if you’re looking for something quick and simple that will give you flashbacks of the show itself, this isn’t a bad place to get that.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Bring Me the Heads of the Cutie Mark Crusaders! — Pretty Good
Changeling — Worth It
Discord Applies for Citizenship Papers — Needs Work
The Journey to Fashion Land
2,057 Words
By PegasusMesa
Rainbow promised Rarity she could plan their next date as soon as Rarity had the free time to do so. The time has come, and what did Rarity schoose? Fashion Land. So now Rainbow’s stuck going to some nonsensical, frou-frou hellscape of tea parties and fashion shows when she could be spending this weekend watching Wrestlinsanity with Applejack. Needless to say, she’s not enthusiastic.
There’s not much to this one. It’s a silly story in which Rainbow is doing her usual schtick of being a jerk for a while then realizing that fact. But this doesn’t even have that bit of redemption, because Rainbow doesn’t do anything in the story to make up for her behavior. She’s lucky Rarity is so over-the-top generous.
Still, I think most readers won’t mind given the ending is so silly. There’s nothing wrong with how the story is written, the characters are voiced well, and the story is short enough to not outlast its welcome. As long as you’re willing to ignore the big nothingburger that is the point of it all, you might even have a little fun.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
They Come At Night — WHYRTY?
What Goes Up — WHYRTY?
La Petite Mort — Worth It
Starlight Over Detrot: Nightmare Night
36,239 Words
By Chessie
Prequel to Starlight Over Detrot: A Noir Tale
All Hard Boiled wanted to do was sleep in on his day off. Alas, that’s hard to do when your partner and chauffeur team up to get you to a Nightmare Night party hosted by the Chief of Police, AKA the single scariest pony in Detrot’s long history of scary ponies. One thing leads to another, and eventually Hardy finds himself stuck in a cell deep beneath the Castle with Taxi, Swift, and a certain mad mortician who shall remain forever nameless.
What can I say? I needed more Hard Boiled and Taxi in my life. The other characters making appearances here were just the icing on the cake. I call this a “prequel” in the title card above, but Chessie informed me that it’s, quote, “not 100% canon with the main story”. Exactly what that means I’m not sure, and I don’t mind either way. We’ve got more Hard Boiled and Taxi. I’m satisfied.
The story is a flashback as told by the imprisoned Hardy to his also-imprisoned friends relating how he and Taxi went as blank flanks to a party at the Castle hosted by none other than Princess Luna herself. She proceeds to bring all the foals in a group – sans parents, of course – through a secret dungeon to teach them a little history lesson through fear. To be honest, what Luna was showing them seemed like a lot too much for foals who didn’t even have cutie marks yet. The point of these events is to have fun, and here she was telling them an overly long history lesson that would bore most adult ponies, much less children, only to conclude with something that would piss off most parents that their kids were exposed to it.
At least there is an excuse offered behind her behavior. It still felt inappropriate, but there’s no accounting for cultural differences over a thousand years.
Of course, it wouldn’t be a Starlight Over Detrot story if there wasn’t a genuine threat and some death-defying stunts. Also, Taxi gets to exercise her special talent repeatedly despite not having a cutie mark and Luna lost out on what would surely have been a superb apprentice. Throw in some delightful cameos in the “present” part of the story and you’ve got something solid from start to finish.
I think my only issue – and I’ll probably come out looking like an ass for this – is that I’m really not that horrified by the big reveal. Far from it. Maybe I’m desensitized from having read so many heavy stories. Or maybe it’s just that I think what Luna did was infinitely better than what the dragons were clearly trying to do. I find it really odd that Luna insists she and her ponies were prepared to break some long agreed-upon and sacrosanct rules first when, by her own words, the dragons involved were about to do the exact same thing in what would probably have been a far less humane (equine?) way. And then there’s the audacity of suggesting that Luna should apologize to the dragon king, i.e. the one who was trying to slaughter an entire city, as if her actions weren’t in defense of tens if not hundreds of thousands of lives.
To a degree, I do get it. Luna as a character has always been prone to aggrandized guilt. Some traumas hit hard. But it just felt so… so exaggerated in this story that I had a lot of trouble with immersion.
Maybe that’s just me. Maybe you’ll look at this and feel nothing but unbound sympathy and horror. Maybe I’m just an ass.
Regardless, I enjoyed much of the story. It was a brief but nice return to the world of SoD to revisit some beloved characters. I hope that someday Chessie will return to this AU. I won’t blame them if they never do, though; after ~1.5 million words following Hardy around Detrot, I’m not sure I’d want to go back either. As the writer, that is.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Starlight Over Detrot: A Noir Tale — WHYRTY?
The Equestrian Opposition Party — Worth It
Sunset Shimmer Hunts the Undead
100,471 Words
By Rune Soldier Dan
Sequel to Principal Celestia Hunts the Undead
Sunset is on her way to college. Her adopted mother – Principal Celestia – has one unbreakable rule for her: no hunting the supernatural. So we all know exactly what Sunset will be doing on her first day. Luckily, she’s got a few friends (and frenemies) to help her.
Oh, but I enjoy this silly series. How silly is it? I’ll let the story do the talking:
”So tell me, class: what material can possibly contend with a supreme cosmic force for destruction?”
“Ooh-ooh, I know!” Twilight’s hoof shot to the ceiling, and she rocked dangerously in her seat. “Pick me! Pick me!”
“Queen Chrysalis,” Discord called, earning a disappointed groan from Twilight.
Chrysalis fluttered her eyelashes and adopted a doe-eyed look. “Why, the answer’s ‘Fwiendship,’ Mista Discord.”
“Wrong. Twilight?”
“Crystallized harmonic magic!”
“Correct.” Discord tossed a sugar cube that Twilight cheerfully caught in her mouth. Chrysalis did not get one.
As you can see, you should not take this seriously. As long as you understand that, you can have fun with it.
And have fun I did.
The previous story mostly involved the undead, as the title suggests: zombies, a lich, and the most petty vampire ever. This one might keep the “undead” part of the title, but has chosen to move away from that specific supernatural threat for the most part. Instead we’re dealing with werewolves, ghouls, and gargoyles, plus a few notable foes from canon. And demonic moon nazies from space. Mustn’t forget those. Things mostly happen from Sunset’s perspective as she and her new, supposedly independent team of college girls battle the ever-looming evil humanity in general pretends doesn’t exist.
And what a crew she has. Her dorm roommate, Applejack, who needs no introduction and is on the receiving end of some crushing. There’s Wallflower, who has made peace with her unnatural lack of attention and now uses her “powers” to be sneaky. We’ve got Twilight, who is in full Mad Twience mode and producing all sorts of doohickies that (mostly) serve the greater good, but may also be just because science!.
Last but not least, we’ve got Adagio, who ends up so important to the overarching story that she could be considered a secondary protagonist. Abandoned by her siblings, struggling to make ends meet, and unable to make responsible decisions half (or maybe most) of the time, her growth as a character and struggle to do this whole “friendship” thing was a great addition to the story. Plus she’s the flirty version of the character, and I thoroughly enjoy flirty Adagio. She makes me happy.
When we begin this one, it largely operates on a “monster of the week” format, with every few chapters introducing a new challenge that seems unrelated to the previous ones. Rune Soldier Dan eventually realized he couldn’t create a satisfactory climax with that, however, and brought in a final conflict that even manages to bring together previous issues, all strung together by the ever-chaotic Mister D (you know the one (no, not that one)). Some of the fights are desperate, some are just fun, but all of them are written in a manner that gives us the best desired effect, whatever that might be. And all of this while Celestia – our deuteragonist – tries to make sure her “baby” is safe, to the amusement of everyone within earshot.
I haven’t mentioned Celestia much, but she really does serve as a major character, especially considering most of the chapters not told from Sunset’s perspective are from hers. Vacations in Equestria with Luna, dealing with her sense of inferiority to her pony twin, trying to get over Sunset moving out after having adopted her barely a year ago. Plus riding a flying unicorn into battle while wearing a string bikini and thigh-highs. You know, the usual hurdles of being a mother whose baby just left the nest.
As is so often the case, I’m barely scratching the surface. These stories are a ton of fun from start to finish and I am looking forward to the next one. And you will too, I am sure. Unless you’re one of those fourteen people who downvoted it as of time of writing, but I suppose there’s no accounting for taste.
What’s that? It’s a sequel and you’d have to read the original? Good. Read it. You will be entertained.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
To Try For the Sun — WHYRTY?
The First Flame — Pretty Good
Wayward Sun — Pretty Good
Principal Celestia Hunts the Undead — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
There are spots on the sun by keroko
The Blueblood Papers: Royal Blood by Raleigh
The Architect's Wings by mushroompone
The Cookies Know All by PaisleyPerson
One Night in Buckkok by stillinbeta
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At least you don't have an outside force holding back your writing. I have a novel-length story fully outlined, but it's the sequel to an ongoing fic that still has a handful of chapters left to be written, and even though I'm prereading/editing, I don't know 100% what's going to happen because that fic's author doesn't use outlines.
I had lots of fun with the Hunts The Undead duology.
RSD's story is unfortunately one well beyond the time I can devote to pleasure reading, especially considering it requires reading another one first, so I can't comment on that story specifically. But I do find him to be a consistently good author, so he always gets the benefit of the doubt.
While I haven't been trying to write every day myself, I did hit 3K this morning because I thought of a funny joke involving Dash.
Maybe I can actually work on a project this week instead of elaborate setups for a three line joke.
I find it both amusing and delightful that SSHtU earned a higher rating than the original, despite the inevitable baggage of being a sequel.
Suffice to say there are few things on Earth more wonderful for an author than to read several paragraphs of praise for their works. You made my day with this, thank you very much.
Cheering you on Paul. Get on that keyboard and TYPE!
5702343
So, if I understand you correctly, you're planning to write a sequel for someone else's story?
Why not start something original to you in the meantime?
5702344
It's kinda-sorta-not really a trilogy now. RSD released an anthology piece with more material from the AU. I will be reading it ASAP.
5702379
You do yourself a disservice, sir! Surely you can read a chapter every few days or something? Or maybe not, but if you can find the time you should definitely give it a go.
5702477
RIGHT! I remember that. I just thought the anthology WAS part of Hunts The Undead.
5702382
You say that like elaborate projects for three-line jokes aren't worth it.
5702407
I don't know, I debated the rating. I mean, I didn't rate the original as highly, which made me wonder if I wasn't breaking some unspoken rule by doing so here. I kept trying to think up some other excuse for why I should downgrade it. But in the end I was like "I enjoyed this far too much to do that", so it gets a top rating. It makes me wonder if I made a mistake in my rating of the original, TBH.
5702437
Ditto!
5702482
Well, reviews aside, I'm glad you enjoyed them. :)
5702481
True. But now I have to like, write the rest of the story.