Paul's Thursday Reviews: Round Robin Edition · 11:02pm Mar 30th, 2017
A couple weeks ago, it came to my attention that there hasn't been a review Round Robin on the site in ages. When a query on the group forums went unanswered, I turned to Wanderer D, who more or less confirmed that there's nothing going on with the group right now. It would appear that another thing with great potential has fallen by the wayside, and so I've decided those reviews I'd had on backlog for my next site feature will come out today. Basically, the stories below were considered so good by yours truly that I felt they deserves a site-wide feature. This brings up a topic that's been coming to mind off and on for a few months now, and it's the perfect time to ask for opinions.
Over the years, I've watched other review groups and how they function. One of the fundamental problems with these groups is the lack of self-discipline shown by the assigned reviewers. You could enter your story in The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group, just for example, and expect to not get your review for a full year or longer. And it has nothing to do with the submission folder being overloaded; it's almost universally because the reviewers never actually do what they say they will do. (I'm not trying to rag on the PCARG, they're just one of many with the same problem.)
This is a problem of reliability and self-discipline, or the woeful lack thereof. I for one have certain expectations of people, which are the same expectations I hold to myself: if you say you will be doing something, it will be done. And if it isn't done, the reason better be a good one. This is made all the more important when you consider that this is all a hobby for us; there's nobody who is going to crack the whip and punish us for our failures except ourselves. If someone promises something they can't do, the blame usually falls entirely on their shoulders.
Which brings me to the central point of this mini-rant: I've been thinking about starting my own review group. It would provide many benefits for myself, including a nice central location to showcase all the reviewed stories I have and their reviews, a place to link readers to my Review Schedule, Reading Schedule and Author Scoring Gdocs, and make it easier to handle review requests. It would also let others contribute their own reviews, thereby lightening my load in the requests area (since I imagine having a group would make requests more frequent).
The catch: no policing. As I said, I expect everyone to do what they say they will do, and if a contributor picks up a story to review, they need to review it. Only people who provide me with at least one review in the first place (that I approve of) could be reviewers, and from that point on they'd be on an extremely generous one-month system. In other words, Contributors would have to review a story once a month. If that time passes and they haven't produced a review since the last one, they get booted entirely. No warnings, no 'two hours before its due' PM reminders, no deadline extensions. You do it on your own or you're out, and the review you wanted to write is either given to a volunteer or fast-tracked by me. I will not police you and hold your hand. If I can produce 5-6 reviews a week while working a full-time job and also writing my own stories with targeted weekly milestones, you can conjure up the willpower to post one review a month.
So... that's the basic idea. It would of course have to be fleshed out, and I would also be willing to accept volunteers to do reminders if they want to provide some basic authority figure presence.
Opinions? Ideas? Flaming disapproval of my views on personal responsibility? I'm opening the floor, folks.
Oh, right. The reviews. Have some! I originally wasn't going to post any this week, but I saw it as a prime opportunity to get these overdue ones out. The format's slightly different due to this coming from a different group, so please don't mind that. We'll be back to our regular reviewing methods next week.
Stories for This Session:
What Goes Up by PegasusMesa
The Last Dreams of Pony Island by horizon
And How Would It Be With Our Souls? by QS
Dusk-Lit Waltz by Nicknack
For When It Rains by Vivid Syntax
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 5
Pretty Good: 0
What Goes Up
3,853 Words
By PegasusMesa
I’ve made it a point to read all the winners of the Rage Reviews 10th F*** This Prompt contest. It’s taken me forever, but at last I’ve reached the overall winner. And what is the thought that comes out of my mind as I step back from it?
Finally, a story that truly earns its placement.
What Goes Up shows a very anxious Pinkie standing watch over Sugarcube Corner, doing her absolute best to be a ‘responsible mare’ that ‘They’ can trust. No task is too large or small, and she will participate in no playing or fun or shenanigans, because none of those are the actions of a ‘responsible’ mare. Better to be a responsible mare than the mare responsible.
What I love about this story is how it tells you exactly what’s going on without actually telling you exactly what’s going on. The metaphors, the focused imagery, the constant hints make it clear what Pinkie has done, right down to demonstrating how it happened. There’s also a distinct psychology involved, demonstrating one way that she could potentially react to her own actions. I found it wholly believable in this regard.
PegasusMesa plays the game perfectly. There’s an atmosphere that never stops, visual aids that raise the creep factor to 11, and a persistent sense of horror. The pacing is just right, the writing is excellent, and Pinkie’s endless anxiety all but leaps off the screen. I wish I could say something negative to balance out all this positive, but honestly, I can’t think of anything.
This story takes a tired trope often done for gore lovers and comedic effect and makes it worth something again. I can officially say that it is the best story to broach this subject that I have ever read.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
The Last Dreams of Pony Island
4,753 Words
By horizon
Recommended by BlazzingInferno
To say this isn’t what I expected would be a massive understatement, and that’s largely due to my unfamiliarity with the material that inspired this story. It is based around the pony colony of Myinnkyun on an island in Qilinese waters, the population of which vanished shortly after the fall of Princess Luna. To find the truth of this disappearance, one pony examines the dreams of some of the island’s inhabitants. In this way, we receive small pieces of events, each told from a different perspective, that steadily unravels the confusion and building tension of a colony torn apart by ambition, racism, love and fear.
I’ve sometimes said that poetry isn’t my medium, and this story proves it. At times the manner of the story’s writing confused me, not in that I didn’t understand what was happening, but in that I was at a total loss of exactly how I was supposed to read it. I’m still scratching my head over this, and as a result I didn’t have the… er… emotional response that apparently some previous readers did.
Yet that uncertainty does nothing to dissuade my satisfaction with an ambitious concept and a fascinating delivery. Every chapter looks a little different, and I eventually realized that this was because every chapter is taken from a fresh, as-yet-unseen perspective and personality. Being able to change the style of a story based perspective is not an easy thing, from one who knows, and the moment I realized the fact my appreciation took a leap.
Then we have the mystery of the colony; what happened and why? With every chapter, the mystery deepens a little. Minotaur assault? Sirens spreading hatred? Trade running dry? It can take some time to start piecing the puzzle together – which I can see as a potential turnoff for some – but it is worth it to see the big picture in the end.
This story is creative, original for an Equestrian setting, and feeling at times like unexplored waters. It is, above all else, ambitious, and there are few things that can catch my attention more than that. The choice of the overall writing style still mystifies me, but I won’t hold that against the story given how much “yes” I have for its contents.
This is, if you’ll pardon the phrasing, worth diving into.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
And How Would It Be With Our Souls?
24,540 Words
By QS
Recommended by Steel Resolve
It’s not uncommon to see a story about life and death, or about unrequited love. In fact, these stories are so common that they can be utterly predictable at best. With this story, however, there is one shining difference from what I usually see in fanfiction: it is pleasantly real.
The story starts with the subtle understanding that Fluttershy, aged and weary, is in a hospice awaiting her final moments. As her friends come by to visit, she can only think of Rarity, who has already died. What comes out is a series of flashbacks showing the ever-changing relationship between the two of them and what Rarity’s death meant to her.
Just to get it out of the way: I don’t approve of the overall approach to this story. I think I understand what the author was after: a sense that Fluttershy is actively remembering the most important parts of her time with the mare she loved as if she were there all over again. Despite this, the illusion is hindered by how, for most of the story, it seems the author has completely forgotten that the story is being told by a pony confined to a hospice bed. As such, on the increasingly rare occasions that the story is interrupted to remind us, it feels more jarring than potent.
This, however, is the one and only gripe I have about this story. It is a slow, heartfelt journey about life, learning and love. Fluttershy makes for a wonderful narrator, giving us so much more than her few words can convey. Her character is never broken, and the same can be said for everyone present in the story. As we watch everypony grow, change, drift apart and come back together, there’s a constant sense of reality. Indeed, the down-to-earth feel of the story is such that you could replace all of the characters and make this into an original fiction novella with zero complaints from anyone unfamiliar with MLP.
This story is well paced, emotional and, at times, thought provoking. It raises questions on mortality, offers quiet wisdom, and is always peaceful even in its turmoil. I enjoyed it from beginning to end and think it’s a crime it has so little attention. My thanks to Steel Resolve for introducing me to it, because it definitely deserves the attention.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Dusk-Lit Waltz
15,251 Words
By NickNack
Requested by yamgoth
Gilda is many things, and unfortunately one of those things is Princess of Griffalia. Still, she’s content enough; she has her flying and her brooding, is largely allowed to stay away from petty politics provided she doesn’t do something that embarrasses the kingdom, and gets to travel wherever she wants. All of that comes undone, however, when her father announces out of the blue that he’s arranged for Gilda to be married to the ruler of the Crystal Empire, King Sombra.
She’s not happy about that. Not at all.
This one threw me for a loop, and for a moment I expected it to involve a look at a possible relationship between Gilda and Sombra. Instead, it focuses on Gilda and her growth as a princess in the months leading up to the wedding. What made this most interesting is that the story isn’t the kind where the noble princess fights back with everything she has and earns her independence, as would be typical of the day. Instead, this story is about the real-world repercussions of the wedding and Gilda’s steadily coming to terms with why it is so important that she go through with it.
To put things simply, I enjoyed this far more than I expected to. It doesn’t jump into crackship territory, comes off as nicely real (thank you, AU), is well paced and thoughtful in its approach to the situation. It’s hard not to feel for Gilda as her future is made for her, and yet when the reasons are at last made known it’s also easy to see why she makes her final decision. Emotions run high even when they are intentionally muted, and although there are a few stumbles in the writing, it is largely well written.
The world building is also stellar, with the depiction of the griffon capitol particularly fascinating. I do lament the certain knowledge that Griffalia is doomed, however; I don’t care how ‘cool’ Gilda thinks it is, building your city literally on an active volcano is just plain suicide.
All in all, this story was well worth the read, and I am glad yamgoth requested it. About the only thing that disappoints me is that we didn’t get to learn more about this world’s version of Sombra, who looks to make for an interesting character. Alas, there are no sequels I am aware of for expanding this AU, and for that I am sad.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read these yet?
For When It Rains
4,830 Words
By Vivid Syntax
Recommended by Titanium Dragon
Oh, look. Yet another “Immortality Sucks” story. Pardon me while I ya—wait, what’s this?
This about sums up my reaction to this story once I thought I knew what it is and then realized what it really is. The story is a little deceptive, and it took me a moment to grasp what was really going on. Once I caught on, though, I was nothing short of impressed.
I’m torn, because I’ve come t think of summaries as being a part of my reviews, and yet I feel that if I give a proper summary I’ll ruin the effect. What I can say is that the effect is subtle, to such a degree that I fear many readers will miss it, and yet it is precisely the kind of subtle I like to see. There’s a pattern to the story, a gradual change that the author reveals through hints and background revelations, and it winds through the entire story with the touch of skill.
“So wait, is it an immortality sucks story or no?”
No. No, it’s definitely not that. It seemed like it at first, but as Rarity conveys her wisdom, it proves to be far more pleasant than that. Indeed, I would even consider the ‘Sad’ tag to be inaccurate, because I for one found the entire story to be encouraging. Granted, there are sad things going on, but they are natural and understood and make Rarity’s manner all the more appealing. I feel that it really made her character shine.
Well paced, clever, honest, subtle, and just the right length to get its point across effectively. I can think of nothing to complain about. Truly, Vivid Syntax has crafted something worth reading and remembering. I strongly encourage everyone to give it a go and see how subtlety is done, and get a pretty solid Rarity characterization. It’s this kind of thing that elevates her to be one of my favorite ponies.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
If you enjoyed these reviews, feel free to check my blog on Thursdays for the latest set! The goal is to write at least five reviews every week. I also accept review requests – see my profile page for more information.
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Ah, I've read two of these.
"And How Would It Be With Our Souls?" I liked it, but it had two big drawbacks for me. One, that Fluttershy is talking about some pretty emotionally involved stuff, yet the language she uses in her own musings about it is so bland at times that it disarms a sense that she has strong feelings about it. The other is that it never convinced me Fluttershy was in love with Rarity. It mentions a physical attraction many times, but it never said what Fluttershy actually liked about her as a person. When I come across one of these romances that lacks that kind of justifying material, I usually refer the author to Aragon's series of blog posts (linked off his user page) that talk about how to write a romance. It's good reading, and I can't cover it satisfactorily here, so I'll just say it's a good discussion of how to make two characters really seem to be in love, versus just attracted to each other. And for me, this story never made the leap from the latter to the former.
"For When It Rains." I liked this one, too, but I felt there was a hiccup in why Rarity's doing what she's doing. The whole point was for it to be a surprise, but now she's ruined the surprise for when it's her turn. I don't understand why. Wouldn't she have waited until she had everything collected? Or if they didn't actually care about spoiling the surprise, wouldn't all the girls have done their thing in turn? There's also the fact that there are a bunch of these in the collection, yet the ones Twilight decides to look at aren't noteworthy in what they say, so I'm not sure why they were chosen as representative examples. Maybe they're just a few random choices, but I found it anticlimactic to finally get to see them. The sentiment's still there, maybe just not as strong as it could have been.
You have me intrigued on "What Goes Up." I shall have to read it.
"Dusk-Lit Waltz" sounds like a great idea. There's something I find compelling about someone gradually being resigned to a fate because they realize it's their duty.
It seems to me that, at least in the context of ponyfic reviews, reliability generally goes down as the number of people involved goes up. Look at TRG, PCARG, or any other reviewer acronym you like; in all of those cases, a good-sized group of reviewers pretty quickly became two or three people doing all the work, with another dozen or three sitting on the sidelines saying "eh, maybe when I've got time (never)." And although you'd have to ask a Pre-Reader, I have the impression that the same thing happened at Equestria Daily, too. When you get a group of people working toward a goal, there's a definite tendency for people to look at a big pile of fics, feel an existential dread about ever being able to read that much, and then just give up, because that giant pile isn't their personal responsibility. Pretty quick, you've got just a few people doing any reviews at all, then they burn out because they're each trying to do the work of five, and then you get... nothing.
Compare that to you or any of the other one-man reviewers, who have to look at those big piles of fics and say, "welp, nobody else is gonna clear this backlog for me." I personally suspect that this is why (although there's plenty of turnover everywhere) most of the longest-running and most-consistent review "institutions" tend to be single people. There's exceptions, of course--EqD is still chugging along just fine, as mentioned, and the RCL keeps on keeping on (knock on wood!)--but I really do feel like the root of a lot of review group failures is a lack of any sense of personal responsibility for keeping said group going.
Hopefully, a "one review a month no exceptions" policy will help your hypothetical group. For my two cents? Anything you can come up with to make reviewers feel they have more of an individual role is likely to help build a sense of personal responsibility. Good luck!
Last Dreams is SO GOOD
SO GOOD I WANT TO PUNCH PEOPLE
I WILL PUNCH YOU UNTIL YOU READ LAST DREAMS!
4477764
Can confirm.
Can confirm I am also not that pre-reader, because I am a lazy shid. :C
4477764 There's also Seattle's Angels.
…Belatedly realizing that I think this takes me over your 10-point Follow threshold. Woo!
I'd better put that to good use by starting to actually publish stories again.
4486835
But screw it, I should have been following you ages ago anyway.
It... might, come to think of it. My Author Scoring spreadsheet is behind by a few weeks.
4486872
Well, Hearth Swarming Eve was another WHYRTY? and The Kindest Silence was Pretty Good, which is 10 points right there. I might possibly have been keeping a close eye on my score for a while. Regardless, yay!
4487688
Ah, but did you notice back when I changed the rules? Getting 10 points is no longer good enough. Now the requirement is to get an average score of 1.9 and have 5 stories reviewed at minimum. Much harder overall, and it eliminates the possibility of a weak writer getting in by writing ten stories worth 1 point each.
Buuut more stringent rules means more lax enforcement. Like I said, I should have been following you ages ago.
4487700
Mostly because the old rules are still on your homepage. (Might want to get that edited.)
Oh! Actually, I didn't notice
4487725
It's been on my mind, but I haven't updated it yet because
I'm lazyI keep getting distractedreasons.