• Member Since 5th May, 2013
  • offline last seen January 27th

PegasusMesa


Every time you read one of my stories, an orphan is allowed to be happy. Do it for the orphans.

T
Source

Baking cakes, selling cakes, baking more cakes—it's all in a normal day's work for Pinkie Pie when the Cakes take the day off and leave her in charge of Sugarcube Corner. All she wants now is to prove that she's capable of handling anything life throws her way.

Just so long as life doesn't ask her to go upstairs.

Thanks to TGM, Rainedash, Kamikakushi, and Dubs Rewatcher for delving into the dark to preread this for me.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 108 )

I was pretty thoroughly confused throughout most of this fic, then there's that 'oh shit' moment when I realized what actually happened.

Good story. Dark as fuck.

Oh god.
I wasn't ready.

Ooh, I love the dark creepy chill of this one. Did she kill the twins though?

-TGM- #4 · Mar 8th, 2016 · · 1 ·

7011321

Spoiler that shit.

7011321

Thanks for hiding the spoilers. I appreciate your discretion.

Well, I understand why it has the dark tag... but fuck dude. That's heavy.

ruined cake has two meanings.

7011351

I need to get on a computer before I can read under the spoiler, but if it's the word I think it is...

I KNOW, RIGHT? : D

After reading it a few times, I get it now :D
I think...
Still confused about the Dark tag...
So correct me if I'm wrong, but are the radio and the cake that is ruined actually the cake twins and Pinkie kills them?
That's how I understood it...

7011446
Yes. The radio and cake are metaphors for what happened earlier. She accidentally killed the twins while playing with them.

Well written, but dark.
Shrugs. personal opinions, i could never see pinkie pie even accidentally killing them. Think that effects my opinion on the story.

7011481

spoiler, please

7011309 Nor was I.

I would be interested in seeing a follow-up piece showing how Ponyville deals with both this tragedy and a thoroughly broken Pinkie.

At first, when I read the end of the story, I didn't get it. But I think I finally got it now by reading the comments.

Welp. Took two reads to get it all, and that was terrifying.

What the hell did I just read?

I still don't get it, but it was amazing nonetheless:twilightsmile:

It's not an easy fic to decipher at first with its confusing prose and development, but becomes almost terrifying between the lines. It's chilling, at the very least, without that. It's exactly the kind of story that deserves the dark tag and utilises it to its full potential. For that, a job well done.

Just as a sidenote:

They would be able to do it, and since They’re out for the day,she’s expected to do it, too.

Just a small proofing thing.

Good Lord, sir. :rainbowderp: I applaud you deeply :raritycry:

Well.....THIS is a different way of using the psychotic Pinkie personality that I have NEVER seen before.

7011397 I might be a little confused: How is this a secret murder and not voluntary manslaughter (ponyslaugher?) followed by a coverup?

Well, this managed to creep the hell out of me.

And you are responsible.

THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED.

PUNCH THE BABY TO DISARM IT.

I had to read the ending again but...
Bruh.
NO.
BEST DARK FIC YET:pinkiecrazy:

7011963
Because voluntary and manslaughter really don't go together. And Pinkie didn't really cover it up. She had a mental breakdown. Her coping mechanism was to show the Cakes she could be responsible despite what she had done, which was keeping everything else in order. The secret came in when no one found out the kids were dead until the Cakes came home to find them dead.

And gradually loses it after that one. :applejackconfused:

7011739

I'm glad it worked! Not glad that it scared you, I mean, just that the fic did what it was supposed to do.

But she’s responsible.

I don't think that "but really needs to be there, I think the story would flow much better without it.
Wonderfully written story, by the way, liked and faved.
Shouldn't this also have the "sad" and "tragedy" tags too?

7012697

This tripped me up when I first read it too.

Read some more, and think about it.

7012697

Aye, what TGM said. The discrepancies are deliberate.

Oh god this was dark. Really really well written, I enjoyed it don't get me wrong but holy crap dude! :raritydespair:

Very Lovecraftian with the anthropomophisation of the murders as the darkness, as something sentient.

Very well written and also very spooky. Also, exceptionally possible. A child brings such stress after all and as we saw with the clock...if something happens then it can go so very badly.

Cheers
GM

7012609
Voluntary manslaughter is the killing of a human being (or ponies in this case) in which the offender had no prior intent to kill and acted during "the heat of passion", under circumstances that would cause a reasonable person to become emotionally or mentally disturbed. Like a frustrated babysitters shaking a baby to the point of death because they won't stop crying, for example.

7013404
That's up in the air, since that could be second degree murder. And Voluntary Manslaughter is also referred to as third degree murder.

7013310

I-I dunno, man. I dunno. Am I rich now?

7013879
No, second degree murder requires clear intent to kill and Pinkie certainly didn't have that. But a good lawyer could get her off with involuntary manslaughter instead of the voluntary charge. The problem is not all law codes treat manslaughter the same way. In some countries or states, manslaughter is not considered murder. In some places, voluntary manslaughter is considered murder while involuntary is not. Finally, some places consider all manslaughter as a lesser murder charge. There's almost no indication of how Equestrian courts look at the matter.

7014062
That's because it's a kids show, they're not going to look at murder cases. But if your point is Pinkie isn't a murderer here because she's not convicted of murder or doesn't commit some textbook definition of murder in this story, which seems to be the original point you made, then that's a very narrow definition of murder. She ended two lives in this story, whether on accident or on purpose, that makes her a murderer in most people's eyes.

I don't really see the point in debating the application of human laws and legal definitions in a world of cartoon horses. She killed characters. That makes her a murderer in the case of this prompt. You're being entirely too literal with the idea here.

7014062
7014087

I swear, when I get home and can actually read whatever it is you're saying behind those spoiler tags, I'm going to have words with you both.

7014089
We're totally not talking about you.

7014093

You ARE talking about me, aren't you? I know it! I can smell it!

7014110
Oh, no, she's onto us!

7014087 Well until they establish Equestrian law, that's all I have to go by.

7014287
Well, you're going to be waiting a while on that one. In the meantime, lighten up.

I'll admit it - I'm a sucker for these kinds of stories, where we get to see our favorite equines being put through horrible circumstances. That bit of sadism aside, it's amazing how your writing can instill such a sense of discomfort and horror without fully stating what exactly has happened. The bit where Pinkie desperately tries to put the cake back together really unnerved me.

And the dread when Mr. and Mrs. Cake returned home, and how you left the ending of the story with Pinkie trying to set things right - it really came together. A really good and chilling one-shot story overall.

7013310 stop ripping off cinema sins. this comment was honestly the single most annoying thing I have ever read. PERIOD. Its like making it through four hundred pages of an eight hundred page novel, then you see a typo and ALL immersion is broken. except this... was CONSTANT.

*makes near rabid sounding angry noises whilst flinging my head about in an effort to return to a normal, NON murderous, temperament*

(EDIT: your name is PegasusMesa. sorry bout that.) Okay author whose name I have forgotten during my rant, and subsequent spaz out... This was beautiful. I have not seen anything of it's like in quite awhile. I have written some darker material myself and fully intend to try my hand at some form of an anxiety filled, tension inducing, disturbing as all hell story at some point... but this, this was beautiful. Most of the time when you see a "dark" story its another Rainbow Factory clone, or a "creepy pasta" that's essentially "smile dog" in Pinkie Pie form with the only twist being molestation. This was the beginning of any great horror story. The very beginning, when everything seems fine and then you get the one little thing that makes you shrug as you progress. Then it comes back and you double take, after that your mind slowly starts to try to form a bigger picture. Tension is built as the character does something that is slightly off while that same thing repeats... god I loved this! Most of the best scares for horror happen in the "foreplay" of the story when the threat, the evil, the horror is something in the shadows. You are close to perfecting that part of horror. Well done!

That having bee said there a few issues with the story. In most places actually. These are my own PERSONAL biased opinions however, so instead I will keep them to myself unless asked for them. Thank you for the story, and please write more of them!

7020610 :rainbowlaugh: thanks. No sarcasm intended, that was funny. Also thank you for bringing me back to this story, I actually forgot to give it a like. That having been said... I do understand the why, doesn't mean there was any conceivable way I could learn that I disliked the comment without reading it first. I mean no personal disrespect. The comment itself, the way it was done made me murderous, not you as a person. That having been said, there are probably millions of other comments that would make me angry like that did, they just don't have the sheer length that yours did. I mean no disrespect at all when I say that if you use the same format in the future, it would likely go a long way if you were to provide meaningful insight. Not just quote the story verbatim. Again, my opinion, no disrespect. I know it probably took awhile to make that comment as well. And while I honestly don't give a Naughtyword! as to it being poorly received, I do understand that I might be the first person to respond to you directly instead of reading it, and just giving a thumbs down. The way I went about it was wrong, and I do apologize for that.

7020610
7021201

Boys, boys, it's alright—you don't have to fight over little ol' me. But, if you insist, I suppose I can't stop you.

It's been quite a while since I did a review, hell, even read another story. I guess this is a blessing bestowed onto you. Now, where do I begin?

I have a taste for almost all genres and Dark fics can tickle my fancy. The beginning of the story is set up perfectly, the atmosphere seeming to be friendly, but also rather heavy. It was a feeling that didn't seem to be quite right. The first "She is responsible" set in the mood to be very deep and pressuring. It was a revolving door that seemed to cycle over and over again. A perfect element in a dark piece of work like this. I could feel the emotions Pinkie Pie was expressing. I could feel what she meant with the cakes she had.

This story is well done with the take on with Pinkie Pie's perspective. With the world seen from her point of view, I felt the chilling madness that began to haunt her. I imagined Sugarcube Corner to be darker than usual. Creepier than usual. I got a constant eerie vibe when Pinkie Pie was alone. Her interaction with the other ponies was uncomfortable, but the individual interaction with herself was outright disturbing. Especially with the cakes she held in her hooves.

gr8 story i r8 8/8 m8

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