Every time you read one of my stories, an orphan is allowed to be happy. Do it for the orphans.
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Baking cakes, selling cakes, baking more cakes—it's all in a normal day's work for Pinkie Pie when the Cakes take the day off and leave her in charge of Sugarcube Corner. All she wants now is to prove that she's capable of handling anything life throws her way.
Just so long as life doesn't ask her to go upstairs.
Thanks to TGM, Rainedash, Kamikakushi, and Dubs Rewatcher for delving into the dark to preread this for me.
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I was pretty thoroughly confused throughout most of this fic, then there's that 'oh shit' moment when I realized what actually happened.
Good story. Dark as fuck.
Oh god.
I wasn't ready.
7011321
Spoiler that shit.
7011321
Thanks for hiding the spoilers. I appreciate your discretion.
Well, I understand why it has the dark tag... but fuck dude. That's heavy.
ruined cake has two meanings.
7011351
I need to get on a computer before I can read under the spoiler, but if it's the word I think it is...
I KNOW, RIGHT? : D
After reading it a few times, I get it now :D
I think...
Still confused about the Dark tag...
So correct me if I'm wrong, but are the radio and the cake that is ruined actually the cake twins and Pinkie kills them?
That's how I understood it...
7011446
Yes. The radio and cake are metaphors for what happened earlier. She accidentally killed the twins while playing with them.
Well written, but dark.
Shrugs. personal opinions, i could never see pinkie pie even accidentally killing them. Think that effects my opinion on the story.
7011481
spoiler, please
Oh.
7011453 Ok, thanks :D
7011309 Nor was I.
I would be interested in seeing a follow-up piece showing how Ponyville deals with both this tragedy and a thoroughly broken Pinkie.
At first, when I read the end of the story, I didn't get it. But I think I finally got it now by reading the comments.
Welp. Took two reads to get it all, and that was terrifying.
What the hell did I just read?
I still don't get it, but it was amazing nonetheless
It's not an easy fic to decipher at first with its confusing prose and development, but becomes almost terrifying between the lines. It's chilling, at the very least, without that. It's exactly the kind of story that deserves the dark tag and utilises it to its full potential. For that, a job well done.
Just as a sidenote:
Just a small proofing thing.
Good Lord, sir.
I applaud you deeply 
Well.....THIS is a different way of using the psychotic Pinkie personality that I have NEVER seen before.
7011397 I might be a little confused: How is this a secret murder and not voluntary manslaughter (ponyslaugher?) followed by a coverup?
Well, this managed to creep the hell out of me.
And you are responsible.
THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED.
PUNCH THE BABY TO DISARM IT.
I had to read the ending again but...
Bruh.
NO.
BEST DARK FIC YET
And gradually loses it after that one.
7011739
I'm glad it worked! Not glad that it scared you, I mean, just that the fic did what it was supposed to do.
I don't think that "but really needs to be there, I think the story would flow much better without it.
Wonderfully written story, by the way, liked and faved.
Shouldn't this also have the "sad" and "tragedy" tags too?
7012697
This tripped me up when I first read it too.
Read some more, and think about it.
7012697
Aye, what TGM said. The discrepancies are deliberate.
7012704
7012744
I...understand now...
Oh god this was dark. Really really well written, I enjoyed it don't get me wrong but holy crap dude!
Very Lovecraftian with the anthropomophisation of the murders as the darkness, as something sentient.
Very well written and also very spooky. Also, exceptionally possible. A child brings such stress after all and as we saw with the clock...if something happens then it can go so very badly.
Cheers
GM
7012609
Voluntary manslaughter is the killing of a human being (or ponies in this case) in which the offender had no prior intent to kill and acted during "the heat of passion", under circumstances that would cause a reasonable person to become emotionally or mentally disturbed. Like a frustrated babysitters shaking a baby to the point of death because they won't stop crying, for example.
7013310
I-I dunno, man. I dunno. Am I rich now?
7013879
No, second degree murder requires clear intent to kill and Pinkie certainly didn't have that. But a good lawyer could get her off with involuntary manslaughter instead of the voluntary charge. The problem is not all law codes treat manslaughter the same way. In some countries or states, manslaughter is not considered murder. In some places, voluntary manslaughter is considered murder while involuntary is not. Finally, some places consider all manslaughter as a lesser murder charge. There's almost no indication of how Equestrian courts look at the matter.
7014062
7014087
I swear, when I get home and can actually read whatever it is you're saying behind those spoiler tags, I'm going to have words with you both.
7014093
You ARE talking about me, aren't you? I know it! I can smell it!
7014087 Well until they establish Equestrian law, that's all I have to go by.
I'll admit it - I'm a sucker for these kinds of stories, where we get to see our favorite equines being put through horrible circumstances. That bit of sadism aside, it's amazing how your writing can instill such a sense of discomfort and horror without fully stating what exactly has happened. The bit where Pinkie desperately tries to put the cake back together really unnerved me.
And the dread when Mr. and Mrs. Cake returned home, and how you left the ending of the story with Pinkie trying to set things right - it really came together. A really good and chilling one-shot story overall.
7013310 stop ripping off cinema sins. this comment was honestly the single most annoying thing I have ever read. PERIOD. Its like making it through four hundred pages of an eight hundred page novel, then you see a typo and ALL immersion is broken. except this... was CONSTANT.
*makes near rabid sounding angry noises whilst flinging my head about in an effort to return to a normal, NON murderous, temperament*
(EDIT: your name is PegasusMesa. sorry bout that.) Okay author whose name I have forgotten during my rant, and subsequent spaz out... This was beautiful. I have not seen anything of it's like in quite awhile. I have written some darker material myself and fully intend to try my hand at some form of an anxiety filled, tension inducing, disturbing as all hell story at some point... but this, this was beautiful. Most of the time when you see a "dark" story its another Rainbow Factory clone, or a "creepy pasta" that's essentially "smile dog" in Pinkie Pie form with the only twist being molestation. This was the beginning of any great horror story. The very beginning, when everything seems fine and then you get the one little thing that makes you shrug as you progress. Then it comes back and you double take, after that your mind slowly starts to try to form a bigger picture. Tension is built as the character does something that is slightly off while that same thing repeats... god I loved this! Most of the best scares for horror happen in the "foreplay" of the story when the threat, the evil, the horror is something in the shadows. You are close to perfecting that part of horror. Well done!
That having bee said there a few issues with the story. In most places actually. These are my own PERSONAL biased opinions however, so instead I will keep them to myself unless asked for them. Thank you for the story, and please write more of them!
7020610
thanks. No sarcasm intended, that was funny. Also thank you for bringing me back to this story, I actually forgot to give it a like. That having been said... I do understand the why, doesn't mean there was any conceivable way I could learn that I disliked the comment without reading it first. I mean no personal disrespect. The comment itself, the way it was done made me murderous, not you as a person. That having been said, there are probably millions of other comments that would make me angry like that did, they just don't have the sheer length that yours did. I mean no disrespect at all when I say that if you use the same format in the future, it would likely go a long way if you were to provide meaningful insight. Not just quote the story verbatim. Again, my opinion, no disrespect. I know it probably took awhile to make that comment as well. And while I honestly don't give a Naughtyword! as to it being poorly received, I do understand that I might be the first person to respond to you directly instead of reading it, and just giving a thumbs down. The way I went about it was wrong, and I do apologize for that.
7020610
7021201
Boys, boys, it's alright—you don't have to fight over little ol' me. But, if you insist, I suppose I can't stop you.
It's been quite a while since I did a review, hell, even read another story. I guess this is a blessing bestowed onto you. Now, where do I begin?
I have a taste for almost all genres and Dark fics can tickle my fancy. The beginning of the story is set up perfectly, the atmosphere seeming to be friendly, but also rather heavy. It was a feeling that didn't seem to be quite right. The first "She is responsible" set in the mood to be very deep and pressuring. It was a revolving door that seemed to cycle over and over again. A perfect element in a dark piece of work like this. I could feel the emotions Pinkie Pie was expressing. I could feel what she meant with the cakes she had.
This story is well done with the take on with Pinkie Pie's perspective. With the world seen from her point of view, I felt the chilling madness that began to haunt her. I imagined Sugarcube Corner to be darker than usual. Creepier than usual. I got a constant eerie vibe when Pinkie Pie was alone. Her interaction with the other ponies was uncomfortable, but the individual interaction with herself was outright disturbing. Especially with the cakes she held in her hooves.
gr8 story i r8 8/8 m8
7021412 its fine we'll just settle this like men. 1v1 snipers only!
Fine, Fine, Fine. I'll make one more bookshelf for amazing stories like this. Gosh
I don't think I'be read anything, to date, that does "dark" as perfectly as this. The feel is intense and it flowed nicely.
Here, have a like!
(That ending gave me chills, bro.)
I know this might be an unpopular opinion, but I blame the Cakes for this. If you don't trust someone to watch over your children, you don't ask them to watch over your children, period, the end. I don't care if you're afraid of hurting their feelings, I don't care if you really need a sitter. If you trust somebody with something you know they can't handle YOU, not they, are responsible for what happens next. Pinkie Pie is a wonderful, amazing pony, but if there is one thing she is NOT, that thing is gentle. And when what you're dealing with is a very young child you need to be gentle, because they are so very, very fragile, and if you mess up they break. Honestly, I would be utterly pissed if Pinkie were the one to take the blame for this, as she quite likely had no earthly clue what she should be doing.
On-point with the immersion here. I... Oof.
10/10, read twice, would read a third time.
Then I read it a third time, realized that it was far too soon for me, and that seeing what truly happened makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I read this and was a bit confused. Then I read it again and I understood. Wow. Everything about this just flows so perfectly. Everything, down to the choice of words for everything that happens. The symbolism is well done and well thought-out. Not a single word serves no purpose, and the emotions and dialogue all feel real, and deeply chilling.
Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Other aspiring dark writers should look to this story as a role model. This definitely deserved first place in the contest.