Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXVII · 8:55pm Jul 11th, 2019
Whelp, it’s done. Yesterday I spent nearly every free minute I had with final preparations, and my stock for the Golden Oaks Bookstore was ordered. Frustratingly, the test books I ordered to ensure the physical copies are what I wanted didn’t arrive in time, so whatever we get is whatever we get. I might have ordered a few days later but, with how agonizingly slow Lulu was being at printing a measly four books, I didn’t trust them to get the full order printed in time for the convention if I waited any longer.
On a related note, kudos to Darkenetor, who volunteered out of the blue to proof my bookstore selection and managed to do so despite having less than a week to perform the task. And they did a good job of it, too. It continues to amaze me how much I miss in stories I’ve written and re-read dozens of times. So thanks, Darkenetor. I assure you, you’ve earned a repeat customer.
Meanwhile, my latest short story is nearly ready to go. I’m only waiting for my last volunteer to preread the story before I make the final corrections and send it for proofing. The biggest issue I face right now is the cover art. There’s no time or budget for commissioning, and a search online has found nothing even remotely fitting. I’m thinking about slapping something together myself involving cutie marks, which would be low-quality but would at least give me a cover art, which is better than nothing. If anyone has any suggestions (or better yet, would like to volunteer), I would welcome it.
Alright, time for reviews.
Stories for This Week:
Melodys' Island by Cyanjames2819
Unexpected Turbulence, Remain Calm and Don't Murder Anypony by HapHazred
Discord: End of Empires by DannyJ
Don't Believe Your Eyes by Feather Gem
Roulette Night by Sharkrags
Ave Regina! by Yoru-the-Rogue
Wayward Sun by Rune Soldier Dan
Annihilation Gen-1 2.0 by Venomblast
Episode 2: The Return to Flatts by mr lovecolt
Surviving Sand Island by The 24th Pegasus
Total Word Count: 699,675
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 4
None: 0
Melodys' Island
16,709 Words
By Cyanjames2819
Octavia and Vinyl fall off the cruise ship and wind up—where else?—on an uncharted island.
This is a thing. Yes, a thing. A weird thing, with no real purpose except to have Vinyl Scratch and Octavia Melody doing things on an island. This includes making friends with a giant furry beast with a long, prehensile tongue, avoiding getting eaten by pterosaurs, and generally trying not to freak out (and failing). We also get nonsensical maritime laws, entire days flying by in about twenty minutes or less (I guess Celestia was tired that day), eating plenty of food only to be starving again within half an hour, and extreme plot contrivances that have nothing to do with the overall story.
Couple that with zero comprehension of how commas work and random capitalizations of words because… uh, because. There’s also a habit of the author to shift from present, past, and future tenses over and over again in a confusing mishmash of narrative style, often several times within the same sentence. Speaking of sentences, the author has an unfortunate tendency to say in 30 words what could be said in 10, or in multiple sentences. Last but not least, it seems clear to me that the author used the spell checker but made no attempt at all to make sure said spell checker was spelling the right words for the given context (“Bomb” fire? Vinyl “pocked” Octavia?).
In summation, the writing for this story is a bit of a mess. This is unfortunate considering that the story itself isn’t interesting enough to let me overlook this. It would be different if there was a purpose behind the story itself, such as a theme or moral, but there’s nothing of the sort. Two ponies get stuck on an island, run through a few shenanigans with the local wildlife, and go home. I suppose that might be fine for some readers, but I require something with more substance.
I’ll admit, I struggled to get through this one. From its poor writing to its directionless plotline, I just couldn’t get into it.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Vinyl and Octavia take an airship to a music festival in Trottingham. Which would be nice and all if Octavia didn’t get airsick, the rest of the passengers weren’t all oddballs… oh, and if somepony hadn’t found a dead body shortly after takeoff. Now it’s up to Octavia to solve the mystery, find the killer, and hopefully prevent anypony else from dying.
There are a few things that struck me as odd right away. Why is it everyone thinks Octavia’s the one who can and has to solve this case? Is it simply because nobody else was willing to try? Does she have some kind of unspoken reputation? I never understood why they jumped to the conclusion that the doctor was innocent from the beginning; I never saw anything to corroborate that. And shouldn’t somepony on the ground have noticed a certain error on the airship almost immediately? Do they not have air traffic controllers in Equestria?
But if you ignore all those little oddities, this turns out to be quite the solid mystery. It felt as though it resolved itself with surprising swiftness, but that’s likely just because I was enjoying it too much to notice the time/wordcount fly. There are enough conflicting clues that eventually it becomes difficult to figure out who the killer is, and I ultimately failed to get it right what with all the second guessing and suspicion being thrown about.
A well-crafted mystery, although the conclusion felt a bit rushed. One also has to keep in mind that this was written before it became canon that Octavia and Vinyl were Ponyvillians. If you want to watch Octavia go into detective mode and do a pretty bang up job of it, or just like mysteries, there’s no reason not to indulge.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Fancy That? — Pretty Good
Ponyville's Bad Day — Needs Work
Discord: End of Empires
7,808 Words
By DannyJ
After much hard fighting, the Dragon empire of the North has vanquished the Wendigos from their lands. That done, Queen Teneblight’s next step is to relocate the ponies who fled to the South and return them to their proper place as slaves to all dragonkind. After months of leading the expedition, she and her lieutenants have finally discovered Equestria. Just when they think they’ve reclaimed their property, however, something comes along to muck things up. Turns out that Discord already has laid claim to Equestria for a decade or so, and he’s not interested in sharing.
Or, if you want to get down to brass tacks: Discord has fun kicking dragon butt. That’s really all this one is about. Not that I’m complaining, mind.
This is an entertaining piece for the simple fact of what it is. It lacks a higher purpose (although I suppose worldbuilding counts), but as long as you’re okay with that there’s no reason not to indulge. Because that’s what this is: an indulgence. Read it if you need your Discord kick without all that silly character growth or “Friendship is Magic” hooplah.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Don't Believe Your Eyes
14,155 Words
By Feather Gem
Every night, Fluttershy suffers a horrible dream where all her friends beg her to save them before becoming Discorded. Every morning, she wakes up to find Discord in her home, eager to spend the day with her. But as the days pass, Discord’s behavior grows more and more erratic, and her friends keep showing up at all the strangest times, acting as if they need to tell her something. If only she could figure it all out…
This is a story that features a strong grasp of atmosphere but lacks in a lot of other ways. The entirety centers on Fluttershy’s constant efforts to understand what is happening, despite Discord regularly making her forget and have to start all over again from scratch. Even though we all know what’s going on to an extent, the author still managed to keep this aspect of the story going to wonderful effect.
But, of course, there are a lot of problems, some of them downright amateur. For example, Feather Gem apparently has no idea what a line break is. Every single scene—every single scene—runs right up against the next one with zero transitioning. One sentence you’re reading about Fluttershy talking to Discord and the next she’s visiting Twilight and I’m all “wait, what just happened?” There is literally no indication that the scene changed until you’re already two or three sentences into the next one. At first I thought this was an intentional quirk, with Fluttershy in some dream state where she keeps jumping from place to place unwittingly. But as the story progressed and more of these non-transitions happened I realized that, no, Feather Gem just doesn’t know how to transition between scenes, and might not even realize that such a concept exists.
The other issue is the inane nature of the whole ‘dream interpretation’ sequence. There’s an entire scene where Fluttershy goes to Twilight to have her nightmare interpreted, and Twilight spends it reading off all these things that the dream could mean, which make no sense. Then, at the end of the story, Feather Gem goes through the process of outlining each of Twilight’s previous points in analyzing Fluttershy’s dream and what it really meant on all the same topics. It would be fine if this was done in a subtle light, but no, the author shoves it in our faces using long, encyclopedic depictions of every scene. Worse, they do this as if it’s Fluttershy making the comparisons through the narrative. Talk about kill the mood.
Which leads into the fact that the story is extremely telly. In case you didn’t know it, Fluttershy’s trembling legs and gasps are an indication that she’s terrified. Nevermind, you obviously didn’t know it, because you’re too stupid to recognize the physical signs already being given, so Feather Gem is going to make sure to reiterate it to your dumbass face in as plain a method as possible. This problem extends throughout the entire story without pause, doing an excellent job of ruining what are otherwise great scenes.
Because that’s the thing: they are great scenes. If the author had focused less on repeating everything in the most direct and insulting way possible, not treated the whole dream interpretation element like a list of encyclopedia entries, and understood the very concept of transitioning, this story could have been solid gold. It’s got a great interpretation of Fluttershy’s and Discord’s characters, a solid setup, and all the right ingredients for a truly amazing sadfic. It just… fell apart.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Pull Me Through — Worth It
Twilight Sparkle Gets Stuck in an Elevator — Worth It
Roulette Night
10,580 Words
By Sharkrags
You, also known as “Absolutely-Not-You-No-Matter-What-The-Author-Tries”, have been dating Octavia for quite some time. She’s scheduled to perform at the Platinum Horsehose Hotel & Casino, the premium gamblinggaming site for both human and pony worlds. While there, Person Other Than You decides to play at the roulette table. Not You never expected the white unicorn sitting on the opposite side of the table to be Octavia’s ex, or to get caught up in the passive-aggressive cat-fight of the century.
This was a curious read. It largely centers on Octavia and Vinyl tossing verbal barbs at one another with all the quiet ferocity of two dragons fighting over a hoard. On top of the epic battle of words Someone Other Than You has to survive, Sharkrags never forgets the setting.
Which is one of the story’s big advantages, but also a curious weakness. The fact is that this story is set at a roulette table of the busiest casino ever, and other gamers come and go as the hissing match between Octavia and Vinyl goes on. What struck me as odd is that all the players who show up are characters from Equestria. But wait, isn’t this supposed to be a human/Equestrian center, where all races converge? So why is it we’re seeing practically no humans other than the dealer, security, and Not You? I’ll grant it could just be a coincidence, which is fine, but it felt odd to me that the entire story is given this setting but then ignores that part of the setting’s implication. I also call into question why everypony who is anypony happens to be at this casino on the exact same night, including royalty.
Okay, so Sharkrags shamelessly abused the cameos. It’s not so big a deal as to overwhelm the story’s seminal point. The theme here is imperfections, and how they can ruin a relationship if one doesn’t take care. The story does a great job of revolving around this topic, keeping the theme going from beginning to end and even alluding to it early with the Lyra/BonBon cameo. Top that off with a consistently witty and endearing narrative voice that maintains a sense of humor among all the snippy mares.
So I have a few reservations, but overall this was an intriguing story that I am glad I got to read. It’s heavily character-driven with a strong focus on what can make or break relationships, culminating in a worthwhile message. It certainly deserves a recommendation.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Moonstruck — Pretty Good
Ave Regina!
2,435 Words
By Yoru-the-Rogue
The time has come. Chrysalis is the weakest of the Changeling Princesses, but she is also the last. All that is left is to deal with her not-so-doting mother…
This is, simply put, how Chrysalis went from being a princess to a queen. While the story is very direct in its intentions, how Chrysalis deals with her mother is anything but. It is the perfect showcasing of Chrysalis’s deceptive, wicked style, complete with narcissism. It’s also a brief window into how Yoru-the-Rogue interprets changeling royal culture, which is a harsh, cruel world where siblings are intentionally pitted against one another by their own parents in order to determine the best heir.
This is a huge improvement over the last story I read by this author, even if that is likely due to its straightforward nature. If you’re interested in a little changeling culture and viciousness, there’s no reason not to get involved with this one. It’s purpose and methods are obvious, but it is still decently done.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Lingering Shadows — Needs Work
Wayward Sun
81,424 Words
By Rune Soldier Dan
Celestia has lived and ruled for a very long time. This is a chronicling of her life and, more to the point, her many, many mistakes.
Fans of Celestia, rejoice. This easily qualifies as one of the best fics about her life that I’ve ever read, bar none. It begins when she is but a century old and first bringing her attention to a promising young stallion of the Crystal Empire, and ends… well, that would be spoiling, wouldn’t it? But it covers everything we know and then some, from Sombra’s fall to Luna’s return and even on past Twilight’s ascension.
The story doesn’t just focus on Celestia, however. Luna gets a good deal of attention. Fitting, as she is the central figure of Celestia’s long life, the source of all her joys and her agonies. The thing is, this isn’t really a story about Celestia the tyrant, Celestia the motherly leader, or even Celestia the teacher. It’s about Celestia the pony, and how her mind is gradually developed, molded, and even dangerously warped by centuries of self-imposed isolation and obsessive compulsions. It does a wonderful job of making her, to use the common non-quite-accurate phrase, human.
That being said, I do feel like this requires an AU tag. Certain premises, such as Celestia’s perspective on Twilight Sparkle, are either in direct defiance of canon or cannot be rectified with it. If you don’t believe that to be the case, listen to Celestia’s song in Magical Mystery Cure and try to fit it—and the fact Celestia is singing it at all—with the character we find here. It was enough to raise my eyebrows at times, but not enough to take away form the overarching good of the story.
Really, in all of this there is only one major stumble: Absalom. Why does this character exist? Oh, the plot-based reasons are clear as day. Dan needed to force Celestia to face herself, her reality, her sister, her very existence. She needed a personal crisis, one that would finally make her turn to the tide mentally and begin the healing process. But seriously, a lovecraftian, eldritch deity? There are so many options within the existing, canon MLP universe to choose from. Barring that, new enemies could be created using the tools that exist within the established universe of MLP. There was no need whatsoever to resort to Absalom for this, none whatsoever.
Worse, Absalom’s presence has no relation to anything within the story itself. This, I feel, is an even greater sin. Absalom has no connection to Celestia, no reason for being. It only forces Celestia to rethink everything by virtue of being so powerful. It did the job, sure, but to really make this fit, I argue the threat should have been something intimately related to Celestia, something resulting from her past decision and/or her current state of mind. This would have been a million times more effective and given Celestia’s ‘rebirth’ a lot more impact. The Tantabus would have been a perfect choice.
But no, instead we’re going to go with an unfathomable abomination beyond mortal comprehension and awareness. Y’know, what every author wanting a near-unstoppable threat to create imminent sorrow and sense of defeat goes with. Bad form, Dan.
Still, the purpose is served, if inadequately, and Absalom is the only thing in the story that I took offense to. Everything else? Golden. This is a great biography and drama about the life of everyone’s favorite Sun Horse. By all means, give it some attention.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The First Flame — Pretty Good
Annihilation Gen-1 2.0
34,763 Words
By Venomblast
Requested by Venomblast
Alterantive Title: Tortue Porn, Because Who Doesn’t Love Torture Porn?
On a war-torn planet, scientists create the first artificial lifeform: Surprise, a pony created to be the ultimate weapon. Alas, she has a few… defects.
Apparently, Venomblast took my comments on their previous story to heart. The first thing I suggested was that they try to write shorter stories in order to refine their craft. This, of course, is their definition of “shorter story”... which is fine. For people like me, this certainly qualifies.
And I also can’t help but notice that a lot of my complaints regarding Pinkie Pie’s Shadow have been targeted in this story. The author is no longer trying to get into every perspective possible in the story, instead focusing on only two or three throughout, which has made the whole thing much easier to follow. The story also is more aware of its audience, maintaining its tone from beginning to end. All of these things are great, because they show Venomblast is paying attention to criticism. I only wish I wasn’t the only one giving said criticism.
Yet for all the progress that has been made, there are still a great many issues this author needs to overcome. For starters, the author still needs to learn how to grammar, especially in regards to comma use. Seriously, they’re throwing commas around like a six-month-old throws around their food, with similarly messy results. An editor is still most certainly needed.
Then there’s the continued overfocus on description and, especially, extrapolation. One needs look no further than the story’s description to see how bad this is. It goes on and on about ancient gods causing wars and a villain spreading a plague before finally getting to the stuff the readers actually need to know: there is a pegasus being bred and trained for war. Seriously, Venomblast, that. Is. It.
Honestly, it’s no wonder this story has been largely ignored by the viewing public. The description alone is so incredibly dense and tells so little about what the story is about that it would send readers running for the hills, and rightfully so. Potential readers don’t want to read a history lesson in the description, it’s boring. Readers don’t want to see a wall of text in the description, because that suggests to them the story will be more of the same. If you haven’t summed up your description in five or six sentences or less, you’re saying too much.
But it gets worse: the first 1,100 words just repeats all of this. The first thing the reader sees is a long history lesson about why the world is a wasteland and at constant war. First of all, why are we repeating exactly what the description already told us in an even longer version? Second, none of this information whatsoever is important to the story. Venomblast, if you have an extensive background, this is not the way to give it to us. You reveal historical elements in pieces over time, when they are relevant or perhaps as a bit of foreshadowing. The only thing you’ve done with this introduction is bore your readers into thinking there’s nothing worth looking at, tempting them to abandon your story literally before it’s even begun.
Also: Vycter Blackheart? Really? All the potential names you could come up with for your primary villain, and you chose this? Villains aren’t memorable or made interesting because they have some silly name that emphasizes just how evil and corrupt and edgy they are, and nobody is going to take this guy seriously. You want a villain to be memorable, you make him into a worthwhile character whose deeds speak for themselves. Speaking of, Blackheart’s whole scheme rips off Thanos of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, from intentions to reasons, and you’re not even trying to hide it. If you really want to impress people with how edgy your villain is, the first thing you do is not name them something juvenile, and the second thing you do is at least try to make them original. Baring originality, you can put some effort in not being so blatant about your inspirations.
Next, why are we making so many humanized references? Utilizing the gods of Greece feels more lazy than anything, even considering that the show takes some influences from Greek mythology. It gets even worse when we start combining those Greek references with Christian ones, as if these two religious cultures have anything to do with one another whatsoever. Seeing Ares show up as a giant minotaur completely out of nowhere to fight Surprise wasn’t awesome, it felt canned and schlocky. Ditto for the epilogue with a bunch of Greek goddesses having a slumber party. But then we’re talking about the number of the beast and referencing Jesus and… wait, why are we referencing Christianity in a Pony world, and why is Surprise referred to as the devil because of the number 666 which has no bearing whatsoever on Greek mythology? It might work if we had some indication of religious conflict or, even better, a sense of multiple deific pantheons battling one another for dominance over ponykind, but even the long-winded history lesson doesn’t give us something like that, so instead it all just seems like a chaotic mishmash thrown together without considering the consequences.
And then we call things ‘inhumane’ when we’re not dealing with humans at all, and making a variety of other human/Earth-based statements that ponies would not use because this isn’t Earth and, again, these aren’t humans. Remembering what your characters are is just as important as remembering who they are and where they come from.
And then there’s the elephant in the room: why does this story exist? Apparently, to have us watch Surprise be mercilessly tortured physically and psychologically from the day she was born. No, seriously, that’s it. And when she’s not being mercilessly tortured as part of her training regimen and twisted behavior enforcement, she’s brutally slaughtering things. Is this meant to be interesting? It all seems rather senseless, especially with the leader Crimson being insane and/or stupid throughout the entirety of it. There’s no apparent character growth, limited relationship growth, and what little we do get is largely shoved aside in favor of moar blud n gutz!
Venomblast has this rated as a Mature story, and rightly so, but it’s really more of an ‘immature’ story. It will only appeal to a niche audience, i.e. those who want to see a lot of pain and suffering for its own sake and who have a very high grammar tolerance. On the one hand, it’s good that the author is trying to be more focused with their plotlines, but at the same time I feel that they went in an entirely wrong direction with it.
Just to make sure I’m not leaving the wrong impression, I’m not saying that pain and suffering are inherently bad things in stories. On the contrary, I’d argue that they are critical in some cases. Yet to write a story that is nothing but pain and suffering from paragraph to paragraph with no purpose is overdoing it.
Venomblast has shown they are willing to take steps to improve, and for that I applaud them. But this story shows that there’s still a ways to go.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Pinkie Pie's Shadow — Incomplete
Episode 2: The Return to Flatts
37,082 Words
By mr lovecolt
Sequel to Episode 1: Nightmares and Lunascapes
Edger Allen Poeny has been, theoretically, saved by Princess Luna and is to be taught how to control his dangerous magic. But for some unclear reason he’s come to think that Celestia and Luna only want him to be a pawn in her schemes for power. He decides to run away and return to his hometown of Flatts in order to confront what happened in his past. Meanwhile, the brutal Script Scrolls escapes from his prison, Pinkie Pie receives a letter from her sister, Discord and Twilight seek the means of creating life in order to bring a friend back from death, and Rainbow Dash goes to save another from an unknown threat.
Sound like a lot given the wordcount? That’s because it is. The story more or less picks up exactly where the last one left off (which means that threatening closing scene wasn’t just the author getting a ‘one last scare’ in, I’m sorry to say). It then rushes through its events, giving no time for our characters to grow and endear themselves to us. Some, like Rainbow Dash, seem to be there as afterthoughts. I was particularly disappointed in Pinkie’s McGuffin Pies that she miraculously learned to make for no reason than the story demanded it (although it is Pinkie, so we can be somewhat forgiving).
Really, that’s one of the story’s biggest problems: everything that happens isn’t because of some logical reason that anyone can follow. It all happens seemingly because the author decided it should be so. Edger’s complete distrust of Luna, Pinkie and Edger conveniently forgetting that Script is the bad guy of the piece, Caramel somehow knowing how to make a gun from scraps despite no prior indication he knew anything of the sort, the list goes on. It seems we’re expected to roll with it all, because mr lovecolt can’t be arsed to develop things properly.
This is hindered all the more by the overdetailed writing style. When we first come to a scene, we are given a longwinded but ultimately dull description of it, often with completely pointless asides like that stallion baking bread and his colors. The author seems to not understand the real benefit of descriptions, which is to make a scene come alive and be interesting or enhance the atmosphere. Telling us in a metronomic droning that ‘this was here, and that was there, and there was a stallion there’ does none of this. We need more than that.
A great example is this scene where Rainbow steps out of Cherry Jubilee’s store and is ready to go hunt for the town of Flatts:
She turned towards the west where a small forest lay in the distance. Above the forest, a patch of wild grey clouds from the Everfree Forest had formed and floated outside of their natural habitat. She could feel the pressure the clouds were sending in her direction in the form of humidity. As she stepped forward, each floorboard creaked. Rainbow Dash opened her wings and took to flight in the direction of Flatts.
Nowhere in there is there any indication of atmosphere, of intent, of mood. Okay, so there was a forest. Oh, it’s got clouds and it’s humid. By the way, the floor’s creaky. ...alright, author, but how is this supposed to make us feel? Are we supposed to be intimidated by something? Are we supposed to get a sense of Rainbow’s purpose and goals? Is the creaking meant to reflect something important? Nothing in this paragraph tells us anything we need to know. You could sum it up in “Rainbow left Cherry Jubilee’s store and flew west to the forest” and it would have achieved the exact same result. This kind of thing washes over every scene, regardless of whether that scene is a peaceful morning, a solemn watch in a dead pony’s house, or a brawl against corrupt cultists.
So… yeah. Writing could still use some work. I’m not sure if the last story was the same way and I just didn’t notice or if this one suffers from a downgrade.
Even then, there’s the matter of the story itself, which revolves around a cult attempting to summon an Elder God (and I should point out that I find the Elder God’s appearance amusing). Again, it’s a direct continuation of the prior story, so much so that I couldn’t help wondering why mr lovecolt didn’t just make them as one. This does mean that the events of the previous story are important to understanding the events of this one, yet I think that plays in its favor. But this felt less like a major story in a series and more like a bridging chapter to sweep a few things into place for a later climax. It just wasn’t as interesting as its predecessor, not helped at all by how most of the characters seemed to be going through predefined motions because they had to rather than any real intent on their part.
I’m still going to read the sequel, because I am curious as to where the author is going with all this. But as far as this one compares to its predecessor, it’s just not as effective.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Stallions of Equestria: Adam's Apple — Pretty Good
Episode 1: Nightmares and Lunascapes — Worth It
Surviving Sand Island
482,403 Words
By The 24th Pegasus
By sheer coincidence, fashion tycoon Rarity and Wonderbolt Rainbow Dash are on the same airship for the griffon lands on business. The old friends are happy to enjoy this rare bit of time together. They’d enjoy it a lot more if a band of bloodthirsty pirates hadn’t attempted to hijack their ship, fly it into a storm, and promptly get them crashed onto an undiscovered island chain. Soon Rarity and Rainbow will have to fight hoof and tooth to survive a range of threats, from nature itself to pony-eating locals to pirate survivors, all while looking for a way to go home.
And those are only the beginning of their problems…
This one is a little different from The 24th Pegasus’s usual fare. No ancient battles can be found here, no big family feuds, and the chapters are universally shorter. None of this is a bad thing, because the struggle is every bit as desperate, violent, and costly as anything the author could give us. Rarity and Rainbow complement one another beautifully with the former’s unexpectedly useful skills and strength and the latter’s training and discipline guiding them further and further towards survival and, hopefully, escape.
But while Rares and RD are the central characters, they aren’t the only ones. There’s a whole slew of unexpected faces to meet, some friendly and others decidedly not. Pirates ranging from the psychotic to the redeeming, other survivors with their own unique skills, and even a more aquatic acquaintance who proves quite the interesting individual. The 24th Pegasus knows how to create unique characters with their own traits and plays to that strength remarkably well, even managing to make ones we should hate gradually become friends or, at the very least, tolerable, though there are some who just can’t be saved in every sense of the phrase. The catch?
The catch is that, like other stories by this author, there isn’t anything in the way of plot protection. All characters are game for whatever threats you can think of. Ponies will get beaten, boiled, and eaten, and that is not an exaggeration. Be careful about falling in love with characters, because The 24th Pegasus is not afraid to brutally murder them. Even those you expect to come out fine and perfectly intact will suffer in horrible ways.
For all its length, this is a well-paced story of adventure, daring, danger, mistakes, death, but above all else, it’s about survival and hope in the face of seemingly impossible odds. With a truly vicious pair of villains, beloved characters in very real danger, and a constant hope that maybe things will turn out okay, it’s a hard story to put down. I enjoyed it—or at the very least didn’t want to stop reading it—from beginning to end.
There are only two ‘buts’ to deal with, and both will affect different people in different ways. The first is that there are a number of mysteries left unsolved at the end. I’m okay with this, but I can see some people wishing all those dots had been connected.
The real hitch in all of this is that nebulous ending. I get what The 24th Pegasus intended, and I’m fine with it, but I can see some readers being pissed. “What? What do you mean you’re ending it there?” Yeah, and if you don’t like it, suck it up, because this isn’t getting a sequel. Well, I can’t speak for the author, but something tells me that this is not intended to go any further, and I 100% support that decision in spite of my own significant reservations.
Even so, this is another solid story from 24th. It’s a heck of an adventure filled with worldbuilding, danger, suspense, and characters both lovable and loathsome. I’m more than willing to forgive the frustrating ending for the overwhelming “yes” I have for literally everything else in it.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Song of Storms: Snow and Shadows — WHYRTY?
A Song of Storms: Of Skies Long Forgotten — Pretty Good
The Mare of the Equestrian Eighth — Pretty Good
Stories for Next Week:
The Mailbox Compilation by Skeeter The Lurker
At the Heart of the Blizzard by Oroboro
Basking by Pascoite
Diyoo Wan' Thum? by TheNewYorkBrony
OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP by Storm Butt
Hybrids by Bok
Tirek is Doomed by Viking ZX
Poison Apples by DragonGeek
How to Remove a Unicorn Tooth by Skywriter
Braiding by Admiral Biscuit
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Man, don't tease a guy with a review by adding it to a review library and then making him wait a month to see it
At any rate, I'm glad it made top marks, despite the divisive ending. There are many factors that contributed to it going down the way it did (one of the biggest being writing this thing by the seat of my pants daily for almost a full year), but it ultimately wound down to a resolution I'd been thinking of since the beginning. Sure, the steps it took to get there were as much an adventure for me as they were for everyone else, and sure it's rough, but I'm happy where it ended up, even if many people certainly aren't (and many still claim that it's a great, or at least good enough, ending).
It feels kind of strange to hear references to my grand fantasy battles I wrote in stories many years ago; I feel like I haven't written a whole lot of sword and board and magic fighting lately. Probably because I'm halfway through writing a four part sci-fi epic, so guns and tech sort of change the whole dynamic and feel for writing a fight. Maybe you fight find those interesting as a contrast to what I wrote on my first years on the site as a young writer.
Thanks for the review, though! You made it sound better than I could possibly hope to have made it.
Wow, quite a lot of below-the-bar efforts here. :O
I am amused and horrified that "Person Other Than You" abbreviates to POTY. :V
Oh man, Surviving Sand Island sound right up my alley. Now to find time to read it...
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It would be hypocritical of me to object to an open or arguably negative ending in a story, as I've had no small number of my own. And again, I totally understand the reasoning for ending the story where you did, even ignoring the 'writing it for almost a year daily' part. As much as I'd have liked to have seen a real resolution to the primary reason anyone is reading the story, I can't deny it was a good ending.
I miss the old 'Song of Storms' stories. To be honest, I was very disappointed when I found out I'd read all that there was, at least by you. But who knows, maybe I'll enjoy the sci-fi ones just as much, should I ever get to them.
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Yeah, I was sorta surprised, too. But it is what it is, I suppose.
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It was definitely a worthwhile read. Good luck.
>"End of Empires lacks a higher purpose, and is just a story about Discord fighting a dragon."
i.imgur.com/33WhQ5b.png
Got me there, I guess.
Glad you liked it, though. Thanks for the review.
Crunch time for the books! Signed off the final proof and getting mine ordered today as well.
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My concern is the cover art more than anything. It looks pretty good on Lulu's website, but I didn't want to do the main order until I had the physical copies in my hands. Alas, they didn't arrive in time.
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I didn't even realize the Cadance of Cloudsdale series was considered a big deal until I saw it nominated for the Royal Canterlot Library's panel, which was not a week before I was scheduled to read it. Curious timing, that.
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I have not, no. I pre-read a story for Georg that was set in the same universe, which is how I learned about the COC series in the first place, but I have not in fact reviewed anything connected to the series.
SSI was great, I'm so glad you got around to it!
I support your assessment. Though it was a while ago, if I recall correctly, I was trying to make a series of horror inspired stories based off of different horror authors. At the time, I was reading a lot of Lovecraft and Poe (as if I could have made it more obvious), so I believe I was trying to use other authors' voices, rather than my own.
Either way, thank you for taking the time to read it, even though it has been years snce I have revisited these stories. I know I don't post a lot of stories anymore, but it does feel nice that someone acknowledges them. I do hope that some of the later stories I posted here (namely Adam's Apple) showed some improvement.