Spike, while browsing his selection of naughty magazines, accidentally coughs and breathes flames. The magazine gets sent to Princess Celestia. Panic ensues.
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- Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Tuesday
Storm butt
I am an aspiring writer, romance enthusiast, and a horrible over emotional mess. If you're here I hope you like homosexual stallions. If you enjoy my work and want to support me I have a Ko-Fi!
Storm butt
Joined 5th Mar, 2012 ·
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It's always the ones you least expect who enjoy the kinkiest shit.
xD this was fun to read at 1:30 in the morning
7006434 I agree. Although I feel the story was dampened by the dialogue and continuation past Celestia's first return letter...
That ending... What can I say about it?
7006448 I mostly did that because I really wanted to write the ending.
It's a general rule of thumb that I'm not allowed to enjoy any Spike fics that don't make me say/think "God fucking dammit, Spike" at least twice. This got a total of at least five. Take your upvote, you glorious bastard.
7006459 Oooh.
Idk. I feel like it just sort of ended... Predictably. I wish I could offer more insight on how to improve, but I can't really.
Let me ruminate on it
See you on the front page
It's a good way to start a day with a fine fic like this one! A good laugh in the morning always helps.
I honestly thought that in the end Twilight would come out of this as the kinky one!
So princess Celestia is in her throne room, talking with nobles and "pop" porn appears and lands on Bluebloods face, so she writes a letter congratulating spike, and thinks you know what I think I'll send the newest addition of this to Spike, which she apparently has on hand at the time, so in all of this I have come to a conclusion. Celestia uses the same pornographic magazine brand as a hormonal teen dragon. Huh
7006562
Celestia is well over a Millennium in age. She needs the kinky shit in order to get herself off since she has likely experienced most other things to complete boredom by now.
That awkward moment when your mentor who you've spent your entire life believing to be perfect and pure mails your baby dragon hardcore porn.
Gonna be honest, I almost expected Celestia to send Spike a letter saying he needed better porn, and it came with even something even kinkier. Like, so kinky you would lose friends if they found out about it.
This was great.
I needed a good laugh.
With as old as Celestia is, you know that she has to be into some kinky stuff.
Meanwhile, in brain of Spike...
Spike 1: CODE RED! CODE RED! DIRTY MAGAZINE EXPOSED! PREPARE PROTOCOL OF CONTINGENCY F-2!!
Spike 2: WE GOT RED SCREEN! ERROR ON PROCEDURE! OH STARS!! WE LOST CONTACT WITH DEPARTMENT IFRIT! UNABLE TO PROCEED INCINERATION!
Spike 1: BUCK!! OVERRIDE SYNAPSE SANCUS! PREPARE COVER STORY #5!
Spike 2: UNABLE TO PROCEED! HDD STORAGE "Rainbow Dash" IS CORRUPTED! IMPOSIBLE TO RETRIEVE INFORMATION!!
Spike 1: SON OF A WHORSE!! UGH... ACTIVATE PROCEDURE DI-!
Spike 2: MASSIVE ERROR ON CORE "PAN FA-UNO"! MASSIVE ERROR ON CORE "PAN FA-UNO"!! ITS STARTING TO SEND SIGNALS TO THE BATTERING RAM!! I CAN'T STOP IT!!! I HAVE NO CONTROOOL!!!!
Spike 1: NO!! DESTROY THE BOARD!! SMASH IT!!
Spike 2: YAAAHHH!!!
*Crash!!*, *Dewwww*
Spike 2: What happen? its all dark...
Spike 1: ...We enter in SNAFU...
7006562
Im dying. I NEED MOAR OF THIS SOMEHOW even though that's probably not possible.
7006434
1:58 here bro.
It got a bit dry once there was more happening after the initial return letter but it was still glorious all the same. Celestia's cool man, she's the Mom that lets you go out drinking with your buddies not because she knows you're gonna do it anyway if she tells you no. But because she knows and goes to those bars too and is sure they'll watch over ya.
Here you go champ, you deserve this.
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/chowder/images/7/77/Chowder-ComedyGold.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20100323201026
Also...It just reminds me of this comic. Except Spike throws Twilight under the bus.
Spike, internally:
[youtube=h1wy41Ezzf8]
A beautiful work of art.
7006454
This needs to happen!
Was really funny but there was way too much spike just standing there. Had potential for more jokes.
Oh, this had me laughing my rump off in a rather inappropriate place! Great stuff, that!
She is over 1000 years old I think her any feelings of being a prude died centuries ago. We have even seen in the show that behind Celestia's perfect princess mask is a pony who is a bit more on the wild side. Plus it is doubtful Celestia isn't familiar with just about every aspect of sex after 1000 years and long come to terms and acceptance that her "little ponies" are sexual creatures.
It took forever to even get to the punchline, and even then, it's not that funny. This has been done before and much better, too.
I should be surprised. But I wasn't.
Yet it didn't detract anything from how amusing this story was
Good job! Celestia certainly knows how to time her stuff as well.
OMG molestia strikes again. We missed you molly.
Jeez, talk about a responsible adult.
Its a good thing he wasnt using his 4 foot long tongue to help relieve himself when he violently sneezed and ended up mailing himself to land on Blueblood.
You can just see Discord sat there in the directors chair in his best Burt Reynolds getup, playing Boogie Nights on the soundtrack.
I do want to point out one thing.
Ehh... I'm pretty sure everything is out of his mouth before it takes a physical form.
7007087 Sadly, I'm inclined to agree. This was an enjoyable story, but it really wasn't that funny to me. It just consisted of Spike being worried and overreacting, but there were no actual jokes made. And Celestia's letter was predictable from the synopsis alone, I mean obviously she isn't going to react in the way Spike is expecting.
Eh, whatever. Comedy is subjective, and it was at least entertaining. Just not at the level I'd expect from a top-featured story. Still worth an upvote at least.
Also god damn, Celestia is so chill and nice
7006431
Considering your relationship with the author, this concerns me.
Very funny,
the last part was the best. When you been alive for a 1000 years and you just can't find a good partner at the time. The black book is the next best option. 
7007119 I thought about that as I was writing it buuuut then forgot I put in that bit and didn't change it. Oops.
7006876 I'm sort of new to comedy writing and I realized I couldn't really do much with the idea unless I made it entirely just Spike over reacting. I'm sure a better writer probably could, but I'm just kinda shocked it's a top featured story and reeling from that a bit.
7006799 ugh, I realized after posting just how little comedy was put in after the letter returned. I think I stupidly just wanted to get to the punchline of the work at the end and could have been more creative.
Another amazing Spike story from Storm Butt!
7007374 My Spike kick was unintentional but now I think I can't stop.
This is great.
7006459 ...
One thousand years is a long time to be clopping.
You get fetuses.
FETISHES DAMN IT! FETISHES!
I am sorry for everything.
7007125 Well if it did land on Blueblood he probably wouldn't even know how it got there. The only thing he'd realize is that a collection of pornos just fell on him.
Very cute, made me laugh, 10/10 would like again. Keep it up sir.
Everyone has a fetish
This got several laughs out of me.
Great work! I think it was exactly as long as it needed to be, and holy cow, you're spelling and grammar are great! Can't wait to see more! 
7007518
I really meant Bluebloods response to a small dragon suddenly abusing his horn.
7007318 Oh, so just because your avatar is a ninetails suddenly makes you think you have kitsune physiology...
Wait...that book belonged to Celestia?
My mistake....
7007640 ... look at this.
Aside from the funny you got mail sounds the dragon magic delivers it's mail in the form of mists. No need for any unicorn magic. Also the mail lands in front of the target.