• Member Since 17th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

DannyJ


I'm just here to write.


Comments ( 30 )

Seems pretty interesting. I´ll give it a read when I find the time :D

Holy crap. This story was epic. Gotta say, I wasn't expecting much when I clicked on it, but man.

Let's just say, headcanon has definitely been upgraded! :raritystarry:

4373702

Thank you!

This is an amazing work. This is most definitely how I see Discord acting both back then and now. Back then toying with everything like they are toys. Taking care of them like toys. Scaring anyone that thinks they are not a toy.

I also loved that end bit with Twilight. Just gaining a huge grin when the realization hit her. Yet again that is how I do things so maybe I just feel like it is me. Any who have a :moustache:. Heck a :moustache: for everybody who read this!! :moustache::moustache::moustache:

4373927

Thank you! I was going for a depiction of the reign of chaos that's more congruent with Discord's characterisation since season two (since a lot of fics set in that era have shown it more as a horrible nightmare world, given that many of them were written before Discord's reformation). I'm glad you think that what I came up with made sense for him.

Hahaha, that the was brilliant, I love the ending! Reminds me of Doctor Who

Oh lord.

I loved it.
GG.
So much.

The ending really made this story! I was ready to favorite it half way through, but the ending, it's perfect.

I don't really see a need for the "Random" tag. "Random" just seems to scream crackfic, stupid random humor... but I suppose nearly anything with Discord in it deserves some dose of "random."

Awesome little story. I was confused as to the time period for quite a bit, but I did figure it out.

I'd have to agree that the random tag seems wildly inappropriate, but you'll be glad to hear that this story is blemished by no cardinal sins.

On the upside, it tackles some light worldbuilding without being heavy-handed about it, and the ending provides a nice 'kick' that is easily extrapolated from the core text, making for a satisfying conclusion.

Some things I think are worth noting:

1. I didn't find the omnipotent PoV to be very engaging. It seems to just give you a prop to over-explain things and deny me the reward to adding things up myself. Essentially, it's all a bit tell to enjoy the act of actually reading the story.

For example: " [...] knowing that her lieutenant would not be harmed by another dragon's fire."

There is just no reason to state this in such a direct manner. Getting in a character's head to explain their motivation through direct telling is almost always negative to the overall experience – though, exactly how negative is down to the individual, of course.

2. You still have a propensity for weak constructions. You don't seem to get suckered into passive voice or anything, but between too many words or very disempowering 'to be' constructions, you are not making the most of your reader engagement by quite a long margin.

3. This continues to be a contentious issue, but I still advocate the elimination of said-isms wherever possible. It is extremely rare that they constitute appropriate explanation or brevity, usually expressing a certain laziness or telling instead. I wrote an article on it that should explain my case.


So overall I'd have to say that you did a good job. It's an actual story, which I can't always say, and aside from a few issues with personal space it definitely rises above simply being perfunctory in it's execution. Easily three stars.

M, out.

4687779

Hey, Scott! Wow, that was... way more positive than I was expecting from you. Thanks for the critique, in any case. Although, if I might ask, would it be possible for you to expand on what you said about constructions? I confess, it's not a subject I'm familiar with. Might you be able to point me to an example of a bad construction I used and show how you'd have written it to make it more engaging?

4687811 Sure. I'm just going to take a bath for some chill-out time, and then I'll look at picking out a few examples.

4687835

Cool. Thanks.

Cool story, J.

I agree with M that this seems a bit too telly, but eh, the issue is negligible here.

4792877

Well, me and him have spoken some, and thanks to Scott's advice, the next revision (whenever I get to writing it) shouldn't have that problem.

Impressive. Discord is definitely not a tame draconequus, current friendliness not withstanding.

Yoooooo

This was awesome! The world-building was absolutely fantastic! Loved what you did with old-school Discord and his interactions with the dragons.

Any chance there will be more stories in a similar vein?

5312391

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much.

Although I'd need you to clarify what you mean by "similar" for me to tell you anything more specific, the answer is yes. I am almost certainly working on something similar, or at least spitballing ideas for it, depending on how similar you mean. I'm working on a lot of projects.

By the way, your name is extremely familiar to me. Are you involved with any of the big review groups, by any chance? I have a feeling I know you from Seattle's Angels or the Last Roundup or something.

5312561

I have a feeling I know you from Seattle's Angels or the Last Roundup or something.

I do both of these things.

Although I'd need you to clarify what you mean by "similar" for me to tell you anything more specific, the answer is yes.

"Ancient Equestrian* history told through narrative as opposed to history books**."

*Where Equestria refers to the MLP world as a whole, not the specific country. Couldn't think of a better term :(
**The scene at the end with Discord and Twilight does not qualify under the "as opposed to" restriction. It was pretty great.

5312853

I do both of these things.

I thought so!

"Ancient Equestrian* history told through narrative as opposed to history books**."

*Where Equestria refers to the MLP world as a whole, not the specific country.

Ooh. Right. Let me check my folder...

...Yes. First, I'm making plans and early drafts right now for a project called One Thousand Years Ago that'll either be one novel-length story or a series of six only slightly long ones. Second, I'm working out details for a story based on the early life of Star Swirl the Bearded (working title is The Accidental Legend). Third, I'm doing a rewrite of a fic I already published called Van Helsing. The current version isn't historical (and also isn't very good), but the new one will be set a century or two after the banishment. And I've also got intentions for a few other historical short stories, but those ideas are still newly formed at the moment.

5313043
Yeeeeeeeeeeeees.

Looking forward to all of those things!

5313126

Glad to hear it.:twilightsmile:

After reading about the Galactic Alliance's war on Discord in your Borderworld group and how this is the same Discord, I see that the Dragon Empire never even had a chance.
I find it kind of sad that they fought so hard against the Windigos only for their society to be utterly destroyed by Discord.

5894817

Well, this version of Discord really is a god. They had no way of knowing what they were getting into. But it's probably better that it happened this way. If they'd survived Discord's reign and came back after he was turned to stone, there's no telling how much damage they might've done before the sisters could mobilise and use the Elements of Harmony on them. Whether it was Discord's intention or not, his cruelty to the dragons probably saved a lot of lives.

Good point. I didn't think of what they would've done to the ponies.

I'd read this before, but the added context adds a lot. I suspected there might be a relationship here, but it was very good to get confirmation. Plus, it was a great excuse to reread this.

7896254

Dragonfall was subject to disaster from the very beginning.

She gave Discord an expectant look. "Do you know what happened to it then? Nopony seems to know why it ever disappeared. They said that it just vanished one day, as if it..."
Her smile slowly died as realisation dawned. Discord's grew in turn.
"Like I said. Just once."

I freaking love this part :rainbowlaugh: Discord is so badass and Twilight is kinda adorable.
The whole story is interesting as well, but the last few sentences really lifted it up to a whole new level.

7946766

I have always been especially proud of the final scene.

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