He finished his cup, and was about to close the timeline when Mr. Pitter of all people spoke up.

"You already knew each other, before?" he asked, carefully glancing between them.

"Of course," Coil said casually. "The Alcott family lives on my street. We're neighbours."

"He shoved me into a dumpster and locked me in all night!" his pet said accusingly, pointing a finger at him. "It was gross and slimy and cold, and I had to sleep on old newspapers!"

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"Look, it's very simple," Grue said calmly, gesturing with the gun. "These guys are Empire, they're hunting my sister, and they made her trigger. If I find out they've... done anything to her... then they have to die. No two ways about it."

He shrugged. "I don't make the rules. I'm just enforcing them."

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"Lisa... that..." Taylor cleared her throat. "Max isn't short for Maximum. Maximum isn't a name."

Lisa paused. "No. No, it totally is."

"It isn't."

"Well, my power says that's Kaiser's name, so clearly it is," said Lisa, folding her arms and smirking.

"Your power has been wrong before," said Brian, clasping his hands.

Lisa wavered a hand. "I'm at least eighty— no, eighty-five percent certain his name is Maximum."

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Amy fixes Vicky and nothing goes wrong. :)

(Fanfiction.net version).
(Spacebattles version).

It's a horror fic for Halloween, but I got impatient.

"I mean, I know I run a white supremacist clan, so I don't have room to talk, but it's fucking exhausting, Theo. Don't be like these people. Do your own research. Develop interests outside of race theory. Go outside. Read a book. Eat Chinese food. Criticise the side you vote for. Learn to play an instrument. Sell meth to the cops. Marry a cute Mexican girl and give me fourteen brown grandkids. Don't be a fucking sheep."

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By a twist of fate, Kaiser survives his encounter with Leviathan, at the cost of a second trigger, his dignity, and some severe head trauma.

Now he's about to make that everybody else's problem.

(Fanfiction.net version).

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A few other raiders joined Malcolm in pointing weapons their way, but it was already too late. They were in a stand-off.

A grin split Albert's face from ear to ear.

"Don't be a fucking moron, Shitboot!" said Malcolm, eyes wide as he aimed his rifle at him.

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"I'm sure you had your reasons."

"Maybe I did. But they seem stupid now. When I left, I think I was expecting to die. As far as any of them are concerned, I did. Yet, here I am, still waiting for it."

"You could always go back."

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"But then, after we were done, when I stepped outside, I was mobbed by four old ladies with knives and rolling pins in the fourth violent incident of the day.

No, really. They're apparently a very infamous local gang. They're called Maud's Muggers, AKA the Granny Gang.

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"You should move along." Shitboot breathed another puff of smoke. "Get out of Trespa while you still can. Even if Tedd doesn't sell you out, someone's gonna."

Albert grimaced.

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