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How would a being like Discord want to be remembered after he's gone? Well, if you're curious, he did actually write a will. To the surprise of nobody, its contents are bizarre and mildly disturbing.


Now with audio readings by CaptainBron3y,  NDLMongoose, and Griffin Productions.

First Published
17th Apr 2015
Last Modified
17th Apr 2015
Axz
#1 · 101w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

Beautiful, this story was interesting. Fun interesting :)

#2 · 101w, 4d ago · 75 · ·

Even in death, he still trolls.

#3 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

This is awesome!

#4 · 101w, 4d ago · 34 · ·

"927/63. Would splum again."

- IGBKHFCBLeeeargh

#5 · 101w, 4d ago · 56 · ·

Oh, and please don't turn around. My dead body is posing there, mocking you.

#6 · 101w, 4d ago · 34 · ·

I wouldn't want people to be miserable at my funeral either. Go, Discord!

#7 · 101w, 4d ago · 12 · ·

I think Discord fics are your specialty because of how twisted and insane unique you are.

#8 · 101w, 4d ago · 14 · 18 ·

For what it's worth, I sincerely apologise to whoever it was that found my body. I can't imagine it was a pretty sight, considering what it takes to kill me.

Tirek just sucks Discord's magic out again and then stabs him with a broken windshield wiper.

Discord, "Arg, once more powergaming ruins EVERYTHING!"  He dies like a lame loser in a alley shanking over a can of Sterno.

(And that, kiddies, is why Tirek sucked monkey balls!)  

:trollestia:

#9 · 101w, 4d ago · 13 · ·

Now I'm curious to see what was written in the letters he mentioned.

#10 · 101w, 4d ago · 6 · ·

...I get the feeling that Discord doesn't like Rainbow Dash for some reason.

#11 · 101w, 4d ago · 18 · ·

Alternate universe Discords FTW!!!!!!!!!!!  Also, who else read this in John Delancy's condescending voice?????????

#12 · 101w, 4d ago · 19 · ·

Wonderful. It's all very much in-character for Discord's tendencies, but also has a sense of sincerity that really brings it to life.

Also, are you saying that SCP-058 is Discord's heart?

>>5874518

You say that like you don't think everyone does.

#13 · 101w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

The only REALLY important part that could prevent the lack of balance would be the ScrewBall part. The rest is just Discord's final jokes, except for his alternates. That's more about making sure that they don't get angry.

#14 · 101w, 4d ago · 27 · ·

I bet he died by stepping on a lego brick, losing his balance, face planting in a pile of delicious pancakes topped with chocolate chips and strawberries, and finally choking on a spoon. :pinkiegasp:

Ri2
#15 · 101w, 4d ago · 26 · ·

>>5874730 It's how he'd have wanted to go.

#16 · 101w, 4d ago · 5 · ·

SvaĆ°ilfari? (Googles) Sleipnir's father. Huh. I wonder if he and Discord ever had any romantic history.

A most entertaining thought exercise. Thank you for sharing it.

#17 · 101w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

Now you have me intrigued

#19 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

This was so adorable >u<

#20 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

you said disturbing. There no disturbing. Me dissappoint.

:pinkiecrazy:

#21 · 101w, 4d ago · 30 · ·

I could...Actually see this being his will.

#22 · 101w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

But what if everything in that will is just a lie so he can have a holiday in Saddle Arabia?

#23 · 101w, 4d ago · 2 · ·

now i want to know whats in those  letters i also want to know the main 6's reactions to this will while they read it plus there letters and also there reactions when they do his request

#24 · 101w, 4d ago · 13 · ·

What'd you do? Teleport to Equestria and steal discords will? that was just rude.

#25 · 101w, 4d ago · 3 · ·

>>5875340

He'd get a complimentary second holiday. On the moon. :trollestia:

CCC
#27 · 101w, 4d ago · 7 · ·

>>5875157

You mean aside from the bit about using Discord's blood to summon up an army of chaos demons in the Everfree Forest?

#28 · 101w, 4d ago · 15 · ·

I want it stuffed in a pose that makes it look like I'm pointing and laughing at the rest of you, and I want it mounted on the wall above Celestia's throne.

Even in death, he will do everything he can to continue mocking ponies just with his forever amused expression and a pointing finger. That's got to be a bit of a nightmare.

#29 · 101w, 4d ago · 3 · ·

I kind of want a spin-off story involving Screwball now. Great job on the story by the way.

#30 · 101w, 4d ago · 3 · ·

>>5875455

Seconded.

I liked this. I was expecting comedy from the concept (and got that) but it was surprisingly sweet, too.

#31 · 101w, 4d ago · 17 · ·

The creepiest part isn't what he says, it's what he doesn't say. How is the book cursed? What's in the dimension? What sort of 'auditory hallucinations' are we talking about? What's in the letter?

Yikes.

#32 · 101w, 4d ago · 5 · ·

Then I want the rest of my body preserved. I want it stuffed in a pose that makes it look like I'm pointing and laughing at the rest of you, and I want it mounted on the wall above Celestia's throne.

:pinkiecrazy: Yes of course.

#33 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

>>5875455 you know, i was thinking about doing this. Though, are we talking about Daughter of Discord Screwball, or just Screwball Screwball?

#34 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

This was really sweet, funny, and dark all at the same time, I really liked it.

It'd be neat if you wrote something about what's in the journal he gave to Fluttershy. I'm curious now.

#35 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

>>5875768 I was referring to the mare in the story, I'm not familiar with Daughter of Discord.

#36 · 101w, 4d ago · 6 · ·

IT NEEDS A SEQUEL!

#37 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

"I'd like for my blood to be drained from my body, and for somepony to skip around the entire perimeter of the Everfree Forest, sprinkling it on the ground behind them as they go."

Heh. It's been part of my headcanon since "Princess Twilight Sparkle" that the real problem with the Everfree is that there either there's an eldritch abomination sleeping under the Everfree or the Everfree itself is an eldritch abomination. Good to know Discord has that in hand.

#38 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

Very Yes:yay:

The first is a journal. It's small, brown, bound in conjured leather, has a plain cover, and is written in invisible ink. This is for Fluttershy, AND NOBODY ELSE.

You see that ponies?  He used all caps there.  Better make sure you all understand that one.:rainbowlaugh:

#39 · 101w, 4d ago · · ·

>>5874593 Why?! Why did you have to bring up that evil monstrosity that gives a new meaning to the phrase "heart attack"?!

But in all seriousness, that thing is creepy as hell.

In case anyone doesn't know what that is, I present you horror:

#40 · 101w, 4d ago · 10 · ·

Who else had John De Lancie's voice in their head when they read this?

Also:

See you out there.

#41 · 101w, 4d ago · 1 · 1 ·

This is hilarious.

Mildly disturbing, but hilarious.

The only thing I'd suggest Discord writing 'I hope I was killed by a bulldozer driven by Saddle Rager'.

If you know what that's a reference to, you're a fan of a certain cartoon.

#42 · 101w, 4d ago · 4 · ·

>>5874593

>>5874635

Discord's heart is living crystal, in a similar manner to the crystal ponies. He made it that way so that it could hold a permanent enchantment that would activate in the event of his heart's destruction, sending out a message across the universe to notify all minions of chaos that he is dead.

>>5874855

They did. And it was completely consensual.

Their son currently rules the Lower Realms as the Lord of Darkness.

>>5875686

The auditory hallucinations are the voices of the disharmonious. All conflict echoes within Discord, and if he can hear your voice, then he may grow stronger from you.

>>5875768

Well, this Screwball was created entirely by Discord, if that's what you're asking, but he doesn't consider her a daughter. He just made her and sent her on her way. She's one of those many contingency plans that he made and then mostly forgot about, because Discord is fond coming up with multiple complex plans, setting them in motion, and then delighting in the unforeseen chaos as they all bounce off of each other in unexpected ways. Like what happened with the plunder vines.

>>5875988

Well, in a sense. Actually, this story takes the IDW comics as canon. Discord's just unleashing the chaos demons on the forest to fuck over King Aspen and the deer, who are order-aligned. Note his exact wording, "I promise that the chaos demons won't harm anypony".

#43 · 101w, 3d ago · · ·

Huh... neat.

#44 · 101w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

Rest in Chaos, huh.

Is that the lyric from the Mad World soundtrack?

#45 · 101w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

>>5876558

It is indeed.

#47 · 101w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

This was surprisingly earnest and heartfelt. No trolling at the end or anything. And great touch with the Star Trek reference I didn't get until

>>5876371 pointed it out.

#48 · 101w, 3d ago · · ·

>>5876032 Hey! isn't that my heart? i could have sworn some dude took it and gave it to someone else

#49 · 101w, 3d ago · · ·

I love how this isn't just random bullshit, as seen from your detailed comments.

#50 · 101w, 3d ago · 3 · ·

Whoever actually down voted this obviously has no sense of humor. For shame.

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