• Member Since 6th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

The 24th Pegasus

Author of the Commander Hurricane series (A Song of Storms), co-founder of the Price of Loyalty universe, and overall world building fanatic. Join my discord!



How far will you go to save your family? Your friends? Your empire? Twenty years before the events of the Hearth's Warming Eve story, long before the pegasi had even met the other two races, Commander Hurricane was a simple farmer in the great Cirran Empire. When the neighboring griffon nation declares war on Cirra and everything it stands for, the young Hurricane finds himself thrown into the middle of a conflict with the fate of his very race put into question. Will he rise to be the pegasus Cirra needs him to be, or will the mighty empire fall to the claws of the griffons?

Officially part of "The Price of Loyalty" storyverse, in collaboration with LoyalLiar.

Now with a side story! Come check out my friend Ruirik's Wind and Stone and follow along with the journey of another legionnaire who struggled through the Red Cloud War at the same time as Hurricane. (*contains references to events in the sequel to OSLF, Snow and Shadows, so be wary*)

Cover art by Ruirik

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 335 )

Sup man, I see that this is your first story, so I'll just be the first comment.


Little is known about Commander Hurricane and his group of pegasi warriors that helped found Equestria. Where did they come from? Why were they so militant? The history of the pegasus race is a dark affair, filled with the tragedy and horror of war, a war Commander Hurricane played a pivotal role in.

>Possible: Little is known about Commander Hurricane and his group of Pegasi warriors that helped found Equestria. But, where did they come from? Why were they so militant? The history of the Pegasus race is a dark affair, filled with the tragedy and horror of war.


The sun was slowly reclaiming more and more of the sky from the darkness of night. It started with a faint glow to the east and, minute by minute, a tiny sliver of the golden orb pierced the horizon, growing and expanding in luminosity and brightness, until the radiant disk revealed itself in its entirety, its yellow rays spreading forth across the land and bringing light and warmth to the denizens of the continent.

>Might want to use some periods there.

Other than that, didn't see any more Grammar mistakes, anyway, this story is Blitz Approved! (Actually I did liked this story)

Keep on writin'dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png

Pretty good start. I'll track for now and see where this leads. :twilightsmile:

Very nice. From the looks of things, this is going to be more than just the average fanfic. I'll be sure to keep track of this. :yay:

That chapter won my favorite. Seriously, how is this story not a hit already? I love it :rainbowkiss:

This is building up quite nicely. :moustache:

Damn fine show, author.

:rainbowlaugh: Snap, Fire got owned!
It really does surprise me how this doesn't have more views than it does now. Seriously, this is building up nicely. :twilightsmile:

Shorter than expected. Decent transition chapter. Read more for enjoyment than review, so only one thing stuck out at the end-
>lightly-colored // NO.


Adjusted, thanks for pointing that out

Read the entire thing (thus far) in one setting.



Same here. Can't wait for more.

Love pegasi war stories. But, may I ask, what time period is this in? Pre-Celestial/Pre-Windigo? Is it modern, but in an isolated pegasi-only nation similar to Unicornia or the Crystal empire?


The other races are mentioned, but in a way that implies contact is extremely limited at this point. I think because of that, it is definitely pre-windigoe

Commander Hurricane, the one we see from Hearthswarming Eve, is the main character.
This is pre-windigo, for all those wondering.

Can't wait to see their first encounter with unicorns and Earth ponies. If this fic goes into that.


There might be some mentioning of that at the end. Like, the end end. If I go into a sequel taking another look at the Hearth's Warming Eve story (which I plan to anyways) then there'll be a lot more of that, but for now I'm focused on Hurricane's story and the story of the Cirran Empire.

Fire Star got fucked up! :eeyup:

*facepalm* how did I not catch that? I'm gonna need to marathon the episodes again.

Dash really went overboard with the bravado according to this characterization though.


The premise behind the story I'm going with is how history "changes" with the passage of time. Over a thousand years after the events of Commander Hurricane, he's seen as an arrogant tribal leader, but at the time he may really have been a more level-headed individual who was forced to make tough decisions for Cirra (which has also been forgotten) so that it would survive. The war with Gryphus is also one of the most definitive moments in pegasus history but has been utterly forgotten in the thousands of years since.

No I am not talented enough to generate a whole series of song lyrics on my own. I took them from here, one of my favorite games of all time. I thought the music was fitting for the tone of the chapter.

Anyways, keep on reading. I'm interested to know what you guys think :twilightsmile:

Lawl, Ace Combat 5 reference.
Good chapter by the way, this is good stuff, feature worthy imho.

Somewhere off in the distance as the Cirran senator Cato the Elder's speech draws to an end, he closes with this statement.

"Furthermore, it is my opinion that Gryphus must be destroyed."

Carthage anypony?:rainbowlaugh: Love it.

Moar, moar I say!

Are you a pony who just went through battle and have all those nasty blood stains that just won't come out? :flutterrage:

Using bleach can cause skin irritation and leave your coat discolored. :twilightoops: But now your prays have been answered, introducing chipotlaway. :rainbowkiss:


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PS. Great chapter btw, keep it up.

Great storytelling

also, baby Griffons :fluttercry:

They killed younglings!

Major Henry Hitchcock on William Tecumseh Sherman and his March to the Sea [His practice of Total War]: "it is a terrible thing to consume and destroy the sustenance of thousands of people, but if the scorched earth strategy serves to paralyze their husbands and fathers who are fighting ... it is mercy in the end."
William Sherman himself: "War is Hell, and it is well that it should be so lest we grow too fond of it."

:fluttercry: Damn you for being so good! You kept me guessing on who was gonna die.
I severly, severly hope Red Tail gets the death he's got coming.

1696851 But you gotta give it to the legate, He is an extraordinary commander. He held off thousands of griffins with militia and scattered legionaries, an impressive feat for any commander of the era. (circa late Iron Age I am guessing due to steel armor) Now considering the griffons upgrading to steel, that jump in technology was extensive because it really did make it harder to kill somebody encased in steel. It is lighter, so the griffons can move better, it is stronger, they now fear Cirran blades much less.
Officers are always places between a rock and a hard place because, even though they don't normally fight or watch their friends die around them, their job is to command.
Very well written sir, I take my hat off to you. :moustache:

And so falls Nimbus. Despite the efforts of the griffins, a small fragment of the city escaped destruction and remained in the skies for a millennium. A silent monument to a darker time.


:rainbowderp: Whoa, just... whoa.

This chapter...

This chapter was a fun one to write, to say the least. Close to 13,000 words? Massive feel-storms? Plot twists and conspiracies? I feel like I kind of got carried away on it, but I think it fits the narrative nicely. I definitely consider it my masterpiece so far.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it! Took a little longer to get out than I intended, but I think it was worth it. Don't abandon your feelbunkers yet, you'll need them for the final four chapters (and epilogue?) to come. As always, let me know what you think. :twilightsmile:

*checks epic meter, finds it broken*
Damn that was good. :yay:

And so we finally see COMMANDER HURRICANE! :D

If only he didn't have to ascend in such a way...the feels man, the feels.

Now run along, write me some MOAR! :ajsmug:

Holly shit, underrated
This deserves a lot more press. You've put a lot of work into it, that much is obvious, and the product is solid B quality.


Thanks, I have been working hard on it. It's consumed nearly all my free time for the past two months, but it's featured on EQD and has a pretty solid following, so I feel it's been a success.

If you like it, feel free to spread the news. The feature box is dominated with the Big Names' works and it's oft overlooked on EQD's story updates, so it doesn't get much exposure. And I'm loathe to advertise myself, because self-promotion tends to generate negative responses in people.

Anyways thanks for the fave and watch! I always feel warm and fuzzy inside whenever i get a new reader :raritywink:

As do I. They're so precious to me.
On EqD, you say? You have my admiration, then. If you have enough patience with that ridiculous set of grammar requirements, than you are quite a patient person indeed. I'm that one guy who's always correcting everyone else's grammar, yet they always find ten to twenty errors I didn't know about. Ugh.
Also, self-advertisement is underrated. You just have to be sneaky about it. Personally, I add my fics to every applicable group on the face of FIMFiction. That, lurking, and proofreading other people's stuff to get my name out there.
But yeah, I've never hung out on EqD. There are things that irk me about both places, but FIMFiction has a lot more of a social element, while EqD doesn't.

1778637 That's what I've been thinking since I started reading this.
This has a very big "calm before the storm (no pun intended)" feel to it. Can't wait for the final battle.


Just about. The chapter titles have been building up to it, and we've only got 3 chapters left. Look for the real calm before the storm in Chapter 15.

Well, that was a nice change.

Lovin' the Shakespearean writing style. I'm content. Now maybe I can finally sleep.

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