• Member Since 30th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 39 minutes ago

Ruirik


Writer, artist, musician, and sometimes other stuff. Like my work? Help support more via patreon!

T
Source

After eighty years Pathfinder has seen it all, and tried to drink most of it away. When an eager young guard comes with questions for him, he is forced to relive some of his hardest memories. Memories of Home. Memories of Loss. Memories of wind and stone.

Note: 2/10/2020: Updates every Monday.

Part of the Price of Loyalty Universe.

Pre-reading and Editing: LoyalLiar, The24thPegasus, and SolidFire.
Cover art by me.

Chapters (32)
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Comments ( 195 )

The long promised story is finally upon us. Great beginning to what I am sure will be a thrilling piece of work. Keep up the great writing!

~SolidFire

And this... This will be an epic one.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

Extremely excellent start to another wonderful story by Ruirik.

Oh snap.

War's a coming and shit already got goooood.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Looking like yet another awesome story, I shall wait (im)patiently for more chapters!

3226967
Are you a boy or a girl!?

Ohhh... That title drop... :twilightsmile:

This seems like the beginning of a good story. Godd job so far, Rurik, and thanks for the various art pieces as well! :twilightsmile:

Pega-ace

What's this? One of my favorite authors writing a story set in one of my favorite settings? This is truly amazing.

I thought that Finder didn't know what a griffon looked like at that age.:rainbowderp: I guess his father told him or the griffon in the dream was a nightmared manifestation of what he thinks one looks like.:applejackunsure: I get the feeling something bad will happen when Finder goes out to enlist or his father will stop him before he gets there.
Anyway, great story so far. I eagerly await for the next chapter.:twilightsmile:

And that's the thing about your stories... they make me feel like i'm actually there.
I can't wait to read more.
Excellent story sofar!

How the fuck did you get into the feature box with so few likes and views?

3227700
He's heard stories growing up, he knows they've got beaks and claws and feathers, but he's never seen one in person.

3227036>>3226967

3227923
Don't ask me, I didn't know I was there until you told me :rainbowderp:

Grats on the (non-mature) featured box!

Last one from the Red Cloud war, eh? I wonder if that means *spoilered* and *spoilered* are dead.

“I want you to show my expeditionary team the way,” Stahlwart leaned closer to Finder, his voice dropping to a hushed tone, “the way back to Dioda.”

Oh heck yeah! I've been wondering about what's been going on in Cirra. I wonder if we're actually going to get there, or if this is entirely going to be a story told in the pub.

Title drops, title drops everywhere.

3228653
24 and Loyal know, but you just have to wait and see~ :moustache:

Longbow is so going to die in the war, isn't he. Probably very soon, too, if he gets deployed anywhere near Nimbus like so many other new legionnaires did. And I spy a Pan Sea!

Longbow turned to face his brother, his warmest smile on display for the colt. “Finder, I promise that next year we’ll have a great time on your birthday. You and me, we’ll fly the whole coast from dawn to dusk and explore everything we can find.”

...

Well?

You gonna post the Plankton clip again or not?

3230869
Would I really be that evil? :scootangel:

3230890 ... ... ...

Is that a serious question?

Oh boy. Oh boy. Ohboyohboyohboyohboyohboy...

I'm looking forward to this. :pinkiehappy:

Why am I finding out about this 24 hours late? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of Story: Wind and Stone

Grammar score: 9 / 10
Nearly perfect. Just four errors that I caught.

His back was facing a wall stacked to the roof with old kegs and his wings hung loose at his sides.

You need a comma before "and," since you're joining two independent clauses with a conjunction.

Finder leaned over, tapping Stalwarts chest

Apostrophe after stalwart.

has appointed himself emperor of the griffons territories

Apostrophe

“He was supposed to get that sail to your mother half an hour ago, and you’re telling me he let it fly away?” Phalanx asked irritatedly.

Irritatedly is not a word; this should be “irately.”

Pros
-Excellent job with providing detailed descriptions of your environment and making us feel like we’re there. Good choice of words.
-Good job with the chapter two emotional scenes.
-You end your first chapter with a good hook to keep the reader going.

Cons
-Your first chapter clocks in at over 3,000 words, which is a bit long for a first chapter. I’d recommend cutting it down just a bit. You have a good hook like I mentioned earlier, but getting people to read that far might be a more difficult prospect.
- “Over there,” Finder pointed to a table by the window, “I killed a private during Cyclone’s Coup."
That seems like kind of an odd thing to just go ahead and share.
- You do tend to embellish a bit on the description. If it’s not needed to establish character, or to world-build, I would take it out. For instance, in chapter two you take a paragraph to describe setting the table, when it’s not really needed and doesn’t really advance the plot.

Notes Section
This is the paragraph I was talking about that you may not need.

Finder and Longbow waited a moment before they moved. Longbow, being the taller of the two, moved to the cabinets and retrieved four ceramic bowls and wooden spoons. Finder gathered their mother’s sewing supplies from the table and neatly placed them into a wicker basket. Longbow slid two bowls and spoons to his brother, which Finder took in his front hooves and arranged properly on his side of the table.

It doesn't really advance the plot at all or add to characterization, and sorta comes off as padding almost.

Overall Rating
8/10. Good setup and plot so far, just fix some of the problems is all I have to suggest.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story: Sufficient Unto the Day

3239453
Thanks very much for catching those errors!

As to the other points you mentioned

“Over there,” Finder pointed to a table by the window, “I killed a private during Cyclone’s Coup."

This is a relevant thing, but I can't say more cause it would spoil a future event.

Finder and Longbow waited a moment before they moved. Longbow, being the taller of the two, moved to the cabinets and retrieved four ceramic bowls and wooden spoons. Finder gathered their mother’s sewing supplies from the table and neatly placed them into a wicker basket. Longbow slid two bowls and spoons to his brother, which Finder took in his front hooves and arranged properly on his side of the table.

I see what you're saying about this being padding, however I consider it part of a quiet character moment. Longbow is about to be sent to war, setting the table is an act of normalcy, one of the last the family is going to see for a while. Is it advancing the plot? Not really, no. But I stand behind it as worth keeping.

Thanks again for the comments and feedback! :twilightsmile:

3227923 It's called heat. It got a lot of attention very fast. Basically, the way the system works is: ten likes in one minute, will get you more heat than ten likes in ten minutes.

Whoooo.

Carver's clever. And Finder ain't nothing if he ain't persistent.

Also... Nyx? Really?
Yes, I found out the reason for it. You can stop now.

And that oath! You have a hell of a way with words, you know that?

~Skeeter The Lurker

3282457

I found out the meaning for it.

Moving on...

~Skeeter The Lurker

3282617

Yes, I know. He told me.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Well Carver shall be the first to die.

So many redshirts, so little time.

With the size of the city, it really hits you about how many civilian casualties we eventually get in this war.

3283035 I can't take it... Please write faster!

Ugh... since it's you, I really want to take a look at this, but I've no idea what Price Of Loyalty is :applejackunsure:

3285131
You don't need to know to read and enjoy this story. It's fairly self contained.

Intresting... keep up the good work! :twilightsmile:

Pega-ace

3285145 Just to confirm... "Pathfinder" has nothing to do with the roleplaying game, right? :trixieshiftright:

3286741
I don't play D&D, his name has.. well, spoilery things

3286741

Pathfinder
Pegasus Ranger (Battle Scout) 6 / Rogue 3
Specializes in Multi-weapon Fighting: A Cirran Pegasus full-attacks with Sword, 2 Wing-blades (and at higher levels, up to 4 shod hooves).

Some time, I'll need to dig up Commander Hurricane's full-attack stat-block; I built it back when 24 was just publishing the end of Of Skies Long Forgotten; he had a lot of attacks per round, what with his full BAB progression and 7 natural attacks.

I'll post a guide to 'Price of Loyalty' Pathfinder some time, but for now I'm waiting on my kickstarted copy of Ponies for Pathfinder; I'd rather spare myself whatever work I can.

3288731
This'll have to do for now.

Dungeons and Ponies Player's Guide, v2

To all y'all: yes, I maded it. Enjoy or curse me out for anything you think is unbalanced or flawed; I'll just sit back here and nod my head, saying "yes, dear. Of course, dear."

24

Well, this is certainly very entertaining so far. But now the painful wait in between chapters commences.

At least there's all these Song of Storms fics to read... Heh.

This is awesome, I cannot wait for more

3289292
This is the best. I'mma play only this now.

*kicks back, orders a mug of Old Cirran, and prepares to listen to this unwinding tale.*

you have me in, my fellow author. To the bitter end. And having been through the Red Cloud War, I know the end was bitter.

-C.Storm

Seriously... I did NOT need so much tear jerking. Jerk.


Doesn't change the fact it's good writing, though.

If you got an update notice, but do not see a new chapter, I apologize. I accidentally clicked the publish button on an empty chapter. The real update will be tomorrow after I've had a chance to edit.

3459111
Man, that update was fucking sweet. And I was finished in no time at all!

Also, I wish I was able to have been online today. But my internet decided to fuck itself in the ass repeatedly, and then shit on itself before finally coming back online. Which is now.

And I have to work tomorrow. But I should be able to get some kind of editing done, maybe.

why is this story so awesome?
AND I DEMAND AN HONEST ANSWER

Summer... Summer I like.

She's such a tease and badass.

~Skeeter The Lurker

So Finder's armor is made of scales, but scales from what i wonder?

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