• Member Since 3rd Jul, 2012
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Co-founder of the Price of Loyalty universe.


Waking up on a rooftop on Nightmare Night alone wouldn't have been so jarring for Eyewitness if it weren't for the dead body. Struggling with the harsh wake up call, and the arrival of the mysterious 'guardspony' Chocolate Malt, she must help him solve the murder while keeping her own secrets intact.

Won 3rd place in the Equestria Daily Batpony Writeoff, 10/31/2013!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 37 )

Waking up next to a dead body is a terrible way to start the day.
But possibly the most interesting way to end last night.

Oh, the noir feel is strong with this one.

I, Witness is clever wordplay. Just wanted to drop by and say that. :twilightsmile:

Silver out!

Goddamn. This was impressive.

True NOIR detective style.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Brrr.... after countless stories of Batponies as nothing other than regular ponies with alternate paint jobs, feels refreshing to get a more beastly interpretations, such as: Literally walking souls of the damned. Makes me feel melancholy if this is the fate that eventually befalls a certain main character in another one of your stories, becoming one of these.....let's just say lack of humor were-ponies.

Now you can ask yourself if, just perhaps, there's more to the rivalry between the Honor Guard and Luna than just what happened at that one fateful Summer Sun Celebration.


Hmm, righteous anger over ponies that they feel are skating out of what they really deserve, or something a little more sinister, I wonder....

For new readers, I should probably note that this story is part of ZombieDashVerse, aka Price of Loyalty and reading it was supposed to give even more insight on Luna and her little ponies.
It is in same continuity...


if this is the fate that eventually befalls a certain main character in another one of your stories, becoming one of these.....let's just say lack of humor were-ponies.

There are many main characters, who already there.:raritywink:

3424152 Yeah, but I'm thinking of a particular one, one that by admittance of a very important pony shouldn't be here, one that's in a race to keep her sanity...

3424154 But it is Classic rule of all vampstories to have characters belong to different worlds. :duck:
And she is too cool for something as simple as common batpony.

My, my, my, what a fun story, and such a tasty pile of world building about Luna's guard and how it works.

Wait, wasn't it Luna that brought a certain broken and deceased Honor Guard pegasus back? Hmmnn...

Okay, you lost me. You just said that this story was in the same continuity, but now you say it's on different worlds?

3424962 not "it's" - characters. True love can only bloom when one belong to dark and other to light, hence the worlds.
But story itself is the same AU as rest of PoL.

T'was an interesting read at least, I will say that.

Well, that was quite a ride, even though I was subconsciously expecting MOAR , because short stories is not what we usually get from you, dear author. Nevertheless. this story was self-contained and confirmed my speculations about NG's nature and gave us a glimpse of other two species of thestrals. I'm still not sure if there are things that balance out their ungodly powers, besides the damnation part. As far as your other stories go they didn't show any signs of traditional vampires' quirks and weaknesses.

Oh, and I still think that the whole situation was staged by Luna and poor Wax just got in the wrong place at the wrong time.


They have their limits, but unless I decide to write more of 'The Adventures of Eyewitness and the Night Guard' (which I very well might), that information will have to be relegated to Ghosts of the Past; it isn't the sort of thing you 'advertise' when you're trying to convince someone to take a job.

Author Interviewer

This was pretty good, and then you just had to go and call them "thestrals". It's still one of the better entries I've come across, but dammit, I want to strangle whoever came up with the idea of using that word.


To others reading the comments: don't look at the spoiler below if you haven't read the chapter.

If I were using the interpretation that they were *just* pegasi with batwings and fangs (that is to say, if I were a boring author...), I wouldn't have used it. But since they are actually undead horses, it seemed appropriate. I'm glad you enjoyed it even despite that term.

Author Interviewer

...Hm. The fact is, I've never read Harry Potter and I don't recall them having been mentioned in the movies, so when you put it that way, this becomes the only MLP fic appropriating the term properly.

Of course, it's still an appropriation from an outside IP with no crossover tag, so I'm still kind of miffed about that, but honestly, this story is good enough for me to look past that.

Okay, this is pretty awesome. The beginning turned me off a bit, as I was expecting something depressing, but I decided to skim the story anyways; then I got to the ending and decided I should read it anyways in full, and I don't regret that. Fascinating idea, this.
I especially love the non-ex-pegasus ideas. I take it the "unicorns" look a bit similar to Sombra, especially with the horns? The "earth ponies" (or so I assume), however, are pure genius. You took the "strength" and gave it monstrosity and CLAWS.

Before even reading the story...

"His parents named him Eyewitness?
... Are they wizards?"

Edit: Wow. Awesome as usual. Dead All Along is an oldie but a goodie. :pinkiesmile: )


That would be her, as you'll surely realize. And all ponies have a special power to look into the future when it comes to naming their children. Do you think Vinyl Scratch was a master DJ the moment she was born? What about *Big* Macintosh?

And for the brutal example from my own work: remember what Red Ink's real name actually translates to: who would ever name their kid that if it wasn't going to be accurate?

I don't think he actually writes with blood, but I suppose a bloody mess is a sort of signature.

That whole thestral thing is creepy. I think Luna is far too harsh in her judgements. Maybe Celestia goes too easy on ponies, but to ask a pony to keep on living for a hundred years working only for you with only the vague promise of someday reaching the Summer Lands is excessive. They could just die and go there immediately, unless I am missing something. It's really not much of a life, practically torture by my measure. And that's not to speak of what they lose if they screw up or someone kills them. Something tells me that Celestia disapproves mightily and nothing but self-restraint keeps from intervening.

Pretty good story. :twilightsmile:

First I've seen the Night Guard as thestrals instead of batponies, but it's a good change. It's definitely, as was stated by commenters before me, better than the common 'pegasus with bat wings' idea, and it added a lot to the story.
This is a fantastic story, by the way, and I'm going to have to read more of your stuff now. Well done.

~ Decaf

Very gripping story you wrote here, Loyal. I like your particular view on the Night Guard, how they're 'chosen', their sole loyalty to Princess Luna, how they become what they are, all very interesting. Now I'm very much hoping I'll see more of them in WLL: HG and its sequel. :pinkiehappy:

Chocolate Malt/Twelfth Brother was a particular highlight here for me; you made him look and sound so cool and badass in this story. It's got me thinking of an idea, actually... I'll propose it to you in a PM later. :raritywink:

I also liked the plot of the story overall; you just nailed the sense of a dark atmosphere with a feeling of noir attached to it, and I freaking LOVE noir and mysteries in general. While I may have seen the ending twist coming from a mile away, being such a veteran horror junkie as I am, it didn't bother me much at all, because you managed to spin it in your own unique fashion. Very well done. :twilightsmile:


Why thank you. You'll see a bit of the Night Guard in Honor Guard, but they really show up in Ghosts of the Past. I haven't had Malt or Eyewitness in the spotlight yet, but I have no doubt their time will come.

This story was rather interesting. I'll admit that I got super lost during parts of it, but I think it all sorta clicked in the end. So, Luna's Night Guard are essentially the dead that are looking for redemption? And they're pretty damn hard to kill by the way it sounds. If they get hurt, they just... drink the blood of their kill or eat their meat in order to heal themselves? And it looks like she's pretty much in the same position as Dash is in. If she dies before she's released to go to the Summer Lands then her soul is stuck there, waiting to go insane. This little story definitely brings the thestrals into a new light, and I think I like it. Hopefully we'll get to see some more of Twelfth Sister in GoTP. I look forward to starting FSWL tomorrow!


Your summary was right, this doesn't require any knowledge of the rest of the series to enjoy, I followed it just fine.

I do have to say, the terms the Night Guard face are rather similar to the terms for the crew of the Flying Dutchman (100 years of undead service before judgement). Was that inspiration at all for your NG lore, or just coincidental?

Maybe subconsciously. The 100 year number was chosen because it makes a poetic metaphor for "a lifetime".

Decent little noir. Loses points for not knowing how to write Luna and for referring to them as 'thestrals'.

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

It's a noir murder mystery.

Why, thank you!

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