• Member Since 6th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

The 24th Pegasus


Author of the Commander Hurricane series (A Song of Storms), co-founder of the Price of Loyalty universe, and overall world building fanatic. Join my discord!

T
Source

War changes ponies. It can make civilians into soldiers, and soldiers into heroes. But becoming a hero requires a sacrifice, not only of blood, sweat, and tears, but of the soul. For when the dark days come, it's the heroes who bring the sun, and when it returns, they're forever lost in the light.

Being a hero doesn't just mean being brave. It means giving up your life to the cause—regardless of whether or not you die.


First attempt at telling a story through poetry. Might try more things like this if the ideas hit me.
Winner of The Rarity award for EFNW's Scribblefest 2016
Cover art by Sheandog

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 45 )

A hell of an epic told in 2000 words.

And that end. Jesus.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Oh geeze, that ending.

Nice idea for the source of her replacement wing.

Many people think about the end of the war.
Not many think about what happens after.

Beautiful story, 24th.

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The ending sort of came out of nowhere when writing this, really. It was originally going down a different path but stalled out, so I tore out several stanzas and started something different. That led me to finish the entire story in one sitting in like, half an hour.

Besides, it's Rainbow Dash. I have a really bad habit of killing her/doing horrible things to her.

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IthoughtthatwasLoyalLiar'sjob. :v

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No, he only killed her once then tore her wings off. I've killed Rainbow twice and torn one of her wings off. And given her horrible amnesia paired with crippling anxiety. I think I win.

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Ah, right. You're right about that.
He made her suffer longer wordwise, though. (not counting the amnesia bit)

Comment posted by Zennyth deleted Feb 22nd, 2016

http://youtu.be/Ja06DJrFe5E
[youtube=youtu.be/Ja06DJrFe5E]

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Fixed it for you.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Twilight smiled and took her aside,
And they made plans that night.
When they were done, the mare was gay

:rainbowlaugh:


...I'm a horrible person aren't I?

Seriously though this was amazing. Thanks 24 for continuously being able to make me cry. Well I'm not actually crying but if I had tears they would be coming out right now.

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Still got nothing on the torture Imploding Colon has given to her.

Crying so hard right now :raritycry:
Now every time I hear the word blue then I'm gonna think of this story :rainbowderp:

Oh god dammit 24th! You know I'm gonna have to read this too!:rainbowlaugh:

this story is so powerfull and really shows what war is

Just wanted to let you know I posted a review of this story — and 13 other entries in the Scribblefest competition — over at my blog.

Good luck in the competition! :twilightsmile:

I reviewed this as part of Read It Later Reviews #46.

My review can be found here.

I stumbled in one or two stanzas, but that was mostly due to my excitement causing me to read too fast and mess with the rhythm of the piece. :derpytongue2: I'm a huge fan of poetry done well and this shattered my expectations. Well written!

Holy......damn........so awesome, even if that was a fucking dark ending.

Reread:

No words. Just.....it touches you.

Always new she was a wuss. That's what you get for being a bum with no true roots.

7127874 ..... apparently someone doesn't get that she was suffering from fucking Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which is a VERY dangerous and horrible thing for a veteran to suffer from.

7128341 oh I got that alright. Still, many more veterans of the RL conflicts manage to overcome their experiences, if only partially, despite returning to a far less hospitable civilian life.
This story's Dash has my sympathy, but I question 24th descision to make her lack tenacity and mental fortitude PoL Dash displays constantly. He tried to make her an ideal victim of the PTSD and IMO overlooked her established character. But maybe it's just my headcanon speaking.
The other thing that has directly influenced my experience with this poem is the fact that I read it back to back with re-reading Tvardovsky and Remarque, with obvious results.

I don't say this about most stories on here, but this truly inspired me to try creating something. This poem was amazing and truly captured the tragedies of war, PTSD, and more. You've definitely earned a favorite from me, and keep up the good work. :pinkiesmile:

Did a reading of this!

7185391 No problem. I don't know if I'm allowed to reveal this, but whatever, but I was one of the judges of the EFNW Scribblefest. I voted for this one for the Rarity.

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That means a lot to me, glad you enjoyed the story!

Hello!

Grand Moff Pony here on behalf of the group You Might Like This. I wanted to let you know that your story was featured in one of our latest recommendation posts!

Thank you for sharing your story with the community, and have a great day! :twilightsmile:

-GMP

I don't usually care much for poetry but that was beautiful.

That was AMAZING

Congratulations Project Horizons, you have just been put on my list of the Ten best damn stories on FimFic. List is here:
1. Fallout Equestria: Project Horizons, by Somber
2. Fallout Equestria, by kkat
3. Past Sins, by Pen Stroke
4. Symphony of the Damned, by Lord Benjamin Moorington
5. The Railway Ponies: Highball, by The Descendant
6. The Torch be Ours, by The 24th Pegisus
7. The Things We Leave Behind, by theswimmingbrony
8. Of the Hive, by Law Abiding Pony
9. The Mare of the Equestrian 8th, by The 24th Pegisus
10. Rekindling, by Tealea-and-Cody

This is my opinion. You are entitled to your own opinion of what is best. That being said, I would recommend reading all of these stories at some point.

Damn... that was deep... and the format... expert precision and proper use of the format... and a very, very accurate telling of a soldiers life.

And the aftermath that they suffer, can most times cause a veteran to take their own life.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a very serious thing, but not only do veterans suffer from PTSD, but they are most times forgotten by their own families and are left without a home, living on the streets, ignored and bypassed.

Many veterans die forgotten and alone, if you have a veteran in your home or neighborhood, please, let them know that they are not forgotten, and thank them for their sacrifice so that our freedom may continue it's reign.

My step-father; a Corporal in the United States Army, retired after serving 22 years, 20 in active duty, 2 in reserve, raised me for 17 years and I always showed my appreciation for his sacrifice with my daily love and affection.

I was shattered when he passed just two days before my birthday on March 8th, 2013.

To the veterans and soldiers currently serving, I thank you for your service and your sacrifice.

And to the soldiers who have died, thank you for your sacrifice and service, Rest In Peace.

This is pure art! I don't really have much interest in poems and the like but this was...beautiful!
And, while I was reading this, I just couldn't get this song out of my head:

Blue lips, blue veins.
Blue, the colour of our planet from far, far away.
Blue lips, blue veins.
Blue, the most human colour.

Dammit 24th, why must you make best pone suffer so?

This was a true epic, a tragedy perhaps, not as the modern man weaves, but as the Greeks once told.

Here, have a fave. I hate such endings, but I do recognize art when I see it.

This is beautiful. :pinkiesad2:

A wonderful, moving story. You've earned a follow my friend! Thank you for your talent.

Im going to have fun reading this, why? Cause it reminds me of this!

I didn't expect a rhyming poem of all things...

So precious...

A tale of a whole campaign, of war and the mare that fought in it, in just 2000 words is very very impressive!

7322859 Symphony of The Damned, that brings me back. Remember when I wrote it.

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