Paul's Thursday Reviews CLXVIII · 9:27pm Jul 18th, 2019
Good news, my test copies of the books for Bronycon finally came in! And they look awesome. The only catch is that the bar code, which I thought Lulu put in the sample art as a way of showing where they normally go, was not a hypothetical; Lulu really did slap a barcode on top of the art in the back. This wouldn’t be so bad if the summary blurb on the back wasn’t now partially blocked by it. So sorry, folks, but that’s gonna be a thing.
Even so: books! This is the first time I’ve seen something of my own in a printed form, and it’s nicer than I expected. I’m very happy with how they turned out overall. My thanks to KorenCZ11 and Novel-Idea for their assistance in getting the covers ready. Now that I’ve seen these and can confirm they’re decent, I’ll go and order the copies people have ordered from me this weekend.
In the meantime, Super Trampoline’s Feghootful Fegsensical Feghootenanny’s deadline is in two days, so if you guys plan on entering that I suggest you get your rears in gear and submit something now-ish. Or ask for an extension, but he’s already extended it once, so…
More good news: the rough draft of chapter 6 of Bulletproof Heart: Famous Last Words is done! I’ve also practically finished my next short story, which I will try to release this weekend if I can come up with something for the cover art. I’ve already begun Chapter 7 of the next BPH chapter. With luck, I can actually focus on my writing for once and get it done before the con, though I’m not crossing my fingers.
Alright, who wants some reviews?
Stories for This Week:
The Mailbox Compilation by Skeeter The Lurker
At the Heart of the Blizzard by Oroboro
Basking by Pascoite
Diyoo Wan' Thum? by TheNewYorkBrony
OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP by Storm Butt
Hybrids by Bok
Tirek is Doomed by Viking ZX
Poison Apples by DragonGeek
How to Remove a Unicorn Tooth by Skywriter
Braiding by Admiral Biscuit
Total Word Count: 186,057
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 2
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 1
None: 0
The Mailbox Compilation
102,831 Words
By Skeeter The Lurker
In collaboration with bats, bookplayer, Jake R, AcreuBall, Steel Resolve, Churchy, xjuggernaughtx, and Jondor
The Mane Six are going their separate ways for the summer, some for vacation and others for summer jobs. Distance is no problem for friendship though, and our favorite mares keep theirs alive by sending one another letters. This is a collection of those letters.
This was far more enjoyable than I anticipated. Each chapter shows the letters written between two of the Mane Six, so for example, one chapter only shows what Fluttershy and Pinkie were writing to one another. This manner is… curious. It means that we get to focus on only the interactions of two characters at a time, yet there are also things these characters are talking about with the others, and that bleeds out in the writing, so there is a constant awareness that the rest of the girls are doing things too. At times this serves as hints to what we’ll be seeing in other chapters, and on occasion a solution might come up that stems from what the others are doing. It was a wonderful way to keep everything interconnected and is made all the more impressive by how the different characters were written by different authors throughout the piece.
I don’t know whose idea this was, but they deserve all the cupcakes.
Along the way, we get plenty of drama: Twilight learning the importance of reading her letters in private, Applejack trying to learn how to crash, Rainbow seeking direction in life, Rarity unintentionally causing citywide strikes, Fluttershy getting more attention from a friend than she ever wanted, and Pinkie Pie discovering that the term ‘party city’ doesn’t necessarily involve her kind of partying. Just to name a few things. Oh, and there’s the romantic drama, which happens in two separate ways and doesn’t necessarily lead to happy fun times.
It’s a lot to take in, especially considering that every chapter has us essentially starting back at the beginning of the vacation and learning everything all over again from a different pair of perspectives. If that ‘starting over’ thing sounds like a drag to you, I strongly recommend you try it before you knock it. Even so, I personally would have liked to have read the letters in order; my overly organized mind was just dying to see a timeline of when events happened on the whole. Still, the format works very well and the authors make the most of it. I’d say impressively so.
An unusual story with great results, even if it left one particular matter open to a frustrating amount of interpretation. Definitely worth the time invested, so by all means give it a read. The Rainbow Dash/Applejack one is easily the best, I can see why it was saved for last.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author! (Wait, what?)
At the Heart of the Blizzard
6,718 Words
By Oroboro
While on a skiing vacation, the Equestria Girls get lost in the mountains during a fierce blizzard. By what they think is sheer luck, they stumble upon an abandoned mansion where they can take shelter. But as time passes and the night grows longer, it quickly becomes apparent that this isn’t any normal mansion.
This is a curious bit of Weird fiction. Exactly what Sunset and the gang are dealing with is never properly described or understood. I’m mildly surprised their solution worked as well as it did, though I suppose it’s more original than the traditional methods. It is, ultimately, a mildly confusing but enjoyable mini-mystery with no clear solution but a nice conclusion.
If I had any real complaint, it would be that the introduction leading them to the mansion felt a little fast. Really, the whole thing felt somewhat rushed. We’re 3/4ths through the story before the real conundrum is recognized, and then it’s over and done. I think the story may have been better served if Oroboro had started it with the girls being lost in the blizzard in the first place and used all that extra writing space to expand upon the mystery.
Even so, this quirky story was entertaining enough on its own, with an intriguing premise and resolution. Maybe not Oroboro’s best, but not bad by any means.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Fractured Sunlight — WHYRTY?
The Heart of an Author — WHYRTY?
Applejack and the Garden of Eden — Pretty Good
Why Can't I Be Your Rara? — Pretty Good
When the sun fails to rise, Princess Twilight soon learns that Celestia has fallen ill. With no record of how such a thing could happen, she is at a loss for what to do. But Luna might have a solution…
This is a pleasant little story in which we learn what it means to be a princess. Or more specifically, an alicorn of a certain element. Pascoite shows us, with typical visual flare, how Celestia and Luna draw their power, their strength, and their physical health. More interesting is that the story also makes a suggestion regarding how Twilight draws her own strength as an alicorn. It leads to some curious ideas—for one, I’d be interested in what would happen to her if Equestria were to ever fall into a state of civil unrest. And what about Cadance?
A strong story in all respects, from characterization to pacing to its potential consequences. Yet another great read from the Rock of Ponies.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Ambergris — WHYRTY?
Roam-Springa — WHYRTY?
Curse, Bless Me Now — Pretty Good
Method Acting — Pretty Good
Where the Heart Is — Pretty Good
Diyoo Wan' Thum?
1,328 Words
By TheNewYorkBrony
During a visit to the Crystal Empire, a sense of dread keeps Spike awake at night. Deciding to get a late night snack to help with the feeling, he runs into a very pregnant Princess Cadance indulging in… cravings.
I was hoping this would take a more comedic slant given that it is based on the cover art, but alas, TheNewYorkBrony played it straight. Quite the missed opportunity, author. So instead of silly descriptions of Cadance’s pregnancy-based needs, we get Spike suffering from dread and needing a pep talk. But the author’s way of approaching the topic is a little rushed.
First off, Spike feels dread. He has no idea why he feels dread. Then he sees Cadance, she asks him what’s wrong, and he talks about exactly what’s bothering him. But wait a minute! I thought he didn’t know what that was? Was the narrative lying to us from the get-go? Why would it do that when there’s no clear reason, thematically or otherwise, to do so? And now, because it seemed for the first 3/4ths of the story that Spike didn’t understand his issues, his ability to talk to Cadance about it instantly with minimal effort seems unrealistic. Not to mention the issue is resolved with such remarkable speed that one wishes real life worked that way.
Alas, this story doesn’t manage to live up to the expectations brought up by its title and cover art. It’s not a bad idea overall, but it’s rushed delivery and failure to live up to its unspoken promises does it no favors.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Stupid, Sexy Twilight! — Worth It
A Close Encounter of The Cute Kind — Needs Work
OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP
3,034 Words
By Storm Butt
Spike only wanted to forget about being sick by indulging in the porno magazine he keeps hidden amongst his comic books. That all flies out the window—literally—when he sneezes and sends said magazine to Princess Celestia. Now all that’s left to do is take his incoming doom in the best way he knows how: blind panic.
This went exactly where I thought it would. That’s not a complaint.
If sexual humor at Spike’s expense sounds like your kind of thing, then there’s no reason not to read this. My only issue is that it takes a bit too long to get to where it needs to. I’d say this could have been handled in half, or at least 2/3rds, the wordcount and come out just fine. Still, it’s highly entertaining for those who enjoy sex-based humor such as myself. By all means, give it a go. If you’re into that kind of thing, that is.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Twilight Sparkle Accidently Loans Out Homosexual Erotic Literature — Pretty Good
Alternative Title: My Little Pony Meets The Fly
A subtle accident involving a teleportation spell leads to Twilight and Rarity gradually transforming into changelings. Now they’re in a rush to fix the problem before their minds succumb to their new changeling instincts.
This is certainly an odd one. Which isn’t saying much, considering the last two stories by this author I read. It combines both seriousness and joviality in varying measures that shift seemingly at random as the story goes on, but generally leans more towards comedy (which makes me wonder about the absence of the tag). The story is formed in two parts, the first being Twilight, Rarity, and Spike trying to get to the Crystal Empire where they can hopefully find a cure in its ancient library. The second half involves Zecora who, in the midst of mediation, somehow manages to use her Zebra hoodoo to determine what is wrong with Twilight and Rarity without ever even seeing them and going on a quest to make the cure… with Apple Bloom in tow, as the filly is impossible to escape.
On the one hand, the story is a fun little romp with plenty of humorous bits in there, my favorite being Chrysalis’s failed attempt at a dramatic entrance. Really, Chryssi was sort of a highlight for the entire story to me. I never bought the idea of her being dumb, but this one plays it well to me. This clashes somewhat with the body horror that Twilight and Rarity are undergoing and the slow subversion of their minds, but once I recognized Bok’s intended tone for the story I was willing to let it slide.
Yet there are still issues. For starters, why did we go through all of that nonsense with Zecora and Apple Bloom just for us to find out that everything they did was pointless and, worse, they disappear entirely from the ending like so much trash? If that’s the way it was going to go, they might as well have not been involved at all. Gold Plum could have achieved all the same things he did without their presence. I’m not saying Bok should have omitted Zecora and Apple Bloom, I’m just saying he should have given their arc a much more fitting conclusion considering how much time was put into it.
How is it that Celestia and Luna can be captured one time and come out incapable of even standing, yet after getting captured a second time are at their full strength and can route entire changeling armies on their own?
Eh, niggling things like that bug me (pun intended). Still, for all its quirks and oddities, with the way the ending rolls itself into one elongated joke, I had fun. It’s certainly a worthwhile piece if you’re looking for a silly adventure story.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Twilightning — WHYRTY?
And then there was that one time Trixie became a communist — Worth It
Tirek is Doomed
10,005 Words
By Viking ZX
While waiting for the next Dusk Guard story to come out, I figured I’d go ahead and finish off what’s left of Viking’s material. I saved this one for last because, honestly, it wasn’t something I was interested in. In case it isn’t obvious, the story has the voiceless protagonist from the Doom games show up in Equestria through some magical thingamawackary to fight Tirek just when he’s stolen Twilight’s magic.
It was a lot better than I anticipated, even if it’s just an excuse to see Tirek get his ass kicked by some random non-pony. And since this is a Viking ZX story, it is of course well written and played straight, the latter of which puts it well above most stories of this variety. I especially like how Doomguy (as he is apparently called) is not viewed as a savior.
I’ve never played a Doom game before (I can hear the gamers’ collective gasps from here), but this still did exactly what one would expect. It just does it better than how most would. And y’know, I’m okay with this. Viking spends so much time writing serious stuff, I’m not about to jump on him for writing something silly for the fun of it every now and then (a certain critter living under an oven comes to mind).
If you like Doom and want to see Tirek getting crushed by a non-pony, then go ahead and give it a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Carry On — WHYRTY?
Discord Day Care — WHYRTY?
The Dusk Guard Saga: Beyond the Borderlands — WHYRTY?
The Dusk Guard Saga: Rise — WHYRTY?
Old Habits — Pretty Good
Poison Apples
3,068 Words
By DragonGeek
The Mane Six visited Hallow Shades. It was a ruin. And yet we know that the Apples have relatives living there, and AJ recalls meeting some of them only a few short years ago. So what happened to them? With Twilight’s help, she intends to find out.
While the premise and overarching elements of this story are solid, the delivery is decidedly poor. It flies through the introduction so fast that Rainbow Dash would be hard-pressed to keep up. The brunt of the story involves Twilight and AJ fighting Nightmare Moon cultists, and the solution they ultimately come up with is… uh… to be honest and aggressive? What? I have no idea how that is supposed to work.
This is not how you do an adventure. The material in this story deserves a firmer foundation and more respectable treatment than a mere 3k words can provide. I can see this being done justice with 10k words by a skilled author, but really, this scope of this idea warrants a multi-chapter story that properly builds up the situation, highlights the struggles of Twilight and especially Applejack, and makes our villains more than cardboard cutouts to be beaten up or talked down to.
The thing is, the writing of the story is decent. Good enough, in fact, that I have no doubt whatsoever this author could do what is needed in a proper wordcount for the concept. It makes me wonder why they wrote it in such a rushed fashion to begin with. Perhaps because someone else requested it rather than it being their own idea, and they just weren’t interested enough? That would be why I don’t take writing requests.
Whatever the reason, it is a disappointment. It may work for people looking for a quick fix in the adventure department, but that’s about it.
Bookshelf: Needs Work
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
These Are A Few of My Favorite Things — Pretty Good
How to Remove a Unicorn Tooth
11,618 Words
By Skywriter
It’s amazing what can pass us by unnoticed. This story has existed since mid-Season 3, and all accounts I’ve heard of it so far have hailed it as one of the greatest bits of Cadance backstory pieces ever conceived. And yet I’d never heard of it. The only reason I found it is because I finished reading one of Skywriter’s prior stories, went looking for another in their library (as is my habit), and thought “any story with a name like that deserves a look”. I didn’t even know I was looking at a beloved staple of the fandom until someone else pointed it out to me a few short months ago. It just goes to show that no matter how good, popular, or widely circulated something is, there are going to be people who never know of its existence.
Anyway, the story centers on Princess Cadance twelve years before Nightmare Moon’s return. She has no idea where she comes from, but an alicorn is deeply connected to her Kingdom. With no kingdom to rule, Cadance is broken, and feels that brokenness every day. Now something akin to a teenager in alicorn terms, she is engaged in a constant battle of wills against her unconfirmed Aunt Celestia, who seems determined to keep her close and safe in Canterlot. Today, things will come to a head, but the inevitable emotional eruption may be more beneficial to all parties than they think.
I loved Skywriter’s approach to this story. It is filled with worldbuilding, the style of the now-AU handled to make everything seem more complex, more detailed, and perhaps more “fantasy”, without ever losing grasp of the realism. From the reimagining of Cadance’s origins (which wouldn’t really be a “re-imagining” considering when this was made) to the little descriptions of everything up to and including the food, it all feels fresh and interesting. This story has aged like fine wine, feeling far more authentic than anything canon has half-heartedly bothered to offer.
Of course, I’m sure to a lot of people the highlight is filly Twilight describing the absolute necessity of removing her tooth tonight and the Rube Goldberg machine she engineers to do the job. Going by this story, Cadance may indeed be the greatest foalsitter ever.
Yet that’s part of the magic. This has a little something for everyone. Teenage angst, heart attack-inducing cuteness, worldbuilding, near-death scenarios, loss, discovery… it achieves an incredible amount considering its wordcount, all of it centered on the enigmatic backstory of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Best of all is that it wraps everything together neatly at the end, leaving me with nothing but contentment and an eagerness to see the rest of the series.
This definitely earns all the praise it has garnered. If, by some unfortunate twist of fate, you haven’t read it yet, by all means do so.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Wassail, Wassail! — WHYRTY?
Martial Bliss — Pretty Good
Braiding
6,685 Words
By Admiral Biscuit
Sequel to A Sleeping Rose
Sam, the typical lone human in Equestria, is dealing with laundry day. She only gets one a week due to lack of time and Earth conveniences like washing machines, so she makes sure it all goes in. What she doesn’t expect is her friend Roseluck to show up out of the blue to check on her garden. Now Rose is encroaching on a human taboo, that being nudity. What follows is a day where both face uncomfortable situations in the name of helping Sam get over certain Equestrian social humps.
I think this series easily qualifies as the most realistic interpretation of ‘human in Equestria’ I’ve ever read. It avoids all the traditional cliches in search of a more real and uncomfortable slant, that being a human having to realign themselves in an entirely new culture. Poor Sam still struggles with the instincts that have been trained into her all her life, even as she knows that in Equestria those instincts are considered odd or possibly even improper. Watching Rose face her own set of uncomfortable scenarios and taking big social risks to help Sam out is a wonderful demonstration of friendship.
I continue to enjoy this series and look forward to the next entry.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A Sleeping Rose — Pretty Good
Pinkie Pie's Last Nightmare Night — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
The Battle of Fort Book by PinkamenaPiePrincess
This Dance We Do by naturalbornderpy
Raven by SaintChoc
Any Last Requests? by naturalbornderpy
Insecurities by Shachza
To Soar Again by Zeg
Cold Case by Bachiavellian
Their Last Dance by iDash
Animals or Cannibals? by Feeling Grand
Break Away: The Alicorn Amulet Collaboration by cleverpun
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Sam and Rose and Unicorn Tooth are both really fantastic. :D
Huh, The Mailbox Compilation sounds pretty cool, I gotta add that to the good old reading list...
Oh man, Tirek is Doomed was just plain fun to write. Every now and then, you just want to have some cathartic demon-smashing action, you know? Or at least something short and sweet to put the mind at ease after working on another epic juggernaut.
Still, though it's definitely not everyone's cup of tea (for example, I don't even like tea so ...) I'm still glad it's a fun ride. And you really should find the time to try DOOM. It's kind of amazing how it creates a "symphony of violence." And that soundtrack ...
Yeah, it's pretty clear why I decided to do something that, for me, is basically crack-fic. But it worked! Sands, I'll take the distinction of being the best DOOM-crossover on the site (not your words, but the words of others) and grin.
Glad you still had fun with it. And now, here's to Hunter/Hunted!
Now, congratulations on the nice stack of books for the con! Gotta feel good to be holding them in your hands at last!
SO! Clarification time.
I didn't write this. At all. I'm merely hosting it. All credit goes to the actual authors.
And second... I horribly screwed the pooch on this. Bad timing, bad editing, bad formatting.
...At least you liked it? Thankfully? Go tell them instead.
It's weird, I know. But that's the norm for me.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Those books look beautiful!
Glad to hear that collab fic turned out well. They often don't, for the obvious reason that they're only as good as their weakest author.
I had pretty much the same reaction as you to "At the Heart of the Blizzard," and then some. Oroboro's a great author, so it was kind of odd to see something from him that just felt like it didn't have enough attention paid to it. Not only did it feel unbalanced, with the slow build-up and quick resolution, but I never even understood the motivation behind what was going on. The spirit playing with time first and romance second, but not toward any identifiable goal, and as both phases end, they get forgotten, both by the instigator and the girls. I'm not sure what it wanted to be. Some kind of character exploration? Then I would have expected a connecting thread. A thriller? Then use those creepy elements to build on each other, not to cycle them through and forget about the old as you bring in the new. It's got Oroboro's usual good character work and prose, but it felt kind of directionless. It had all the ingredients it needed to work, but it just didn't use them. I still rather liked it, though. That's a testament to the kinds of things good writing can overcome.
I appreciate your kind review of "Basking," though I'm still a little baffled about what drew you to it. It's an atmospheric thing (a type I like, but that a lot of people can find boring), but it's kind of a headcanon dump. It was really fun to write delirious Celestia, though. That was really the motivation that started it all.
And now that I've seen what's on your slate from me next... Wow, why did someone recommend that to you? The bingo card I got just begged for that plot, but it was kind of a struggle to write, as there were only certain parts of it that really interested me, and I have to think that's going to come through.
Those books look amazing! I’m so pumped that Foundations is seeing print. That was one of my earliest favorites when I stumbled into the fandom, and I’m looking forward to owning a print copy soon.
5090837
What timing! I came upon Tirek is Doomed just recently, and I thought it was tremendous. I haven’t played Doom 2016 yet; more like 1 and 2 back in the day. But I’ve been entranced by 2016’s soundtrack, and intrigued by the tidbits of lore that seem to have been bolted-onto what could so easily be a plotless gorefest. Regardless, Tirek is Doomed was thoroughly entertaining and satisfying as a continuation of one of MLP’s most epic battles. I love how neatly it slots so well into the timeline of the episode it’s based in. It’s a crossover that doesn’t require a lot of deep knowledge about the crossed-over property; it pretty much sells and explains itself, while delivering very strong execution.
5090818
It was certainly cooler than I anticipated.
5090837
Yeah, I can't blame anyone for wanting to do something silly every once in a while. It's kinda like opening a pressure valve or something.
And yes, it was more... invigorating to hold the actual books in my hands than I expected. A shame I live alone and have nobody to show them off to. I'll fix that soon enough.
5090857
Well of course you didn't write it. But you arranged it, and it's on your account, so it goes under you. Give yourself some credit, it came out well enough for me to not mind the little things much.
5090870
They are. They are.
5090914
Good indeed. And thanks to your help, too!
5090963
Who can tell what draws our attention? Honestly, I have no recollection of what brought my attention to Basking. As for the next one, that would be Shrink Laureate, who requested I do reviews for all the winning/honorable mentions of the contest.
5090984
Glad to hear it! The book will have 18 stories in addition to Foundations, covering a wide range of my work. Hopefully I chose well.
5091005
I once had the ambitious goal of reading everything by most authors I find. Now I look back on those ideas and laugh at my foolishness and naivety.
Maybe the next one will be better?
Pretty books you have there!
5091172
Yeah, well, y'know, it's a gift.