• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2013
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Oroboro


Employed layabout with not enough free time to write about horses.


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Source

Mystery. Love. Magic. Murder. Truth. These are all important elements in the murder mystery Fluttershy has written, and is now asking Twilight to read. But the novel stars 'Twilight Sparkle', and she wrestles with the metafictional dissonance involved in reading a novel about herself and her friends. Twilight must do her best to solve the mystery, reconcile her own feelings about this ordeal, and figure out just what Fluttershy is trying to say by writing all of this in the first place as the lines between fiction and reality begin to blur.


This is a thematic crossover with the visual novel 'Umineko No Naku Koro Ni.' No prior knowledge of Umineko should be necessary.
Cover art commission done by SynCalio

Chapters (33)
Comments ( 478 )

Like Twilight, I too find it easy to get immersed in the story. I love the bit about lampshading the lack of Spike in the narrative. :twilightsmile:

MLP, crossed over with Umineko No Naku Koro Ni (aka When the Seagulls Cry)! :rainbowderp:
I shall keep my eye on this, knowing the craziness that is that anime. :trixieshiftright:

I still think that weather isn't the best way of closing the circle, but it's better than the first draft. Well done. I'm looking forward to future progression.

Damn, just knowing it's a mystery story makes me want to jump to conclusions... :twilightblush:
But I'm going to hold off for now. Stuff is going to go down pretty soon, I can feel it.

Loving the story so far! :raritywink:

Interesting start! I have to say I really like how you've handled the characterization here. Twilight is happily attending to the needs of others while still having her own desires, which I think is a nice blend between Twilight's kindness and still showing she has things she wants, too. The mention of Twilight insisting on paying for something despite her status displays her humility while not hammering it in.

Fluttershy's timidity seems overdone at first glance, but then I remembered she actually has reason to be nervous. So yes, it's a part of her personality, but it's actually relevant to the current situation. Also I think the pacing and description are solid, too. Yes, I like this beginning!

Still going strong!

...Was that part about Spike not being in the story a commentary on his absence in a lot of stories? If so, I think it was a good one from the way it was handled. People don't mean to exclude Spike, they just don't know where to put him after getting so involved with the Mane Six. Nice one! :twilightsmile:

At least, that's the issue I have, I never know how to handle poor Spike :fluttershysad:

Thanks for all the commentary!

3848153 Spike can definitely be tricky to fit into things that don't involve him. Ultimately there's not really a place for him in this story either. It's a personal narrative for Twilight and Fluttershy.

Plus there's a character in Umineko who is completely forgotten by the narrative and all the characters for like 3 books and I just couldn't resist making that parallel. :twilightsheepish:

Got another chapter ready for next week, just need some editing done.

I loves me some mystery, and this seems to be off to a really good start.

“So she’s why they call it “Dragon-Mare” manor, huh? I didn’t think it was such a literal title,”

Maybe do 'Dragon-Mare'

-Twily

Oh dear, THAT is a paring I never saw working out :twilightblush:

Grand set up so far, the story's got a good pull to it. As for the next chapter here's my two cents. Rainbow Dash, in the dinning room, with the candle stick.

I questioned the pairing, but then I remembered that it is a story within a story so you can get away with that! I like the direction this is taking, and it is also a bit of a breath of fresh air because I've never seen anything like this done before! Bravo good sir:moustache:

Is it bad if I'm far more interested in why Fluttershy would write a story like this than I am in the story itself?

The view, like and comment counters for this fic are criminally low. Even if you tripled their numbers, I would still be shaking my head at them. I do hope you gain more readers as the story progresses, because from what I can see from here, we're in for a good ride. And this is coming from someone who doesn't usually do mystery stories.

I, too, am incredibly curious as to what would inspire Fluttershy to write something like this. It seems so out of character for her, but not in a truly out-of-character way... if that makes any sense at all. I have a few guesses, but don't have enough information to know if any of them is even remotely likely... *prepares for daily login to check for updates*

-ididntthinkidlikethis

If it is bad than I'm at fault, too. :fluttershyouch:

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"Why" is the big question I guess. It's in the title and the main description, after all. But I hope you all enjoy both sides of the story being told anyway. Twilight's in for a long ride.

And as for right now at least, there should be a new chapter every Sunday. I've been sticking to that pace pretty well so far, and see no reason it should change yet.

Thanks for commenting!

>> Oroboro

Thanks for writing! I still love this story. :yay::yay::yay: yay galores for you!

Pinkie :fluttercry:

FLUTTERSHY :raritycry:

Well, that suddenly got dark, I definitely want to know where Fluttershy is going with this.

Darn, my guess was wrong. I was sure Dash would be the first to go. I wonder what's so important about the story that Flutters needs Twi to read it?

I am very intrigued. The back and forth between Fluttershy's story and Twilight's reactions is making this a bit more than a normal murder mystery.
Looking forward to the next chapter.

This story deserves way more attention than it is getting.

Also, I think I solved the first mystery (the "fictional" one) but I have no idea why Fluttershy would write this.

I love this story. Totally agree with >>ididntthinkidlikethis
just can't wait for the TwiShy :rainbowkiss:

Is this a TwiShy story, though? Sure, I did happen to find it while looking for some TwiShy, but I'm thinking it only came up because this fic is tagged romance and has Twilight and Fluttershy listed as main characters. I don't actually see anything so far that really seems to point that way. The romance tag might only apply to the RariJack in Fluttershy's story. Admittedly, though, the real Fluttershy has been acting kind of fishy the whole way through. Could just be her nerves over how Twilight will react to her tale, or maybe something else entirely... As a huge fan of TwiShy, I most certainly would not mind seeing some here, but I won't go on a rampage if I don't get it.

For now. :pinkiehappy:

So yeah, I am now 95% sure I know who the murderer is, but I don't have a motive for this pony, and I can't explain how the letter happened if it is my suspect. Also, if I'm right, then the "real" Fluttershy's motivations for writing this are lost to me.

I really need to get caught up on my favorites. It's been almost three weeks since this was posted and I am just now getting around to reading it:derpytongue2:. Anywho, you sir have accomplished the feat of making me scared about something bad happening, but then remember it is just a fiction within a fiction. It's really interesting how this is playing out, and writing two stories at once can't be easy. Amazing work so far, and I am just bursting at the seams to dig into the next chapter! (Unfortunately, I must sleep first:ajbemused:)

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(Source)
Hah. That's our Twilight.
Anyways, Hi there, readers! I'm deeply involved in the editing of the story(and I serve as a story consultant), so I can't actually join in on speculation and the like, but I would love to hear your theories on the mysteries, both inside and outside Fluttershy's novel! I promise you that you're in for some exciting twists and turns!

Things just keep getting worse... By which, of course, I mean it keeps getting better. :twilightsheepish: Poor story-within-the-story Twilight. I can't even imagine...

Fluttershy's story is becoming rather straightforward, isn't it? At least in terms of the conflict and where our hero stands. Which leads me to suspect it's going to be twisted up again soon. I'd like to speculate, but it seems every time I do so, I end up being pitifully off the mark. I'm good at a lot of things, but predictions and analysis are not among them. And I still haven't the foggiest what Shy's game is with all this. Some guesses, sure, but nothing I'd say with any confidence. I should make another run through the story--I've been reading so much lately, and the details have got themselves lost in my head.

...Did you say triple update? Oh my. :raritystarry:

Oh my god... Well, my 95% certainty just became 98% certainty.

But why would...

Also, triple updates make Pinkie Pie happy! :pinkiehappy:

Well, the reread was a good idea, as there were indeed some interesting details I had forgotten about. I'm still hesitant to place a bet on whodunit, though a few possibilities are starting to seem more likely. But at the same time, not one of them really makes sense. I either can't see why they'd do it, or I can't see how... But we can't ignore how the story is shifting away from the more traditional mystery style--maybe the killer's identity isn't the true mystery here. For the story within the story, I mean. Obviously, the real question is what the real Fluttershy is up to... Curious comments from AJ, though, both in this chapter and in previous ones. I may have an idea of what she did that sparked a Rarity freakout.

Twilight quickly scribbled down a new set of notes. Rainbow Dash is using vocabulary way above her. She must have practiced this with somepony else’s guidance. Could it be Fluttershy? There weren’t exactly a lot of options.

Pfff cause you know everything about Rainbow Dash

The murderer was Fluttershy.

Her "body" was described as being unrecognizable body parts. It was all done so she could have Twilight forever (because she loves her), so she killed the others, and faked Twilight's death. Hence the fire, so they wouldn't expect to find Twilight's body.

Now post the chapter that explains why she wrote this already, please!!!

We'll, I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say Celestia due to the colour of the aura, lack of a corpse, melted bones and heat related magic.
Can't think of a realistic motive though, maybe she wanted to be free from her duties and plotted to kill everyone else so people would think that she too, died? It would fit the idea that when a wish is granted, some else would suffer...

Ack! You're just like Fluttershy! What a huge cliffhanger at the end. Can't wait for the next Chapter. Twilight finds out, apology, and...I don't know what next

Um...um...glad there's a new chapter but..um...what?

Aww 2 weeks?! They're going to be a LONG two weeks...

As if the cliffhanger wasn't bad enough on us, there's a code too... At least we'll have something to do during that time. At first glance though, no idea.

And now, I think, the real fun begins. So, bets on which one of them gets murdered for real first?

Five quatloos on Fluttershy.

A code? That's going to bug me. A lot. I guess I'll just have to solve it. I mean, how many kinds of ciphers could there possibly be? :pinkiecrazy:

4098699

Good luck. There isn't enough cipher there to accurately decipher unless it's a really common one (which I doubt).

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4098699

So there isn't enough there for most ciphers to work. The only one I could think of to try would be a book cipher if each letter was replaced with it's corresponding number.

So PZ1 K775 Bd became 16261 11775 and 24.

So I put the first few chapters in a word document and hunted down the corresponding words. Assuming I did it right... well...

down grateful her.

So that's a bust.

I figured it would be, because book code wouldn't explain the lower case letter.

I have a feeling we aren't meant to solve this until we get more of the code.

4099720
4098699
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Turn the chessboard around!

Perhaps the code is in a format that would be familiar to Twilight?

Edit: Ah bollocks. I made a mistake, the code is actually supposed to be PZ1.K775 Bd
Minor difference, but eh. Sorry about that folks!

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I had a theory that the code refers to a book, so I looked at my local library, but nada. (I did find a lot of cool poetry by John Keats though)
So I can only assume it might be in a specialist library.
I couldn't come up with much, but I did figure out it wasn't a mathematical code, given the point and collection of numbers and letters.
PZ1 is likely to refer to a subject.
K775 is like to be an author's surname beginning with K with 775 on the dewey decimal system.
Bd is possible something referring to the title.

I'm wondering if I'm seeing commentary here.

“You want to know what I think? Fine! I think your subplot with Applejack and Rarity came out of nowhere, was missing a lot of buildup, and the conclusion for it was vague and unsatisfying. Also, it was creepy.

This, for example, I could apply this to a LOT of stories I've read for MLP alone. I'm sitting there reading a story, and then BAM, a nonsensical pairing out of nowhere with no buildup or explanation.

No, I can't say I know what's going on in the current situation, but poor Twilight, and poor Fluttershy. :fluttershbad::applecry:

Will WE get a happy ending!? :raritycry:

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It's apparently a Library of Congress classification: PZ1 is the classification for English Fiction, and the rest of it matches in format at least. However, I'm not having much luck finding the resources online to determine more of it.

Edit: PZ1.K775 Bd leads to "The best detective stories of the year 1928" in the Library of Congress online catalog.


I really enjoyed the story up until this complete break in format... I suppose I will wait and see what the continuation of it looks like.

Hmmm... On investigation, that publication apparently included Ronald Knox's "10 Commandments of Detective Fiction", one of which (VII) was pointed out to Luna during the Tea Party:


I. The criminal must be someone mentioned in the early part of the story, but must not be anyone whose thoughts the reader has been allowed to follow;
II. All supernatural or preternatural agencies are ruled out as a matter of course;
III. No more than one secret room or passage is allowable. I would add that a secret passage should not be brought in at all unless the action takes place in the kind of house where such devices might be expected;
IV. No hitherto undiscovered poisons may be used, nor any appliance which will need a long scientific explanation at the end;
V. No Chinaman must figure into the story*;
VI. No accident must ever help the detective, nor must he ever have an unaccountable intuition which proves to be right;
VII. The detective must not, himself, commit the crime;
VIII. The detective must not light on any clues which are not instantly produced for the inspection of the reader;
IX. The stupid friend of the detective, the Watson, must not conceal any thoughts which pass through his mind; his intelligence must be slightly, but only very slightly, below that of the average reader;
X. Twin brothers, and doubles generally, must not appear unless we have been duly prepared for them

Dammit... I was counting on a Chinaman being to blame.

Should I start my campaign to get more readers for you now or now?:rainbowdetermined2:

Great story that gets even better as it goes. I loved Twilight's reaction, and getting more detail on the emotions Twilight feels while reading. Can't wait to start next chapter!

I would say that I'm absolutely certain that this new character is too perky to be trusted, but I am above such bad puns. So I will settle for "reasonably confident." It lacks conviction, but has the upside of not being a pun. :twilightsmile: The awkwardness between sheepish Twi and sleepy Shy was oddly enjoyable (might I just point out how much trouble I'm having saying "sheepish Twi and sleepy Shy" out loud? I even made a mistake while typing it...). Looking forward to the sequel, most apparently just to find out how there possibly can be a sequel.

I can't believe I never thought to check the Library of Congress... Though now that I think of it, I don't believe I've ever been there, either in person or on the LoC website. Maybe my forgetfulness can be excused on those grounds. :twilightsheepish: I'm going to visit it right now just to change that.

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