//------------------------------// // ????? // Story: The Heart of an Author // by Oroboro //------------------------------// Big Macintosh walked through the market square, carefully watching every step. He was angry, but that would be no excuse if he let that stop him from being careful, and he ended up accidentally hurting somepony. It wasn’t anypony else’s fault that the Cutie Mark Crusaders had not only used up all his nails again, but broken one of his best hammers as well. Normally Applejack would have been around and, between the two of them, they could have probably kept a better reign on the disastrous trio, but his sister was tied up in some important business involving Rarity today. He wasn’t really sure on the details, and it wasn’t any of his business besides. He came to a stop and let out a long sigh. The hardware store was closed. This was going to turn out just like the Summer Wrap Up festival again. “Psst. Hey, you!?” Big Mac’s ears twitched, and he glanced around without really turning his head. “Yeah, I’m talking to you! Big, red, and handsome! I’ve got what you’re looking for right here.” Big Mac turned towards the voice and saw a shadowed figure standing in an alley between two buildings. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously but stood his ground. “You’re looking for tools, right? I’ve got all the tools you could possibly want and even more. Better than regular tools!” Big Mac grimaced. He glanced towards the hardware store. Maybe the owner had just gone out for a lunch break. If he waited, he might get lucky. In the distance, he thought he overheard the shrill calling card of his little sister and her friends. He was going to need tools, and probably soon. With a sigh and against his better judgement, he plodded into the alley, keeping a wary eye on his surroundings. The shadowy figure pulled back into what appeared to be a small shop stall, and once he got closer, he could see that it was a pink unicorn mare with a blonde mop of hair sticking out from underneath a beret. “Welcome to Absolute Certainty’s hardware emporium! We’re Absolutely Certain that you’ll be satisfied! It’s my guarantee!” The shopkeeper flashed him a wide, almost predatory grin, and he had to suppress a shudder. It would be best if he got this over quickly. He pulled a hammer, some nails, and a few other miscellaneous tools from the shelves, placing them into a small pile. With an internal groan, he noticed that none of the items had price tags. He hated haggling. “Ooh…” Absolute Certainty said, looking over the assorted tools closely. “Yes, yes. You’ve made some good choices. This hammer in particular.” She levitated it into the air, spinning it around slowly to show it off from all sides. “There’s a history to this particular hammer, you know. It’s quite the tale.” Big Mac stared at the hammer for a few moments. “Enope.” Without even the flash of a teleport, Absolute Certainty was behind him, leaning up to his ear. “When this hammer is used to build something… it will never break. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s absolutely true. Of course, I can’t let something like this go for mere money… I’d prefer payment that was a little more ephemeral. But I’m sure someone like you could arrange something…” The shadows in the alley seemed to darken, leaving only Absolute Certainty’s wicked grin and glinting eyes visible. “Enope,” Big Mac said. He put the hammer back down on the shelf and walked out of the alleyway. He turned back to look but, of course, the stall was gone. Maybe it would be better if he took the day off instead. Absolute Certainty bounced through the market, giggling manically. “Every time! I love the ‘mysterious disappearing shopkeeper’ act!” Even though she didn’t make a conscious effort towards it, other ponies seemed to give her a wide berth as she walked among them. They probably didn’t even realize it, but their senses were more finely tuned than most. It was a part of what made messing with them so much fun. Out of the corner of her eye, she finally spotted what she was looking for. “Hey there, grumpy pants! You look like you just got thoroughly trounced by your own piece and then significantly hindered by mine! A whole three months, really?” Infinite Miracle spun to face her as she stomped through the market, her eyes livid. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she growled. “I guess the only one who isn’t getting a happy ending here is you. What a bummer, huh?” Mira sniffed, flicking her mane back. “It will end in tragedy regardless.” Absolute Certainty rolled her eyes. Mira would go pretty far to deny her own failings. Everyone would die eventually, even Twilight and Fluttershy, but it would be nice if she could just graciously accept her loss for once. “Besides,” Mira said, turning to her with sparkling eyes, “it’s not like you won either.” “Didn’t I?” she said with a grin. “I just wanted to have fun. And you have to admit, we got a pretty good story out of this one, even if it wasn’t what you were looking for. Now look at us, the villains, here having fun, facing no significant consequences for our actions whatsoever!” Mira let out a long sigh. Absolute Certainty waved a hoof, and reality parted in front of them. They walked through the small vertical slit in the air into what served as her bedroom. Everything from the carpet to the curtains to the giant bed in the center was a garishly bright pink and covered in lace, just as she liked it. Mira threw herself onto the bed, rolling onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. “Are we done here, yet?” “Oh, I dunno,” Absolute Certainty said, jumping onto the bed herself and curling up next to Mira. “Ponies are super adorable! I’m sure there’s a lot more fun we could have if we stick around.” “Perhaps.” Mira’s horn began to glow, and the bedside drawer opened. She levitated out a pair of crude looking dolls. Absolute Certainty immediately snatched them up and made them start kissing each other. “All we really ended up doing was bringing those two together. Oh well!” Infinite Miracle rolled her eyes and grabbed the Twilight doll back from her. “Twilight would have made an excellent piece. She has a wonderfully intuitive mind.” “Did you have other stories in mind you wanted to tell using her?” “There’s always another story, dear Abby, but, without the real thing…” Absolute Certainty lunged forward, biting her girlfriend on the ear. “I love it when you get pouty like that, you know.” “Pouty?” Mira asked, her traditional aloofness betraying her. “Just because I can’t use the real Twilight… we still know them well enough to tell our own stories, don’t we? Anyone can write a story using a character they know well enough, or at least just rudely cross them over into someone else’s problem.” “Ooh!” Absolute Certainty raised the Fluttershy doll up, making it dance across the bed. “What’s next then? More mystery? Pirates? Sci-fi? Fantasy? We can tell a lot of stories with these two, if we want. Make them suffer. Give them hope, a happy life. It’s almost intoxicating!” “Who knows? We’ll get bored of them eventually and discard them like all the others, but then, and only then, do I think we’ll be leaving for greener pastures.” “There’s one thing that’s clear. Given enough time, all stories eventually end in darkness. You can close the book where you want, but that doesn’t change what happens after, just obscures it.” Absolute Certainty giggled, then rolled onto her back, raising her hand to the ceiling. “As the Witch of Certainty, I do declare…” “As the Witch of Miracles, I do declare…” “There’s no such thing as a happy ending.”