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Twilight never expected her new castle to feel like home straight away, but neither did she expect it to be so terribly cold and empty.
She really needs somepony to help her fix that.
When Fluttershy steps up to the mark, she and Twilight embark on a task of immense proportions - making a castle a home. But when her other friends decide to intervene, Twilight soon discovers that her feelings of friendship for Fluttershy go far, far deeper that she could have possibly imagined.
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Well, interesting start. Let's see how it develops.
I agree that Twilight's new castle is a big adjustment and certainly lacks the feeling of a home. I'm on board.
This looks promising. It's a good point that the lack of a library to draw ponies in probably won't help poor Twilight's social life. Of course, her new dwelling being a goddamn crystal fortress in the middle of a rustic hamlet probably doesn't help make it welcoming either.
I'm keen to see where this goes.
4560165 Yep, your feelings pretty much mirror mine. Whilst I'm sure the writers will do a good job of introducing the place, I thought it would be interesting to center a story around the castle and it's new significance (especially as it is a blank slate in terms of development). Thanks for the interest!
4560478 Thanks for looking at this!
Yes, I'm thinking that a giant crystal structure sprouting out of nowhere isn't going to please everypony, exactly. Guess we'll have to see!
4560545 I'm certain the writers will be able to make the palace feel more like a home, and it's nice to see Twilight's attempts to adjust after the adrenaline of the Tirek fight has worn off.
Her library, her home, was a stable and reliable place, and it was taken away only to be replaced with an almost alien building. She's trying to adjust, but, right now, the place feels more like a place of work than a home.
And it doesn't help being reminded of the fact by forgetful ponies.
I think you mean "homey." "Homely" means ugly or unattractive.
4560951 They both mean 'comfortable' or 'cozy', don't they?
http://thesaurus.com/browse/homely
http://thesaurus.com/browse/homey
4561238 Apparently it's both.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/homely
...as you were.
4561316 Haha, we were both right!
Nice. I look forward to where this is going.
. I hate my impatience for incomplete stories because when I find a good one, it's just starting. This is one of those times... You'd think that if I can wait for the new season I can wait for fics.
4563989
4564050 Wow, thanks a bunch! I never really thought I'd have anyone waiting on my fic!
I also find that the waiting can be unbearable for some stories, though.
'Green' comes to mind!
I'm very curious to see how they deal with the new castle next season... I could actually see it being the reverse of the library in that, on the show, no pony was ever seen visiting the tree library except her friends and their families. Beyond the first episode with the party, I'm not recalling any townsponies ever being inside with the exception of Cheerilee who entered with Twilight once, right up until "Twilight Time" when the CMC brought all the foals over to visit. I liked that, on the finale, Twilight threw open to he doors of the castle and everyone from town came inside... But will that continue next season? Will the castle have guards and staff? Will regular ponies show up asking for help? Heck, will any of the others take up residence there? Or will it be the tree library again, only way bigger and less personal?
This is set up as a good exploration of the latter possibility, and I'm interested in seeing where it is going. In general, I've always agreed with the idea presented here... That her old home was a working, lending library, and so she had contact with the town even though we never saw it. Sticking her in a literal crystal tower certainly will make her princess title more intimidating and leave her less easy to approach, despite the new "Princess of Friendship" angle. Seeing the characters recognize and deal with it here (or at least the feelings of isolation the change is bringing) should be interesting.
4564628 I have enough faith in the writers that I am sure they will explain the 'what's, 'why's and 'wherefore's surrounding the castle, but this point:
I never actually considered that. I mean, I suppose it'd be big enough, plus they are probably entitled to since they have their own thrones and such. There could be some very interesting plot if the show took it in that direction!
In any case, thanks for taking the time to look at this fic! I hope you enjoy it!
I'm not sure that the characterizations here are spot-on, but it's an interesting premise and solidly written.
Also, this looks to be [eventual] TwiShy, which is a rare, rare jewel indeed.
Let's see where this goes.
Now we have an idea of what was bothering her, but we're still no closer to an answer. At least Twilight knew when to stop asking.
My favorite part was when Rainbow crashed. Not because she was hurt, but because of Fluttershy's reaction. Her shyness took a backseat so she could make certain that Rainbow was fine. That was a nice scene.
I also enjoyed how you peppered in Twilight's reactions to her contact with Fluttershy, and how she began questioning if those reactions were truly platonic.
A nice chapter and I look forward to the next one.
A mystery letter and no resolution to the tears... Curiouser and curiouser...
4579037 I am so glad that you are enjoying this story! It really gives me a bout of confidence!
I'm also pleased you picked up on Twilight's feelings, I wasn't sure how subtle I should be with those. Guess I did... okay?
4583372 Only time will tell...
4585073 Happy to provide.
It can be difficult to portray subtly, but I think you did it pretty well. The best part was that Twilight didn't jump to, "Oh, I must be in love", but rather wonder why these feelings are beginning to stand out.
Fantastic!
I do have to disagree with TheAccidentalBrony though. When reading this, I could see the characters doing everything portrayed. Perhaps some examples where you found there to be an issue?
I absolutely love this story, pacing is remarkable, technically great in its execution, and I find myself rather annoyed at having to wait for the next instalment (that only ever leads to good things though
)
You, my anonymous internet writing colleague, are someone I am going to watch very closely, and I look forward to any future stories you're planning on writing.
T
4586481
Happy to oblige. It was nothing major, just a couple things with RD's portrayal in the first chapter. I almost considered not mentioning it at all. For a first fic, the quality is superb, and I am quite interested to see both where this one goes as well as what the author puts out in the future. But anyway, in the first chapter, RD seemed a little too apologetic in the beginning, and her reaction of "fear, tinged with white" doesn't fit for me. Dash, at least in my headcanon, would more likely assume that somepony had made her cry, and be angry, not fearful. Finally...believing Dash, somehow, of all ponies, came up with the idea of redecorating...well, I'll go with it, because the plot requires it...but really, in my mind, she'd be the last of the Mane 7 (yes, including Spike here) to come to the conclusion that that would remedy what ails Twilight.
That was really it. It was fairly minor, just a couple of things that felt a little bit off to me. Of course, you're free to disagree with me, and I won't defend the point any further.
From chapter 2, not a characterization issue, just a minor quibble:
I know that the use of italics for thoughts is a stylistic choice, and I respect that, but the separation here between 3rd person narrative (Twilight...Fluttershy) and thought introspection is just not substantial enough. I had to reread this part three times to figure out what was going on here. (I'm willing to accept I'm just dumb, though, if everybody else somehow finds this obvious
). I noticed that just a few paragraphs up, these thoughts used third-person pronouns:
This technique, for me, also clarifies the issue.
And now I'm not happy, because I've spent several paragraphs criticizing this fic, and I really do like it.
4587422 hmmm. I have to say, Im going to have to revise my earlier disagreement. I guess I just got too involved and didn't catch that at first read. :
Still fount it amazing.
4586481 Oh my goodness! Thank you from the bottom of my heart, I hope you know how much that means to me! I won't let you down, fellow pony lover!
And concerning this:
Today was my final day of exams, so I should have a little more time for writing, woo hoo!
Even so, I expect to update around once a week since I am going to be fairly busy this summer.
Thanks again!
4587422 Firstly, about this:
Please don't be afraid to give constructive criticism, it is actually very, very helpful! I appreciate anyone who spends time helping me improve!
Secondly:
I do see now why that might not be the most accurate reaction for Rainbow, but my decision to have her react like that was slightly influenced by stuff that will happen further on in the story (no spoilers!)
Still, I will have to keep this in mind for future RD interactions!
Thirdly:
Gosh darn it, you caught me out there! You're completely correct, that should be third person, I just missed it when self-editing. It should be easy to do a quick fix!
And finally:
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
That's brilliant, and I hope you enjoy this fic!
4586222 Yes, I think it would be far better and more realistic for Twilight's realisation to be gradual. I can't really say too much without spoiling my ideas for the plot, but certain... things might happen that push her closer and closer to it. Thanks again for the helpful advice!
Well so far it is rather well written.
Will be looking forward to the next one.
~Tobben
So will it continue? I am interested in how this will turn out. I hope this isn't cancelled
OOooooooh :D
I like this a lot.
I wonder if Rainbow's mental state is due to the penny finally dropping that Twilight's technically faster than her by means of teleportation...
This is off to a good start! Looking forward to more!
Loving your take on Discord.
Also, whether for good or ill, that last line promises interesting things come a few chapters... and I'm looking forward to it!
Damn cliffhangers.
Damn cliff hangers you always show up when the story get interesting
Good chapter, looking forward to the next one.
~Tobben
5208150 Thanks! Discord was actually quite difficult to write, so I spent a lot of time trying to get him properly in character
I appreciate the feedback!
5208226 Hehe!
5209270 I love a good cliffhanger...
But thank you, I'm really glad you like the story!
this is a really well written story so far. the plot grabs onto you and i simply love it though it has been a while since this story has been updated hasn't it
Huh. You managed to make the episode before the show made the episode. Except this one has cute TwiShy shipping.
...One point goes to the fanfiction.
5209368
Cant wait!
Welp another great story with no way of getting ever completed. Happens alot lately :/