• Member Since 23rd Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Oroboro


Employed layabout with not enough free time to write about horses.

E
Source

Apple is a funny word, one that Winona doesn't quite understand.

Her family uses it to refer to food, to trees, to themselves and to each other. It's all very inconsistent.

But whether she understands it or not, she'll always be there for the pony she knows as Little Apple.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 63 )

I love this fic. It feels very doggy to me and pulls some great emotion-y stuff. Very sweet! :pinkiehappy:

This was extremely well done.
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png

(I added it to a bunch of other groups as well.)

A doggone good story.

Oh, Sweet Celestia, this was gorgeous! :heart:

4783332 Wow, thanks! And here I thought I was going to have to snipe the incoming folder during the ten minutes it's actually open.:twilightsmile:

4783384
Sometimes you get lucky and your stuff just gets noticed. :raritywink:

Indeed, very charming story. Nice that there is a whole second story behind it going on that you only get to see a little bit of. Heck, in a way, two stories. One thing:

"I need to you to track down the source of this stick."

"We probably shouldn't stick around much longer, though."

There is an unneeded "to" in that first sentence, but what struck me most: shouldn't stick be in bold in both sentences according to the formula of the story?

This was me at the start of the story :pinkiehappy: here I was when 'Chauncy's' (really?) mother was shown :unsuresweetie:, and this was me at the end. :fluttercry: :pinkiesad2: Bravo, good sir/madam. Bravo!

This story has a certain charm to it.

It probably took me just a little longer to figure out who/what "Chauncy" was than it should have, but that's just me...

And I have no problem admitting that I was worried when Winona was confronting Chauncy's mother. :applecry: I'd say Winona more than deserves those extra treats.

Anyway, thanks for writing! :twilightsmile:

Really really good. It is always nice with another perspective. Well written, emotional, great characterisation....the frank approves.

4783475
Funny you say that. Look what's currently featured!

4785665
I'd like to think I helped with that. :pinkiesmile:

4785783
Well, seeing it added to the Library is what made me click on it, so yeah, you did. :raritystarry:

This is a great story! I love it! :pinkiehappy:

That was lovely. Short, cute, and heartwarming. You have my praise and my single manly tear.

I've already told you what I think. Super cute. Simple but great.

Those jaws of wooden death shot forward and clamped down. She didn’t blink.

My heart skipped ten beats. :pinkiegasp::fluttershysad::applecry:

Short, sweet...great job!:twilightsmile:

cute. super cute. way too adorable.

Those jaws of wooden death shot forward and clamped down. She didn’t blink.

When I read that, I was like, "NO. NO! DON'T KILL THE DOG!!!!!!!!!" I'm sorry, I have a crazy soft spot for animals, especially cats. :heart: I felt so happy when I realized that the bite was within inches of Winona's nose.

It was very interesting and enjoyable to read something written in this style from Winona's perspective. Kudos for writing well.

4783928 Stories within stories are kind of my thing. :ajsmug:

Thanks for pointing out the errors.

I really liked this! I like that you really captured how animals are able to recognize sounds and their meanings, and how they can be interpreted into different things for them. Being an animal lover myself, I know that animals can't exactly understand things the way we do, but that doesn't mean they're dumb or bad, but just that they have a different way of communication and interpretation.

A simple, quaint, pleasant view of a dog's world. Well done. :ajsmug:

Here via John Perry.

The other smelled like dirt, made a lot of buzzing noises, and had once ran over her tail while riding on some sort of metal thing.

Scootaloo in a nutshell.

That was good, but now I really want to know what was up with Chauncy.

An excellent piece of xenofiction. The chapter title is very true. Loved it from start to finish. Thank you for it.

i thought it was a moustache.....now i feel betrayed

Nice perspective of the world from Winona. Fun little short story.

How did they find Chancey in the first place? I also though the stick/tail was a cigarette at first :rainbowlaugh:

Who is Chauncey? And just out of curiosity who is Big Apple? Mac or Applejack?

Oh man, I love dogs! They're so fun. :rainbowkiss:

4792389

Chauncy is a TimberWolfPup. Apple is AppleJack. Little Apple is AppleBloom. By process of elimination, Big Apple is either Ganny Smith or Big MacIntosh. Given that the original name for Big MacIntosh in the original pitch Lauren Faust gave in 2008 was Big Apple, I suspect that Big Apple is Big MacIntosh.

This is a great story. I upvote, favorite, and follow.

Very clever; Very well written. Also upvoted.

Such a cute fic, it strikes a good balance between Winona's canine musings and the CMC's adventure with the timberwolf.

I'm left with only one question, what were the CMC trying to do with that wolf pup? tame it to get their cutie marks?

I absolutely adore this story! I have a dog of my own, and this story reminded me of her. Have an upvote and a fav! :twilightsmile:

Wow :pinkiehappy:
that quite a cute and charming story you manage
First story I see from one of the Pets 6 perspective, and you pull it off so well :rainbowkiss: Definitely fav + follow

now off I go to check the other stories you wrote! :pinkiecrazy:

This was a charming story. Great work :twilightsmile:

What a lovely story. As a dog owner, it really rings true, and it was very sweet.

I like how the bold words force one to think from Winona's flitting, confused perspective. Well done! :yay:

4792223 I thought it was an exhaust pipe.

4795469
Perhaps you'll enjoy this story, if you like to see things from the perspective of the pets: My Friend

This was excellent. I love the way you had the words Winona recognizes bolded.
It's also a little heart wrenching since pretty much nothing of AB's gratitude and love speech was understood by Winona.
But you did clearly display that Winona uses tone, smells and actions to help figure out what is going on, so hopefully she did get the grist. :unsuresweetie:

A brilliant play with perspective.

It was okay. This is one of those stories that does some things right and some things wrong, and it's hard to tell which were intentional artistic choices and which were mistakes.

The description is certainly a nice hook, even though it gives a certain part of the story more prominence than it actually has. I was expecting language to play a bigger part because of it, but it ends up being more of an atmospheric detail.

The prose and sentence structure is functional most of the time--some wonky sentences scattered about and a lot of gerunds and commas, but nothing unreadable.

I think this story's main problem is its perspective. It certainly injects some novelty into it, but at the same time it also requires the story to be very simplistic. Not a lot happens, so most of the tension comes from the ambiguous descriptions. This isn't a bad thing, but there are several points where you break perspective in order to be more poetic and purple. These, for instance;

A low growl echoed through the clearing and their play was cut short, a wire of tension snapping around all of them in an instant.

Her friend, this beast’s offspring, she could only assume,

It feels like you, as an author, got bored by the delivery of the story, and couldn't help but make it a more standard narrative.

You also handle the mindset of a dog somewhat inconsistently. There's some parts where the simplicity makes sense (like in paragraph six and the description of rain), and others where it does not (like the fuzzy distinction between food and not-food, and overuse of the single word "smell" despite the large variety she encounters).

Overall, I didn't dislike it, but it didn't always feel consistent. One of those stories I'm neither going to upvote or downvote. Its selling point is it's use of perspective, but that felt like the least consistent and polished aspect of it. This is especially problematic since the perspective also forces the narrative to be more simplistic. It's a nice attempt at xenofiction, but without the immersion of perspective or the complexity of plot, it didn't really grab me.

4832793 Thanks for the feedback! :pinkiesmile:

Also here via John Perry. I definitely liked this one. It used its perspective well. For one thing, it's very atmospheric, representing the mindset of a dog very well IMO. Secondly, its lack of detailed descriptions given by the limited narrative engages the reader by making them work out the context for the situation, which makes for an interesting reader experience.

I'd say it's a good contender for the contest.

Wow. Haven't had such a primal reaction to a story for a while. Start with a gimmick and then tell a story before it wears out. I swear, you got the dog PoV absolutely spot on and my anxiety genuinely spiked at the moment of conflict.

I love simple done with precision, and this was both in spades.

Shame about the contest prompt :P

7/10 Prompt: Weak

-M

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

I must be getting stupid. It took me way too long to figure out what Chauncy was.

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