• Member Since 20th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 25th, 2018

Man Gell


T
Source

"What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains, and is immortal."
~Albert Pike


A seriously heartfelt thank you to Unimpressive Vagaries for pre-reading and ripping my story apart to legibility, and to Kapuchu for general support.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 18 )

Some of the word choice was a little awkward, and I saw a few typos, but I will say that this is pretty good, especially for your first fic.:pinkiesmile:

And now I await the arrival of 148 trusty followers...

Who am I kidding, those guys don't listen to me anyway <.< Still, a nice story that deserves some attention.

:raritywink: I love this so far, and I would like for you to keep working! It's so awesome! :rainbowkiss:

I really really liked this. I was drawn in by your beautiful style, and it was all very poignant. It was excellent...

Until I reached this part:

“As I was saying…” He cleared his throat. “Here lies Applejack. Hard worker. Loving family member. Best friend. Element of Honesty. Recently deceased by the extreme weather of the Everfree, saving her loving sister in the process.” He paused once again. “It was a shame that she passed in the same way as her parents.”

All of that excellent set up, ruined by this one piece of dialogue. It doesn't even need to be here!

Arrgh... At least the ending saved it somewhat.

A great story, let down when you showed us your hand too early. Shame, really.

3507042
I'll be sure to work on that for future writings. Thanks for the feedback!

3507064
I'm afraid this story was only meant to be a one shot - But I'll try not to disappoint with a lack of writing!

3507170
.. Ah. Sorry if that completely ruined it for you. I would go and edit it out right now, but it shall stay as a testament to my poor judgement.

Otherwise, thanks for the nice comments and the interest. :twilightsmile:

i wrote something similar a long time ago, when my little dog died, this story was amazing:heart: thanks for sharing it with us

Comment posted by Saint Henry The Pig deleted Nov 18th, 2013

...

Wow.

This was impressive. Well done, man. Well done indeed.

... I need to go and... Uh... Fuckit you brought a tear to my eye...

~Skeeter The Lurker

MUCH TO MY SURPRISE....SHE DIED.....YET I FEEL SMALL EMOTION TOWARDS HER AND HER DOG.....AND WHAT IS THIS A SMALL BLACK LIQUID SUBSTANCE FALLS FROM WHERE MY EYES USE TO BE....WHAT IS THIS CALLED

The only solution here is for Winona to become.. A necromancer! She can learn the forbidden ways of the diamond dogs to bring back the masters of old. :applecry:

3507199oh, that's okay! :raritywink: I just love your style of writing, if ya know what I mean. :twilightsheepish:

This is your first fanfic?

Please don't let it be your last.

So. I almost cried. Very well executed, and great atmospheric detail. Along with the fair accuracy of the characters, you have a well rounded story here. I agree with Prose though, that lined could have easily been changed or discarded to create a better scene. Altogether a successful first publishing, why am I not surprised? :P

PSSST! I found a typo. Her spirits revived anew, she bounded towards where her ears sensed the people where. But you know, it's no big deal or anything.................................. o.O

3507361
Thanks :twilightsheepish:, I didn't have such high hopes for my first fic. I'll be sure to check out your fic as soon as I can.

3507658
Thanks. I was rather paranoid about whether I got the characterisation right. It warms my heart to know I did it to that degree :twilightsmile:

3507669
Thank you, long-armed, black suited faceless guy.

3508282
The thought of a dog barking as she chants necromantic scripture makes me laugh. Thanks for reading!

3508401
I'm thinking of what else I could write about. Inspiration comes sparingly to me. Thanks for the support!

3509628
If I ever consider trying to send it to EQD (next to no possiblity. I ain't that confident!), I'll attempt to fix these issues.

I guess I'll have to try harder next time. Change that "I almost cried" into a "I cried" ;)

3507658

You should totally get around to reading my story someyear. Maybe it'll make you cry. Then you'll have to kill puppies to feel better. :derpytongue2:

3507199

Was a pleasure proofreading it. I'll probably do a final read-through tomorrow to catch any other mistakes.

I have two border collies myself, and I can say with a fair amount of certainty that they understand far more than most people think dogs do. Most people don't think much of it when a dog is adopted because something happened to their owner, but I believe they understand and feel that emotional pain far more than is commonly believed.

Okay, I'm adding this to my faves, but it's also going in my "Read Later" section. Because this had so much depth, and so many layers to it. Winona's perspective was done in such an amazing, unique way, and the suckerpunch of emotions needs a once- and twice- and thrice-over. You did a wonderful job here.

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