• Member Since 5th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Feeling Grand

I don't know really, I like MLP, so I thought I might as well sign up

Comments ( 18 )

Yacht, noun: a medium-sized sailing boat equipped for cruising or racing.

Just fixed the mistakes! Thanks for pointing that out. XD

Decent story. But don't you mean Yak?

Yes, XD, it was a serious mistake, I didn't know I was spelling it wrong but it's fixed now. XD

8619746 No probs. Not my style of story. I would highly suggest getting a pre-reader (literally just a friend/fan to read the story just before you publish it).

Thanks for the in depth review.

The idea just literally popped into my head, and I rushed to get it down on paper... so I know I could've expanded the middle a little. But all my stories tend to be fast paced because of the way I write. (Not much filler usually, just pure plot)

Funny, I was actually thinking of if this would work as an original piece, and I know it would, I just would've giving a little exposition at the start about the two main OCs.

I have actually like 50 short mini dark original stories like this on fictionpress, and still growing... so I think I'll let this idea sit, for I wrote the story that I wanted to about these two characters, because I wanted to feel Rainbow's turmoil specifically, and especially because it was Fluttershy. I just wanted to see how it'd play out.
I just knew Rainbow could possibly do it... and I wanted to see if she would when I wrote it. (Not saying she would on the show EVER, but a more human realistic approach is all I wanted to add)

Will there be a sequel?

Sorry, no. Just a short piece of pony flash fiction for me to try to understand better a strange subject.

It was a bit fast, I have to admit. I still enjoyed it though. With a little polish, it could be something quite good.

It was a short story.

It was intentionally meant to be a flash fiction, so I had to cram a full story in quickly. It was meant to be fast, as that's just the way I write, which I know for some people who want to immerse themselves in the words it can be a bit hard to get grasp on, when things are always moving to next part and the next.
Thanks for the comment!

I don't mean fast as a derogatory term. This story is a good example of a great story told in a few words.:twilightsmile:

Oh okay! :twilightsmile:
Just when people tell me my stories are too fast, they usually imply I have to add tonnes and tonnes of description- which just ain't really my style.
Thanks for the compliment! :ajsmug: :pinkiesmile:

Ponies eating meat. I don't know why, but I've strangely liked that concept. I wish more stories would implement that idea into a story without it involving something that was just treated as normal. In the case of this story, I wish it didn't end while they were on such sour terms. The last conversation Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy had was them arguing.

But oh well. That's just my personal taste.

Edit: By normal, I mean like ponies witnessing/experiencing it and treating it like they see it all the time.

Great for a first story, you've got talent.
For some constructive criticism you could've made it more psychological. Like add a parallel between fluttershy caring for Rainbow a similar way she would her animals, maybe even add a comparison of the bear and Rainbow Dash

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