Paul's Thursday Reviews CXXVI · 8:45pm Aug 9th, 2018
This is it, folks! Bulletproof Heart releases this weekend.
Ahem, moving on...
Stories for This Week:
Twilight Sparkle Gets Stuck in an Elevator by Feather Gem
Festival of Lights by Cascadejackal
Moonstruck by Sharkrags
And then there was that one time Trixie became a communist by Bok
Hearth's Warming Cookies by Viking ZX
DownFall by Redback Spino
Lust by Taialin
One Hell of a Party by Loganberry
Screwball Mio Amoré by Warren Hutch
Drifting Down the Lazy River by Georg
Total Word Count: 209,736
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 3
Pretty Good: 6
Worth It: 1
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Twilight Sparkle Gets Stuck in an Elevator
3,810 Words
By Feather Gem
This was pretty much everything you’d think. Newly crowned Princess Twilight Sparkle learns that Celestia has invented a newfangled “elevator” and decides to try it out. It doesn’t go as well as she hoped.
The very first thought I had, straight in the first paragraph, was “Thank you, author, for reminding us that Twilight is a lavender alicorn princess and Spike is a purple and green baby dragon. Truly, I never would have known this extremely important information if you hadn’t blatantly pointed it out. The story would have been ruined otherwise.”
After that crummy start, things got better. One must ask: why would Twilight have to take an exam right after being crowned? The answer: because she insisted she needed a final. As that’s a perfectly “Twilight Sparkle” reponse, I can only approve and wonder why this didn’t happen in the show. At any rate, the story is utterly predictable, with even the ending being wholly expected. For once, I don’t hold that against it, as it still gave us a great opportunity for some Twilight freaking. And who doesn’t like to watch Twilight freaking out? Freaks.
All that being said, your mileage may vary. It’s entertaining, but not intended to stick with you. As long as you come in expecting Twilight to be a silly pony, you’ll be fine.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Pull Me Through — Worth It
Festival of Lights
5,779 Words
By Cascadejackal
This pleasant fantasy of a tale is set when Chrysalis is but a child of around ten years of age. Written long before there was any concrete information on changeling culture, the story envisions a festival held every ten years in which the changelings celebrate past queens and their god, The Maker. This is to be Chrysalis’s introduction to the Festival of Lights, today hosted by her mother.
This is a delightful story brimming with imagination. It depicts a more religious, free, and evolved changeling race full of culture and personality. Watching a foal-sized Chrysalis bound about her mother as she excitedly learns more about her own people is a treat. It does lend to some sadness, though, as one looks at what canon has made her out to be. A reader can only wonder what happened to make her fall so low from the playful and endearing filly she is depicted as here.
About the only thing that gave me pause came when the changelings got together to pray and called the moon ‘deceptive’, speaking as if it were the enemy, only to immediately utilize the light of that same moon as an integral part of their celebration. Regardless, I am intrigued and really would like to have seen more of this world Cascadejackal has conceived.
This will be a treat to anyone who loves worldbuilding and learning about MLP cultures. The author clearly draws inspiration from Gaelic folklore that originated the concept of changelings, and this worked wonderfully. It’s a fine addition to my bookshelves, and one I’d be happy to recommend.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Dream — WHYRTY?
Moonstruck
2,515 Words
By Sharkrags
In this story, “you” are out for an evening stroll when you notice Princess Luna sitting on her moon and looking bored. So, curious, you decide to say hello.
Is it normal for second person stories to be told in the past tense? Because this one is, and it struck me as strange. If the person doing the action is “you”, I feel like the events should be depicted as being in the present. I dunno, I can’t think of a legitimate argument in favor of that beyond my feelings, so maybe it’s just a subjective issue.
Regardless, this is a whimsical little story of light fantasy. The author describes it as “Luna fluff”, which fits perfectly. There’s no big revelations, no drama, just a mare on the moon having a casual conversation with the random human who just so happened to notice her existence. It’s laid back and all the more endearing for it. But what really makes the story shine is Sharkrags’ little depictions of fantasy elements: clouds becoming staircases to the moon, stars she can pluck out of her mane on a whim, things of that nature. These little stand out moments kept me smiling all along.
This was a nice, relaxing break from all the serious stuff that so often crosses my path. By all means, give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Trixie, homeless and looking for solutions, discovers a flyer for a communist political group in Canterlot. Uncertain but curious, she pays them a visit. One thing leads to another, and next thing we know Trixie is at the forefront of the Worker’s Revolution in Equestria.
I have to say, I really like Bok’s approach to this one. It is ultimately a crackfic, as one might expect, but it is an evolving one. The story begins in a manner that is, put simply, sane: the circumstances and events are realistic and make perfect sense. But with every chapter things get crazier and crazier, until by the end it’s exploded into all-out ridiculous nonsense complete with corrupted Elements, brainwashed cities, and Trixie as a comedic caricature of corrupt communist leadership. The whole thing turns out to be a massive parody of how normal people can become extremists, achieved by taking a normal story and cranking up the silliness to extreme proportions. I approve.
I think the only real complaint I have is that Bok clearly didn’t bother with editing. There are a great many instances of blatant typos or writing one word oop no let’s write this instead no need to delete the old one moving on. I’d care less if the story was 100% crazy nonsense, but given how it starts I feel like more care could have been taken.
This dances on the razor’s edge between ‘Pretty Good’ and ‘Worth It’. I think it’s just edges up enough to make the cut.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Twilightning — WHYRTY?
Hearth's Warming Cookies
7,054 Words
By Viking ZX
Set in Viking’ s Dusk Guard universe, this story is told from the perspective of Captain Steel Song’s six-year-old nephew Jammer. It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve and the family is preparing to make gingerbread cookies as part of holiday tradition. To Jammer’s surprise, his Uncle Steel brings along a friend from work, one Nova Beam. As the gathering continues, Jammer begins to notice certain peculiarities about Nova’s behavior.
This was a cute little story designed to celebrate Christmas while also expanding a little on the traditions of Hearth’s Warming. It combines a nice bit of worldbuilding with a pleasant sideline of growth for Nova, who is still my favorite of the Dusk Guard.
There are two things that stood out to me. First is the manner that the kids in the story show affection, which is more akin to actual pony behavior - which is to say, less hugging (although that does happen) and more simply pressing in close. Apart from being adorable, it struck me as a nice touch of added flavor to the world. This is not unusual for Viking’s writings, but it is unusual for MLP fanfiction in general, so I like pointing it out.
The other thing of note is that people who haven’t read the Dusk Guard series won’t recognize Steel and Nova. I don’t think this would have any effect on the readers’ overall enjoyment of the story. However, it does come with the caveat that Nova has a certain background that may make the story seem more meaningful if it is known. You know enough for general purposes - Viking did a great job making certain aspects clear - but only fans of the Dusk Guard will get the full impact.
Regardless, this was a pleasant and all around enjoyable experience. A shame I didn’t read it around Christmas, but hey, the schedule is what it is.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Carry On — WHYRTY?
The Dusk Guard Saga: Rise — WHYRTY?
The Dusk Guard Saga: Beyond the Borderlands — WHYRTY?
Old Habits — Pretty Good
Trust — Pretty Good
DownFall
21,301 Words
By Redback Spino
Pipsqueak can be a bit reckless at times, which is exactly why he’s stuck in the hospital with a broken leg. One day while exploring the building, he comes to a long-term psychology ward. There he meets a bedridden Rainbow Dash. Entertained by Pipsqueak’s enthusiasm and adventurous spirit, Rainbow decides to tell him a story. A story about bandits and an evil lord and love lost. But, y’know, she’s in an awful lot of pain. It would be so much easier to tell the enamored kid the story if he could get her some select pills from the storage room…
This didn’t come out at all like I expected. Half-told as scenes set in the hospital and half-told as scene from Rainbow’s made-up-on-the-spot story, it’s at times a lot of fun, a little ridiculous, and more than a little touching. It runs on themes of depression and suicide, and does a good job with it.
The best part to me is how the author handles Rainbow’s story. Because she’s making it up as she goes, there are plenty of plot holes and irregularities. And because it’s Rainbow telling it, of course there are some ridiculous moments that I couldn’t help smiling at. But there are also the moments where the story and reality mix, where Pip tries to take control of the plot, where Rainbow’s real situation bleeds into her tale. This was wonderfully handled and I have nothing but approval for it.
By the same token, I love how this story plays on Rainbow’s canon bad habit of running away from or avoiding her problems. It takes that habit to its darkest extreme, and little Pipsqueak has no idea he’s just a tool for that. In a sense, it’s like a character piece for Rainbow’s worst tendencies of manipulation, conflict avoidance, and (arguably) cheating. The end result is a highly emotional conclusion that the author worked with impressive skill.
I think it goes without saying by now that I thoroughly enjoyed this story. It’s well-paced, creative, at times silly and at others painful, and it has a poignant lesson. It may not have the best wordsmithing (the typos in particular are a bit too frequent), but the plot of the story is great. I’m happy to highly recommend this one.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Who's That Knocking at the Door? — Pretty Good
And so we reach the last in Taialin’s Flarity trilogy. It started with Fluttershy teaching Rarity to meditate, and then with the two of them discovering their love for one another. Now they’ve been together for two months,and Fluttershy is ready. She wants Rarity’s body, and she’s determined to have it. There’s just one problem, the same problem that arose in the last story: Rarity is heterosexual. Though she loves Fluttershy’s personality and happily acknowledges that she’s a beautiful mare, she feels no sexual arousal at the sight of her. This needs solving, but neither of them have a clue how.
One again, Taialin explores a subject that I have never seen addressed by any other author, fanfiction or otherwise. Rather than describe sexuality as a matter of choice, here we see that Rarity’s is biology. And while biology won’t get in the way of their love, it’s certainly a problem in the bedroom.
Is this a trigger issue? No, seriously, I have no idea. If you’re homosexual and someone declares that you didn’t choose to be, you just are, is that considered offensive? That question went through my mind a lot while reading this story. I mean, I know how I feel on the matter, but couldn’t say if that’s just me and my experiences or if it’s a common viewpoint.
Regardless, I thoroughly enjoyed this story (not in that way, you perverts). It’s one of the few stories I’ve read where sex is more than just a physical action or an over-the-top caricature of real romance. Rarity has a problem, and she knows that problem is going to drive a wedge in her relationship with Fluttershy if it isn’t resolved. Watching her stumble and struggle to get over her own sexuality was difficult, but all the more real for being so.
Heavily atmospheric, appropriately sensual, this is a story for people who view sex in stories as something other than mere fap material. It’s all about overcoming obstacles and finding solutions to keep both partners happy. Taialin finds a way to make doing the deed itself a major obstacle and opponent in need of defeating, and I’m impressed they pulled it off. If you’re okay with reading a solid story that happens to to have a strong focus on graphic sexual situations, this should do you just fine.
...that didn’t come out the way I meant it to.
Bookshelf Pretty Good!
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Eternity — Pretty Good
Language — Pretty Good
Nothing to Fear — Pretty Good
One Hell of a Party
3,297 Words
By Loganberry
Recommended by Pascoite
With Spike feeling sick, he won’t be able to participate in Twilight’s castle-warming sleepover with the Mane 6. He insists that they find someone to take his place, and Fluttershy knows the perfect candidate: Lord Tirek. Twilight is not amused.
I’m not sure what I was meant to take from this. Half the story is one big setup for the slumber party, and the other half is a bunch of nonsense back-and-forth chit chat with Twilight trying absolutely not to surpass her sighing quota for the day. And we aren’t even allowed to witness the party in its entirety.
Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of amusing elements, from the subtle shipping hints to the absurdity that is Tirek being there at all, even in portal form. I get that this is meant to be a comedy, and the way things go make me think it was meant to be a crackfic, but Loganberry writes the story in such a manner as to make it seem more legit and serious in its intentions, which throws me off. So instead of being overly amused I came away with a miffed feeling of “huh?”
Is this meant to be a serious story with comedic elements? Then what was the purpose?
Is this meant to be a comedy? If so, why go through so many serious details, like the exact layout of the room?
Okay, so I do think this was meant to be 100% comedy. And yes, some of the elements are quite amusing – Pinkie carrying a box of portals around and commenting on ‘dark batter’ was my favorite part. But I can’t help but feel like there was something missing, and it’s not something I can easily pin down. I’ve always said comedy was my main weakness.
Ultimately, I think most people will find this hilarious. The story is well-written and it kept me smiling for most of it, so I’m willing to give it a good grade and my recommendation. But I just can’t shake that feeling there’s something off. Meh, maybe it’s just me.
You decide.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
It Doesn't Matter Now — Pretty Good
Screwball Mio Amoré
16,305 Words
By Warren Hutch
Sequel to The Turning of the Screwball - The Strange Case of Button Stitch
And so we turn to Warren Hutch’s zany (and that’s an understatement) series regarding the mysterious and wacky Screwball and its host pony, Button Stitch. In this story, we find that Button has fallen in love with the proprietor of Quills and Sofas, Davenport. But her anxiety at how things might go leads to her darker loonier side coming out, making the whole dating thing… tricky.
Consider me highly entertained. Warren Hutch continues to find ways to make this concept fun, with Button Stitch being adorably OCD and Screwball delightfully random. Couple that with the regular antics of the Mane 6, which are all put on perfect display given the scene, and you’ve got a cocktail of humor and sweetness. The best part in all this is that even though Screwball steals the show every time it shows up, the majority of this story is about Button and the author keeps those chapters interesting all on their own. That’s impressive considering the competition.
I was almost ready to complain that Davenport never got the chance to meet Screwball, but then the final chapter comes along to give us a whacky finale and resolves that little issue nicely. I think the only major complaint I have is that the story ends abruptly. I think readers would have liked to have seen a little more of what went on with Button and Davenport. There was a lot left unsaid.
Oh, and the story’s full of LUS. I won’t harp on it, as it’s clear by now this is Warren Hutch’s preference and it dominates all his stories. Just know that if seeing it more than once per chapter annoys you, you should turn away now.
All in all, a entertaining story that does a great job blending the outrageously silly with the sweet and mildly romantic. As long as you don’t mind the LUS, definitely give this series a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Turning of the Screwball - The Strange Case of Button Stitch — Pretty Good
The White Mare — Pretty Good
Out of the Nest — Worth It
Drifting Down the Lazy River
101,206 Words
By Georg
Sequel to The One Who Got Away
Now this is more like it, Georg.
The previous story was a way-too-fast tale about a young noble who was ‘rewarded’ by Celestia with a Barony over the Fen River. Not the riverside, not the floodplains, not the surrounding towns and cities, the river. Which seemed like a cruel trick until he met the seapony filly Ripple and her makes-Season 1-Fluttershy-look-brave mother.
Set months later, we are introduced to not-quite-11 Turpentine, an earth pony orphan from a farming community who just can’t get adopted. Frustrated and inspired by the book The Adventures of Buck Fin, he absconds with a raft down the river Fen in hopes of making it big as a painter in Baltimare. Alas, his journey comes to an abrupt end when his raft gets stuck on a sandbar island. How fortunate that the river is occupied.
This was a treat in so many ways, as well as a vast improvement from its predecessor. We get to watch as young Turpentine becomes fast friends with the ever-energetic Ripple and takes up temporary residence at Baron Gaberdine’s estate. As we watch him become close to the Baron, Pearl, old Sen, and many others in the nearby town of Gravel Flats, we also get to see his pleasant journey in search of personal happiness and belonging. Along the way he’ll gain a teacher, grow his skills, ask some really embarrassing questions, and maybe even paint a princess or two.
Everything is improved. The pacing is perfect, the plot moves from point to point with enviable smoothness, the characters are endearing. Ripple never stops being fun to watch, one area that required no improvement. The story is simple and yet seeped in meaning, and I loved every moment of it.
A gem of a tale, and easily the best I’ve read by this author so far. I’m only sorry it took so long to get to.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
A War of Words - The Opening of the Guard — WHYRTY?
Daring Do and the Dance — Pretty Good
The Night Guard - Night Mares — Pretty Good
The One Who Got Away — Pretty Good
The Monster in the Twilight — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Cartography of War by Daetrin
Not What I Wanted by TheExhaustedBrony
Around The Bend by Chatoyance
The Night Is Young, And So Am I by Akumokagetsu
Red Meat by Hap
Equestria Delivery by JLB
Shadow of an Empire by Max Florschutz
After the Races by very trustworthy rodent
Another Slice of Pie by The Fool
Hell Yeah by sunnypack
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Niceeee... I gotta go read Festival of Lights now. Also, I agree, Hearth’s Warming Cookies was pretty good.
I have a lot of these on my Pinned tab, and have been procrastinbating quite a bit on reading any of it. But now you've got me interested damnit, as well as adding more to the list. You monster.
Also, I can't wait for Bulletproof Heart. Go you!
Hi! I'm not gay/bi/pan and a whole lot of other things under the LGBT umbrella that get the bulk of the 'you chose this' type deal. What I am is asexual, one of the lesser known ones. I do tend to get similar treatment beyond outright ridicule, sometimes even from other LGBT people, but I have gotten the 'you chose this' one once or twice as well in regards to my asexuality, as well as the fact that I'm trans, too. Being told that you are gay when you are indeed gay is actually closer to an affirmation than an insult (like how the fuck could it be one?) and the only type of person I could see that kind of response sincerely angering is the more stereotypical straight-out-of-tumblr type, because yes, it is offensive to be grouped in with people who actual cobble together false orientations, genders, and other things. The same goes for LGBT being equated with being a pedophile/child molester, and other similar things.
So someone pointing at me and declaring me asexual is accurate, not an insult. If someone is questioning their identity, that would be the only other time I could think such a declaration would be offensive. As for saying 'X was born Y and this complicates their relationship with Z'? That's... certainly real too. Orientation incompatibility is a thing. I don't usually see it as a topic in pony stories though.
Ah, the coming of Bulletproof Heart at last!
Congratulations! I'll add it to my favorites!
I didn't actually realize you hadn't read Hearth's yet. I'm glad you liked it. It definitely is what it is, a surprise bit of Christmas for the readers from waaaay back, but it's still cute and cuddly.
On the plus side, it also helps tide you over until Hunter/Hunted comes out!
Oh, come on. You can be more brutally honest than that.
The One Who Got Away is a more 'distant' story, more stylized, and more suited to the impatient reader who wants a rapid pace to their love stories. I probably wouldn't have written Drifting if I hadn't gotten such a nice reception to the first one (including many requests for a sea-quill, ahem.) I wanted something more drawn out, with physical distance, youthful frustrations, and a POV character that readers would both empathize with and recognize his head-in-the-clouds youthful "I was never like that, was I?" What's better, the whole story just fell into place when I picked the main character. I think I had the rough outline done in about five minutes, and wrote two of his phrases in the middle before I even started at the beginning.
I really need to stop making excuses and get around to reading Viking’s stuff. The reception he’s gotten has been way too positive and I greatly enjoyed reading his blog posts on writing.
I've only read two of these -- and I wrote one of them! As always, I'm both irritated and gratified by how much excellent ponyfic I haven't read in six years in the fandom.
I absolutely adore Lust -- it's certainly in my top ten M-rated fics. Part of this is because Rarity's experience resonates with me. I don't want to go into too much personal detail, but parts of chapter five were almost painful in how much I identified with Rarity's feelings. I wondered at the time I reviewed this fic whether it would have quite the same impact on someone who hadn't been in my position, so it's interesting to see that it worked for you, too. To answer your question about triggering: to me personally, no, not at all. I'm bi, and I'd be much unhappier with a suggestion that I chose that orientation. I most definitely didn't. "You just are" is something I'm entirely fine with.
As for One Hell of a Party, the simple fact is that the story could have been better, and the only reason it wasn't is laziness on my part. Potted version: I submitted it to EqD way back when, got some helpful feedback about some of the sticking points (the weak ending, for example) and then entirely failed to act on it. I regret that now. I have to admit I was slightly surprised when I was notified that you'd rated this Pretty Good; I wouldn't have been surprised with a Worth It. Don't get me wrong, I do like most of what I wrote, the setup still makes me laugh, and I enjoy the fic as it stands enough that I still reread it occasionally. But I'm not proud of it in the way I'm proud of It Doesn't Matter Now. I'd unhesitatingly choose the latter as the better story. One Hell of a Party -- which was most definitely written as light-hearted fun first and foremost -- is mostly just me having a good time.
Next week's collection? I'm back to having read zero.
I wrote a fairly controversial story based on this premise...
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And bringing in Logan here. Yes, "One Hell of a Party" kind of didn't stick the landing, and I wonder if it'd had a more conclusive ending if it would have maybe felt more consistent in what its goal was, whether that be to deliver a message or go out on a hilarious joke. But what's to regret? Nothing's keeping you from retooling it now. There's no statute of limitations on resubmitting a story or just fixing it up for the hell (heh) of it.
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It's not out of the question. There are Real Life Things happening that make writing silly stories about ponies a rather low priority right now, but I did read over the fic as it stands last night, and several ways of tweaking it did occur to me. So it may well happen at some point, but it's very unlikely to happen soon.
I think I need to get back to a point where writing is something I feel as well as just do, and those Real Life Things mean a lot is up in the air right now and likely to remain so for a while. Thanks for the encouragement, though!
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What, you didn't read Festival when I recommended it to SA?
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Sometimes being a monster is a lot of fun.
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At this point I only have one story of yours left before I'm all out and it's just waiting for new material. And at my terribly slow pace, too.
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I've had moments like that, when a story just comes together naturally. It's always a nice feeling, made all the better when the written form emerges just as well as hoped.
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Indeed, Viking's material is almost universally solid.
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Honestly, I heavily debated with myself on the rating for Party. It was just on the edge of PG and WI, and I'm still debating myself on whether I made the right call. But I figured if I enjoyed it so much with all the things I found wrong then the majority of readers will probably thing it's way better than I do, which is what drove it over the line.
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Interesting. From this and what others have said so far, I guess I was worried over nothing.
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Most likely!
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