• Member Since 14th Jul, 2012
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Nothing special here, move along, nothing to see, just ignore the lump under the sheet and the red stuff...


The first time we danced, she broke my jaw in three places.

The life of a disposable minion in the service to the Dread Ahuizotl is filled with acts of senseless violence and hardship, normally ending in a hospital or unmarked grave, but for Disposable Minion #3, the job just got more interesting.

He fell in love.

And love hurts.

Credits to the amazing Luvlessi for the cover art
Background music: The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer
With a wonderful reading by Luvlessi
And a second reading by Crafty Reads
Featured on Equestria Daily

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 105 )
Georg #1 · Dec 8th, 2013 · · ·

Face it, there has to be some reason those thugs work for Ahuizotl. It certainly isn't the pay, the hours, or the benefits package.

For wonderful cartoons on this concept, visit Evil Inc. by Brad Guigar

By special request, I will someday make a second chapter or story titled, "Isle of View" detailing what happens when Daring escapes in a lifeboat from a burning zepplin and crash lands on a deserted island. Well, almost deserted.

Also check out I Daring Do by Sarcasmo, where Ahuizotl and Daring find themselves engaged. Or something very close.

Also, the reading by Luvlessi:

Awww, that's sweet.

So if his name actually disposable minion #3, that might actually fit into equestrian naming convention and would make the signed book interesting as well.

'Now son you really should get into the minion business, its a good stable field, as long as there are hero's someone will need disposable minions'

I really like this story. I usually don't read short stories, but I made an exception because it sounded interesting. In the end it is a great story that I really like. I tip my scouting device to you sir.

Nice little romance :)
Maybe there'll be more...

Must continue this story. U hAVE TO

Poor number 3. Destined to be beaten up for all eternity. :ajsmug:

Definitely adding this to my favorites~!

D'awwwwww! Sweeeet new chapter perhaps? :twilightsmile:

Gasp! What is this feeling!? Gas? no... It's... Its...


I don't know, with a mouth like that, he can certainly appreciate a good dental plan.

In any case, I loved this. The story, the mental image of Ahuizotl shouting, "Disposable Minion #3, destroy her!", and the idea that Daring Do's disguises are so terrible that ponies go along with them out of sheer embarrassment. Or, in this case, injurious attraction. (Like fatal attraction, but you can walk away from it.)

A wonderful tale of unrequited(?) love. Thank you for it.

Wonderful short story. I hope to see more like this from you.

And the spoon story. I really want the spoon story.

The shift in the last few lines from addressing the audience to addressing her directly is extremely disorienting, but other than that, this is a wonderful little story worthy of its insta-feature. I love the place names.

Not unrequited in the slightest. She clearly knows what's going on. She knows his name, after all. That actual dance in the bar also reads as very deliberate, and note that afterward her kick merely loosens his tooth rather than sending him to the hospital.

I think she's seeing some sort of need in Minion to silently want her from across the battlefield, and responding in kind. And frankly, I get the sense that if either of them tried setting that aside and just approaching each other directly, it would snuff out the spark.

Aw! That was cute and well written!

Prak #15 · Dec 8th, 2013 · · ·

Why say it with flowers when you can say it with debilitating injuries? They last longer and you don't have to leave them behind when you go out. You don't even have to water them, but you should do that anyway. Not bathing might kill a relationship pretty quick.

This was incredibly sweet, in a stalker-ish kind of way. Amazing.

3595560 I second this comment.

I was so sad when I saw the complete tag after reading this

There needs to be some kind of… I don't know… SUPER FAVORITE option or something. I favorite a lot of things, sometimes just to track, sometimes because I just liked it.

But sometimes you get stories like this. I can only upvote once! The favorites category is far from exclusive! But what more can I do to show that this I by far one of my favorite stories on the site?

Get published, Georg. I need to vote with my dollars.

How sweet...
Though, I wouldn't want something like this to happen to me in real life.
I rather have my jaw upright and ribs still intact, thank you very much. :ajbemused:

That is why we used to have "Favourite" and "Track List", and "Read Later" didn't exist. I miss the Track option D:

Very enjoyable read! I hope for a sequel.

That was definitely a painful crush, poor Disposable Minion #3. He likely has a name in my opinion, but Daring would only know him by his title. Either that or he has just gave up on his real name and adopted his title as his actual name.

Well, this was fun. However, I noticed quite a few runon sentences throughout your narrative.

Im imagining Disposable Minion #3 as female for some reason. On checking i couldnt find any place were his/her gender is actually spelled out. Have i missed something or is it open?

EDIT: Aww, found one, in the book passage hes given as male. Damn.

I want him to get the girl so bad. That was excellent!

3597377 What's wrong with male?

Bravo, sir! Bravo! Fantastic story.


Nothing wrong per see, i just imagined female for some reason. May just be the Yuri-shipping-googles though.

And i guess i liked the idea of it being unclear.

Well, old friend, you've done it again. Nicely written, completely breathtaking. Loved the idea of this unknown stallion falling for the mare who's thrashed him repeatedly. I also enjoy how it is implied that Daring knows exactly who this "Disposable Minion" is, and even seems to regret that they always meet on the other side of things. As always, this is a suburb work of art.

3598090 I don't like yuri shipping.

I'd like to see more like this! :twilightsmile:

Absolutely wonderful!

Pleeeeeeeeeeease continue this story! This might be the only romance fic I've ever liked! :pinkiegasp:

You can't this story without epic narration. You. Can't. It's too boss for reading it in your head. It DESERVES recognition.

Now, If only my colleagues would stop staring at me when I read pony stories out loud. :twilightsheepish:

Gotta say, unrequited love does suck, but it's probably less hazardous to one's health.
I love this. Simply stellar and fantastically composed. Well done.:pinkiehappy:

Wyrme #37 · Dec 9th, 2013 · · 2 ·

WHO DISLIKED THIS???!!?!??!? THEY SHALL DIE A PAINFUL DEATH!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::pinkiecrazy::twilightangry2:

Yeah, this needs to be continued.

This is the kind of story that we all want to have a sequel, but if such a sequel were to be written it might "ruin" this story.
... Maybe a sequel in which Disposable Minion switches sides when it becomes clear that Daring is going to die unless he does so? Like, he finally defeats Daring Do in a one on one fight and Ahuizotl decides to kill her on the spot or something like that. He could have an heroic death afterwards and make all of us go baaaaaw :fluttercry:

The death traps grew more complex with every adventure, from simple pit traps filled with scorpions and filling with hot sand, to a complex whirling blade and arrow projecting corridor which I helped design that actually clipped a lock out of her tail while she tumbled and darted through the razor-sharp blades.
I kept it, of course.

This is probably my favorite part in this whole story. It's a gorgeous blend of cliches, and I'm fairly certain completely unique.

The whole story is cute and clever, way to go!

Though some visuals would've been nice...

I...just...damn...bravo mate.

3602698 "I kept it, of course": My fav line too. This is a charming and bizarre love crackfic.

Love this story! The romance is incredibly well done and I hope you post more to this story!

Mook + crush on the hero = elite mook.

Hmm, how oddly paradoxical, yet it explains so much...

Now this is a crack-ship. Oh my yes. Wait till, Rainbow finds out.

This is such a clever idea, and not at all what I expected. I absolutely adore the execution of the wistful yet breathless tone of his writing. Between that and the descriptions of their relationship's progression, I was grinning and laughing throughout. Instant favourite, no question! :pinkiehappy:

I want to see disposable minion rise up the ranks of minionhood as he strives for Daring's attention. From fodder to determined fodder to effective fodder to resiliant fodder and onwards and upwards.

And as this happens he becomes amore prominent character in the books and begins to catch Daring's eye.
:rainbowkiss: :heart: :rainbowkiss:

I would love to see this continued as well. This was excellent. I also love the background music you chose. Fits like a glove!

At first I thought you should have added a comedy tag on the story, because I found it hilarious, but then after the book signing scene I found it sweet, and after the bar scene I loved it.

That was a brilliant story. The way you brought me from laughter, to a sappy smile, in just about 2000 words, was amazingly well done. Stories like this is what makes short stories worth reading.

Thank you.

D'aaaaaaaww! That was adorable!

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