• Member Since 10th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Pascoite


I'm older than your average brony, but then I've always enjoyed cartoons. I'm an experienced reviewer, EqD pre-reader, and occasional author.

E

A phoenix seeking out a good nesting place finds an unexpected connection with the ponies living nearby. Unexpected for her, at least—they've been looking for just this phoenix.

Expanded version of a minific that won 3rd place in the /fic/ write-off "All In."

Featured on Equestria Daily!

Thanks to Chris for letting me bounce a few ideas off him.

Reading by Neighrator Pony.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

It was an entertaining little mystery to see unravel, and I especially liked the pheonix's view of the world. Probably a good thing that they found her before she happened across a male and started a nest...

Wow, this could work very well if you expanded on it. Not that it already doesn't, ofcourse :raritywink:

I want more of this. I could see this being a big story. Good job!

I can just imagine Twilight trying to compose a Friendship Letter about this incident. :rainbowlaugh: :twilightblush:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Ahh, this is even better! :D

A lovely little story, bravo! :raritystarry:

Soooo... the Mane 6 could have become Breezies forever?

But dang, Twi implied griffons were mindless pony-eating monsters a bit there!

Clearly racism! Like the ponies are all racist against dragons!

I prefer the simplest explanation for Twi refusing to transform Dash: she learned not to wantonly abuse magic from the Want It-Need-It incident. No whole-body physiological transformations just for fun! And I think she suspects Dash is into beakies, and that's just sick and wrong! (MOAR RACISM!!!) :trollestia:

Ahhh wow, I had to really go back and read it again to grasp the meaning of this story. It's very smoothly weaved in.

Wow, this was really good! One of the best stories i've read in a while.

The gradual reveal done right. Good work.

Morphic resonance. The shape of the body influences the shape of the mind, some bodies faster than others. I do love how you captured the phoenix's perspective. Differently intelligent than a pony, and designed for the long-term thinking that is to be expected from an immortal. And the smoke-based diet is still a cool idea.

Even better than the writeoff entry, now that it has room to stretch its wings. Thank you for it.

I wrote a review of this story; it can be found here.

Phoenix smelting. That is so wonderfully Pie sisters, and a nice diversion from the impending sad.

HA! Typical me. The reveal, and thus essentially the core of the story, wasn't something I found terribly engaging, but I really do like the construction of this one. I've seen enough disjointed PoVs that didn't quite work to be very taken with one that absolutely embraces the core of the creature it portrays without cramping the narrative in the slightest.

I guess the difference is that usually the focus goes on making the 'voice' as character/creature-defining as possible, without a great deal of thought being put into whether that actually makes for a compelling narrative or is effective in telling the story. Here, the apparent deficiencies in the focus perspective are exactly what the plot builds on. The voice is precisely controlled to give all the hints it needs to without ever making it obvious that they are hints at all. The feather was the first one that I picked up on, since it smacked of an external PoV and prompted me to wonder what the phoenix was trying to remember. The smelting thing was a really clever sidetrack, too, and totally ate my attention at exactly the moment it needed to so that I wasn't overthinking things right before the end.

And just to seal things up nicely, this is a perfect example of really clever title usage. It tells you everything you need to know, without actually telling you anything useful. All in all, a really superb bit of construction.

-M

interesting read. I had thought it was someone else

Phoenix.
You are hot.
Like a rock thats hot
Because of your flame
And not a roc.

5826762
if you want to see more of Twilight having a Phoenix connection, then check out my story.
The Phoenix Princess
no spoilers for it though as I have yet to get to the truth chapter yet.

5827581
I'm working on a story with a similar concept.
The Phoenix Princess

Ooh, that was good.

Hap

That was good. I didn't see the end coming. Upon a second reading, I can see how you wove Twilight's voice throughout.

I'm not sure if this story needed the expansion, but the extra stuff did make it sadder. I'll give you that much.

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